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Wednesday, November 5th, 2003
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11:25 pm
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So we held a Halloween party on Saturday due to nobody being about on the actual night. I don't remember much of it but nothing got broken, so that was a nice surprise. House was kind of a mess afterwards though. And someone had sex in my bed. GYYARRRGHGHHHH. Bleached the sheets, wondering whether to throw them away. With the mattress. And the bed. And everything else in the room.
Work is starting to pile up and I realised it's like the last year of being an irresponsible not-quite-adult ever (assuming I pass) and I still don't have a clue what to do with my life. Frightening. Various essays will require me leaving the house and going to the library though. I hate the library so much. I wish I was 15 again :(
I also take back everything I ever said opposing film classifications. Thanks to the simpletons who decided to reclassify Alien as a 15, I realised that henceforth every film every made should be made an 18. Takes away from the atmosphere somewhat when there's a row of disgusting little Mancunian gyppos going "Ahm sew fewkin' skuhhhred, dis is sew fewkin' skurrrehh, worra shit film, weh shewda' gone t' see League o' Extraordinary Gentlemen" every five fucking minutes. God I hate this town.
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| Friday, October 31st, 2003
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1:04 am
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| Monday, October 27th, 2003
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9:52 pm
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Bastard. I lost an envelope today which had a cheque for £2.25 and my address and someone else's address. I've been having paranoid thoughts about filthy pikey types finding it and stealing all my money and sending me lumps of shit through the post. Granted it's not very unlikely but I always think the worst. I wish I was less uptight sometimes. All the time even.
Mum & Dad are on holiday in Cyprus so I can look forward to hearing all about that next time I'm home. Several hundred times. Probably while dad's drunk. They phoned today and they seem to be enjoying it, so it's nice that they're not tearing each other's throats out. Which come to think of it they never do. Damn how random.
Jenny wants a party this weekend, and her soirees are the talk of the town (usually cause she fucks half the guests) so that might be fun. Ugh but not if anyone has sex in my bed. And especially not if I have to buy most of the alcohol like last time, so I'll have to be defiant and not be a pussy like I always am. Yes. Indeed.
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| Saturday, October 25th, 2003
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8:25 pm
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Last night I went to the cinema with Siobhan because everyone else was going out, but due to my precarious fiscal situation I thought it best to spend as little as possible. Saw Kill Bill and it was fucking amazing, so I'm glad I didn't go out really. The journey back home was shit, though. Very loud very common children who really ought to have been in bed asleep being typically loud and common. We came up with an amusing solution to the problem of letting out pikey gyppo common people, but I forget what it was. And it probably makes us sound like such snotty bourgeois children of Tory voting Company Executives for a small firm producing household air refreshers who think they're more important than they are, but it was still very funny. Wish I could remember what it was. Tonight everyone's out again so I'm staying in - although I'll definitely be out next week as I don't want to turn into some anti-social spinster (or whatever the male equivalent is). Well anyway, went to Tesco to get everything needed to for staying in when everyone else was out. I bought a ready-made meal, a bottle of vodka and a packet of Marlboro's. I am the saddest person alive :(
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| Sunday, October 19th, 2003
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10:39 pm
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Talked to mum about my finances, and I did the whole "now before you make a decision i want to remind you that I am the perfect son and i my behaviour has been impeccable since birth and while my siblings are both deranged mentalists i am the dependable one and i listen to you moaning at me every weekend for hours and hours and i never complain so take that into account before you start whining about how irresponsible I am" thing before she could get a word in, but she didn't seem to care that much. Talked it over with Dad and they agreed to lend me £200 until next year. Score. Now I think it's about time I got a job and stopped being immature with money. While we were talking she asked me if I was gay because there's an article in today's Observer about a 15 year old coming out to his mother and she said it's been on her and dad's mind for a while. Oh dear. I said no, I think she believed me, but Christ that was the most awkward uncomfortable conversation I've ever had with her. I should have said yes because I know now she's asked me once she's going to go on and on and on about it every time I speak to her.
Went for drinks yesterday with Simon and Siobhan, saw Amy when we were out and she's looking well. We're never going to be as close as we were though, which is pretty sad. When we moved onto the clubs I saw Damien who was so clearly off his tits on something which was funny/irritating in equal doses. My tooth has been hurting for a while, will go to the dentist about that. Actuall I don't think I'm registered with a dentist. I'll do that, then I'll go to the dentist.
