Take this for what it's worth

The saddest news im ever going to have to tell anyone....

2007-11-27T03:45:33Z

My baby nephew Justin passed away last monday(11/19)

I just wanted to thank everyone who has been there for me since his was born and anyone who has wished the best for him.

A couple of weeks ago Justin was sick, April was in the hospital giving birth to her second child. About two or three days after the new baby was born Justin was rushed to childrens hospital. He was doing the same thing he was doing when he had the pace maker put in, which was he would through his head back and go limp. So when he got to the hospital they had checked for any internal bleeding and the found bleeding on his brain. The bleeding was caused because the blood thinners he was on were too strong for him. So they took him off the blood thinners and put him on the opposite to make his blood clot. He immidiatly stopped bleeding on from his brain. We still knew something was wrong but no one would listen to my sister. He was extremely swollen and very scranky. He wouldn't respond to anything except when you said baba because he was dehydrated and wanted a drink. So saturday I went to the hospital to see him and my sister. All he wanted to do was play with my hair and hold my hand. I knew he looked bad, I left there around midnight. Sunday me, my mom, Jim, and Nicole went up to the hospital to see him and so that April could see the newborn because we were taking care of her while they were there. Everyone just kept saying Justin needs to be in Rochester. SO we stayed there for a while. I felt bad because when I was leaving the room Justin started crying because he didn't want me to leave. Anyways the next day I got a phone call at work and the first thing I said when I heard it was for me was uh oh. Because the last time it was for me it was my mom saying Justin was going to the hospital. So I get on the phone and it was my uncle so I thought he was calling to ask something about the newborn because he was watching her that morning. But no, He had asked me if my mom or anyone had called me and I said no why? and all he said was Justin didn't make it, I was like what do you mean he didn't make it and he just said he didn't make it, so I started crying but tried not to freak out on the phone. I just kept asking when? why? what happened? and all he told me was that my mom called him crying saying April called and said Justin stopped breathing and she was on her way to the hospital. Then I guess a little bit later Jim called him and asked what the last thing he heard was and he told him and I guess Jim was crying and said well Justin died. So my uncle told me to call him back if I needed to leave work, I said okay and got off the phone. The girl I work with was cashing right in front of me while I was on the phone and saw my crying and when I got off she came up to me me and just hugged me and I started balling my eyes out and said that Justin was dead and she just kept hugging me while I cried my eyes out.. Dennis immidiatly came up and told us to go in the back room. So we did and then we went to her car to smoke a cigarette and talk. I told her I couldn't stay she said she would stay for me. So we went back inside and the first thing Dennis said was if you need to leave just let me know and I told him that I did and he said just do what you need to do. SO I called my uncle and he came and got me. When I got home everyone was already back from the hospital and I asked my mom what happened and she said April was in the living room so I ran in there and like jumped on her and just hugged her and we both started crying. I had asked her what happened and she said she didn't know. She said he was just screaming like a high pitch screaming but it wasn't loud and she said she started to rub his head and his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he flat lined. I just started crying even more. So now we wont know what really happened for about another 4 weeks.
So needless to say this week has been hell. We had the wake on Friday The first one was from 2-4 and the second one was from 7-9. I was an open casket so people were normally going to be upset. The one thing that upset alot of people though was the fact that it didn't look like Justin, the person who did his makeup used way too much. It was bad. About half way through the first one my sisters asshole bf left, yes he left his own sons wake.. oh well though. He never came back to that one or the second one. So after the wakes we went home and I went to bed. Saturday morning was the funeral. My sisters bf wasn't going to go but the decided he wanted to. The funeral though was upsetting. I almost started crying but I wanted to be strong for my sister. After the funeral we went to the breakfast it was alright.
I don't know.. It still hasn't really hit me yet. I know it is going to real soon because I can feel it coming on. I just can't believe he is gone. He was only a year and a half, He was just a baby still. I'm just not used to the fact that I will never be able to hold him again. I mean I was really really close to him. He was my little pumpkin head. He was the happiest little kid you would have ever known. Even though all he had been through since he was born you would think a kid his age would be worn out quickly.. not him, he was the best thing ever and a fighter. All I know is I will never forget him ever, I will cherish ever moment I ever spent with him for the rest of my life.

