| warm wine on a cold night |
[Nov. 7th, 2007|09:42 pm]
|
the key to happiness can, and often times is, the greatest sacrifice
but who cares.
one does not call oneself 'disillusioned'.
that takes a third party.
SO FUCK THE THIRD PARTY.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
middle ground reclaimed.
red wine and short story analysis go DICK IN HAND.
My black hole, my bubble, my choice. my rules. myself. |
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| and then... ...One more first time |
[Feb. 14th, 2007|04:56 pm]
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| [ | music |
| | the cure - bloodflowers | ] |
Life, if you live it, is full of first times.
Tommorrow i will be crossing several 'first times' off the list that never would've existed, except... ...nvrmd
!-i will be in Colorado
@-I will see a mountain for the first time
#-i will step foot on a mountain for the first time
$-i will snow ski for the first time
%-i will be at an altitude ive never been at before
^-i will be WASTED at an altitude ive never been at before
&-i will be gorgeously stoned while skiing down a mountain
I will be farther away from panda than i ever have been.
not like i care, cuz i never get to see her.. :P ... but its just a lil somethin i realized.
On a little side note, i have decided that i will be amongst the Dutch on my 23 birthday. Watch out euro-trash. here I coMe.
im slanted.
~jROD |
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| if i only could |
[Feb. 3rd, 2007|09:05 pm]
|
haha.
i'd be picking up your pieces.
i would see what isnt real
i'd have what i want,
and want what i have...
i'd flee the things i feel.
i'd be RUNNING up that hill. or would i? what would or wouldnt i do to save one of you.
Im guessinig of all the dreams youve been chasing, and do you.. do you understand. do you know what it is like? ...what it's like when you fail. ..or how it feels when you've won. cant you feel the thoughts of my.. .. of my begging to be with you. c a n you f e e L? |
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| hummer |
[Jan. 8th, 2007|06:12 pm]
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| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Smahing Pumpkins | ] |
  
I think im having a moment. I'm getting ready to dye my hair red again. Im bleaching it as we speak and listening to the pumpkins.
TALK ABOUT NOSTALGIA.
It's fun tho. No starbucks for nine days. heeeellll motherfucking yes. |
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| Under the milky way |
[Jan. 4th, 2007|05:24 pm]
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| [ | mood |
| |  restless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Kelly Ali | ] |
Despite my best efforts to be a person who speaks his mind, and despite my expanding knowledge, i find it increasingly difficult to accurately get my points across. Intangible feelings begat paranoid thoughts, which spin off effects that make me unable to express myself the way i need to. It seems i dont know how to use words to describe things. ..things that i feel. The areas inbetween the black and white leave too many options. I either feel good or bad. Happy or sad. Emotions blur together, and jAy moves on. Never really feeling, or creatively thinking, just doing. ACTING. My ONLY creative outlet is my collages, and im afraid i'll pigeon-hole myself into a world of magazine images and gluesticks. I tune my guitar, but the chords mean nothing. i write, but the lines repeat themselves. I'd talk, but there's not really anything to say. so i work. I got another job, in addition to starbucks. So i whore the bean full time, and wait at a restaraunt part time.
I always wished that my conscience would be clear, and my mind open, but in my efforts to achieve that, i have instead, made my conscience dull, and my mind BLANK.
how did i get here? im not on drugs. (perhaps the problem) im not depressed. (problem solved) but im alone.
alone.
the lesbaians live down stairs now. so the whole 2 BDR 1,000 square feet of this appt I have all to myself.
The hookers fell off. team pink is seperated by 2 hundred miles, and im not sure they even give a fuck anymore. Last time i saw them, we went about the hotel room, jaws clinched tight, ..declarations of love through gritting teeth...GOD DAMN drugs. GOD DAMN drugs for making it easy for them to say Love. I know better than to hold stock in what someone says when they're all tweaked out. IF I LEARNED NOTHING MORE FROM THE SPEED FEST 2003, it would be that. "we miss you. I Miss you. The sight of you here brings tears to my eyes." Sounds lovely, doesnt it?? it was touching in that moment, and all the way back home. But when i realized that their words were over exaggerated, and ultimately drug induced, i felt more alone than i had in the past year and a half of my life.
so shame on me.
i knew better.
emotions blur together, im lost inside my world. jAy will always move on.
I THOUGHT THERE WAS NO 'IF'. but... maybe that's not the case.
heh. funny,
As for everybody else whos been blowing me off JUST because i live in austin.. well. As that little Hallmark picture frame says: "Frienships are like a fern, no love, they DIE."
i put into relationships what i recieve.
its that fucking simple. checks and balances, people. its easy.
expect things.
~j |
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| i am done. so fucking done |
[Dec. 14th, 2006|02:47 am]
|
at least for a while.
but for NOW, im done writing papers. done taking tests. my only priorities for the next few weeks are to consume drugs and alcohol and go to work. that's IT, folks. thaaaats it! |
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| Flipside Boys Surface Again |
[Nov. 27th, 2006|03:37 pm]
|
where are they coming from, WHERE?!
first the drummer boy,
now, one of the guys i had a threesome with is sitting right across the room from me.
...him and his stupid monk haircut. oh, life DOES get more interesting within the recoils of my life experiences.
what would make this all the more intersting???? -running into Marty at H.E.B. THAT'd probably do it.
cheers, faggots. |
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_the_androgyne_
