From darling collared_kitten:

* You were meant for me, perhaps as a punishment.

* When I met you, I thought about becoming a Satanist, but then I decided
that worshipping you could give you the wrong idea about our relationship.

* I know how to push all my wife's buttons...now if I could only find the
one marked OFF!

* I must admit, you brought religion in my life. I never believed in hell
until I met you.

* Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but
wonder: what the F@!% was I thinking?

* As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin
it for me.

* They say that an attractive human body is worth a million dollars. Looks
like someone robbed your ugly ass.

* When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've
broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

* I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So
here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.

* I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here.