Justin R.I.P. I love you so much <3

So again thank you to anyone and everyone who has ever wished him well, and also to everyone who has been here for me and my family in this rough time.

<3 Krystle

So you think your hot...

2007-07-28T01:54:23Z

You know what really gets to me? People who are soo god damn full of themselves. You know just because a few people say that your hot does not make you gods gift to earth. Im so sick of people being all like oh they are just jealous because im hot, im sorry but if you are jealous because someone is hot or thinks they are hot then you have a serious fucking problem. I have had people tell me that im good looking but you don't see me prancing around like im the shit. Ooh someone thinks im hot, big fucking deal. I'm not saying that that shouldn't make you feel good about yourself by all means you should, but you shouldn't act like your the shit. Because as much as you may think you are the hottest thing around other people don't. In fact it is actually a turn off for most guys/ girls, because you act like the world revolves around you. Im sorry about my rant but i'm just so sick of it already. Anyayways the next time your walking around with your head in the clouds thinking everyone is looking at you just remember the next time someone tells you your ugly(whether it be on the inside or the outside) just stop and think about it, and when you run to one of your friends thinking they are going to feel sorry for you think about what they are actually thinking because chances are they don't feel a bit sorry for you they are more than likely relieved that someone finally had the nerve to knock you off your high horse. And before anyone jumps to anything no this is not about anyone inparticular, this is about people in general.
Looks aren't everything, If you look good and are dumber than a stump then your really not hot at all. So just think about the next time you want to make a stupid remark about how hot you are just think.. Do they really care how you think you look?

The End

READ!

2006-04-17T05:29:57Z

Fundraiser for Justin Ryan(My sisters baby)

On March 12, 2006 little Justin was born and diagnosed with complex, congenital heart disease and has already underwent open heart surgery. He has been hospitalized since and will need several more surgeries before he is 5 years old. Please come and join us and help support his family and the extensive medical bills they have and will incur over the next xouple of months.

When: Sunday May 28th 2006
Where: Lancaster V.F.W. (3741 Walden Ave.)
Time: 2pm-7pm

Food and drink will be served

Tickets in advance $15
Tickets at door $20

*Door prizes
*Music
*50/50
*Chinese Auction

_testmyheart @ 2006-03-08T23:24:00

2006-03-09T04:27:46Z

congrats to whoever figured out my password for this piece of shit,you may have changed it on me but hey you did so well at me not being able to get on it. Get a life because anyone who has the time to sit down and figure out someones password for livejournal or whatever has no life and is a loser..

Good day

_testmyheart @ 2005-05-12T17:23:00

2005-05-12T21:29:29Z

so ive gotten like people asking me to model either my hair or myself for them before.. but never have i gotten mail being asked to model for a model agency.. i think its sweet but wierd.. they said someone referred me so who knows. im gunna check it out and see what its about.

_testmyheart @ 2005-04-28T09:49:00

2005-04-28T14:22:20Z

Im back! Yes Im back from Mass. Its so beautiful out there. Being home has been nice. I got to see my Samantha, it was so exciting. I get to hang out with my boyfriend who is the sweetest boy ever. And tonight I get to see my baby Kyle.
My mouth hurts so bad right now. I have another wisdom tooth growing in and my whole side of my mouth is swolen, it sucks. But I have lots of pictures now.. They aren't only of Mass though.

Mine and Sam's adventure to Rochester...

Samantha on the way to Rochester

Me on the way to Rochester

Where we got lost in Rochester

Random pictures...

Me wearing a hat too big for me.. I think it looks kinda like Tiny Tim haha

Eric and Nathan

Brett, Coday and Samantha

Amber and Me

Amber and her pose

It did look like a fetus

Jake in Jessica's birthday mask

Me and Kyle sleeping

Me smoking

The party the night before we left...

Yohan, Riki and Nathan

Yohan(I dont know his real name)

Eric and Finchy

Brett and Cody playing beer pong

Steve and Amber

Adam and Me

Mass...

Okay so we had a bonfire and in a bonfire the wood falls... Thats how it fell it was weird.

