Trudy

Trudy's Journal

2003-10-31T20:53:51Z

I feel like a horrible person.

Right now I want to slap Cloe. She's acting like me, right around the time that Brady was born. As much as I love her and want to help her, I feel like a lot of this is an unconscious demand for attention. I want to give her hugs and kisses, but I also want to yell at her. She's stronger then this, and she's seen how people going crazy can affect people.

I think Amber and Bray are having trouble. Lex as usual, is Lex. I don't know what Ebony's up to, but I'm sure it's conniving and wicked. And I'm still lonely.

Just another day in paradise, I suppose. Right.

I just heard yelling from the roof. I'm going to go see what's going on.

Trudy's Journal

2003-10-21T06:35:26Z

So Amber and Bray are getting married.

When I heard, I felt like a knife had stabbed me in the chest. But I reminded myself yet again that Amber and Bray are meant to be, and Bray and I...well, Bray and I never got a chance, thanks to Ebony. I don't know what I'll do if they ask me to perform the ceremony, the way I did for Salene and Ryan and Tai-San and Lex. Even if I was completely crazy at the time. Tai-San and Lex...

I can't believe Lex. Tai-San is his WIFE. I have nothing against Siva - she's a nice girl, but it's like the vows he took don't mean anything to him anymore. Tai-San took an arrow in the chest - an arrow in the chest that he shot, and she forgave him. She's done so much for him, and he's abandoning her for Siva. Well, if he makes that his final decision, I'm going to have a talk with him. If he's going to end it with her, he's going to do so in some kind of ritual, otherwise the marriage meant nothing. I think that since I married them, I have the authority to speak to him on the matter.

I've been noticing the violence on the streets, but Salene's been so preoccupied with the other Mallrats that she hasn't seemed to notice. I'd bet warn her...maybe presume and talk to Siva about taking her militia out. And where's Ebony? That makes me really nervous.

Brady's been a good girl lately, especially with her little cousin Bray for company. Too bad her Mummy is so lonely.

In The Market

2003-10-03T22:54:20Z

Trudy wandered through the market, keeping an eye out for something they might eat at the feast. She was a vegetarian of course, but the others weren't, and it would be nice to have something for everyone. Maybe someone might have a chicken or a few eggs to sell, or maybe she could find something that was sweet - like real chocolate, not those horrible T-bars.

Brady was back at the mall, asleep under the watchful eye of her tribe. Trudy checked the bag she was carrying - a few M's, and some clothes she'd snagged for potential trade. She also tried to keep an ear to the wind. People were talking about Ebony's support of Salene, but few had anything to say about the Technos. Where were Java and Mega and the lot of them? Had they fled the city? And they hadn't heard from Ram in some time - maybe it wasn't Ram who'd hacked their journals at all, but someone only pretending to be him.

Not wanting to become too distracted by her own thoughts, Trudy struck a conversation with one of the market vendors and began a fierce bargaining session.

Trudy's Journal

2003-10-03T19:03:32Z

Bray is alive.

Bray is alive!

It was indescribable seeing him. My heart hit the floor. That's a good metaphor, because it also hurt. I know he's with Amber, and I know they're meant to be, but at the same time it really hurts. I love him, and I don't think I'll ever stop. I wish I could move on, but who wants to get involved with a girl with a kid? I feel like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.

Ebony has returned from wherever she ran off to as well. I don't trust her, especially since Jay has gone missing. And she wants to talk to Bray - she acts like Bray would even want to see her, after she banished him and Amber while Amber was pregnant! I wonder what's up her sleeve, but she's just so dangerous.

So far everyone seems happy with Salene as city leader, and it's doing a lot for her confidence. I think I may go out to the market and pick up some additional food. Bray's return merits a little celebration!

Trudy's Journal

2003-09-25T20:22:18Z

I feel like I'm being abandoned. Amber wants to run off to the Ecos, and I can't say I'm not tempted to go with her. But Salene needs support, and it's easier to take care of Brady here - I have to admit, having running water and electricity makes it a million times easier to take care of a baby. Speaking of which, I wonder if Amber will leave baby Bray here, or take him with her. So much is happening - Salene is now city leader, and since we can't find Dee, I'm curious to see if she'll promote Lex to Sherrif again. Hopefully Pride will come back soon, and act a lot less like Bray - he's been so moody, though I think that's only because of the game withdrawal.

Cloe's returned to us! I'm very grateful. It gives me hope that maybe we'll see others return to us...like Bray. I also miss Patsy, and it's all compiled in with the grief and guilt that comes from my time with the Chosen. The guilt's never going to go away. I have to live with that.

Ram hasn't been acting up, which makes me suspiscious. Is he planning something?

Trudy's Diary

2003-09-22T16:54:29Z

If Ram thinks he can intimidate us with his silly egomaniacal games, he's got another thing coming. A computer can't hurt me. It doesn't compare even an inch with the Chosen.

I'm not going to write more about that, because our virtual peeping Tom (peeping Ram?) might be listening and he doesn't need a direct link to my private thoughts.

_trudy_ @ 2003-09-18T06:27:00

2003-09-18T07:55:00Z

I'm going to try not to let Ebony get to me, I'm really really not. But it's frustrating, seeing her plot and plan and try to take over again. She's become a bit more obvious now, and I'm really hoping that Jay will get a handle on her. But now we all know her tricks, and she won't be able to slip past us this time so easily. Current prospects for potential leadership - Ebony supported Pride, but that's not going to work - Pride isn't invested in the city for one thing, and he's rash (cute, but rash), and he'd turn the power off and the city would turn against him and then bam! Ebony would step in. There's Amber. Amber would be a great city leader, but she wants an election and I worry that there's too much potential for it to be fixed. I bet if she just spoke up and simply gave people the choice to follow her they would. It would save so much trouble, but I suppose it's important to have democracy even if it means taking the risk. Then there's Salene - she didn't do a bad job of being city leader actually, and if given the choice I'd rather it be her or Amber.

Brady's been fussy lately - she can walk and talk a bit now, and she's getting into just everything. It's tiring keeping up with her, but sometimes I'm just scared to let her out of my sight - like someone may kidnap her again. But then again, I left her with the Ecos for all those months, so maybe it's just normal.

I have to admit, if there's one thing I envy Salene, it's Pride. No, not Pride himself - it's that she has someone. Ebony too - she has Jay, though if she doesn't stop acting like a paranoid cow about him and Amber she's going to lose him. Is it wrong of me to want to have someone? And is it wrong of me to wish for a father for Brady, a living father who will love her and play with her and take care of her? I think about the fact that she'll grow up as 'Zoot's Daughter' and it scares me. And when I'm scared, there's no one there but me.

I miss Bray. Even if we're not for each other, he gave Brady that kind of love.