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Wednesday
July 15th, at 4:06am
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mood |
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inanimate |
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music |
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Joshua Radin - Sky |
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If you google "amplifiedmouse" you get a lot of studies. But my songmeanings profile is first.
Not sure why.
I wanted to copy this in my LJ so that google will catch it & my lj, in theory, should be first.
A highly amplified mouse gene is homologous to the human interferon-responsive Sp100 gene encoding an autoantigen associated with nuclear dots.
I'm also very sad.
I listened to The Ataris for some reason tonight.
Oh, that's right. I remember why now. I'm not gonna say online, though.
Anyway, it just made me sad. It brought back a lot of memories of driving in my Grand Am. Then when I go to "So Long, Astoria", it reminded me of 2003 when life suuuuucked. But, goddamn, I sometimes feel that that may be catching back up to me.
Not sure what that means. I've really neglected Livejournal in favor of twitter. I'm sorry, LJ.
Since I started my new job I haven't been sleeping well at all. Last week I tried to start going to bed earlier but I would just lay there & think about asinine crap for about two hours.
I thought it was just because I was nervous about my first week. I did my usual routine on the weekend where I would stay up until my eyes felt like they were going to fall out. Sunday fucking sucked the most majority of ass because James, our old roommate, texted Sam telling her that Oscar, the awesome sauce kitty we used to live with got hit by a car & the MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE VET WANTED TO CHARGE 5000 FUCKING GODDAMN DOLLARS TO SAVE A FUCKING ANIMALS LIFE. Fucking asshole for deciding at some point in his life that money is obviously more important than saving someone's pet. I hope he sees his kid get hit by a car at some point down the road &, hopefully, he won't have the money to save him.
Yes, I just wished death on that guy's son. I don't care. I'm so over most people at this point.
FUCK!
Goddammit that pisses me off to no fucking end.
What I was getting at is that I'm not sleeping well at all anymore. I stayed up until 6 that night crying off & on thinking about how unfair life generally is for most people. Sam, who sits down & plays sudoku for a good portion of her day, makes more money than I do. I stand on my feet literally all day & move around.
How does this make any sense? I've become so much more cynical since moving to Portland. I don't really care about much of anything anymore. Not outside of a small circle. We haven't really made any friends out here. There are some people that I sometimes talk to. (Maddi, Bri...uh, coworkers) But, really, that's about it. My new job is somewhat cool. There's a lot more cleaning than I'm used to. Which I don't really understand. I feel like it's just being wasteful at some point. Cleaning already clean water bowls? Okay. Whatever. I'm somewhat afraid to bring stuff up at work, too. Like, they let 9 gallons of water sit out over night to remove chlorine. But it seems they're under the impression that it also removes chloramines, as well. Sorry to say, but it does not. I can't find the facts on that right now, but, then again, I didn't look that hard. Also, guys, who the hell uses the genus Pantherophis for corn snakes insted of Elaphe? Seriously? Are you guys that big of herp snobs that you're using a random Latin name for a fucking corn snake?
It's 55 degrees outside. The windows are open.
I don't think Sam is happy with me. But that's not a topic for a public forum. I love her, though. I hope she feels that way about me, too. If I'm this upset now, I don't know what I would do if anything happened. She pretty much is the only thing that keeps me going.
I wanted to go to sleep at 2 AM. I made that decision at 1:40 AM. It's not 4:40 in the morning. I have to be up in 4.5 hours. Awesome.
I've also just noticed that I've been rocking back & forth in my chair while writing this & have no intentions of stopping anytime soon.
I found a little notebook in our bedroom. I think I'm going to start keeping random ideas & thoughts in it for later.
Dunno why. Just seems like a good idea. Man, that first one is really depressing.
I miss having a capo. I miss having a decent guitar. I miss having an amp. I miss having an acoustic guitar. I miss playing music endless for hours on end. Truly one of the ideal pastimes for me. I could be alone for hours & be perfectly content not even creating anything, but just having a guitar in my hands. Everything I have made, no one has heard with the exception of one song a very, very long time ago that no one will ever hear again. Why? Because I don't remember it. I remember the chords, but that's about it.
I'm going to play my cheap, used Ibanez that's very cumbersome to play due to the weight of the headstock...
..without an amp.
/wave
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Monday
July 13th, at 11:04am
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mood |
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 working |
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music |
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nirvana, ked. |
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so I got blackout drunk in rockland and walked by brian's house. LOL.
oh god. fml. um. saw josh. he ignored me. that's cool. haha.
ermm. idk. life's grand. watching a lot of documentaries and driving around in my little neon. haha.
love itttt.
idk. brüno was hilarious. um. chea!
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Tuesday
July 7th, at 9:08am
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mood |
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 angry |
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I hate our government. so glad I'm a vegan. so glad I'm giving up television and radio. so glad I'm going to live in europe. so glad I'm aware of all the bullshit I've been so blind to believe.
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Monday
July 6th, at 9:18am
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mood |
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working |
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I spent 3 hours cleaning outmy entire attic. and it's completely empty now. oh my god. ridiculous. but I love cleaning now. it's like, my new therapy. hah!
idk. things are okay. my dad's being kind of a cockbag, but I'm over it. I miss john ]: blahhh.
I want to gi platinum, but I really can't afford it. hah.
well. more later I suppose.
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Friday
July 3rd, at 12:36am
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the spill canvas track 10.
I feel it.
im really messed up but I tadte fruit.
laugher happenned even without you. you're what makes mt internal clock tick.
cops. I thought we were caught. but iLm saf. I promise, I'm okay.
listen, you were worth it alll. time I can deal wiht
pause.
okay. I put my ipod one. I feel like kenny. its all over you, we used to dane all over to this meoldy.
I understand it now, everything. the truth, all of it.
you makes sense. sooooo curious.
it's healthy. I should stop because my gts are pouring out my mouth into my fi ngertips. vibrationssss
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