Okay, so then the next day I ended up basically being alone with him at stage crew. Like his ex left right away to babysit, and our other friend left with her. And then the only two other girls he pays attention too besides me left. So for these purposes we were alone. in the aud, and no. Of course no Aud babies were formed on that occasion (:P EWW). Lol, so It all started with him being an ass and tickling me while I was on the phone with my sister, and I didn't want to tell her who was tickling me b/c my sisters the kind of sister who'd be like OOOOOOHHHHH JULIA HAS A BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!! So yeah, and then pretty much the rest of the day his hands were on me in some way, but you know like a good way. And that wasn't necessarily the odd part because he is a very touchy person. But usually, he's touchy in a more rough, beating on (in a playful way, just he's very strong so you know it's still a bit rough) way. But that whole day he didn't do anything like that at all. And at one point we were talking about House in the corner on chairs real close b/c we were whispering. And I'm not sure what prompted it but I said well gosh, you're like 2 inches from my face. And he replied "No" Got up, sat on my lap so he was like straddling me (not as bad as it sounds trust me) and said, "now I'm two inches from your face, see that's what happens when you say things like that. They happen. The same goes for All up in your face. " then he asked me if I needed a demonstration for that too, and I began flipping out because I really thought he was going to kiss me. And he didn't b/c we were both called away to move some stuff but still just the way he touched me that whole day, like gently like at one point we were moving a stairs, and he wasn't even touching me, but was behind me pushing the stairs I was pushing like when little kids push the cart while their mothers push it behind them. And it was just so cute. And it was just amazing, but then the day ended. And for that one day at least I think he honestly did like me, or was considering it at least. But he was still hopelessly in love with sarah, like seriously! hopeless. And I understood that, and I was ready to wait for him. But things got in the way. His cousin told sarah that he was going to transfer, because he'd moved over the summer but stayed at my school b/c of sarah, and he was apparantly going to transfer because she'd broken up with him and so she decided to go back out with him, because she still liked him and b/c it wasn't worth not getting to ever see him again. And I completely understood because if I was given the choice of him going out w/ her or being gone, I'd choose the one where he'd at least still be around.  So they are currently going out, and when they started that back up the feelings I had for him automatically turned off, or numbed themselves or something, but now they're back. And it's his fault. I mean I can handle them they aren't ridiculously strong or anything, just annoying. But so last friday, we were all at the capitol practicing for the capitol pageant and we were chilling on the risers before hand and he had one are wrapped around sarahs waist holding her close to him, which is pretty normal. The non normal part is that with the other hand he was doing the exact same thing to me. And I was just like What the hell???? And then later on the bus home him and sarah were on a seat and I was in the seat opposite them and was going to take a nap, but sarah wouldn't let me. So I sat in the edge of my chair, feet in the aisle and talked to sarah while Markus was oddly quite and just watched whatever was playing on her ipod. Then later on he just like randomely took one of my hands, like you'd play thumb war with someone, only he just rest his thumb down and like lightly tapped his fingers on the inside of mine. Which is when I began to get extremely what the hell???? But that's not even when I decided I still liked him, No, that happened when I had to be hit with my weakness. So all the guys on the bus were singing songs, and they began to sing Put you to bed, by some rapper dude. And I'd heard it before, and it's not a horrible song. It's actually singing and it's kinda cute-ish. So all the guys were singing this together, except Markus who was absentmindedly singing it to himself. And It was just so ridiculously hot because he has such a great voice and I just could barely handle it. Later when I told my  friend molly about the whole arm around waist and thumbwar thing she's like aww that'd be really cute (the thumbwar thing) And I was like... Yeah, if his other arm hadn't been wrapped around his girlfriend it would have been amazingly cute. But yeah so that's it for now. Unfortunately. Oh and also it's become my goal to tickle him b/c I've found out where he's ticklish but I guess it's not very sensitive or something weird.

Basically rawr!

So, P.S. When I try and picture my perfect guy. As Of late he ^^^ Is the only guy I can picture. And that has to be a bad thing.

