there is a poisonous feel to that woman...

_tough_love_ @ 2007-08-15T14:42:00

2007-08-15T18:45:35Z

its sad that last time i updated was in june.

for my lunch today at work, i went to the park across the street and ate my lunch there.
im going to do that more often now.
this summer is wasting away, and im usually stuck in an office, with the days passing, as well as the warm weather.

by the way im pretty excited for this weekend,
or scratch that for the rest of the week
:)

_tough_love_ @ 2007-06-21T13:00:00

2007-06-21T17:01:04Z

i haven't updated in a longg ass time,
probably because im done school, and really the only time i updated was when i was bored in art.

prom is tonight,
i have never been more excited about anything, ever.
i have also come to the realization that highschool is a past thing now,
and i am also a legal adult,
i feel like i should be going off to school this september,
but im not.
i dont even know, so many thoughts are going through my head, with what im going to do after my year off.

its only one in the afternoon,
and im completely ready,
everything is done, i even cleaned the main floor and my basement
i dont know what to do.

ughhh
i feel like a little kid on christmas
(L)

_tough_love_ @ 2007-05-28T10:40:00

2007-05-28T14:49:38Z

i feel stressed and worn out,
but im so casual, and laid back when it comes to school.
don't get me wrong, i want the motivation to be there.
i have 9 more days left until our exam periods start.
9 more days of highschool,
then im most likely gone for good.
still i have yet to decide if im coming back for a semester.

lately i have felt everchanging,
i think this is a good thing?
ugh.

_tough_love_ @ 2007-05-09T11:40:00

2007-05-09T15:42:25Z

oh and kevin comes home on the 20th
sooooo excited for that too,
and listen to him pompously talk about tour,
and how he supposedly didn't sleep with anyone.

i feel like i haven't seen adam in soo long either,
(L)

_tough_love_ @ 2007-05-09T11:34:00

2007-05-09T15:39:07Z

ugh everything is going so well right now.
im actually going to my prom,
and i actually have a date
bahahah
im so excited.

im excited about finishing school,
and growing older, and accepting change, for once.
im happy with my friends and family that i have.

im happy that it's almost the summer time.
im procrastinating on getting a new job though,
and i keep spending so much money, but what else is new.
time to start seriously saving.
especially for cali again, and whatever else i need to save for.
(L)

_tough_love_ @ 2007-05-02T10:17:00

2007-05-02T14:19:49Z

anna comes home today!
on the otherhand i neeeeed to stop thinking about other things and get back on track in school
been quite the slacker lately.
even though i have been enjoying myself.
(l)

_tough_love_ @ 2007-04-30T10:11:00

2007-04-30T14:20:11Z

no one will understand this.
i just needed to get this off my chest.

sometimes i don't understand people
you were both being so ridiculous on wednesday night.
but one, i love you, and two, you're lucky im a push over.

im so mixed up in emotions, i can't stop thinking about you.
and i have a serious case of the 'what if's?'
i hate that
and you're such a slut
but i'm fixated on you.

then on the other hand,
YOU are so intelligent, and mature when it's just you and me.
but saturday night you were acting weird
probaly because i have never seen you drunk.
im still shaken up by you.
and i don't know what to do.

_tough_love_ @ 2007-04-24T09:23:00

2007-04-24T13:30:20Z

dispite the good weekend,
i miss anna sooo much.
but she's having fun, so im happy for her.

on the other hand, i am really excited about the skate for cancer fashion show dance party on wednesday.
aswell as the great weather spring is giving us, and to buy new boots, even though it's summer.

plus brand new is on the 17th!
its coming so fast.
this summer feels like it is going to be amazing.

i want to see more of certain people.
but i'll let them know and make the initiative to make plans

hmm

2007-04-18T14:18:15Z

things have slowly began to look up again,
although i have some pretty important descisions to make in the coming months.
but i am actually taking the time to work things out,
i just need to get through math some way or another.
i went and made a guidance appointment,and had it yesterday.
realized i don't need to go to cawthra next year.
if i don't i will still take the year off and workworkwork.
and if i do end up going to cawthra, it will only be for a part time student for one semester.
cawthra will be the smarter choice, but i am still contemplating the other option.
only because i am scared i will get fed up with still being in school, and blowing it.

i have my motivation back for my art class, as well as my fashion course.
im trying to spend less, so i can save more.
today was the first day in a while that i wanted to get up, and want to be in school, maybe because i dont have math
ahahah
i dont know, but i have a smile on my face.

