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[20 May 2009|04:50am] |
i have always hated the term lonely.
perhaps i feel that now. more or less boredom.
buuuuut who needs love anyway. not i.
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[24 Oct 2008|03:46am] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
I'm repulsive.
Oh, and you're a terrible person.
Oh, and I'm scared shitless about something that could ruin (almost) my entire life.
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[10 Oct 2008|03:00am] |
I miss being somebody's babyyyyy
I miss being somebody's loooOOOooove.
my head hurts.
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[06 Oct 2008|02:43am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crushed |
] |
Flooded by comfort and excitement. You can't pretend you haven't wanted this for the longest time. Memories slipped between the cracks and into the dark before your eyes and too quick for fingers to hold on to.
You can't ever let go of those memories where once you were lonely as fuck and cold and hard like pavement in winter. Where once you thought your heart was in two.
Or those friendships that were fake and many to fill the old best friend's spot.
I fail at life.
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[17 Sep 2008|01:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 distressed |
] |
I feel terrible right now. absolutely. I feel ugly, obese, unintelligent, disgusting, fake, unattractive, boring, and poor.
fuck ...
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[29 Aug 2008|10:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
Such a great night.
It went by so fast, please don't tell me it wasn't real.
And yet sometimes, I find myself being scared of being lonely. Real lonely. I miss my home.
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[06 Aug 2008|03:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 good |
] |
greeeeat amount of growth in the last week.
progressss. :) :)
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[04 Aug 2008|01:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crazy |
] |
I don't care to make you love me.
I only would love for you to care about me.
Turn away and never look back? Only to lose sight of precious memories.
Love love love me.
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[26 Jul 2008|12:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
Goodnight.
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[25 Jul 2008|02:48pm] |
You always said you'd be there.
where are you now.
i can't wait until i get my prescriptions.
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[22 Jul 2008|11:43pm] |
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I used to hate ugly people, but then I became ugly.
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[22 Jul 2008|07:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
] |
I will get my fair share of doctor's visits and appointments as well as shaking new, creepy hands of them in the next 2 weeks.
These next 3 weeks can't go by any faster.
I need to get out of this town.
Hopefully I will get prescribed so many medications I can't feel anything.
Because I guess I don't even have anything to feel for. I am so gone from this small town already.
I can't convince my friends. Cause you spread half truths and rumors like door to door religions
speak of gossip and gospel as if they were the damn same thing...
So I'll belt ouuuuuuuut,
Unfamiliar shout,
I'll speak these next two lines all soft and slow so it can sink in
Th difference between us my friend- I can see it in your eyes
You're glad you're not dead yet
I'm just happy to be alive.
<3 i love those lyrics for some reason
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[21 Jul 2008|04:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 apathetic |
] |
I am REALLY REALLY GOOD AT COMPLICATING THINGS
On to my long and overwinded entry;
Generally speaking, as for the population of Midland, there are few I am realizing that I can trust. I know who I can, but each time I abuse that power and let them down. Even worse it's as if it's in slow motion when I am fucking up, so that I cannot realize until the damage is completely done and the calm is speaking back to me...
I no longer have as much control as I had obtained in the power of my own hands. Life is such.
On a lighter note, I have been drunk or messed up in some other way for the last 10 nights except 2. I'm not okay with it but it's a different story once there is a drink in your hand. And someone saying it's okay.
LEGIT.
PEAS OUT.
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[17 Jul 2008|09:19pm] |
I am seriously pooping out on summer right now. My body can't handle this right now.
Everyone is telling me the right thing, but I can't live up to anyone's expectations it feels like. RARRRR RAA RA.
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[17 Jul 2008|11:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crazy |
] |
It's been such a crazy past week. I don't know if i like going down this path...but it looks like i have no other choice. Yes, it may be easy to say that i can do what I REALLY want. Despite that, it's harder than you can believe.
It was one of my good friends birthday yesterday. I didn't give her the present I got because it seemed super lame. Maybe I will sometime soon give it.
I'm in such a weird mood? I had a good night ( could have been better with close friends by ) but I was just not used to some guy in my space so close.. It was weird. I dunno. I mean I liked it but still overwhelming. In a good way... Overrrr and out.
Peace love TACO BELL hahaha
on a lighter note, I am hoping to go to chicago this month!
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[16 Jul 2008|02:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 mischievous |
] |
love love love love love love love love love love rhymes with HIDEOUS...car crash...
and i'm okay with it.
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[14 Jul 2008|08:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
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devious |
] |
I <3 wine.
I <3 this weekend.
I <3 everyone.
you should too :)
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[14 Jul 2008|12:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
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numb |
] |
I am so happy at the same moment I feel like I am slipping into some unknown depths where it just is too hard and it hurts.
Everywhere.
But I am over it....
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[12 Jul 2008|08:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 okay |
] |
I am starting to be really enjoying summer. I feel like I need to go on a vacation. Just to get away. No partiular reason except for a breath of fresh air? Laaame-o.
I also need to fucking relax. I don't know what my problem is. Just in general I have to calm down. I honestly think I am just scared of growing up. Fuuuck.
I really want to go to Chicago at the end of this month, I just need to find people to go with me atleast.
Hm, if I wasn't so damn lazy, I would want to write in a real journal. I don't know why I write in here...
Peace OUUUUT.
<3
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[11 Jul 2008|08:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
This heat is killing me.
And I'm not talking about the weather ;)
juuuust jokingg:)
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_vanitytrash's journal