EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (actually, while I was living in Germany, my best over there did try dog food and liked it. But, to be fair, he was slightly insane.)
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (which is a bit of a problem for all those sleepwalkers out there)
On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (somehow I don’t think the grocery store staff approves of this idea)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that’s how?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down.”
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But I like the smell of burned flesh in the morning! *wibbles*)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (so, when you give your child this brand of medicine, make sure to remove his/her drivers license, electric screwdriver and chainsaw first)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (note to instruction writers: do not smoke weed during working hours.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (oh dear...)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (makes one wonder what EXACTLY the Swedes do with their genitals on a regular basis)