Current Mood: melancholy

I am hopeless beyond repair. So yes. I think that maybe possible I almost got kissed today. Which would've been cool, and flippin Terrifying! But mostley cool. So Okay, here's the deal. Last year I liked this guy who I think might've liked me back but I was denying that I liked him (to myself) and the day I finally gave in to the attraction it was like spring break. So I pine for a week, (without seeing him) then see him for one absolutely breathetaking day at school and then BAM I am informed that he went on a date w/ some girl over the weekend. And being the person that I am I WOAH backed right down. And then 2 days later he started dating a mutual friend of ours. (who wasn't the girl he went to the movies with) So he's been Off limits for well, since last wednesday. So again, I decide on wednesday that if the opportunity ever arose for something "fun" (not too fun now don't worry) that I would definitely want it to, which I guess, is basically saying that I liked him, but that wasn't it. So then BAM it's a 4 day weekend. So I have to wait uber long to see him at all and evaluate this crush. And yesterday, He went to stage crew and looked extremely sad. Like I'm depressed and want to jump off the top of the set sad. And then I started to feel and look, very sad as well because I'm an empathetic person. And the girl that dumped him the week before was like rubbing herself (not literally) in his face like OH hi MARKUS!!! Blah Blah Blah, and he just looked so sad. So I was like staring sadly after him for a time, while he paced around the aud. listening to his MP3 player. And then he comes over by me and well... Starts trying to (playfully, really it was) stab me with 2 forks and a spoon. Though I succesfully deflected him, and he wasn't really even trying, so I was mostley just glad he wasn't all depressed in the corner any more and stuff. Then he asks me if I want to listen to his MP3 player with him, and he rattles off stuff about the songs, and asks me who sings them (no clue here) and showed me his dances for some of them, and he was embarassed about having lilly Allen and Alicia Keys on there. And I was just like beaming...at the floor. Because he wasn't as sad looking anymore and he was doing intimate-type things w/ me and it was all good. Then later the girl that dumped him (and it's all good like I really don't think she's taking him back b/c we be friends and she tells me stuff) was sitting in a chair, so sits on her lap and I walk by to sit next to them but he pulls me into his lap and it's like a pile on sarah, and he's tickling her and tilting the chair so I wasn't really sitting b/c I didn't want to wipe out but yeah. And then later on Sarah was sitting on that same chair and I sat on her but like sideways w/ my arms around her neck. And Markus came up and put his one arm under my knees and his other on my waist and picks me up off her like they do at weddings and goes to "dump" me in the trash can, only he doesn't succeed b/c one of the other girls starts shooting him w/ the staple gun :  ). So yeah that was monday and I really have to do homework so I'll post again tomorrow.


Ciao! 
Bachi (that means Kisses in Italiano! )

Ah, so as it ended up Ben really did have to go visit his grandfather that day and couldn't go, which is ok. So I decided to go with Avery Molly and Well... myself. I got an awesome dress on state street the week prior to homecoming and though it was a bit tight in.... places it was still pretty cool; I also got some bitchin gogo boots as it was a 70's theme. So last night was the game and it was basically amazing! My guy friends are really smart and decided to spell LANCERS on their chests, So Robert, Keith, Jakob, Jacob, Alex, Tyler, and Paul all paint letters on their chests assuming that they could actually go out onto the field (like I said, they're a smart bunch) So I followed my friend Stephanie who was going to take a picture of them, only I got lost.... But as I was coming back to my seat I saw them coming back from the entrance to the field and Keith is like "Crap, and I can't even put my shirt back on" which is when I knew they'd been rejected. So Jakob is actually the star from last years Homecoming Debauchery and somehow he managed to weasel himself into this years too, only In a more positive role. So it was slightly awkward standing next to him while he's shirtless and one of my kinda friends is rubbing paint onto his chest.... 
But all ended up okay, but wierd. Like I think I've stated before we've been pretty hard-core ignoring each other for almost an entire year now so I didn't expect him to just start talking to me and stuff. I mean what I really wanted most of all for this homecoming is to somehow make him fall in love w/ me so he'd ask me to homecoming, and then just completely hit him w/ "well... Or I could just see you there and wave" Like he said no to me with last year, but circumstances made that plan impossible. So anyways. He ended up sitting next to me like the whole game, and would occaisonally just say stuff to me like Oh! Poms is about to dance, we better watch! (in a sarcastic...YAY poms... sorta way) and after one of the band songs he's like "well, that song still sucks, but the dancing is pretty good" and I'd just be like...Thats...nice? And another thing I noticed, which carried over from the first game I went to , to the one last night, is that the entire game (almost) I would be standing next to him or to his side a ways and I'd be able to see his pupil the entire game, which makes me think (b/c I actually did an experiment) that he was looking at least in my general direction, which is like...Ok? And then the other cool part about the game is Lucas McVey. He's like the school sex god and at one point he was in front of me and turned around, and then looked at me, away and back and then smiled at me on purpose. And then he was going past me at one point (all the while shirtless and painted) and put his hand in the small of my back to steady me. And then I was telling this to Molly and she's like Wow Julia, you're pretty awesome! And he turns around and goes And you just figured this out now? lol so that was also pretty fun. But now.. To the dance: I stayed up until 2 last night(this morning) puting my hair in curlers and then took them out at like 5, so they were super curly. And I slept until noon which was amazing, and then at 3:30 I went to Molly's for the Pre-dance fun. And we watched Avatar Parodies and Scrubs and then Robert and Avery got there, and Claire and we hung out and got ready and then at like 6:30 we went to Noodles for dinner. And we go and get our food and Robert ( the Carnivore) gets three of the "side" chicken breasts just like piled on a plate...eww. And we start eating. And Robert is amazing, like at one point he just waved at this girl outside the window and she hesitantely waved back, and then I told him that while he was going out w/ Casandra he occaisonally hurt her w/ his bony hugs and he got this look in his eyes and they looked like they were watering like he was going to cry and I was like OMG I am so sorry and I made him stand up so I could hug him. And then out of the Blue Jakob shows up w/ a friend and 2 girls (dates I guess?) and I'm just like Wtf? Why is he here. But whatever. And then we went to the dance and did lots of group dancing and there were like 2 country songs they played where me and molly and stuff dosi doed. Occaisonally our group would mingle w/ the group Jakob was dancing in and one of those times I started dancing w/ Kaley (a friend) And was facing him, when he comes up to me and goes like "Julia, I know you've been wanting this for awhile, and like starts grinding badly so it's more of a bootie bump on me and I'm just like Oh yess...(sarcasticly) and then he just kinda stays there swayingish and is like it's really hot, and blows some reall cool breath on my face so I return the favor, and then he does the same bootie bump thing with molly and he's like See, she likes it. That's why she'd aweseome and you're not (jokingly) and then I didn't see him again the rest of the night. But I didn't see him at all with either of the girls he was at noodles w/ either. So yeah I think I might have succesfully made him fall in love w/ me. I think that would be cool and plus, either I don't like him AT all, or I'm ready to like him and have a relationship w/ him without becoming super attached or obsessive. So basically the weekend rocked.