_tough_love_ @ 2007-04-08T23:36:00

2007-04-09T03:38:26Z

i cant concentrate on any of my work,
i keep thinking about how you're leaving me for a while.
im so jealous of how you are just picking up and leaving.
i wish i could do about the same

_tough_love_ @ 2007-04-04T19:14:00

2007-04-04T23:16:02Z

i feel like my life is a song, and it is constantly on repeat,
i want something big and exciting to happen.
im tired of the same old shit day in and day out.

_tough_love_ @ 2007-03-21T09:26:00

2007-03-21T14:28:10Z

i need to get out of this rut of a mood,
seriously,
this isnt like me.
i think the problem is that something is bothering me and i cant for the life of me figure it out.

_tough_love_ @ 2007-03-21T00:15:00

2007-03-21T04:17:20Z

such an awkward night
why can't things just go back to how they were in the summer?
i had so much fun being around him tonight,
because i missed him so much,
he has this way of like manipulating me, and somehow i end up wrapped around his finger.
cooool.

_tough_love_ @ 2007-03-17T00:53:00

2007-03-17T04:59:54Z

i wish that everyone was born with separate friends,
their own clothes, and belongings,
i wish that money was never invented,
imagine.

i wish that there were no fights, no drama, no immaturity.
and for once,
i actually wish i went up north with my family this march break
like i actually feel like shit for the first time in a while.
i dont want to go to work tomorrow,
actually, i wish that i could disappear for a couple of days, somewhere warm, with my mom, so we can drink our lives away
ahahah
:/

_tough_love_ @ 2007-03-05T20:49:00

2007-03-06T01:50:57Z

i seriously cant even deal with anyone right now
or the past couple of days in general.

_tough_love_ @ 2007-03-02T09:54:00

2007-03-02T15:01:43Z

im so overly happy about my life.
and how 90% of the time im a happy,enthusiastic, and positive person.
the past couple of days i have realized how so many people put on this fake positive character, but then you tell you or post sometime the complete and utter opposite.
that may have sounded completely cocky,
but i don't mean for it to sound that way.
im happy with my life, why not boast about it,
it's not like im talking about how much i love myself, and how i look.
because really im not like that.

someone send me more music!
this weekend, and next week is going to be very quiet, im staying in and doing homework,
the most expensive plans i have is taking public transportation
ahahahah
oh well,
im sure our march break will make up for it.

im just hoping i can convince my mom into letting me spend some of the money i have been saving up.

_tough_love_ @ 2007-02-28T10:46:00

2007-02-28T15:55:29Z

haven't really updated lately.
quick re-cap over the past week or so
jack's mannequin was last sunday
absolutely AMAZING
so many sexy pictures.
i haven't really done anything through out the week recently, only because im saving my money for march break
so ive stayed in a done homework, and just partied on weekends.
the past weekend i partied at a motel with liferuiner
ahahahaha
goodone
still getting mad fun of for the mistake i made.
its sad when i feel like the 2 people i care about the most, don't believe me what i say.
im in a weird mood today, not a bad mood.
just not the right one, not my usual mood.
people make mistakes, i just tend to make more.
just please everyone fuck off about the whole situation.
yes, i sound like a hypocrite, but nowadays who isn't?

sometimes i cant deal with people,
like i can't wrap my head around what the hell they are thinking or doing,
im sure thats the same with everyone else, but fuck, i dont even know what else to say.

i don't get why i try to help everyone, maybe my mom is right, i can't try to fix everything with everyone.
i guess it just makes me feel needed?

you know what, fuck this mood, fuck this school, i have so many good things to expect in the next few months.

