Alicia

WOW, so how about me and michael aren't even together any more i should come on here more often lol... all is well... i'm starting to live life without him and it's actually fun. YEAH I KNOW. lol the boy i did nothing but day dream about when iwasn't around him. lol

Well gotta go ttyl byes

Hey so i'm sorry i don't ever get on here. I'm in Texarkana,Texas. It's been fun i go home tomorrow morning. We are all getting up to go to breakfast tomorrow morning. SO...

Michael Scheid and i are doing well and i'm excited to get him back from tommy, he his family and tommy went on a cruise, and i'm flying back tomorrow. SO we are supposed to be getting home around the same time!!!! I'm super happy.

I've spent WAY to much money on this trip... BLAH... anyway well i guess i'm going to go i have a little bit of packing to do.

Love ya,
Alicia

I know it's been a while but...

OK... so night before last(Thursday) my sister got a call from one of her best friends asking if she wanted to buy some Staind tickets for last night(Friday) she said she couldn't go b/c of not having money/gas... so i was standing there and she asked if me and Michael would like to go so i was like damn-it i'm suppose to work but i was like well hold on i'll see what i can do... so i called Michael to see if he wanted to go and he was playing hard to get with me saying well i don't know blah blah blah so he then said yes... so i immedately went up to work to see if i could get someone to work for me or switch... so i was like ok that's cool. Shannon said she would. I love her dearly, i sure am going to miss her when she leaves :o( ...

Yesterday i got up at 6:30 and got ready to go to work with Michael and my dad. So i went and picked up Michael then we went to where we were suppose to be working NOBODY was there and Michael forgot his keys to the trailer so we had to wait for Todd and Richard. They got there about 10/15 mins after us... so we all started to work on what dad told us to ... i went to pick up our tickets in biloxi and went back to finish... that was fun ... not... so then around 12:23 or so Michael and i left.

We went to the bank and then went to his house then i came home we took showers and then i went back over there and we went to eat and headed out to go to Pensacola. It was a blast. I love it down there... and i was the person that got to be with him the first time he step foot in Florida... i was so happy! anyway so we kinda drove around trying to find a mall that we didn't find... lol but then around 6 we went back to the civic center... and might i say it's HUGE... their civic center is the size of our coliseum.

The concert was AMAZING... we saw this local band first, HURT, Three Days Grace, and of course Staind...OH and the lizard man was there too. We had a really good time.haha there was a lot of peple smoking weed around us and it was strong too... if they had sat any more closer we difinitely would have gotten a contact buzz. And there was this really big girl in front of us that kept getting on our nerves but like he said "at least she had a good time" We got matching t-shirts and the hurt cd.

The only part i didn't have fun on was driving back home b/c i was literally starting to fall asleep driving... but i didn't want to wake michael up b/c he was really tired too so i just made mayself stay awake . I did it... i don't know how i guess my pray to get us home safely worked,eh?

I walked in the door dad asked if was going to give him a kiss so i did and went straight to bed... i was so tired.

I woke up this morning with a little headache... probably from No dinner and just not enough sleep. Oh well it'll hopefully go away,soon?

Today Michael and i are supposed to be going to Donnie and Lisa's for Ferrals birthday party for a little while until i have to come home to go to work... BLAH... anyway yeah so i should get out of there early b/c i'm in the dough room... Then we'll see what happens i'm going to see if everybody wants to come to my house to chill tonight... b/c well yeah my mom is complaining that nobody comes over here to hang out and especially Micahael. So we'll see...

Well gunna go. later

Alicia

P.S. i'm just going to start calling him Michael most of the time b/c having to go back in forth with the parents it starting to get aggravating. later

My Aunt Brenda passed away Thursday morning. This is what happened on Wednesday... and Thursday.

Well my family had a meeting at my Aunt Wanda's house, the siblings and my grandparents, to discuss if they wanted to take the respirator off or not. If they took it off there was a chance of her to breath on her own.

They decided to go ahead and take it off. Around 10:35 yesterday morning my Aunt Brenda passed away. She took her last breath then, it was a small one but it was hers. We all went to my Grandma's house to eat and gather. It was nice for all of us to be able to be together after something like this. We are all hurt and upset. But we know she went home to Heaven... and now she is an Angel and watching over us. I just know it.

We do not know when the funeral will be but the wake will probably be on Monday. I don't know. Well i have to go. I have to take the kids to school.

Alicia

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYBODY...



MY DEAR SISTER- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!



LOVE, ALICIA

Don't you hate when you feel like your all alone? I felt that way on Friday. THis weekend was long...

