Title: Worst Case Scenario
Genre: Humour, crack
Characters: Ten2/Rose
Length: ~550 words
Summary: In which Rose becomes a vampire.
Author’s note: ENJOY, FRANCES. Happy belated birthday and I hope your day stopped sucking.
“A vampire?” squeaked the Doctor.
“Yeah,” said Rose, shrugging casually as she wiped a trickle of blood from her lip. “Bit weird.” She sucked the blood off her thumb. “There’s that lesson learned, then. Don’t talk to blokes in bars who keep doing weird shit with their eyes.”
For a moment the Doctor was speechless, looking from Rose to the corpse in the corner and back again, his face getting paler and paler as time went on. It was a bit pathetic, she thought. Anyone would think he’d gone nine-hundred years without finding a body at his newly-vampiric wife’s feet before.
When another minute ticked by and he looked closer to passing out than speaking, Rose heaved a sigh. “I’ll clean it up!” she said, exasperated. She looked down at the floor. “This carpet’s rubbish anyway.”
The Doctor’s mouth moved for several seconds before he managed to make a sound. “You... you killed someone, Rose,” he said gravely.
“I was hungry!” She shrugged again. “Anyway, if it makes you feel better, he wasn’t a very good bloke. “ She lowered her voice to a stage whisper and added, “Didn’t pay his taxes.”
The Doctor gaped at her.
“So what d’you think?” she pressed on. “I know you’re sort of over the whole ‘being immortal’ thing, but I am now, too, so you wouldn’t have to worry about the whole ‘wither and die’ bit. It’s not all bad, you know. You get an attack crow. I keep mine outside -- he was making the bathroom all foggy. Anyway, I was thinking I could go back to school. I never did get my A levels...”
The Doctor was still staring at her open-mouthed. “You want me to be a vampire with you,” he said. Rose nodded impatiently; she thought she’d made herself very clear. “You want me to kill people.”
He looked like he might faint again -- or burst into tears -- and Rose felt a tiny twinge of sympathy in her cold dead heart. So she took pity on him. “We can take it easy, if you like,” she reasoned. “Vampire vigilantes, eating only murderers and sex offenders and people who don’t return library books. You know, a code. Like on Dexter.”
The Doctor wobbled on his feet. Rose used her newfound speed and strength to usher him around the body and push him gently onto the bed before his knees gave out.
“Alright, alright, Mr Moral Compass,” she conceded, raising her palms in surrender. “You can live off bunnies if you want, though if you ask me that’s worse than planning to live off vegan hot-dogs, and frankly the taste is rubbish so you’re going to have brush your teeth afterwards if you want a snog.”
The Doctor stared at her in stunned silence for precisely another thirty seconds, then burst into tears and buried his face in his hands.
“Oh, cheer up,” she said, “it could be worse! It’s not like I went and died on an alien planet or anything.”
The Doctor sobbed louder. With a long-suffering sigh, Rose sat next to him on the bed and put her arm around his shoulders. Well, this wasn’t quite the reaction she’d been hoping for.
Maybe she ought to go find the cute bloke she’d seen outside the high school.
Genre: Humour, crack
Characters: Ten2/Rose
Length: ~550 words
Summary: In which Rose becomes a vampire.
Author’s note: ENJOY, FRANCES. Happy belated birthday and I hope your day stopped sucking.
“A vampire?” squeaked the Doctor.
“Yeah,” said Rose, shrugging casually as she wiped a trickle of blood from her lip. “Bit weird.” She sucked the blood off her thumb. “There’s that lesson learned, then. Don’t talk to blokes in bars who keep doing weird shit with their eyes.”
For a moment the Doctor was speechless, looking from Rose to the corpse in the corner and back again, his face getting paler and paler as time went on. It was a bit pathetic, she thought. Anyone would think he’d gone nine-hundred years without finding a body at his newly-vampiric wife’s feet before.
When another minute ticked by and he looked closer to passing out than speaking, Rose heaved a sigh. “I’ll clean it up!” she said, exasperated. She looked down at the floor. “This carpet’s rubbish anyway.”
The Doctor’s mouth moved for several seconds before he managed to make a sound. “You... you killed someone, Rose,” he said gravely.
“I was hungry!” She shrugged again. “Anyway, if it makes you feel better, he wasn’t a very good bloke. “ She lowered her voice to a stage whisper and added, “Didn’t pay his taxes.”
The Doctor gaped at her.
“So what d’you think?” she pressed on. “I know you’re sort of over the whole ‘being immortal’ thing, but I am now, too, so you wouldn’t have to worry about the whole ‘wither and die’ bit. It’s not all bad, you know. You get an attack crow. I keep mine outside -- he was making the bathroom all foggy. Anyway, I was thinking I could go back to school. I never did get my A levels...”
The Doctor was still staring at her open-mouthed. “You want me to be a vampire with you,” he said. Rose nodded impatiently; she thought she’d made herself very clear. “You want me to kill people.”
He looked like he might faint again -- or burst into tears -- and Rose felt a tiny twinge of sympathy in her cold dead heart. So she took pity on him. “We can take it easy, if you like,” she reasoned. “Vampire vigilantes, eating only murderers and sex offenders and people who don’t return library books. You know, a code. Like on Dexter.”
The Doctor wobbled on his feet. Rose used her newfound speed and strength to usher him around the body and push him gently onto the bed before his knees gave out.
“Alright, alright, Mr Moral Compass,” she conceded, raising her palms in surrender. “You can live off bunnies if you want, though if you ask me that’s worse than planning to live off vegan hot-dogs, and frankly the taste is rubbish so you’re going to have brush your teeth afterwards if you want a snog.”
The Doctor stared at her in stunned silence for precisely another thirty seconds, then burst into tears and buried his face in his hands.
“Oh, cheer up,” she said, “it could be worse! It’s not like I went and died on an alien planet or anything.”
The Doctor sobbed louder. With a long-suffering sigh, Rose sat next to him on the bed and put her arm around his shoulders. Well, this wasn’t quite the reaction she’d been hoping for.
Maybe she ought to go find the cute bloke she’d seen outside the high school.
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