hey kid you're sick-

bye summer. it was fun

2006-08-30T14:33:39Z

Its really weird how its august 30th right now. This summer felt like they used to in high school, all fast and crazy and lots of work. The days sort of just blend together; a mix of value village, slurred speech and new friends, swimming in dirty water, kingston and jody. Nothing really stands out and nothing is really forgotten. I dont know how this school year can compare, socially, to my year last. But i am excited and hopefully, knock on wood... my house would burn down and leave me homeless like last.

Schedual:
Mondays: Images of Crime (9-12)
Theatre in the 20th Century (12-2) and then seminar (3-4)
Tuesdays: (FALL SEMESTER ONLY) Stats (11-12 and seminar 1-2)
Wednesdays: Health and Illness (9-10) and seminar (3-4)
Thursdays: Social Construction of sexuality (9-10)and seminar (1-2)
Crime and Deviance (11-1)

HA. besides my mondays ( which are all spent in ONE ROOM) my schedule is gorgeous.

I am also working at the Trent Pubs now. plus the village. I think i MIGHT be getting over my head. but i am anxious to start this year. i think i may have my thoughts, ambitions, everything, life in better order this year than last. Funny how I look at september 1st as the start of my new year and January 1st as nothing more than another excuse to drink...hm.

I am going to the ex.

finally.

2006-08-04T14:15:24Z

After three years of trying to find the right artist, design, and confidence I finally got my tree done. Here it is: (keep in mind my webcam cost my 18$ sooo the quality is crap. the detail is so fine the pictures cannot do it justice.

here's some of the detail in the trunk

the placement

I am so thrilled with the whole experience and of course the outcome. I love my tree!

this is just a random, random update on everything in my life.

2006-07-30T20:47:32Z

i am the only one home right now, besides the loyal fionn who sleeps on my pillow and hot pink towel. I am so bored i considered making sauce n' cake AND kraft dinner, but resisted the urge. I however did watch Jarhead... terrible terrible terrible movie. Peter Sarssgard?? :( The summer is going by so quickly and slow at the same time. I start my second job at Boston Pizza tomorrow. i am nervous. I have the memory of a goldfish so I dont know how this serving tables is going to pan out for me... i am keeping Value Village as well. I am finally getting my tattoo on thursday. I am beyond excited. I also cannot wait for school to start again.
Theatre in the 20th Century
Utopian Fiction
The Social Construct of Sexuality
..Stats
Crime and Deviance
Sociology of Health and Illness.

I am scatter-brained when it comes to learning, focusing in on a subject. I am going to England and Ireland in Feburary. I have decided this. I am going for two weeks. One week to England/Wales to meet friends and live in res again. eat nothing and drink everything. The second week I will be a tourist in Ireland and see everything, eat nothing, and drink everything. Jody is afraid she wont come back to Canada if she comes. I might suffer the same.

basically the summer includes: walking to work everyday there and back, sometimes taking the tracks because they are faster and more shady. Make sure not to walk them at night with earphones in. Eating a lot of rice and drinking a lot of tap water because funds are lacking. working six hours shifts selling used clothing, i love it, i really do. renting movies like cool runnings and elizabeth? getting drunk with jody (mostly by ourselves). too short visits from alex. entertaining friends every weekend it seems, its nice. sitting on the porch and watching the circus that is Stewart Street.

i want to come home.

I was this old for the first time I...

Fell in love: 18
Lost your virginity: 18.
Lost someone close to you: 10.
Drank alcohol:14.
Smoked weed: 17.
Got kissed: i dont actually know this one 14?
Got your heart broken: 17.
Got arrested: neg.
Smoked a cigarette: 13.
Broken a bone: neg.
Got cheated on: never.
Rode the city bus: 7?
Went to a concert: 12. Edge Fest 99'
Met someone famous: 13.
Dyed your hair: 12.
Got your first cell phone: 20. HA. i've used it, literally... twice.
Got a Myspace: 19?
Snuck out of the house: i've never done it.
Got your own digital camera: :(
First time you got drunk: 15.
Read Harry Potter: never.
Traveled across the ocean: 3.
Wore a toga: never.
Traveled out of province: 4.
Shopped at Abercrombie: Never.
Went to Disney World: 4.
Went on a date: 17.
Saw a Broadway play: 12.
How old are you now?: 20.

please forgive me if i act a little strange.

