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[09 Nov 2007|04:08pm] |
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i havent actually used this account in over a year now... well over a year.
i am mid way through tee exams at the moment, which is proving to be really not that stressful - which i feel it shouldnt be. i have managed to contract glandular fever, which means in no way was i expected to be doing my tee exams but i wanted to, so i am. i gain something called ' mis adventure ' though, which basically sounds like i became lost on the way to the exam!
leavers is soon and rotto is going to be awesome.
we have a jelly pool =]
aside from that, things are fantastic. my life is going so well and i am very happy with things. i really feel that i am in a stage of my life where i would like a relationship, but unfortunately i seem to be absolutely fantastic at screwing these things up! well as kels tells me, everything happens for a reason. which hopefully implies that something good will be coming.
im a lucid dreamer. look it up.
love cally xx
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[03 Jun 2006|09:14am] |
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mood |
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okay. im home now and this is where it all starts again. except this time its different.
im in a telecenter at the moment never thought i would actually get into one of these but there you go. exams are over. but im a little afraid of getting back and now not knowing what to do with my time. katrina is coming in here soon to see me. she spent last night getting drunk while i was fighting with my mother so we should have some interesting conversations when she gets here. im so tired. and sick. but its good to be home.
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[07 May 2006|11:37am] |
im baaaaaaaaaack....italy was the most amazing thing i have ever done.
not to sound totally cliched or anything.
we went to rome, assisi, perugia, sienna, florence for 2 wks, venice and milan.
but yes. they have blocked livejournal from the school now so i have very limited acess to this now. well that sucks. maybe now i will actually do some work. we have exams in like three weeks.
what was so strange was coming back and seeing everyone. the one person i really wanted to see the most was katrina, just because i knew she would actually care and want to know how it was. meaghan and i both thought that pretty much we would get back and no one would really care that much. like when people ask u questions when they dont really mind much what the answer is. but as soon as i got back christie and gem just about tackled me to the ground. it was so good to see tobi thank god she bought my skirts down to perth for me. they are covered in biscuit crumbs from her case and are down to my ankles and for some insane reason one is a size eighteen when i am about a ten to twelve. not sure how that happened but ok. i think its time to buy some new skirts and stockings.
voglio ritornare in italia adesso.
ciao ciao xx
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[14 Mar 2006|07:54pm] |
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25 DAYS UNTILL ITALY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh my god i cant wait. we found out today who our hosts are and that me, meaghan and holly are definately together in the families which is the biggest relief ever. im so exited...its going to be sooo good. the woman we are staying with is an old cat lady though, im pretty sure this is the one that talitha warned me about. she makes boiled eggs for dinner every night and there is cat hair everywhere.
its going to be soo good.
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[09 Mar 2006|07:49am] |
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argh why does everything have to be so hard?
seriously like theres some people who just get in the way to make things difficult.
im so sick of people telling me what to do.
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[01 Mar 2006|05:24pm] |
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mood |
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yesterday i saw my therapist for the first time since last year.
that was kind of strange. and awkward. not for her actually she seemed pretty comfortable about telling me all about my family, my life and myself. interesting how other people percieve things i guess but i just wanted to tell her to fuck off. usually im not an angry person at all but i just wanted to go and scream... also i am scared about writing things in here because i know people from my school have a lj and they are people i dont know in the slightest so that would be kind of weird as well.
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[13 Feb 2006|04:20pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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tomorrow would be valentines day and every year i promise myself i will have someone for valentines day. but it never seems to end up happening. just like i was meant to have a summer romance but that never ended up happening either. not even tace. maybe next holidays....fingers crossed....
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[07 Feb 2006|10:54am] |
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IM GETTING BETTER
yeeeeeeeeeeeees it feels so good to know that everytime i cry it hurts a little bit less than the time before.
im so proud. its amazing.
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[07 Feb 2006|10:48am] |
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hello?
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[08 Jan 2006|08:00pm] |
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Its 9:55pm. A girl sits alone in a dark room. Her legs folded closed to her body, arms hugging them loosely. She closes her eyes as she lowers her head to rest on her knees. The familiar taste of salt as tears leak from her dignity once again. Her hands reach to her hair in frustration and as she clenches her hair she imagines pulling them by the roots. One knee falls to touch the grey carpet. Thoughts of self destruction fly through her head. Her hands release and guilt washes over her. For a second she thinks the humming of the radio is almost audible and she lifts her head. An idealism broken when she realized that unlike her, someone else was not alone. She allows the other leg fall to join the other and crosses them. Feelings of self hatred wash over her and suddenly she rises, slowly pulling the door open and walking down the hallway. She quickly glances at her figure in the full length hall mirror then pushes the bathroom doors open. Empty. All six cubical vacant. She pauses uncertainly as she pushes open the door to number six. Usually five, but now more often number six. Glancing at her reflection as she turns to close the door she stops. Leers at herself. The imperfections she sees distorts the perception and lies of others. Disgusted she closes the door on herself and turns. Facing the clean, white bowel she pulls up her black sleeves. The beginnings of self affliction in view she feels exposed. Not wanting to view her own weakness she peers down at the distorted reflection and lifts two fingers to her mouth. The familiar taste of salt which allows her to cry in a different way. Shaking, her mind numbs as she chokes on her fingers... She tastes her sour hate and her pain subsides as she watches it spill into the bowel. This is the last time, once again. But there will always be more lies, more last times. There is a sense of relief as she unlocks the door and steps into a calmer reality. Washing her hands she forces herself to look up. A pale face with sad red rimmed eyes overshadows her soul. Tearing her gaze she rinses her mouth. Closing her eyes she is suddenly dizzy and only just realizes how exhausted she is. She opens her eyes, takes a breath. Ignoring the crying reflection she turns and walks away.
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_visualise