I know, I concur: I update livejournal entirely too much. I ordered three MORE books. One of which I am really excited about reading: Ginny Good. Though it is available online as audio for free from the author, there is still always something magical about actually holding a book. It was turned down by more agents and publishers than you could imagine, nearly everyone in the industry. From his rejections (and those for other manuscripts he was also pitching), the author created a website, Everyone Who’s Anyone In Adult Trade Publishing, which lists the email addresses of more than 2,000 agents and editors, plus hysterically obnoxious excerpts from their rejections and his responses. Quoting the author himself: "Okay...here we go. I'm Gerard Jones. I wrote a book called GINNY GOOD. It was published in 2004 by Monkfish Book Publishing Company. You can buy it new or used at Amazon or your local bookstore for anywhere between five and seventeen bucks. It's 357 pages long. It won some prizes and got some good reviews. Now I'm making it into an audio book all on my own, which you can't buy anywhere 'cause I'm giving it away for free. I'm giving The Audio Book of Ginny Good away for free for three reasons.

One: The love of money is the root of all evil.

Two: The best things in life are free.

And Three: In order to really be free a thing really has to be free.

Oh, and Four: For the fun of it.

Okey-doke, that's it. Ginny Good: A Mostly True Story."

Besides the entire memoir looking highly attention grabbing and right up my alley, my morbid fascination plays a huge role in this book selection. “Ginny Good”, who the story is about, is Sandra Goods big sister! I know, right? I don’t really believe in coincidences, but lately certain things have been falling down right at my feet. Whether its stumbling across a website that leads to a great book find, or a license plate I’ve never noticed until this week. Does everything happen for a reason?

+When I was young my father would always made us attend air shows, forts, and air force museums...pretty much anything up that alley. Being a 10-year-old GIRL, all I ever did was incessantly protest these detours. To be completely honest, all I wanted was to be at malls, spending my parent’s money on clothes and make up. Every vacation turned into some hunt for interesting history facts and I dreaded it. Needless to say it lead to plentiful arguments, and me refusing to get out of the car. I’ve seen the blue angels on countless occasions. I’ve seen bullets and building from any of the American wars. I’ve walked on more than my fair share of navy ships. I’ve rode on a tank, and a helicopter. I’ve sat in a building surrounded by facts about the Berlin wall and Nazi memorabilia, and I have over 200 pictures of me standing next to some sort of airplane with a pin up girl drawn on the side. Oddly enough, now that I’m older all I want to do is go to a fort. Its funny, how you change, and when that actual change occurs.

I can’t sleep. It doesn’t even feel like the weekend. After past experience from this week I’ve been considering a lot about my self-perception, perception in general. Lets just say everything in my field of vision was wavered and distorted, this sensation of being stationary, unable to move from where I am, despite the fact that I am constantly moving very rapidly. I recognize that I have eccentric interests, but I like them nonetheless. Do new beginnings only lead to painful ends? Is there anything really wrong with fresh starts? And snap, I like the smell of waffles and blueberries, it makes me think how lucky I am to be alive in a world with sun-dappled anything. I can’t stop reading, I ordered new books: The Secret Life of Plants, The Psychedelic Experience: A Manual Based on the Tibetan Book of the Dead, The Haight-Ashbury: A History, and Start Your Own Religion. I ordered them somewhat based on the fact that my mom is currently in San Francisco. I want hills, nippy climate, markets, and sea lions. Again, I think it takes a lot more to fill your life with meaning.

I've never been a huge fan of weddings. It's a waste of money, that could go to more important things. It's one single stressed out day of non-sense. With that said, I can be girly for two seconds and say that I really like sharon tates wedding dress. perfect.







reow, shes so hot.

so i'm working fashion week in LA next week and when i get back i'm booked for a fabreeze commercial. not very creative but a good $300 a day for a few days. the pick up artist airs sunday. monday when i'm in LA, a few of the boys will be in town and they're all getting together so we can see each other :)

dennis and i are hot and cold everyday but right now we're doing better. with me being so busy, i just dont have the time or patience to sit on the phone fighting or yelling on his front lawn. so i hang up or walk away. not to be dramatic, to be practical. my tolerance for any drama is so low and has been wearing thin. it feels like he's finally getting it. i spent 3 days away from him this week and minimal time on the phone. it gave him time to reflect and realize whats important and who he wants to be and act. yesterday he brought me food at work and escorted me to a big fashion show. we talked and he says i've taught him so much about what a healthy relationship should be. he really really wants that for us. that he loves me too much to give up.

"when we started dating, people called us the power couple. i really want that to be true. i want to be as powerful as you. i'm really working on not being such a little bitch, being more secure, being more tough skinned and allowing you to have freedom."

we'll see..

I'm sick of being sick already. Seriously? Its never lasted this long before. I may be dead in the morning. I'm dramatic.



I threw my hand into broken glass tonight, then hit my ring finger into a door and it is bruised under the nail, all on the same hand. Its sore.

check out the first episode..
where we spent all our time for the 2nd season
our first challenge at ACME Scottsdale
and we give the boys a makeover! :)

(Airs Sunday on VH1)

( more )


Since the show has ended, all of the boys have found me and added me on myspace. I get lots of interesting emails from them, considering our interaction on set was very minimal. We weren't allowed to get to know each other and pretty much had to be invisible to each other. We'd sneak conversations in when the producer's weren't looking.

Also Tara and I talk almost ever day still. #4 on her friends list.. we were very good friends on set, but it's funny that I never knew I meant that much to her. She is the sweetest thing I have ever met.

Mystery also texts me on my phone every once and a while when he remembers a funny joke of ours or one of our crazy nights at the Vally Ho..

Date: Oct 6, 2008 11:58 PM
Subject:heyyyy!

good to hear from you! I will always remember you as the girl that Rian Turner had a crush on (don't tell him that) I don't know if you know it but he talked about you non-stop. I also remember sneaking into your wardrobe room on a sunday when no one was around. I saw all of Mystery's and Matador's clothes and wanted to try them on but was afraid you would notice something moved but I wanted to sooo bad. Please message me if you ever in L.A. or just come by my bar in Manhattan Beach. I'm a bartender now! Stay in touch and thanks for all your hard work on helping with my look.

Simeon

this may be slightly dramatic...but if i dont win this dress on ebay my life will probably be meaningless. go with it. believe it.



why does it take so much to excite me anymore?

it's just not fair keeps running through my head. over and over. what a big baby.

oh and adam. ferngully is The Shit! go rent it.

she keeps telling me I have to be strong..but I don't know if I can.
its going from bad to worse and this time it might beat me.

I don't want to feel constrained by anything. Free to evolve, to explore our inner selves. Grow. To be reborn. Everyday is a day to start over. Make your words good. Take responsibility for your own actions. Whatever you do, you do it because you want to do it. Unfortunately that's not what people end up doing. I want to meet someone who is aware, that sees the wheel of history, and understands where thoughts come from, the evolution of thoughts and where they ar