Today i woke up and watched The Price is Right with my mom. There was this chick on it that was so funny... just because she was so well i don't know how to describe it... however it was funny.

I hate when one thing starts going better/good then another goes wrong. I feel so naked... i don't want to get into it... but i don't like this feeling. I feel like i don't have control over it.

Why did that happen? Why was i so stupid. Why am i still so stupid. I feel like i've had everything that ever meant anything to me torn away from me... b/c of that one thing. It was not even my fault but... you should have known better.

I hate guys... not really but why does it always happen like that... only this time it's different. I don't like it...

I think i have security problems... I wasn't like this before i met you; however, what happened?

UGH... i need to stop beating myself up. I hate when i get this way especially when i did everything in my power to stop what was happening... I think i'm more upset because someone else i know wouldn't have done this to me...

Today- i worked from 12-close on the floor(as a waitress) I"m tired... i got some money and i needed it so i could go ahead and pay most of what i owe mom and dad for my bills this month.

I hate when i beat myself up... I HATE IT... damn you... DAMN YOU... FUCK YOU.
You better be happy i care enough about you not to tell certain people and get you fucked up

I'm going to bed... goodnight

I think i just realized that i have no life anymore. While most of my friends are in school/working/not in mississippi anymore... i am at home sitting on my ass writing in my xanga, livejournal or myspace... i find i have no life anymore...

Talked to my love the other night it was nice. I love him... i miss him a lot.

That is all The end

Ok hoes...

If you are 18 or older... you must take off of work, drop whatever your doing around 7:30 on Saturday Jan. 21... Go to Majic Moments, in Pascagula, to see Kiss the Cop... kick ass. Doors open at 8 for more information on this go to www.kissthecop.com or www.myspace.com/kissthecop

Don't make an excuse of "I don't have a ride" we will give you a ride or make sure you have transportation...

Alright Bitches... better see you there... or at least hear from you.

Later~Alicia

So guess what... my sister is pregnant again... haha with her THIRD child... yes Myranda lol she is 16 weeks and 4 days along... meaning... she'll be DUE in JUNE... haha well gotta go

~Alicia

The Girls(Christena,Steph.,Shannon, and me)

ME... like my big but haha whatever

Wow... it's been a while. I'm sorry guys. I don't remember if i got to tell you guys i got trashed on Thursday... it will be a while before that happens again. I had the WORST hang-over anybody could ever have. It last all day on Friday... literally all day... and into that night until i went to bed. I woke up Saturday feeling 10x better. I worked all day Saturday. I did get a new hott shirt on Saturday morning though for the party i went to. I got off of work early. I came home and took a shower got ready for the party and talked to my family for a little while. I then went to Brad and Shanna's, where the party was. It was fun. I have lots of great pictures i'll have to get on the computer and show you guys. I love them. Anyway well i stayed the night at Brad and Shanna's... I came home a hour after i woke up... we played games and ate... i got into a fight with my mom cried...

I did talk to to Tim on New Year's right after Midnight. It was nice. I love him, i miss him, his voice=great.

Tomorrow... i have to get up go to the bank, and put my check in the bank towards my car! Almost there guys... almost there. So then i have to go to work... BLAH... I am going to the movie and dinner with Mike Brown tomorrow night! I'm so excited... i miss him and i love him to death. I need to talk to him too... I need to have a heart to heart with someone and he's the only one here i can have a heart to heart that understands. Well i am going to bed... tomorrow=long day. BLAH

Love u guys- Alicia

I just fucked myself up royally. Damn-it... someone just kill me... i hate this shit... i never... well nevermind... GOSH... when everything starts to get back on track and then something totally screws me up again. DAMN IT...

Asher and i are going to hang out sometimes while he's home. I'm excited... yet nervous. I don't want to break down. Saw megan at the show on Saturday night... she told me i was a sweet girl and not to think about Tim... i try not to... but it's hard when your in love for the first time.
Well good night...