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| Thursday, October 16th, 2003
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8:47 pm
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Oh dear. seems i've been massively underestimating how much i've been spending recently. I'm probably going to have to borrow some money off my parents for a while. I hate talking to them about how much money I have, they always start whining about how irresponsible I am with money and how I shouldn't be allowed to go to any shop ever. Which is true I suppose but I still dont like hearing it. To make myself feel better about having no money I went shopping because I'm stupid like that. I really shouldnt be allowed any money at all ever when I think about it.
Started cleaning my house yesterday and some weird things showed up, like a bag of white powder which is probably just washing powder or somethign, and a packet of 20 Regal fags. Which is strange because nobody smokes Regal fags that I know. I doubt anybody smokes Regal fags actually. And a €20 note, but I assume that's mine and kept it.
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| Saturday, October 11th, 2003
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7:22 pm
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I seem to be getting lazier, I've slept through a lecture this week and I slept for fourteen hours today. Or yesterday even. Well anyway went out last night as is becoming rather routine, worryingly, and today I went shopping with Siobhan today. She definitely isn't going to be anything more than a friend by now, which is a shame but oh well. She's nice. Had a long talk with my sister who decided since I'm so introverted I need advice like "Just be yourself" as if I have never heard advice like that. From dad. When he's inebriated. It's the thought that counts I suppose. She also thinks I'd benefit from my brother coming to stay here. HAHA. Yeah I can see that happening in this lifetime. Kris and Jenny want to stay in so I'll probably not go out, just watch a film or something. They're domesticating me.
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| Wednesday, October 8th, 2003
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8:48 pm
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Ohhhhhh my god. I've never watched Wife Swap before but last night was like driving past an enormous car crash with mangled bodies falling out of the side. I don't live that far from Rochdale either :(
Not sure what to make of Siobhan, went for coffee with her on Monday and I thought we got on fairly well, and I'm supposed to see her again on Saturday but she seems lacklustre when I phone her as if she'd rather be doing somethign else. Maybe she's not a phone person. Or maybe i'm uberparanoid. Which is mor elikely. Well anyway I doubt she's the love of my life. She could be a good friend, though. And lord knows I don't have enough platonic relationships with women. Wow sarcasm really doesn't come across effectively in writing.
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| Sunday, October 5th, 2003
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4:57 pm
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Phoned my mother last night and she sounds like a pitiful mess, but for once we actually had an amicable conversation without her bitching at me once. So I felt better after that and I stopped feeling so crap. I expect next week she'll start bitching me out again and bring me down, but there we go that's to be expected I suppose. Felt good enough to start being social again anyway, so I went to see Underworld with Damien and Kris (oh my GOD kate beckinsale has an incredible arse) and then clubbing in the evening with "our gang". I was so happy with myself that I actually struck up a conversation with a girl while sober, and I didn't have any of the crippling shyness I usually have. She's one of those people I instantly felt comfortable around. Swapped phone numbers, and earlier today we spoke. Going for coffee tomorrow, and then who kows. And I'm feeling so smug that I could keep this shit eating grin on my face for the rest of the year. Not even my brother could bring me down off my pedestal now. :D:D:D:D:D
current mood: delirious
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| Friday, October 3rd, 2003
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11:40 pm
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I changed my mind and I'm not going back home now. It was just a kneejerk reaction because I felt bad for bitching about my mother shortly before she went and got appendicitis, which on reflection is probably the stupidest thing ever. So yeah, my sister is there and there really isn't anything I can do in two days anyway except listen to her moan and whine about me all day long, which she can do perfectly well over the telephone. So staying put I am.
Went out last night, it wasn't bad but everything's getting so dull and predictable, I'm not satisfied with anything anymore really. I need a new girlfriend clearly. Or just a girl, not necessarily a friend of any sort. Something to keep me occupied for a while anyway.
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| Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
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11:22 pm
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Oh dear. Turns out my mother wasn't being a whiny bitch but was genuinely ill and her appendix burst. And all this week I've been cursing her name and calling her every name under the sun. If there is a God the old boy's got quite the sense of humour. Well anyway my sister's there and said she'll be fine, everybody except me thinks I should stay here. So for now I'm staying put but I'll probably go home at the weekend to see what's happening. Feel sick to my stomach, though. I look forward to getting about thirty minutes sleep tonight.