_tough_love_ @ 2007-02-19T21:25:00

2007-02-20T02:28:10Z

i was thinking last night, while i was holding you up in the crowd like a good bf
you're the only one for me
i just guess i dont say it enough

funny thing is, im not even talking about a boy im obsessed over.
♥

_tough_love_ @ 2007-02-15T15:57:00

2007-02-15T20:58:28Z

i've never been happier
and im still single
this is a first,
i've been such a posi lately
♥

_tough_love_ @ 2007-02-08T09:57:00

2007-02-08T15:00:03Z

sometimes i hate when i keep my feelings locked up inside.
but i just dont have the guts to spill out my heart like most people.
sorry.

i wish i could let out my creativity
♥

_tough_love_ @ 2007-02-06T10:37:00

2007-02-06T15:44:28Z

this week,
im not doing much of anything,
for the most part i want to go to work, spend time with the fam, and finish up all my unfinished homework.
i also want to start thinking of ideas for some of my art projects coming up.
and doing some rough work.
and i want to get some sleep, and maybe eat properly this week too.

im tired of being the person in my art class always handing in things late,
and hardly being satisfied with my work.
im going to start thinking on a more simplistic level from now on.
and get my shit done.

oh goodone on getting my english mark lowered from an 88, to a 67.
stoked on that
:/

time to 'pull up my socks'

_tough_love_ @ 2007-02-02T12:47:00

2007-02-02T17:47:09Z

in in that point in my life where i love everything im doing.
i love everything thats happening around me,
and i love where i am heading.
lately i haven't even been partying that much

but the other day i went to london to go and visit jill,
so anna, katie, andrew, caitlin, and i
all headed out for a roadtrip.
yes we got on eachothers nerves,
but that's natural for a roadtrip.
ahahah even if its only a 2 hour drive.

i can't wait for march break,
i cant wait for anna, andrew and i finally complete our dream.
i can't wait to furnish and design our sexy aae 'club'

for once in my life...
i cant wait to grow up.

we're young and have so much going for us,
and we're finally realizing this now.

ps, jack's mannequin sooon!

'As soon as you realize you're only one of the 6,528,089,562 people who walk on this earth, you'll see that the way you treat other people does matter, because you're a nobody.'

_tough_love_ @ 2007-01-26T10:03:00

2007-01-26T15:10:12Z

i dont even know what to do anymore
i dont even know what decision to make,
it shouldn't even be like this
i shouldn't have to make a decision like this

i don't like how im stuck in the center of this battle field

i feel soo sick to my stomach,
i just want to have a quiet weekend,
one where i just lay in bed all weekend,
and have no one or no problems to deal with
but unfortunatley i made plans for almost every minute of this weekend,
sweet
:/

i think my cold is catching up with me, again

_tough_love_ @ 2007-01-22T10:13:00

2007-01-22T15:14:31Z

no one is ever happy with what they get anymore
you wish wish wish so hard,
and then you get what you want.
and then you just wish for it to go away, or for something different.
we're all so greedy.

_tough_love_ @ 2007-01-10T10:06:00

2007-01-10T15:15:20Z

i feel so refreshed today.
i really feel like going home tonight,
making some green tea,
having a nice dinner,
and read my book or magazine.

to have my mother tell me that she's proud of the way i have changed,
means so much.
honestly, my life is slowly coming together,
i feel like a better person now
even though if you asked me,
i really couldn't tell you how i've actually changed.
i just feel better, healthier, more alive
and to me thats all that matters.

I clearly suck at completing 'To Do Lists'
:/

To do list:
* actually start/finish my inspiration work for my sketchbook
* start/finish questions for 'The Killers'
* start/finish questions for 'Nevada Gas'
* think of a presentation idea for fashion (check)
* wash bed sheets
* clean the furniture in my room
* try to make plans with anna, i need to see her sooon <3 (check)
* buy both my sisters birthday presents (check)
* scan the ridiculous pictures me and andrew took in the photo booth
* update the pictures on my computer, and reorganize them again (half done, they're uploaded, but not organized)