Tab after she got flipped onto the floor

Tab and Eddie

Tab and Eddie

Tab and Me

Siren

Nick

Tab and Nick

Eddie crushing me and Tab

Nick and me brawling

The end result

Eddie at the bonfire

Chuck lookin alot like Charles Manson

Casey

Casey and Me

Me Amber and Tab also know as the drunken trio

The drunken trio again

Amber and Casey

Amber and Tab

The beach...

Me on the beach in a sweatshirt on the phone.. Hollywood haha
(And no im not grabbing my crotch i was holding up my pants)

Me and Amber

Amber's feet

Rhode Island...

Me and Justin

Amber and Justin

Jarod

Jarod sleeping

_testmyheart @ 2005-03-26T20:56:00

2005-03-27T02:11:55Z

So last night... all I can say is wow! haha. I don't remember half the shit that I did and when I was told this morning I def took the walk of shame haha. But other than the bad stuff I had a fucking blast.
Here are some pictures from last night and a couple nights ago.

Amber and Tony

Nora and Chris Ring

Nora and Amber

Nora and Amber

Nora and Amber

Nora and Amber

Me, Dan, Amber and Nora

Me pre-gaming

Me and Nora

Me and Jessica pre-gaming... Yea its hot

Me and Amber

Me and Amber

Me and Amber

Me and Amber

Me on the car ride there... I think I was singing

Me rockin out on the way there

Yea thats right I had a drink in each hand all night

Me laughing at something.. I think

Dont know

Jessica jammin

Me and Jess

Jess

Jacob.. This picture scares me

Cody and Jessica

Cody and Jess

Cody and Jess

Chelle and Amber

Amber's wannabe fohawk before the party

Amber and Dan

These are from the past two nights

Samantha, Me and Eric

Me and Eric dancing to NSYNC

Me on the way to the porn shop

Gangsta

So yes it has been an eventful past few days.

The end

_testmyheart @ 2005-03-02T14:57:00

2005-03-02T20:05:14Z

Yesterday was funnnnnn!!
It was floyd's birthday so we went to April's and had a little get together. I finally got to hang out with Ben and Joe which seems like its been forever since ive seen them. It was sweet.

Me being all ghetto before we left

Amber after I made her over to be punk

Me and Amber

Me being all wasted

Me and Ben

Joe found April's musical horse thingy

Me getting ready to go out on Friday

AND..

Me wasted in Jessica's car on the way to dennys on saturday

There are more coming when they get developed

I cannot wait until Friday... Atreyu... Sam!! Its gunna be soooo much fun!!

_testmyheart @ 2005-03-01T18:33:00

2005-03-01T23:33:43Z

Okay so yea I know guys are all like "whine whine your life is so horrible yea fuck you" about my posts but whatever.

If things were'nt bad enough before about me with the whole me and Jon situation.. things just got a whole lot worse.. yay!

_testmyheart @ 2005-02-28T14:27:00

2005-02-28T19:49:58Z

First car: none yet
First real kiss: kage
First screen name: klm2700
First self purchased album: umm dont remember
First funeral: my grandfathers
First piercing/tattoo: naval
First credit card: m & t bank
First enemy: kristen from middle school
First big trip: Dont remember

l a s t s

Last cigarette: right now
Last car ride: home from work today
Last kiss: Jon about 2 weeks ago
Last good cry: yesterday
Last library book: Who knows
Last movie seen: Saw
Last beverage drank: peach tea
Last food consumed: nachos
Last crush: Jon
Last phone call: Amber
Last time showered: Today
Last shoes worn: Black and blue vans
Last item bought: food
Last annoyance: the stupid bitch at my work
Last time wanting to die: yesterday

f a s h i o n | s t u f f

01. Where is your favorite place to shops? anywhere
02. Any tattoos or piercings? yes

01. Do you do drugs? ehh.. sometimes
02. What kind of shampoo do you use? color treated ones
03. What are you most scared of? being alone
04. What are you listening to right now? snoop dogg
05. Where do you want to get married? does it really matter?
06. how many buddies are online right now? who knows, who cares
07. what would you change about yourself? so many things.. biggest thing though is ide have more self confidence