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| Tuesday, September 30th, 2003
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11:06 pm
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My ear has been throbbing and aching for the past few days so I went to the GP to see whether my infection has returned, when I got there there was like three people waiting in line. I was dumbstruck. My hometown is so deprived that there's like ten doctors surgeries serving the whole valley (population approx 100k) so every time I had to go there growing up I'd have to wait about six hours while all the gyppos sorted out their kids' impetigo/consumption/black death or whatever. And there'd *always* be some horrible 40 year old in hot shorts and a tank top shrieking about the wait to the receptionist. The doctors there were all mainly foreign with a limited command of English, probably because all the white doctors were busy being paid ten times as much to work in wealthy middle England Tory voting constituencies with about half as many patients on their books. Well anyway my infection has returned so she gave me some antibiotics. No alcohol for me for the next month then. Joy.
Another phone call from dear old Mother tonight, who's off work for the next week because she has some sort of virus. And apparently she has nothing better to do in this week than phone me up and moan at me for an hour and a half about how much she hates life, how my sister's too selfish to rush off home the first moment she feels under the weather, and how my brother and I are complete and utter failures who've never lived up to her expectations. Christ she really fucks me off sometimes, and it's not like I can answer her back. Being an eternal optimist who always sees the good in people I'm going to assume her foul mood is down to the virus and not her being an all-round bitch.
No uni tomorrow, ace. Jenny's off too so i'll go to see a film with her. Can't decide whether I like Kylie Minogue's new song or not.
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| Sunday, September 28th, 2003
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11:06 pm
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Oh dear. I think I might have volunteered to go to an Evanescence concert when Kris was talking to me earlier and I wasn't really listening. And she wants to go so much that I'd feel bad if I pulled out. Oh well it's only sixteen quid and it'll probably do me good to see what's down wit da kidz. The annoying goth wannabe kids who hang around outside M&S anyway.
Did fuck all today in preparation for starting back at lectures and shit tomorrow. It's been so long since I did anything that needed effort or concentration I don't know how I'm going to cope. And considering how lazy I am it's probably going to take more than just my phone alarm to wake me up in the morning. Ugh. I'm gonna have shitloads of work probably. No time for nuttn'. Best go get an early night I suppose.
current mood:  morose
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| Saturday, September 27th, 2003
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11:57 pm
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Joy, I've been back a week and already dear old Mother is phoning me to whine about how shit she's feeling. Because of course I have nothing better to do than sit there listening to her moan about how crap her life is and then start discussing all my faults at considerable length to make herself feel better. Well I don't actually but that's not the fucking point. Since I'm too much of a pussy to tell her to stop or hang up, most likely I can expect phone calls along similar lines next week. Probably for the rest of my life.
Yeah start back with lectures and stuff on Monday. Last week was just catching up with old friends. Did the socialising thing on Thursday and I was shattered by the end of it. Probably because I've been at home for the past three months doing nothing. It was nice to see old friends and things though. The atmosphere between Amy and I has all but disappeared, so that's fortunate. She's probably forgotten everything, but I'm sad enough to remember it all.
Right going to raid my friends' video collections now for something to watch. Also yay for that clown getting kicked out of Fame Academy. Should never have been there in the first place...
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| Monday, September 22nd, 2003
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11:24 pm
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I thought I had to do registering stuff today, but apparently it's not until Wednesday. Serves me right for not reading the letters they sent me I suppose. I should have realised that they weren't registering today because Simon didn't arrive til today. I'm a fool, clearly. Got pissed off at having woken up really early when everyone else was still dozing, so went into town to see whether things have changed. Vinyl Exchange has tonnes of new things though, including an ancient copy of Dolly Dearest on VHS which I've wanted to see since I was like ten so I must buy that this week sometime and watch it over the weekend. Looking forward to that. Simon arrived at about four with his family. His little brother is funny, typical thirteen year old boy (Slipknot hoody, baggy jeans etc. etc.) and when he speaks he uses American colloquialisms and tries to emulate the accent but they're from Bolton so he just sounds really funny. Strange kid. Phoned mother later on as she'd worry otherwise, and she told me that I forgot a load of stuff then started moaning about how she'll have to send them to me and how I should have packed earlier etc etc etc. I hate it when she's right about things like that. I miss fast internet access. Going to look for people to add now.