2006-06-28T03:35:00Z

help me out here, all my words have fallen short.

i've been wanting to write this for a long time.

2006-06-10T05:00:07Z

Take most people, they're crazy about cars. They worry if they get a little scratch on them, and they're always talking about how many miles they get to a gallon, and if they get a brand-new car already they start thinking about trading it in for one that's even newer. I don't even like old cars. I mean they don't even interest me. I'd rather have a goddamn horse. A horse is at least human, for God's sake

this quote.

i read a bunch of old entries from mostly the end of grade 12 till about december of 2004. i've never felt more empty, and nastalgic as i do right now. this is crazy because i enjoy life now, whereas, back then i didn't really. i enjoyed the idea and promise of future life-made up life. i didn't really live it when i was in it and that saddens me because everything back then was so complicated, awful, wonderful, new. at the time i was just too busy trying to figure everything out and forgot that not everything needs to be examined, not everything has an equation. but in a way that was what i wanted. i craved that unsolvable, problematic life. things right now are pretty systematic, understood, calculated. I know what i am doing tomorrow right down to the t. I want to figure life out again and scrutinize it, harass it. I feel like i've lost a little something on the way to this place. i regret nothing, i just miss. predict me the unpredictable. please?

i dont care. i am home.

2006-06-05T04:03:53Z

How many keys are on your keychain? ummm. 5? i still have the key to Subway. HA
What curse word do you use the most? fuck
Do you own an iPod? neg.
Who on your Myspace "Top 8" do you talk to the most? i have a myspace, but hate it and never use it.
What time is your alarm clock set for? um, for today it was 8:30am. stupid on-call shifts.
How many suitcases do you own? none
Do you wear flip-flops even when it's cold outside? defintely. i love wearing no socks.
Where do you buy your groceries from? no frills. cheap.
Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture? i dont care. i like it both.
What was the last movie you watched? i finished brokeback mountain about 32 minutes ago.
Do any of your friends have children? no
If you won the lottery, what's the first thing you would buy? i actually dont know. but knowing me... food. lots of it.
Has anyone ever called you lazy? oh yea.
Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster? i have before. I used to have an awful time falling asleep because of my dry skin :(
What CD is currently in your CD player? jenny lewis
Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? chocolate
Has anyone told you a secret this week? um, not really.
When was the last time someone hit on you? when i was walking home from work.
What did you have for dinner? what didnt i?? lemon pepper chicken, corn on the cob, french fries, pie, more french fries... i really gaver at dinner because i havent been able to afford food.
Do you wear hoodies often? sometimes
Can you whistle? i can
Have you ever participated in a protest? yep.
Who was the last person to call you? nicole penak
What is your favorite ride at an amusement park? i LOVE roller coasters and swing rides.
Do you think people talk about you behind your back? i guess.
What area code are you in right now? L1E1W5
Did you watch cartoons as a child? i watched some... i usually watched Entertainment shows with my dad though.
How big is your local mall? peterborough has an awfully small mall. i dont really care though
How many siblings do you have? duex
Are you shy around the opposite sex? depends. If someone is really intimidating then yes.
What is your biggest regret? not taking chances, or taking too many.
Have you ever had Jamba Juice? i dont think so
When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt? everyday with my jody
What movie do you know every line to? "so you think you love me?" "...i know i love ya." ON THE EDGE
Do you own any band t-shirts? one. Pilate.
When was your last plane ride? 3 years ago? 4 years ago? florida
How many chairs are at your dining room table? 6
What is your favorite salad dressing? i dunno.
Do you read for fun? i try to. its been hard this summer because all i want to do is sleep and watch home movies.
Can you speak any languages other than English? neg.
Do you do your own dishes? yes. AND OTHERS.
What color is your bedroom painted? this ugly cottage yellow colour... i am not allowed to paint in my house
Have you ever cried in public? yes
Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop? desktop