h a v e | y o u | e v e r

01. given anyone a bath? other than a baby no
02. smoked? yea
03. bungee jumped? no
04. made yourself throw up? nope
05. skinny dipped? yea
06. ever been in love? yea
07. made yourself cry to get out of trouble? yes
08. pictured your crush naked? haha
09. actually seen your crush naked? i dont have one now but past ones i have yes
10. cried when someone died? yes
11. lied? mhm
12. fallen for your best friend? no
13. been rejected? who hasn't?
14. rejected someone? yea
15. used someone? i dont think so
16. done something you regret? no

c u r r e n t

clothes: still in my work clothes
music: pantera
make-up: none
smell: cigarettes
Desktop picture: hearts
dvd in player: umm... i think its trainspotting or the victory records one
color of toenails: brownidh tanish color.. i dunno but its sweet and it matched my outfit

l a s t | p e r s o n

you touched: i dont know
hugged: my brother gave me a hug yeterday
you imed: umm.. samantha i think
you french kissed: Jon
had sex with: Jon
cuddled with: Jon

a r e | y o u

understanding: Sometimes
open-minded: Sometimes
arrogant: no
insecure: yes
interesting: I think so
hungry: no
moody: alot
hardworking: i try
organized: no
healthy: no
shy: sometimes
attractive: i dont think so
Bored Easily: yea
responsible: sometimes
obsessed: i dont think so
angry: sometimes.. okay alot of the time
sad: lately.. very
happy: lately.. sometimes
hyper: soemtimes
trusting: way too much
talkative: most of the time
legal: yea

w h o | d o | y o u | w a n n a

kill: ha! riight.. noone
slap: a couple people
get high with: noone
look like: noone
talk to offline: noone really
talk to online: still noone

w h i c h | i s | b e t t e r

coke or pepsi: pepsi
flowers or candy: flowers
tall or short: taller than me

r a n d o m

in the morning: I go to work
all you need is: who knows
love is: a great thing.. until you are broken hearted
last person you danced with: Jon.. we danced to the build me up buttercup song haha
worst question to ask: i dont know
worst statement: i dont know
who makes you laugh the most: alot of people
who makes you smile: alot of people
who gives you a funny feeling when you see them: you know
who has a crush on you: I dont know

d o | y o u | e v e r

sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone to IM: no
wish you were a member of the opposite sex: no
Wish you were younger: no

n u m b e r

of times i have had my heart broken: a couple times.. when in love: once
of hearts i have broken: oce:( it still depresses me alot
of guys ive kissed: oh god.. i dont know
of girls i've kissed: too many haha
of continents i have lived in: one
of tight friends: about 3
of cds i own: alot
of scars on body: alot

yep thats my life haha. im sucha loser!!!
yesterday i felt like complete shit all i did was lay in bed all day. I got up to pee and thats it. went to bed super early because i felt like shit and was depressed and i had cramps.. gotta love it hah.
today i dont know what im doing.. probably the same thing as yesterday.. still not feeling the greatest today.

well im out.

My veiws and opinions..

2005-02-23T18:07:27Z

So ive been having a rough time at this whole situation that im in and im getting better. Ive started writing shit down again and its helping alot.

My first thoughts when me and Jon broke up were in exact words " I now know what love is from personal experience its nothing but heartbreak and an excuse to get hurt" but now my veiws have changed completly. Love in my opinion is the best thing to ever happen to someone. Everyone says once they get their heart broken that they will never love again. That might be true depending on how much they loved that person. Love is an amazing thing. Love is the feeling that you get when your with that person and you may not be smiling on the outside but your always smiling on the inside every moment you are with them. Them holding you close and you knowing that everything will be okay. And if things dont work out with them you want them to be completly happy no matter if you are or not, yet every second you wish it were with you. You being friends with them makes you completly happy and everytime you see them you have a smile just because you can their face. And everyday you have that hope inside you that things will work out in the end and in some way you be one again.
I wish that I could go back and change my decision of breaking up with him but I cant. Things dont work that way. When he started seeing someone else i was heartbroken and thought that nothing ever really mattered then. But now I know that are feelings were true and I will never let them fade. Knowing and even seeing him with someone else hurt more than you can imagine but im completely happy for him. I want him to be happy. And if things are meant to be with us we will be back together and do everything with our future that we had planned. And if not then I hope he is happy with whoever he does that stuff with. I know that I was in love only because of how much I hurt right now. Im hurting so bad and yes its normal thats how I always get but not like this and even though im hurting so much I can still be happy for him and I can still have him as my best friend.
Thats what love is really about. I I honestly think that we because one again someday. It may not be soon, it may take years but i know that we will be back together in this life time. Because feeling like the ones we had will never die. And im okay with being his friend right now, I couldnt be happier(well I could but ya know). I cant be with him right now so friends is the next best thing and I am cherishing our friendship right now. Because I dont want it to ever end.