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| Sunday, September 21st, 2003
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10:38 pm
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And lo, there was internet access. Not very good internet access either. Current d/l speed from p2p networks stands at about 2.8k/sec. No more free albums and films. It's enough to make me cry :( God I'm sad. Anyway, horrible journey up here with about three motorway stops because my mother was tired. Bless. She's too old to be doing 300 mile round trips. Nobody in the house when I got there, even though both Jenny and Andy had moved in, they thought it best to leave me to unpack alone. Which was nice of them. But brother helped, wandering around my house looking at things. I'm glad to be shot of him, even his own mother thinks he's difficult to live with. Anyway, took them into Manc briefly, before my dear mummy took me food shopping for the week ahead. They'd both come back to the house when I returned to unpack, so they met my brother briefly, much against my wishes. A (not very) tearful goodbye to the relatives followed, before we went to the bar for a few hours. And slept until 12. Before realising that Kris was coming at 1 today, with Simon to follow. So it's a full house again. And it's straight back into the throw of things tomorrow. It's good to be back I expect, I just don't realise it yet.
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| Friday, September 19th, 2003
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11:50 pm
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Got pretty much everything packed, there seems to be a lot more than when I came back a few months ago. Hmm yes back to the big bright beautiful (haw) lights of Manc tomorrow, much as I hate this shithole valley I will miss it. Mainly the surroundings. Here = lush green rolling mountains, Manc = dilapidated factories and Moss Side. I know which one I prefer looking at when I'm staring out the window. Went into town yesterday, didn't buy much but we managed to get fragments of the old gang together. Rhian's already fucked off, typical of her not to tell anyone, so it was me, G, Llinos and Ceri. I still can't get over how much Llinos drinks. She comes across all sophisticated, wealthy and educated, but she downs pints of Brains like it's going out of fashion. I'll miss her. Yet again we vowed to stay in touch more. Invariably we won't, it's just one of those courtesy things you say to people I suppose. Today was so crap. I should have started packing ages ago because I had loads of shite to sift through, spent most of the day washing clothes, ironing, and packing. So dull. And I can't even stay up until 4AM because I have to get up at like 7AM tomorrow. Arse. Oh well, goodbye sweet broadband modem, I will miss you <3333
current mood:  nervous
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| Monday, September 15th, 2003
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11:54 pm
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I was browsing the Daily Mirror's site earlier today, and they had this article on Madonna's wretched kids book and someone asked her what it felt like to be compared to Enid Blyton and she said "Who's she?" They said she wrote the Famous Five and she replied "Oh, were they any good? I'm glad to be compared to her." She is getting more and more clueless every day. Surely she should be retiring now.
This is really, really slow for some reason. I haven't run a Liveupdate in a while, I hope I don't have any viruses (virii?). Also my CD burner's playing up and not doing what I tell it to, which is probably my fault because of the stuff I'm burning but it's still pissing me off a bit. Sorting out stuff for returning oop north on Saturday. I really can't wait to get out of here. I should have left about two months ago when I still had some sort of nostalgia for this shithole, but now I've remembered all the reasons I wanted to escape plus I've thought of a few new ones. Simon's getting excited about all the first year people coming, he said something about fresh blood. As if he'll ever get any of them into bed, he's about as charismatic as Madonna when he's trying to pull. But oh well, it'll be a good laugh to watch him. Sorted some stuff out to take, but I'll do most the day before i leave probably. I lost my house keys too. I hope they didn't get stolen. Although I don't know why someone would want to steal some house keys.
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| Sunday, September 14th, 2003
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10:29 pm
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Bastard bastard bastard BASTARD. Cunting fucking printer fucking fucked up and fucking broke. BASTARD. Says it needs new parts or some such bollocks. CUNTING CUNT CUNT. I go back in less than a week and what does it do, oh, only goes and fucking cunting breaks on me. And of course I don't have any of the warranty or insurance documents or anything so that's two hundred quid out the window straight away, thangyewverymuch. FUCK. I am in a foul mood thanks to my greasy cunt brother having the mother of all tantrums because his CD wouldn't copy or some such shit. I've never seen a twenty three year old behave like such a petulant little child. He really is pathetic and I hate him. I thought he'd be over this shit by now. ARRGH FUCK. I'll go and polish off 24 in a vain attempt to cheer myself up then.
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12:51 am
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I managed two Nightmare on Elm Street films. I've seen the third one already so I know how awful it is. God they're so bad. I love them. Anyway, lots of fun spending money and stuff today. I bought an mp3 player, and oh man it is so great. Haha I've been trying to see just how many songs I can fit on it ever since I got it. I'm so easily pleased. Also bought Nikita because I'd only seen the crappy Bridget Fonda one before, and Tenchu because I thought the PS1 version was good. Also three t-shirts which are, like, totally rad. I should start being this shallow more often.
Also saw Hilary Duff's video about forty thousand million times today. They should stop showing that until she's sixteen. It feels so wrong otherwise.
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_wastedyouth