return to love [20 Jan 2008|03:54pm] [ music | beach house - tokyo witch ] it's a difficult decision to commit to love. it comes with so much uncertainty, and no two people ever share the same concept of it. but why do we do it? because there could be nothing better. -selena 2 |

YES [10 Oct 2007|04:18pm] We Arnolds, our hearts yearn backward. We long to be found, hoping our searchers have not given up and gone home. But I no longer hope to be found, Leo. Do not follow me! Let's just be fabulously where we are and who we are. You be you and I'll be me, today and today and today, and let's trust the future to tomorrow. Let the stars keep track of us. Let us ride our own orbits and trust that they will meet. May our reunion be not a finding but a sweet collision of destinies! -Love, Stargirl 3 |

hi october. [02 Oct 2007|08:08am] [ music | explosions in the sky - your hand in mine ]   yesterday, i went to driving orientation. i learned about shifting gears and the working level of the clutch, return springs, the 10-10 position and other fancy scary things about automobiles that i didn't know before. parang ang hirap! pero kaya yan!!! weee exciting! today, hands on driving!  today, marcos hi-way. tomorrow, THE WORLD! your hand in mine... 3 |

cosmic friday [27 Sep 2007|08:35pm] [ music | stars - midnight coward ] cosmic! cosmic! malas! malas! it's magical how like in elizabethtown, when chuck said to drew: "death and life. and death and life. right *next door* to each other! there's like, there's a hair between them." it's the same with cosmic and malas! :) stranger magical cosmic smiles in delifrance, traffic best friends, phoenix long distance call over and over in the car, dafox-jolo-trisha-chris-sara-tengc-love, brasilipinas in magnet, crazy dancing like the brasilians, lomopolice and fine dining on sidewalks, two minutes in embassy and going home. cosmic friends on the phone. going to sleep, stars whispered to me: what can't be decided, in the morning it will bring itself to you. pictures here. 1 |

tonight i have to leave it. [23 Sep 2007|02:36pm] [ music | shout out louds - tonight i have to leave it ] Don't come up to me and say you like it. It's better if you say you hate it, that's the truth exactly. When we go out dancing I don't want to be bothered, I just want to be bothered with real love. So I heard it's no good to run, but it feels so much better now that it's done and tonight I have to leave it. So I've heard you know how to write it, does it mean you're good at putting things on paper? Rumours say that you're very sorry. Oh no you're not sorry, no you're not. So I heard it's no good to run, but it feels so much better now that it's done and tonight I have to leave it. Why don't you give love? Why don't you give love? Tonight I have to leave it.

to a STAR! [20 Sep 2007|07:54am] [ music | the radio dept. - ewan ] Hitch your wagon to a star. -Ralph Waldo Emerson I've been seeing this quote everywhere (cosmically) this morning. Maybe it's trying to tell me something, or remind me of something important. Happy birthday Camille! Sayo ko nakita yan una. :-) Love you Bedroom Disco Eyes! 1 |

They are, so let them. [18 Sep 2007|08:24am] [ music | my bloody valentine - soon ] Leo Horoscope for September 17 2007 During this time period, you feel like it is time to ?go for the gold?. You want to hit the jackpot, and you may find yourself walking with a little extra spring and bounce, and whistling zippity-doo-dah! This is, indeed, a time of opportunity and good times. However, you also tend to harbor unrealistic hopes, exaggerate the possibilities, and lack a sense of realism. If things seem to be running smoothly around you, they are, so let them.

star newbie hehe [14 Sep 2007|07:55pm] [ music | the shout-out louds - a track and a train ] taken by jolo 10 sep 2007 mag:net highstreet But here it comes at last And my heart beats faster than safe Faster than the train in my mind 1 |

horoscope [14 Sep 2007|06:10pm] [ music | the shout-out louds - a track and a train ] Use the everyday reality around you as fuel for the inner world of your imagination and you'll find yourself a general inspiration to all. When hope and belief are applied hands-on to the real world, the inner self can make its mark on the outer and the stuff of dreams coming true becomes your instrument to play. Manifest what you believe and watch what happens!