But im sure your all sick of reading my shit already but I really think this makes sence.. well at least it does to me.
On that not I will leave you all with this:

so here we are
back to the start again
trying hard to wait till morning
hey rise and shine
and open up your eyes
to give this world some color
shine on diamond eyes
seperate the space
between love and lies

and as days go by, the memories remain
i'll wait for you
and as days go by, the memories remain
i wont let go

these days remain the same
pictures fade away

please don't ever change
please don't change your mind
no matter what they say
i'll always wait

and as days go by, the memories remain
i'll wait for you
and as days go by, the memories remain
i won't let go

these days remain the same
pictures fade away

i hope you never fade
as you drip through my veins
shine on(shine on!), shine on diamond eyes
shine on(shine on!), shine on diamond eyes
shine on(shine on!), shine on diamond eyes

and as days go by, the memories remain
i'll wait for you

as days go by i swear i'll try
(i'll wait for you) until i die, anything for you

_testmyheart @ 2005-02-20T15:09:00

2005-02-20T20:14:20Z

So yesterday was bad at first.. I couldnt control myself from crying and what not. But the pills my mom gave me really worked. Me and Sam went out to the mall and then to get chinese then we went to seans house i started shaking again and such so we stopped at my house and i got another pill. Jon had called so i called him back, brought some of his stuff to him, talked to jenn for a bit then just talked to him. went back to seans and then later went to dennys. talked to Jon to see if he needed to get out for a bit but he was fine now.
It felt so good to just talk to him and shit. It felt like we were really friends. Its nice. Yea im still upset but its something i have to deal with.

Im still setting up a doctors apt tomorrow. Because I still need it. Like after my moms pills wear off I feel like crying again, so i need something to stop me from doing that.
But if things are meant to be with us then somehow we will get back together. Which I hope for but you will never know what happens.

Well im out for now.

_testmyheart @ 2005-02-19T11:48:00

2005-02-19T16:54:26Z

so if i dont have enough to deal with yesterday made it worse. i cried from modnight last night to about 4 this morning and the woke up at 9 and burst into tears. my mom came home and gave me zanex to calm me down. stopped crying today at like 10:30 - 11.. monday shes calling the doctors for me to get on depression pills.. haha im so fucking sad, i cant deal with things so i need help from a doctor.. i feel so helpless.
well yea im sorry for all the shitty posts lately. and its okay if you people think in crazy.. oh well.
bye

_testmyheart @ 2004-11-29T21:00:00

2004-11-30T02:09:09Z

You know what the IN thing is right now? The scene.. I think im gunna join it.

Signing out,
The Mec

_testmyheart @ 2004-03-22T01:06:00

2004-03-22T06:09:10Z

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

borderline

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Lost Fairy- You have lost yourself in your quest to
be accepted. You try over and over again to
please people, but they tend to put you down.
You are a beautiful creature that others take
for granted. your self esteem is low, thats
because of constant failures. You need to be
more self- confident in order to suceed more.

What type of Fairy are you?(girls only-awesome pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

And we all saw this coming haha

2004-03-21T07:00:36Z

Emo! You're very in touch with your emotions and
that's what I like about you! It's all about
the music for you... I have pity for your
tortured soul...you're just like me...

What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

_testmyheart @ 2004-03-15T20:24:00

2004-03-16T01:32:28Z

Finally went shopping got some stuff.
Tomorrow is Poison the Well im super excited! cant wait.