Which do you make: wishes or plans? a lot of wishes not too many plans
Are you always trying to learn new things? everything except learning to drive. WHICH WILL CHANGE
Do you shower on a daily basis? i do not.
Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? i am
Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date? no, why should they? who made this rule? and WHO follows it?
Can you skip rocks? i can
Have you ever been to Jamaica? no
What to snack on at the movie theatres? popcorn
Who was your favorite teacher? mr. butler, santimero, sheridan, and ms. burizuk
Have you ever dated someone out of your race? no
What is the weather like? perfect today!
Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? i dont like too many. but it doesnt matter
Do you have an online journal? no
What was your favorite class in high school? drama.
Do you enjoy traveling via airplanes? its stresses me out too much
What personality trait is a must-have in the opposite sex? ambition. passion. humour and wit
Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive? yes
When was the last time you slept on the floor? i cant remember.
What is your favorite alcoholic drink? rocket. but its too $$$ so rye and ginger
Does your closest Starbucks have a drive-thru? i dont even know where the starbucks is in peterborough
Do you like your living arrangement? i hate my house, love my summer roomies, but miss my family and friends
What is your mother's hometown? ottawa?
How many hours of sleep do you need to function? a.lot.
Do you eat breakfast daily? i try too. cereal mostly.
What was the last thing to scare you? the past
Are your days full and fast-paced? i try to pack them full as i can. i love getting out and doing things. today however, i just wanted to laze by my pool and watch movies because i am home for the night
Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class? yes
What is your favorite fruit? i cant think of one i dont like. i love pineapple. a lot. unhealthly amounts.
Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages? yes
How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 21!
Are you picky about spelling and grammar? no
Do you believe in life on other planets? i do think so!
Have you ever been to Six Flags? neg.
Who was the last person to piss you off? um.
Do you believe that God has a gender? would it matter?
What was the last thing you ate? pie
Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex? i get along with them both.
What did you dress up as for your first Halloween? a bride. HAHAHA.
How did your parents pick your name? they liked it.
Do you like mustard? its good.
What do you tell yourself when times get hard? i obsess over it again and again until its over.
Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back? stomach
What character from a movie most reminds you of yourself? i used to think scarlette johanson's character in Ghost World was a lot like me when i was in high school. now? I am not too sure. I've let up a bit on the bitterness.
Have you ever bid for something on ebay? no
What do you think of Angelina Jolie being pregnant? i think nothing.
Do you enjoy giving hugs? i guess
Would you consider yourself to be fashionable? i dont think my clothes are hideous. i do like grandma sweaters though
Do you own a digital camera? not one
If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? i would feel okay?
What celebrities have you been compared to? lindsay lohan, hilary duff, heather graham, kate winslit, thats it.
Who is your favorite Star Wars character? i hate star wats and i dont even care.
Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but never do? to NO end. if you say you're going to do something, follow through with it or let the person know.
What books, if any, have made you cry? a star called henry.
Do you think you're attractive? sometimes
What are you allergic to? spring. ha
Are you a jealous person? haha... i think sometimes i am
What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? i think it's sex without emotional commitment.
Do you ever feel guilty after eating meat? i did, and sometimes i get upset. it's hard going from not eating it for four years to eating bbq chicken for dinner
If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name have been? i cant remember. luke?
Did you ever celebrate "Pi Day" in school? hardly.

_textvsvoice @ 2006-05-14T02:04:00

2006-05-14T06:10:42Z

i really want to come home for canada day. smuggle booze with sarah rush. walk around and get sunburned with sarah rush and talk. watch fireworks and walk to our ride at late hours. have my hair all curly and messy at the end of the day all due to heat and excessive sun damage.