luna leila fontanilla trinidad [14 Sep 2007|01:45pm] welcome to the beautiful world, luna! my brother is a father now. and my mom and dad are lolas and lolos now! i am officially an aunt now! the world is changing and life is everywhere! welcome to the world! i haven't seen you yet, but i know you are beautiful, and i will love you and be the best aunt that i can be for you. 4 |

_love at first light. [10 Sep 2007|11:06pm] [ music | stars - midnight coward ] another night full of light. i love this night. today i have been singing stars' midnight coward nonstop, and been singing and listening to it while walking towards mag:net highstreet and i knew it's going to be a wonderful night (and a wonderful life!). it feels good to be surrounded with so much people, with so much light, and to not think of heavy things for a while. you know, just to feel the buzz that people are making in the room: meeting new people (people you haven't seen anywhere, not in gigs, not in the places you frequently go to, NEW PEOPLE! haha), camera flashes everywhere (it's a camera party after all) and laughter and introductions and the newness of things. and to be surprised that it is a small world after all: going to a party alone where you thought you wouldn't know anyone then bumping into your after-college best friend (that's YOU trisha!!! haha) with the new pornographers' song, her favorite, playing in the background. and also our netherlands and sweden pb&j song, truly cosmic. seeing a friend you thought was in california (that's you dale!)(namali lang ako ng sakay ng bus). and talking with bryce and bryan before their set(lumolomo-lomo ka parin pala)(wala rin kaming kilala dito heheheh). chrisdafox, trisha's friend and lover hehehe said he saw me in fully booked that afternoon going down the escalators, and he said to trisha "that girl has a nice dress" but trisha didnt see me. it was cosmic because we already "met" before we met. trisha pointed this out. crossed paths, intersected, in the same cosmic moment! i love things like that. maybe you already "met" your best friend, your crush, your soulmate, even before you were introduced. isn't that neatoooo? i saw chiara also! we became best friends tonight! haha we were wondering the same thing: why we never became close friends in college when we like almost all the same things. she said something that stuck to me. i asked her if she's single and she said yes and now, she's discovering that she has a lot of interests that she didn't know before when she was with someone. and now she's doing and pursuing them. i realized that i am the opposite of that. i have been single and with myself for the longest time that i am now so attuned to myself - what i like, what i want to do, what i desire, what my dreams are. and it's always been about myself, and i wonder how it is like to be someone for another? to not completely focus on yourself all the time, which is what i'm so used to doing now. to have space inside of you for another's dreams, goals, wishes, likes. will sweden be that important then? is love like that? it must be a really different world, one i want to learn and be in... ang dami ko namang best friend. hahaha soultwin you know you're my truebestfriend, like truegel! hahaha <3 and woooow. when i was about to leave (my lola cai said, you must leave when parties are at their peak, so you'll remember the best of it.) i saw him, my stranger crush in the green jacket. some of my friends of friends know him, but we were never introduced. i was just telling chris and trisha about him in the cupcake shop before, and now he is suddenly there! magic. my life is made up of moments like that. two-second gazes from across the room of crowded people. you hold it for exactly that span of time, and in that moment EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE, and then both of you look away and move on. love is all around, can you feeeeeel it? maybe my true love is just around the corner... can you feel iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit? (and i won a prize too! a very fancy roll of expired film and a gift certificate from digiprint! ) 6 |

you can have it all <3 [29 Aug 2007|08:04pm] baguio / aug 2007 mix listen, while riding on a bus alone. while counting the hours (six) and suddenly seeing the clouds and the fog right in front of you. or while gazing out the mountains, sitting on the ledge. while eating pizza underneath pine trees. or lying on a bed, with the most perfect midnight quiet, you can hear every whisper, every beat, every note. while fixing your red hat and dreaming of far away places. ba ba bada ba ba. if you want, want my love, take it baby. ( take it, take it )

