1 heretic| Don't Be Afraid The only broken hearted loser you'll ever need. [05 Jul 2005|08:38pm] [ mood | determined ] Well, so far this summer I can't determine if its been eventful or not. By eventful I mean but and adventurous. None of my friends call me and I know what your thinking, Ha what a loser! Yea I probably am a loser. But anyways Litterally, none of my friends call me. It's quite annoying how fake they are and how they think they can get away with it. I really would like to avoid naming names although I'd love to put them out in the open. all of a sudden with them its like i'm no good. I'm seriously like embarssed to call them,scared to be turned down because it's happend far to many times. And i know in a couple months when i get my lisence they won't think twice about being my friend. I refuse to let them walk all over me. My friendship is worth having i believe im honest, kind and caring. I bend backwards for my friends. That's something i feel very strong about. Having a long term relationship in the summer defiently has its ups and downs. Mostly ups i guess though. Zach is always there to comfort me except when he is the one who upsets me. Me and him try to find our on fun. He really doesn't talk to our friends either anymore. they are snobby. He works like 10 hours a day at his families bussiness. This fourth of July weekend was pretty fun. I went to Zach's family cotage down in southern marlyand. We went tubing and swimming. It was a nice chance to get away from him working and stuff. We saw fireworks and stuff. The water was really pretty and it gave me time to just sit and think about what I want to make of this life. Heres what i determined,  All bodies of water are full of unknown things but that doesn't stop us from getting in. So I'm going to make the most of this summer and just do everything that is offered to me. I have to many things to look forward to this summer to be down and depressed. I leave for France on July. 18th. Thats my get away. i'm hoping to come back changed. A new outlook on everything. I just want a life that's careless and fun. I want my friends to be real friends. And I want my friendship to be values because I sure do value yours. And to all my "friends", Please don't ever forget who was there first. All my love, megan

Don't Be Afraid [16 Jun 2005|09:38pm] This love only seems to go one way. straight from me to you. There is no line of love traced back to me. I'm lost and i can't find myself. The city lights go on for miles and i can't find my way home. The truth is he brings the sun, where ever he may be.

2 heretics| Don't Be Afraid [15 Jun 2005|03:51pm] summer is already boring

2 heretics| Don't Be Afraid [05 Jun 2005|11:10am] ( pictures bitchezCollapse )<img http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v693/zwmk123/alexandjij http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v693/zwmk123/alexandme.jpgo.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v693/zwmk123/allieandbernard.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v693/zwmk123/bandz.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v693/zwmk123/bestfriends.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v693/zwmk123/bestfriends.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v693/zwmk123/brettlookinghandsom.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v693/zwmk123/zandb.jpg

2 heretics| Don't Be Afraid [20 Apr 2005|09:15pm] yea i think im done with LJ no one is doing anything...its all about myspace now lol

1 heretic| Don't Be Afraid Driftwood [17 Apr 2005|05:14pm] [ mood | thirsty ] things use to be perfect, or i thought they were at least. things are falling apart at the times i need them most, this was never suppose to happen. I'm lost in this puzzle and I can't find my way out. These walls are closing in on me and I'm suffocating. Everything has been so difficult lately in my life and it sucks. I just want to be happy. Its something i strive for. wish gets me know where. I'll just have to wait and find out what happens at the end.

Don't Be Afraid h to the c...how gay am i? [17 Apr 2005|02:24pm] You scored as hardcore emo. you are a hardcore emo kid. you wear black and love to hardcore dance. if the song doesn't break down at some point, you don't like it. you listen to it dies today, poison the well, and the bled. </td> hardcore emo 60% poppy emo 50% geek emo 30% metal emo 20% depressed emo 20% chick emo 15% what kind of emo kid are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Don't Be Afraid [16 Apr 2005|04:12pm] You scored as Regina. </td> Regina 70% Karen 65% Gretchen 55% Aaron 55% Damian 45% Bethany 45% Cady 35% Kevin *KG* 25% Ms. Norbury 20% Mrs. George 10% Crying Girl 10% Mr. Duvall 10% Janis 0% Which Mean Girls Character Are You? lots of possibilities! created with QuizFarm.com This is for my bestfriend who are the biggest sluts at tuscarora high school, love you bitches!!!! lorin. Christine. Alex