I miss?

i do. give me my girls. i am feeling nostalgic. give me my giiirrrlllsss. Halfaix and Toronto and Ottawa is too far :( I miss and i miss and i miss.

<4444

_textvsvoice @ 2006-05-12T00:29:00

2006-05-12T04:35:20Z

Four jobs you have had:
1. Sandwich Artist
2. Automotive Support Tech. I worked in a line in a 'factory'
3. On-call for GM Daycare. I had the job for a day and quit.
4. Cashier at Value Village

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. On the Edge
2. Home Alone
3. almost famous
4. disney movies

Four places you have lived:
1. Scarborough, ONT
2. Whitby, ONT
3. Courtice, ONT
4. Peterborough, ONT

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. the OC
2. gross medical shows
3. americas next top model
4. ...?

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Florida
2. :(
3.
4.

Four websites I visit daily:
1. facebook
2. the weathernetwork
3. livejournal
4. Google

Four of my favorite foods:
1. cheese
2. stir fry!
3. potato soup
4. kraft dinner.

_textvsvoice @ 2006-05-11T18:40:00

2006-05-11T22:47:46Z

I AM ALIVE

and i work at Value Village.

I am now a resident of the Peterborough Ghetto. I like it and there's a bus stop right by my house. I see the same bus driver everyday and try to make coversation- he doesnt appreciate it. I live with three other blondes: Devon, Jody and Fionn (the pup). We almost killed ourselves using a BBQ and i finally have internet and cable. It's funny how I feel more complete now that I have technology in this house. mmm.. gentle hum of modem. My back is really burnt and my house is always around 40 degrees. We have one. ONE phone outlet and we share the same water with the people living downstaires (duplex baby.) Looking back, perhaps I should have looked at more houses. I work at Value Village and so far so good. i get 50% . oh. yes. I miss alex and sharing a bed. i am very glad I decided to stay in peterborough for the summer. Last summer I felt so incredibly peterborough sick and I allowed durham region to get under my skin. I like this right now.

_textvsvoice @ 2006-04-11T14:58:00

2006-04-11T19:06:11Z

I am writing an essay about hybrid creatures. A group of artists have decided that they wish to create Pig Wings. They have done this through stem cell and tissue engineering. Currently these pig wings are only approximately 1 cm in length, but soon they hope to grow in size and hopefully be movable. Wow. soon we can have engineered, living accessories!! I hope I can get my pig wings in the colour pink.

I have to finish this essay. I gave myself till 4. I dont think that is going to happen because I am 700 words in a 2000 word paper. I then have two more to write. and two exams. and then. done.

alberta bound? or peterborough? I dont know. I have no idea. I am jobless, penniless, and hungry. I can't afford to move out to alberta, but the experience would be so, so amazing. and then, there is peterborough. poop.

I am the worst procrastinator ever. ever. I'll write a paragraph and then reward myself with half an hour of mindless facebooking or livejournaling.

this year has gone by way too fast. I didnt get to catch up once.

_textvsvoice @ 2006-03-30T11:54:00

2006-03-30T16:59:31Z

I woke up to a heard of puppies this morning! A lot better than an alarm

_textvsvoice @ 2006-03-25T14:16:00

2006-03-25T19:19:15Z

this summer:

possible jobs=
1)inbound tech support working in coburg. 10/hr 40hr weeks.
2) Holiday Inn.
3) Bar jobs. good tips.
4) fast food.

this summer: must work two jobs. must work two jobs.

this summer: no boy.

this summer: destination: peterborough

this summer: august till september- Vancover with Jody. Temp jobs, sleeping on couches, mountains.

i cant fucking wait.

just amazing

2006-03-12T18:03:11Z

I am so lucky. I have the most amazing friends in the entire world. On friday I was thrown a surprise party. I had NO idea whatsoever.

twenty.