paris, je t'aime. [18 Aug 2007|11:33am] [ music | we're all in the dance. ] watched paris je t'aime with the people i went to paris and europe with. it was beautiful. by the ending sequence, i was sobbing, i couldn't help it. i was really overwhelmed, remembering everything, not remembering everything, overwhelmed by love and not having a love. "paris is a city for lovers of food, lovers of art, lovers of... love." my favorite is the fauborg saint-denis arrondisment. "no, i see you". watch it: it was the 15th of may. i hear you. i'm rehearsing can't you see? i know, sorry. i love it when they were running and i knew it was the start. and oh, how i wanted my start. to laugh, to swim, to dance, to watch movies, to listen to music, to do everything and go everywhere and then one day you will kiss me. mais, je alle au cinema. and in the end, all of the characters of the different sequences were shown, the muslim girl, zarka and francois, who couldn't take his eyes off her at that noisy concert hall, francine and thomas, strolling arm in arm. and i felt this, this indescribable feeling of joy and sadness that everyone is connected, everyone is connected through love, and why, why am i so detached? why do i feel that i am not a part of it? i am always easily overwhelmed by my feelings. everything and anything can make me cry. then later on, des, el grake, iocis and i (and tonzy) had drinks, amidst the storm, at cantina and reminisced on our fateful trip to europe. el grake gave me back a lost memory. i was laughing so hard!!! we were room mates in salamanca, spain. we shared a room and across ours were our german housemates' room. i always tease el grake that she likes the one who looks like clark kent. one time, el grake was so curious about this guy's room so she stepped inside and took a quick look. then, all of a sudden mr. clark kent was standing behind her hahaha. anyway, our host mom, this really nice lady who doesn't speak in english (solo espanol), makes us breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday. this is my lost memory: apparently i fell in love with her hot chocolate that she serves us for breakfast. she makes it with milk and i don't know what other magic ingredient. because i couldn't help it anymore and she's still asleep, i sneaked into the kitchen, got the chocolate from the cupboard and fixed myself a cup with water from the tap! it was such a big deal for grake and i because it felt like stealing! and she was really strict with household stuff, one time she scolded grake for taking a bath two times a day (los espanoles don't shower everyday, and i think there was a water shortage that time). so i was careful not to wake anyone up, tip-toeing into the kitchen and making el grake stand guard. we were trying so hard not to laugh! i think i even microwaved it. hahaha and i can't remember any of it!!! el grake lost some memories too, so i came up with the idea that we should all write down everything that we remember from spring 2004 and patch everything up. a collective memory. i've been writing and remembering snippets of it, all through out these years, but i never wrote down everything, right? words will never be enough i guess. maybe that's why i keep trying to recount everything that happened, and stopping at the middle of the stories. sigh. this will never be over. not until i go there again. and never leave. i love you paris. i love you paris. i love you paris. you changed me, i will never be the same again. http://youtube.com/watch?v=nSZOGywlhzE

you're the storm! [15 Aug 2007|09:06am] [ music | phoenix - long distance call ] it's raining! there's a storm! we could hear the rumbling thunder here in the office. i love it! and i'm wearing espadrilles hahaha listening to beautiful songs and refusing to work, and always, always thinking of the future. making notes on my planner, strategizing, making letters. sometimes i realize, that it's all i do these days. i don't know if it's a bad thing or not, but it's automatic now. and is it just me, but why is time running so fast these days? it makes me a little sad (and a little panicky). they say time flies when you're having fun, but the thing is i'm not having fun, i'm just floating and finding my way and trying to make things work, so why is time so fast? and they say it's the journey not the destination, but i really don't understand what that means. for now, the destination means everything to me. good times: -having kim beside me at work at the new office! we're at MBC now, two buildings away from the old now. and the belgian embassy is just beneath my feet. -weekends with friends! watching ratatouille with kitsie, driving around in her car, seeing spongecola again, laughing hysterically with carlo, chappy, ej, bits and kits over vodka, chicken fingers and porn haha! -the swedish movie, om gud vill. heart-breaking in a beautiful way. hold on to the one you love.. -my french teacher saying "tres bien" after checking my exercise. -the new song by the lively arts, fireflies! sigh. -eluvium. -reading and finishing eclipse. -the WYA training starting today! finally, i feel like i'm taking a step towards the right direction. have a great, stormy day everyone! 20 |

friday! [04 Aug 2007|08:29pm] [ music | douglas heart - always no ] more at multiply. :-) 11 |

set yourself on fire. [04 Aug 2007|07:51pm] [ music | tribeca - the sun always shines on tv ] ...when there's nothing left to burn. 6 |