Don't Be Afraid [16 Apr 2005|09:45am] [ mood | drained ] Friday was fun. Me, zach, jiji, bernard, alex, and kody went to swim at the Holiday inn. It was pretty fun. After that iwent to alex's to get ready and zach and bernard picked us up and brought us to Bernards. then i went home because I'm super tired. i think i might be going to hang out with ryan today. i hope thats the case. g2g bye. megan

3 heretics| Don't Be Afraid [13 Apr 2005|08:51pm] [ mood | depressed ] This week is dragging. Every night i sleep well really good but when i wake the sleep that i just got wasn't enough. I'm practically falling asleep in all my classes. i'm falling behind in science. I'm really sore from dance on top of my tiredness. My mom is really concerned she says she hates seeing me like this... but do you honestly think i like being like this to? I'm putting my relationship with Zach in danger just because I'm not in a good mood. I do love him with all my heart. Just i need some room. This goes for everyone. I'm sorry. I just don't care as much anymore and its scary. The old me from 8th grade feelings like its creeping up on me. and I don't have anyone to walk by myside like i did last year. no one this years knows what happend besides al and gleb and al has her own thing and gleb goes to frederick. I still talk to them but it isn't the same. I cannot even tell Zach and i don't dare get into it. I don't say that to offend him either me and his thought processes are different. Summer couldn't come sooner. I need a break. I'm going to France. I cannot wait. I've always wanted to live somewhere besides America because I hate it so much. I had plans with a friend to move to Romania someday. And we told each other that that only things we would need would be food, a desk, and instuments. So all we needed in life was a friendship music an endless suply of paper and ink. And we would spend our lives writing and making music. It use to sound perfect. My abilty to play classical music floated away with the music i use to play and the writing doesn't come to mind easily not even times like this. The only thing thats keeping me from totally going over the edge right now is music. My mom tells me to go outside for a walk to get some fresh air that maybe it will make me happy but i just told her im content it sitting in my room writing. And i really am. I have a lot going for me. i got a good life. this shit needs to stop.

1 heretic| Don't Be Afraid a day in the life of megan kelly [13 Apr 2005|04:59pm] [ mood | cranky ] Things are totally chaotic.

1 heretic| Don't Be Afraid [11 Apr 2005|08:45pm] [ mood | curious ] Hello. I'm finally starting to feel a little better. My whole head is congested and my right eye keeps watering lol. Its the strangest thing. I really need to start focusing on school. English is a piece of cake i just have to do useless things. French comes pretty easy to me but icp? Oh my god! its complete hell. I like need to study for 8 hours tomorrow for a test. i cant catch a break. Me and zach are good. Which is a really good thing. Although I feel like i havent really been there for him and that makes me sad. I want him to know i love him and that im really there for him. The subject of college was brought up today and as always my heart raced through the whole conversation. i'm just going to wait until that time comes... megan

Don't Be Afraid Hello [10 Apr 2005|03:25pm] [ mood | curious ] So... this weekend didn't turn out tooo bad. Besides the fact I was really sick and lost my phone. I'm feeling better than i have felt the past two days. My dad replaced my phone. It will be here tuesday or wednesday. So I'm going to have to get everyones # again to put into my phone. what a pain in the ass it is to load at the #'s again. I got a new computer too! its black and pretty. I didn't go to any of the shows this weekend due to my health. i had trouble jsut walking around the mall. I'm jsut so warn out. Oh well right now im waiting for zach to call me so he can take me to get some food. im gone.