2006-03-08T18:37:30Z

I've entered a new decade today- around 7:58am. I am feeling INCREDIBLY nostalgic right now. I am never good at my birthdays. I am missing high school very badly right now. It's strange because i hated it so much; with the exception of grade 12 and end of grade 11. I was returning movies (which are about 11 days late- equaling approx. 80 dollars in late fines, that me nor Jody will ever pay) and I was walking by a highschool and saw everyone outside for lunch because the weather is so so nice. My heart sank. The thought of getting older has always haunted me, even when I was six. I have a lot of thoughts racing each other around right now and I dont feel like letting any of them win so I wont type them out. The Doves "Catch the Sun" just finished and this song basically sums up my final year of highschool. Oh and of course the violent femmes who I am MISSING TONIGHT because i am dirt poor.
is it normal to be this scared of growing up?
I really wished I bought my high school year book.

_textvsvoice @ 2006-03-03T11:53:00

2006-03-03T16:57:46Z

How many windows are in your room?: 2 large, beautiful windows
What color are the walls in your room?: grey.
Hardwood floor, tile, or carpet?: hardwood!
Do you get ready for the day in your room or the bathroom?: My room
What kind of bed do you have?: its a double. Its horrible short so poor alex cannot fit :(
What does your comforter look like?: its a sea blue colour, and its supposed to fit a single. so I am cold at night.
How many pillows do you have?: 5.
Is it big or small?: my room is huge. I love it.
Is it clean? I have a bit of dust and clutter. but I like it that way.

do you have the following in your room:
[x] desk
[ ] more than 3 sources of light
[ ] phone
[x] chair
[x] book shelf
[x] dresser
[ ] TV
[x] CD player/stereo
[ ] bean bag chair
[x] posters
[ ] paintings
[x] pictures
[x] walk in closet
[ ] large mirror
[x] bed
[ ] drumset
[ ] bathroom
[x] clock
[x] clothes on the floor ALWAYS
[ ] box of tissues
[ ] guitar
[ ] lava lamp
[ ] smoke detector
[ ] piano/keyboard
[ ] bongos
[x] a bin
[x] locking door
[x] can of soda
[x] bottle of water- a cup of water.
[ ] playstation or another game source
[ ] a blacklight
[ ] something about your own country
[ ] medals
[ ] trophies
[ ] awards
[ ] water polo ball
[ ] soccer ball
[ ] baseball/softball stuff
[ ] over 100 cds
[ ] surround sound
[x] sofa
[ ] empty liquor bottles
[ ] flag
[ ] posters of females
[ ] stop sign
[ ] gun...what?
[ ] dog bed
[ ] stuffed animal(s)
[ ] calendar
[ ] lots of strawberry shortcake paraphenalia
[x] Band posters
[x] computer
[ ] an altar

I am going to miss this wonderful room/house come may 1st :(

_textvsvoice @ 2006-02-26T19:31:00

2006-02-27T00:39:43Z

I havent updated in forever. I am moving out of 555 Water come May 1st. I have a great new place right in the heart of the peterborough ghetto and I couldnt be happier.

♥

_textvsvoice @ 2006-02-06T11:22:00

2006-02-06T16:24:18Z

bad morning.

anxiety about today. tomorrow. epfjef

_textvsvoice @ 2006-02-01T15:50:00

2006-02-01T21:08:07Z

I havent updated in a long time.

I was living with these people for a very long time (3 weeks)

It's weird being back in the house. I feel like I havent been here for years, when it's really only been about two months. I miss those folks above, even though I basically see them everyday anyways. It is so good however, to have my own space again, my own floor, bed, stove, television.

I have no idea what is happening next year. I need people to move into thise house. Stalice (steve and alice the couple I live with) are going on exchange next year. DOES ANYONE NEED ROOMS FOR NEXT YEAR AND WHO LIVES IN PETERBOROUGH?? let me know.