Aaaaaaaahw. [02 Aug 2007|08:18pm] [ mood | calm ] :) i don't need to be there to feel this loved. 1 |

a fine piece of art [31 Jul 2007|11:11pm] [ music | 1969 armstrong ] my birthday video. directed by kathy gener :) launched at my sweden love party haha! shot with love and hopes and dreams of far-away places. music of 1969 armstrong's a fine piece of art, my favorite shoegazers in sweden. :) pictures and story of sweden love next time! jag alskar dig!

spectacular, remarkable, bright and full of light! [25 Jul 2007|07:09pm] [ music | non royal tapes - away away away ] i told my mom the night before, when i wake up tomorrow, i want my birthday gift to be at the foot of my bed ok? hahaha and you know mom, in sweden, it's tradition to wake the celebrant with a breakfast tray (hint hint)! my mom said, get a boyfriend and tell all that to him! hahaha when i woke up, it was a beautiful day. i went to my bedroom stairs, and there it was, a white shiny package tied with a red ribbon. i knew what it was, weeks before. i love getting gifts in the morning. it doesn't matter what it is, or how small. the thought and the pleasant surprise of something waiting for you when you wake up... it's just priceless. i've always wanted to recieve a gift in the morning, just like christmas when we were kids. and now, after the longest time, it happened again. it was wonderful! the card said: for my our angel, happy birthday! i we love you... momi & ichan. when you flip it over, there is a quote that says: Beware of what you want for you will get it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson it gave me shivers - the powerful, cosmic, frightening ones (because you know it's true). my mom knows me more than i think she does. and i know, i know it will happen and i will get it and that i should beware. we had birthday breakfast at kopi rotti. i noticed, why is everything full of light today? everything has..a golden hue. it's almost like i'm not in the worst place in the world anymore haha. everything was just fine. kopi rotti reminded me of singapore when j and i had breakfast that zombie morning at the cafe near bugis backpackers, almost exactly the same as kopi rotti. same kind of light, same eggs, same delicious iced tea. it was a wonderful feeling, to go back to that place in time (a month ago, hehe)! anyway, we talked about old classmates (because janna garcia called me!) and my mom asked about my other k-2 friends. sabi ko hindi na sila remarkable haha. and with such lightness, i realized, wow, i did turn out ok, didn't i? i am remarkable, spectacular and bright! no matter how hard things get, or how depressing and sad it is, i still, unfailingly, stand by myself and believe in what i can do. i'm the best girl in class, the star girl! i can achieve my dreams! it's the ever-flaming (haha) light inside of me. full of light!!! and that's something to be thankful for, something to celebrate! and i realized, i love my birthday! (o self-centered lang ba ako? haha) i love celebrating with as much fun as possible because you really do have something to celebrate for - YOU'RE ALIVE! you've reached another year, and you're fine, nothing terribly bad happened to you, you didn't get into an accident, you didn't kill yourself, you still believe in your dreams, you're ALIVE! it's not about aging AT ALL, it's about LIVING! and trisha said... turning a year older means, i'm one year closer to sweden!!! isn't that just THE BEST THING EVER! :))) for the rest of the day, i read my new harry potter book, went to UP to shoot my 1969 armstrong video with kathy, ate at chocokiss, got a wonderful present from kiddie-ate kathy: set yourself on fire!!! (i'm not sorry there's nothing to SAVE pala!) bought some cakes at shoppersville, went to church, and recieved lots and lots and lots of messages from friends. i felt so loved! and this boy i like from far-away wrote me the best letter ever. :-) thank you... ( friends! lovers! ) happy birthday, angelf. i love you. PARTY ON SATURDAY! see you, swedes!!! 15 |

mantra [22 Jul 2007|06:24pm] [ music | montag - best boy electric ] TRY AND TRY UNTIL YOU FLY!!! -angelf

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