ANTM, cycle 11 premiere [06 Sep 2008|09:41am] namedherlover ( so.. the america's next top model premiere was last wednesday. ) 2 post comment

[01 Sep 2008|05:36pm] namedherlover so i put all of my fiction pieces that i've written for workshops in college onto another blog, but i'm not sure how i feel about it. many of them are.. not good. and i'm not saying that in the modest, bullshit, i know they're good but am just being an asshole way. they are poorly constructed attempts to bring to life (what i consider to be) really (and i stress the word really) brilliant (seriously) ideas that once popped into my brain and then slowly dwindled in quality the more i tried to legitimize them. i do like a lot of the stuff, though. people in my workshops usually didn't, but a lot of people in my workshops were stupid. and not just stupid because they didn't like my stuff, but because they were actually less intelligent than me. and most dolphins. but the most pressing reason that i simply cannot support this blog i've compiled is because the heading at the top says "deep thinking." i'm not sure if that's the default header that comes with vox blogs or if i am a big enough tool to have put it there, but i can't figure out how to fucking change it. i've gone through all of the profile and blog options, and there is apparently not a way to make it say something else! so now, as if the melodramatic first person story i wrote about a mom losing her daughter to cancer (wtf, me of four semesters ago) didn't make me look like enough of an asshole, all the pieces are loosely collected under the phrase "deep thinking." but it took me a long time to put that shit up there, so whatever. i guess it's staying. but please be aware that i hate that stupid blog. i hate it. post comment

[31 Aug 2008|03:06pm] namedherlover i really like shit for children. like, really. i spend a lot of my free time with them, what with being a nanny and all. when the parents aren't psychotic and actually allow their children to watch TV, this involves a fair amount of children's television programming. now, there's some really bad fucking stuff out there for kids. caillou is my absolute least favorite tv show EVER. including adult programs, teen programs, abc family programs, ALL OF IT. caillou is hands down the most infuriating collection of colors and shapes and sounds ever broadcast in america. you know what? fuck it, i'm going to say the world, and i'm going to feel confident in that assertion. if you've never seen caillou, it's a cartoon about the most irritating child on the planet. caillou not only has a dumbass name, but he is a dumbass. there are very few children i would admit to hating, but i would crush this child's skull with my foot in a fucking second and enjoy watching him twitch and ooze brain matter onto the living room carpet because i would be left with the knowledge that at least now he'll SHUT THE FUCK UP. i would probably be okay with a life sentence in jail because murdering caillou would be THAT satisfying. i would obviously defend myself at the trial, and would sit in a cryptic silence the entire time until the closing argument when i would simply play a montage of caillou clips and then probably be, if not exonerated, at least not executed. which i would be okay with. if caillou was a real baby, i would have no qualms about punching him straight on in the mouth. no joke. so, as i was saying, i dislike a lot of children's stuff. mostly stuff they put on PBS, which is like, the place to go if you want a boring fucking child. thomas the train? bob the builder? maybe i just don't get it because i'm a girl, but whatever. i watched "shooter" yesterday with mark wahlberg of my own free will. mostly because i was severely hung over and thought some marky mark time would balance out the great depression the chemicals in my body had embarked upon, but also because i can appreciate watching people get shot in the face for two hours. but trains and construction workers can suck a dick. although, when alec baldwin was the narrator for thomas the train, i would permit it to be on in the background while i did other tasks. he has a very soothing voice. i was going to write sexy, but then the voicemail audio of him calling his daughter a pig popped into my head and though hilarious, i shouldn't condone that. although i did just transcribe my fantasy of murdering caillou. whatever. but then there's some shit that i don't necessarily dislike, i just don't understand. i will be real with you, boohbah, like the teletubbies before them, scare the hell out of me. how is that NOT terrifying!??? this is the one show that i outright refused to allow the two year old i used to nanny for to watch. he would sob and cry and beg "booooobah!" and i would say "NO!" and we would argue, but i would win because i was the only one with the motor skills/brain capacity to work the TV remote. i know i just categorized this show as one i didn't dislike, just didn't understand but after watching that intro, i retract my statement. i fucking hate this show. fuck you, PBS! although, i do have to give sesame street some credit. they come up with some jams. but a show that truly belongs in this category is yo, gabba gabba! um.. what IS this show? after thorough investigation, i have decided it can only be a social experiment. i really enjoy it. i'm excited when it comes on. elijah wood is there, i dig the color scheme, i'm totally into it. but i am legitimately concerned for the children. if these are the images that are entering the small formative brains of babies, how skewed is their perception of the world? what can they possibly be like when they're older? i don't know, and i don't think those people at nick jr. really know either, but i'm excited that we'll all find out together. see, this show baffles me because i watched some REALLY weird shit as a child. my absolute favorite show in the entire universe was zoobilee zoo. for YEARS, i was the only person i had ever encountered that had been tuning in to TLC children's programming, and was starting to convince myself that perhaps i once happened upon some LSD as a child and was simply having acid flashbacks. then, the magical youtube was invented, and now i can share with you these gems: throw in some wee sing clips, and my childhood is pretty much accounted for. i mean, i turned out okay. for the most part. but i cannot completely get behind the strangeness of yo, gabba gabba and i'm not sure why. maybe because i feel like at some point, the indie community is going to stand together and admit that this has all just been an elaborate attempt to pwn mainstream america and so they've infected all of the world's children with their shins loving, flannel shirt wearing, unnecessary facial hair having ways and we're all fuckeddddd. that, and biz markie makes me uncomfortable to watch. either/or. having said all that, i have to point out that there is a lot of really badass kids stuff out there. dora the explorer, for instance. i mean, homegirl's head is HUGE, but she works it out. she is a woman with a plan. she gets an assignment, plots that shit out on the map and gets it DONE. and then she celebrates! always with a song and dance, but sometimes she even has ice cream! but what i really like about dora is the way she doesn't shy away from any task, no matter how menial it seems or how annoying the person who needs her help is. that dumbass baby bird who kept running away from her when dora was going out of her way to carry her bitch ass all the way across the tundra of wherever the fuck it is that she resides? i would have punted that baby bird into a tree and said forget it. but not my girl dora. she'll help a baby bird find its mom, and she'll also jump into a story book to help a dinosaur and shit. the whimsical is not a deterrent. she rises to the challenge. plus, she has all this time to pop into her cousin's show and save some more jungle creatures. i want dora's life. and her surprisingly (startlingly, some might say) absent parents. i just went to look on youtube for a fun dora clip, and i saw some fucked up stuff, let me tell you. but this is really funny, especially because i already talked about alec baldwin. ANYWAY, i also thoroughly enjoy this new show on nick jr, ni hao, kai-lan. it's a show about this really cute chinese girl who has the cutest animal friends and it makes me want to burst with happiness when i see them. and this, PBS, is how you make an excellent children's show. cute girls with cute animal friends, apparently, is the winning combination to sway THIS professional babysitter. FYI, this was supposed to be about children's literature and my future career aspirations, but TV has once again trumped everything i care about. whoops. post comment

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