Don't Be Afraid [09 Apr 2005|09:09am] im sick. i lost my phone. My dad bought me another phone. it will be here tuesday or wednesday. bye

2 heretics| Don't Be Afraid [05 Apr 2005|09:18am] hidden in plain veiw was aweome less than jake kicked ass and allister sucked. my brother got drunk off his ass and got lost in the crowd he claims a 16 year old kid fel lon his foot and he is at the ER right now. Zach had a good time and that made me happy as well. Im not going to school today although i probably should. well im going bye

1 heretic| Don't Be Afraid boo! [30 Mar 2005|07:23pm] I had the chance so I figured I'd just update. This week has been going really slow but at least we have the rest of the week as half days. School is so stressful. Sorry to be a complainer. anyways. some lady cut me and zach off today on the way to school and i thought we were going to die. bitch. lol. after school zach and me met up with bernard alex and jiji at mcdonalds. after that we went to bernards house and hung outside with kody, travis, micheal matt and some other younger kids. it was fun its soo much better with warmer weather. im really happy spring is here :). the skate park opened back up and we always had good fun there. music for unity is saturday and im really excited for that. the only shows lately i have been to are the mudd puddle shows. thennn i have this coming monday LESS THAN JAKE, ALLISTEr and hidden in plain veiw. yay! LESS THAN JAKE ISN'T GAY EITHER AND IF YOU THINK SO DON'T POST OF MY FUCKIN JOURNAL COCK SUCKER. LOVE YOU MEGAN

2 heretics| Don't Be Afraid sorry! [28 Mar 2005|10:41am] [ mood | relaxed ] home sweet home! i got back from new york yesterday. it was a lot of fun i would post a big long entry about it but i to lazy. i got an i pod mini though! its blue...and pretty. i love it! seeing zach again was good i missed him a whole lot and it made me realize i really need him. i wont be updating a lot and im sorry my computer in my room is broken. I'm going to go get it fixed though so sorry. its not like there is anything intresting to read here anyways. missed you all megan

3 heretics| Don't Be Afraid [16 Mar 2005|08:59pm] [ mood | happy ] guess what bitchez! I'm going to see less than jake at the 9.30 club on April 4th. yay! and spring break is alllmosttt here!

4 heretics| Don't Be Afraid confusion. [14 Mar 2005|08:43pm] [ mood | contemplative ] What i want is a question that runs through my mind endlessly. This confusion have yet to become clarity. so what do i want? I know I want honesty. how can i say that? I'm not even honest to my self. My past cannot be forgotten, for i am reminded of it everyday. Its a constant battle everyday.I know you always promised to be there but i am sick of promises.I have so many promises that I have broken. The biggest one, trying not to care so much. Then there are the smaller things. Things just get old. Somedays I just want to run and the wind against my face would feel so relieving. Soon enough it would just get old and I'd get tired, turn around and walk back. Running from my fears gets old. Music never gets old. Never. Its very well possible that music is the most beautiful thing ever created. Most of the musicians of my favorite bands i have to thank for my presense still here on earth. I also thank the scientist of physics. Otherwises, everything gets old, friends, talking, school, life, everything and now writing is old. I'm done rambling. megan+

2 heretics| Don't Be Afraid it was a chemical thing. [13 Mar 2005|09:17pm] A thousand random thoughts and memories flowing through my mind. That need to be put out. Writen on paper for all to see. "Do you think that there will ever be the chance of you loving me? Are you Okay?" He nudged her shoulder. " the only love I know is chemical." she said. It's like I'm two different people. I think differently when the chemical is on me... And i almost like it. Isn't that scary? Maybe all I need is chemical love. But I want his love. I don't want my love to be all trips. love isn't as in, love the feeling of the sex. love is the person your touching... and the feeling of the touch you get from that one special person. theres a difference. Most people should learn it. "Do you believe in love?"...she asked he awnsered, " I'm staring at it. Love is in my eyes." "Why do you do it?" he wispered in her ear. "Because it makes me feel like I'm beautiful." she said. What happens when I don't want to do this any more? what happens when the beauty over comes my life and leaves me dead? I thought. guess I just can't deal with things. I solve problems with more problems. Cutting. failed dreams. dying Dying on the inside first. Dying. What happens when you get tired of living, because it's the same thing every day? Because it's the same thing every night. It's the same car, and the same road, and the same song. It feels like I miss someone, but there's no one worth missing. One day you will wake up in the arms of this one person you love more than your life and you will know what all this suffering and loneliness was for - and that it was worth it. If you make only one person smile for only one short moment.

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