Alicia

Today was ok up until i got to work... i had to change the floor plan about 5 times... that pisses me off it turned out working out for everybody. Then i have stupid people that are pissing me off asking stupid questions, then some people that work with me that are clueless to what they are doing. BLAH and well yeah it's crazy... it was horrible i was about to blow up and it was just all the little things ya know... so i left well i knew there was no way in hell that i was going to be able to get across the road to get to the interstate so i went all the way down by Academy, for those of you that live down here, then turned around then went BACK down so i'm in the right lane well then the right lane becomes the middle lane b/c there is a turning lane well i'm like ok... well there is this car coming in on top of me from the left and they looked at me like i was stupid because i was going straight and THEY needed to get over... so i get on the interstate and passed them b/c they pissed me off so then i have stupid ass people in front of me all the way to Sicily's... so i'm really mad at this point... i walked in the back door to get my pay check well Brad said that everybody just moved out of the way when i walked in b/c they saw i was pissed and i told brad "i'm getting my pay check ok?" he said "ok" b/c that's a normal thing on the friday we get paid only it's usually in a more giddy tone ya know... well anyway so i got it and told him i might be a few minutes late b/c i needed to go to the bank he said that was fine well i got to the bank came home changed got on here to see if i had anybody wrote me, and of course they didn't... Then went to work... i litterally clocked in 1 minute until 4... then i got into a better mood... then i just got tired... haha it was a good night for the most part... Brad said he thought it was awesome how i came in so pissed and left so hyper and in a great mood.

So i left Sicily's. Christena and i went to 3 or 4 different gas stations trying to find some gas for me to bring her home, but they were all closed except for 1 and it was out of unleaded... well i was like wait i'll just go to my house and get some that i think my dad has... so i came home... and i'm like ok here we go... well i put it in the car well the car is acting really weird as i bring Christena home... so i called my dad b/c it started to scare me... i told him what i did he said "wait was that the gas by my trailer?" I said yes... he said "oh no, that's deisel" i replied"oh that's good" he said Well at least it wasn't unleaded into a deisel truck i said why is that he said oh well the car would have blown up by now... i was like oh that's really good i'm glad i'm still alive. So i got home and he helped me fix the problem... yeah my day was ok... overall

Oh yes, Stephanie brought us our Christmas presents it rocks... i'm so happy. I love her... just what to get her is the question... lol Oh yes... another thing that made tonight great was i noticed that last night was the last night i had to work with Josh EVER!!! Oh, Roger is coming back too... lol he's excited... i am too but NO I DO NOT LIKE ROGER, STEPHANIE and BRAD...

Well guys i'm going to go b/c i'm tired... good night... sleep tight!

Tomorrow: GO SHOPPING!!!!!!

~Alicia

JMAC SAID I MUST upday tonight... so i am...


WTF... i'm so stupid. I wish sometimes that i would die.

I went to work tonight... i was draggin so bad. I trained Abby on the register tonight... she's good. I talked to Kahla on my break! I miss her very much so. Carl came in to see Stephanie... i saw him first i ran up to him and he picked me up and gave me a huge hug... and told me he missed us... i asked him what happened to our date he said Katrina took me away from him... haha it's our inside joke... i miss carl was the best dishwasher we had... i really miss him he always got me wet lol you stop thinking dirty... he was a dishwasher... he'd hug me when i was upset or mad and i'd get wet b/c he was wet from the water DUH... gosh you kids these days... Nancy came in tonight too... i miss her... Rhonda still hasn't had the baby i thought she did but she hasn't yet... hopefully soon! I saw Brent and Jmac and yeah a lot of people i haven't seen in a while...

Some of the flipp'n high schoolers that i work with are f'n aggravating. I can't stand some of them... gah.

I feel so lost... so out of place... so not me... I can't say why... just can't but i just don't feel like me anymore.

Mike Brown gave me another Mike Brown hug today... that helped me a lot... Keith made me smile today also. He said he missed me this weekend! That made me smile! Keith and i were dancing by the front doors today to a song... i miss dancing i want to dance...

I'm really tired. I'm actually kind of hungry.

I have to buy everybody their christmas gifts still... man i forgot that i have a sister gift to by for too... darn it... oh well... I think i might send Suzie something too just because i miss her and Keith... probably a picture of me in a picture frame... That just made me think of something... not going to say though...

I'm trying to hard... i really am... it's not easy... i hate how every night i go to sleep really upset and when i wake up i'm pretty much ok then go to sleep upset and the same thing every day/night. IT FUCKING SUCKS...

Well i'm going to go finish some stuff... later

~Alicia

Me and Brian,Senior night

Ronnie, me and Walter... senior night

Robbie and me... best friends forever

Me and Cerria at Chuck E Cheese

Me and Fr. Louie Senior mass

Me at Grandma's house before biloxi's prom '05

My daddy and me senior night

Me in the bathroom of Catfish Charles Prom '04 w/ Christian!