I have nothing really to write about. This is such a challenge these days. I bought a lot of soap today.

_textvsvoice @ 2006-01-16T12:03:00

2006-01-16T17:10:29Z

week two homeless.

I pretty much sat on my ass all weekend and ignored the piles of reading on Weber I have to read. Field research is very exciting and I think I've lost hope with film. married life. i had my first real meal last night and it was so good. i have to lower my chip intake because it cancels out all of my healthy eating and exercise. I am doing horribly in school this year. All of my teachers say the same thing: you obviously understand the material far better than you're essays say you do. I cannot write essays. Why am I at a liberal arts school? The funny thing is, I feel I have learned so much more in the past five months than I have in all of my education. My marks just fail to represent this. My lowest mark is in visual studies and this is heartbreaking. i cannot wait until my house is finally finished. I visied yesterday and all the carpet is gone! it looks pretty, minus the grey slimy walls, lack of a back room, and ozone smells. I am restless beyond belief.

happy new year.

2006-01-10T14:47:18Z

I got home to peterborough on saturday morning. but i am not there now. The night before a fire had started and took the back room and smoke damaged the kitchen and some of the other rooms. Think 'Fight Club' house and thats what mine looks like at the moment. Our stuff is alright and no one was hurt so thats all that matters. I am living with alex right now and will probably be able to move back in next week sometime, hopefully. bleh.

if my hands stop working, you can call me lazy.

2006-01-05T00:55:52Z

i had a great new years. i shared my first new years kiss that meant something special and spooned a sheepdog. I missed this however... which makes me sad because I miss all those girls terribly during the school year.

new years resolutions this year? I never follow through with ANYTHING i plan for myself. Last year I wanted to stop eating chips, the year before that was probably something just as ridiculous. I will not stop eating chips because they are good. and i enjoy them. if my thighs get fat, fuck it. instead, this year I want to become more aware. of everything. especially myself. I've felt i've lost myself. I started to draw this picture a few weeks back and I have it half finished, laying on my floor covered by clothes and essays and textbooks and life. A few years ago i would have had that drawing finished in two hours. I cant even bring myself to watch an entire television show. I need to figure myself, my plans out. this is choice this year.

_textvsvoice @ 2005-12-29T22:19:00

2005-12-30T03:22:58Z

In the year 2006 I resolve to:

Spend more time surfing porn at work.

Get your resolution here

i am very angry right now.
so much stress over nothing-ever.
i watched two hours of canadian melodrama-beach style.

_textvsvoice @ 2005-12-28T12:30:00

2005-12-28T17:43:17Z

yesterday was fun. apparently i look very different than i did in highschool. which is nice to hear. seeing people that you havent seen in two years is a very. very strange thing to experience at a country western bar. by the end of the night however, i was getting very frustrated and angry with my surroundings and just wanted a sandwich. going out is wearing thin.
i went boxing day shopping? i wont do that again. I was at the mall at 9 and didn't leave till 3. my poor feets. I loved hearing the 15 year old anti-consumerists complaining about boxing day and christmas and money while they are holding their american eagle bags and stylized coifs. entertainment!

_textvsvoice @ 2005-12-25T10:57:00

2005-12-25T15:58:27Z

happy christmas!

its been a good one... even though it IS 10:58 am.
no fights, good times, march of the penguins! I love being home.

_textvsvoice @ 2005-12-19T16:30:00

2005-12-19T21:33:46Z

ugh. my brain is literally fried.
i cant think. i've been studying all day long.
the thought of my Modern Body essay is looming over me and i cant shake the pending feeling of death. caused by my own hands.

sorjkgh[psh[edhd;fhndfhd;g

damn cultural studies and sociology major! whyyy???

I've eaten nothing but junk all week. my strees level is THROUGH THE ROOF and I am looking forward to christmas and newyears. yes yes.

positive.

man cannot live among things without developing ideas about them, according to which he regulates his behaviour.