Friends

Dear Friends,
I've been watching Quantum Leap way too much. And now I keep wondering why cant I just leap back into parts of MY OWN LIFE and fix problems I caused. Stuff I didnt know. Mistakes made that changed my life forever.

There are so many. I do regret a lot. I regret not behaving right, saying the right thing, or making the right choice. Things that changed my life minor ones big ones small ones.

Some in recent years I would love to change include:
1. Moving 3 years ago to AZ. While it was a great time a year there it wasnt the best choice. We loved TN and still have so much there we loved. If we had stayed or moved to another apt in the area things could have changed looked up and been better. So much would be different had we have stayed.
2. 7 years ago just told Matthew I liked him. Acted different, had sugar so I could be more open. Held his hand even if he wasnt holding mine. Leaned on him in the movies. It was the most horrible thing to like this guy so much that I could scream but not act on a single thing I both desired and longed for.
3. Interned while I was in college. Maybe my life experiences would be better if I had just interned one time and I could be working at a paper instead of not working at all. Now I have nothing to work for.

Some things I dont regret but sometimes I wonder if they had been different would have them turend out that way. I was a shy kid and shy teen, so unsure of myself. I wasnt skinny and I didnt like myself a lot. But I tried to be brave and do many things that scared me badly to the core.

One more thing was from last year well two things:
1. At the BS at LL when my boss told me to smile I should have looked at her and said "Sorry I was day dreaming" and laughed and smiled really big. Instead of giving her a weird look and then smiling because she got in my daydream land before I went on the floor.
I cant really change the other thing she had against me because I am unsure how I would have done differently.
2. At Brick or Treat if I was there and didnt stay at the BS (if I fixed above maybe be different). I would have smiled even more, worren my stupid hat all the time, made sure I got my glow sticks, and fixed the number of other things they claimed I did wrong.

Too bad time machines are fantasy. And Quantum Leap is just a show. My life is a big mess I really wish I could fix the past so my present wasnt such a mess :(

Silver haired ladies
A jiggle from the behind
Another jiggle from the front
Hairy faces with tongues wagging

Bicycles, skates, tennis shoes
determined and casual
Some smiling

Get me outta this hell hole
of spring time goodness.
I'm in a dark mood.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.