Heart racing double time,
Mind soaring far away,
Tears rollin down the face,
Mouth saying I love you,
Ears hearing I don't want you anymore,
Body numbing from the arms down
Head aching from crying,
Hands holding each other for comfort and showing a sign of not wanting to let go,
Eyes watering and gazing into the others,
Words hard to come out,
The 3 words are easy and hard to say at the same time,
Feelings are different but some the same,
Heart aching and pounding at the same time,
Mind going 90 to nothing thinking of the first time we met,
Some Friends telling you it's not worth crying,
Others holding you tight knowing it hurts so bad,
Looking at the place we used to kiss at work,
Seeing it so different now,
So emotional just to be there,
Having so many worry about you while your not worried about yourself,
You not worrying about yourself but i am worried about you,
Not knowing what the future holds,
I hope it's us together for at least a little longer,
I feel like i can't live without you,
Nobody can say i felt like this with them,
I never have loved anybody like you,
Never will you fade in this heart of mine,
So I'll dry your tears with my hand,
I will hold you tight,
Never leave your side,
These three words "I love you" will always be here for you,
Never will anybody take your place,
You are my love and has always been since the day i first saw you.

Tonight was really hard. I was so upset. I bought a pack of cigarettes... i didn't like them... figured i would give them to someone... who wants them? Shanna and Brad are really worried about me... everybody was trying to cheer me up at work tonight... Shanna said that i'm what sets the happy bar... so when i'm upset then they don't know how to react b/c i'm the one always happy and full of energy.... to make sure everybody else is happy and having fun and all that jazz. Chad was being really nice tonight... he kept trying to get me to laugh it wasn't working anytime anybody would try to make me laugh i would just want to cry instead... then i talk to shanna and i started to feel better... I'm super happy Josh didn't work tonight or it would have been over... i would have litterally knocked him out if i wouldn't go to jail b/c i'm 18...

I called someone tonight... he made me feel a lot better... i hope everything works out... he's nice... i like him.

I miss Amanda and Jason... i really want to see them... but like Ashley said i "work to much"... but that's what you do when you have nothing else better to do so why not save your money to get a car? Speaking of which i am going to pick up a shift Sunday night at Chili's... Mike Brown is going to be there so he said i should do it... so i suppose i will... i hope it's not to busy and well i guess if it is well then it is...

Christian and i are going to probably go to the movies on Saturday night. I miss Christian... a lot. I really miss Robbie a lot too... actually i just texted him.
Well i'm going to go now... tomorrow will be long... Work tomorrow morning work tomorrow night... clean the room... then saturday morning get up early go to work to clean on top of the oven then work come home take a shower and hang out with Christian... Sunday church then picking up the shift at Chili's next week do the same damn thing again... night guys

-Alicia

I just thought i'd write you all and tell you that i'm still alive. A lot has happened since i last wrote. The most important thing... I went to Keith's gig(play) it was absolutely amazing. I am probably going with a few friends to Jackson,Ms. this saturday. And i am going to a party on New Year's unless one thing happens. Not going to talk about it b/c i just don't want to well hopefully i get to do the thing that happens but if not... i think i might drink... i need one... my life is getting way to stressful... BLAH. Well good night sleep tight talk to you next time

Today was ok. I went to work this morning... drama of course. I got off John wanted me to sit down and eat with him because he gets a free meal everyday and can't ever eat it all so i did. I then left came home got ready to go to work at Sicily's to train in the dough room!

Dough and prep is really easy. I like it a lot. I hope that he starts to stick me back there more often. ::crosses fingers:: I got a lot of thinking done back there. I now understand why Tim, Audrey and everybody else likes to be back there.

I'm ready for a change. I am ready to move. I am ready to just be able to cut loose ya know. I'm tired of saying that i haven't been drunk... i want to drink but never do. I don't know what is holding me back... i guess because Devin always told me to drink with someone i trusted... the people i trust aren't here and so i guess i just don't drink. I guess that's good though. I have been looking for something to release my anger, confusion, and everything else out with... can't find anything. I'm tired of talking to people about my problems and stuff the few people i don't mind telling anything to either a. don't have a phone b. are always at work when i'm off c. i don't know but i had it a second ago... It bites ass.

I have been holding a lot in for the past few days. Everybody keeps asking me what is wrong and i of course say nothing... i just don't want to talk about it. I like to be able to think every once in a while ya know... not talk, not goof off, not sing, just me and silence and thinking.

I got off of work tonight and drove around half of Long Beach. I wish i could go down to the beach. That was always my thinking spot that was always the place i would go after work to sing my lungs out in the car and watch the water move... that was the place i could just think by myself. That is the place that i've been going for a long time... and now i can't it's gone.

Katrina really fucked up my life in a lot of ways. I look and see what has happened for the good with my family/friends/love. I realize that they prayed for things to happen that's not exactly the way they planned them but they got what they prayed about. I am happy for them... but i feel almost like nothing for the better has happened for me. Other than discovering one thing... but i'm not going to say for certain reasons. F... U... KATRINA.

I kinda wish I were a little kid again. I love being me but you are so happy as a kid not having to worry about anything. I don't know... am i depressed, am i happy, am i confused, am i anxious, i don't know what i am any more... it's like i'm every emotion at one time. One minute i'll be jumpy and happy the next i'll be thinking and upset and confused... and so on and so forth.

I WANT AWAY... I NEED A PLACE TO ESCAPE. I NEED YOU... no correction I WANT YOU.

Well i need to go before i do to much more damage to myself and others.

-Alicia

P.S. Dear Ans. I love you, glad Disney was a blast. I don't want the bus anymore i'm sorry... i will take you for a ride though before i sell it... and i'll let Steph and jon have an orge with whoever else wants to join before i sell it too... but everybody that joins WILL clean the van before it is sold.

Good night

I hate coming the end of roads in my life. Today wasn't the best... but it's only a day. I think it will get better... slowly but it will. As hard at it is to say that it is. I feel bad... I'm sorry( you know who you are).

I hate crying. I hate loosing people, although it's for the better most of the time. I hate how this world opperates, more on looks then what it really is.

But i can say i love my mom and dad for being understanding. They can see me upset... and they come and comfort me. It's something i'm very grateful to have. A family that cares. I didn't know who to call tonight to talk to, i needed a shoulder... i found one, my dad is always there for me. The weird thing is that i thought my dad was going to tell me something like ... well i saw it coming or something negitative... he really saw him... he really saw how much he does/did care and how much i do care about him.

I said something really rude to my dad today. I didn't mean to but everybody has been saying what he was saying and it just started to get under my skin and i just smarted off to him. I feel bad.

I'm going shopping with my family tomorrow. My dad is awesome. I love him... he did something very nice... well i am going to go because i'm tired... have a headache and i am getting up early.

Sorry again... if your lost ... i kinda want to keep it that way for a little while.

Hey you... yes you know who you are... it's ok... really it is. :o) just smile and find yourself... that's what you need.

Alicia

Well... i woke up this morning and watched Gilmore Girls once more. I ate breakfast again... which isn't normal for me of course. Took time to just relax and hang out by myself.

I got in the car and went to work. Froze my ass off at the door opening it for people then got hot as soon as i started to seat people at their tables. I got off and went to the gas station across the street because i needed gas and my daddy brought me 20 dollars for me to put in there and i'll pay him back tomorrow and i aired up my tired that keeps leaking... GO FIGURE. I came home... READ TIM'S EMAIL.. in which i will be talking about soon enough. Went to ward's got me some food and went to work ate then clocked in worked went on break... haha get this...

Shawdee asked me to go to Winn Dixie and go get her some cigarettes so i did and everybody kept looking at me on the way back to Sicily's and so i just started to pack them haha it was funny lol...

Then i got off of break we started to do closing stuff because we were so slow... haha we had such a great night at work... we played rump tally rump to tara... it was super awesome. Then just doing the little hand clap thing you know what i'm talking about? anyway it doesn't matter... but it was a blast.

I got off tried to see if anybody was at Matt's grandmothers house because i was going to go see him to talk and see if he was ok and hang out... but i didn't get ahold of anybody that was there and so i guess nobody went. I got ahold of him way later after i was home oh well... So i watched Tv in the living room while waiting on the computer and so here i am.

My mom informed me that they are going to sell the van and get the Blazer fixed up for me to drive until i get my own car... which i think is great b/c it will save me some gas money and i don't have to worry about broken down van all the time or being scared to go on the interstate with it for a long time.. i will go from Canal Road exit to 49 exit and that's it...

So my email... TIM is coming home for Thanksgiving and I'm SO EXCITED... i miss him so much. I read the email i almost started to cry i was so happy. I then wrote a note stuck it on the counter for my family to know he was coming woot woot... then i went to work... i was so excited and happy i was bouncing all over the place and everybody was like "WHOA ALICIA calm down" and they asked why i was so bouncy and excited i told them and Steph. said to call her tim haha... and Shanna was excited about it... hehe so i was really happy that everybody else was really happy about it! i would have been if they were or weren't anyway. He will be staying with me at my house... well my parents house :o) i'm so excited! WooHoo!

So Today has been another great day and i have 4.5 possibly 5.5 days until i see my baby! I'm so totally pumped!!!!! :o)

Well i'll see/talk to you guys later :o)

-Alicia