Current Mood: chipper

Ah, well I believe some of my first posts were describing Homecoming Debauchery year 1, and that did not end well. And while this year it won't be ending magnificently, it will definitely be better. Unfortunately Ben said no b/c he didn't realize I meant as friends and b/c my friend mary is a lame-o, and I didn't end up asking him agian b/c he really does have to visit his dying grandfather that day and cannot go. But her is the letter of apology I wrote him via Myspace:


"Ok, I really didn't want to do this....

On fricken myspace, but since this morning in the library was the first time I've seen you in like 3 days, and you weren't on aim,and Robert informed me that unfortunately everyone does think I like you... So mer. Sorry that I have to bring up awkward topics, but since Mary (who asked you even though I told her not too explicitly, but was stupid enough to leave her alone near you and go to the other end of the library) fucked up asking you (as a friend which is what I intended b/c I did want to go w/ a guy this year) and made it seem like I wanted to jump your bones or something, and also (no offense to her I love her, but ugh) sounded really fruity doing it, I had to set things straight. Because I like you, as a friend. You're cool and we kinda seem to have a lot in common (and on a side note you should help me w/ my japanese learning b/c the self teaching thing isn't really working) but I don't Like, like you. So yeah, sorry if Mary embarassed you, I didn't want to do it when other people were around. But seriously, I see you for like a second from the back of the head (if I'm lucky) each day, so yeah.

Ok. So sorry about that, just I had to set it straight or whatever.

P.S. the first thing she told me after doing it is "they're having a powwow." And I thought she meant you all couldn't go b/c the night of homecoming you were having a pow wow. And I was like WTF? If they wanted to come up with a lie so they wouldn't have to go w/ me they could've used a more believable one. lol

Peace : P "

Sorry for the obscene word....  But what do you all (b/c SO many people read this blog) think? I think that is an amazingly fabulous letter of apology and want him to read it right now, but he's been being a good little Benjamin and going to sleep early so Ugh. But anyway, I also have a few new poems I've written all about my escapades of last year those of which I'll really have to tell you sometime but not today so here. The second one is a less cliched elaboration of the first one. 


You eyes are a reflection of your soul: Beautiful Intimidation

Oh, God I want to kiss you, hard on the lips,
You have no Idea, how my heart trips
When Your eyes find mine
and I can't find
a reason to ever leave you,                       

to feel your hands on my face,
a never ending embrace
of two minds, two hearts entwined,
you mess up my mind,
and I've found my soul in you


And...



Untitled and unfinished:


Like greeting a childhood friend
after years of separation;
That's what I felt
the first time I ever saw you
enraptured, motionless , 7 rows back
watching your every movement,
your lips eloquent dance of speech
and all the while awed,
that I could've gone so long
without knowing you
while still knowing you
all along
See, I knew you well before
we'd said hello
Well before you knew there
was a me to say hello to,
and since I met you through a
two way mirror, It's safe
to say I've known you longest.
Knowing you came with
every symptom of infatuation,
including a few I swear
you invented yourself,
but it went beyond that,
the feeling that I've
always known you,
that I'm not meeting a new person,
simply re-educating myself on
one I've known my whole life,
never wavered. 




Mostly it's describing the "I've found my soul in you" without using such a cliched word = P BUt yess, It is a very
 intersting story so I'll have to record that here someday. But yeah, so feedback on the poems would be nice. 

Peace

 Okay, so now we get to get into....Homecoming Debauchery year 2, with the exciting addition of the character played by my good friend Benjamin (only it's really only ben) and Maryla, played by my good friend Mary.
 Okay, it all starts out with me deciding it might be fun to go to homecoming w/ a boy this year, that won't be stressful b/c it won't really be like a date... *Thus enters Ben* Hmm... Super cute, been friends with him since 6th grade....Sounds perfect right?? So this starts out as just a vague Idea, but since our homecoming is abnormally early I had to set the plan into action pretty fast, but the only problem is, I see him like once a day for about ten minutes, and that's all. So one day (last friday) I decide I want to ask him, only I keep chickening out b/c he's got a bunch of people around him, or whatever... I really wasn't quite ready to do it yet.. *And now enters Mary* OOHH Julia, if you don't do It I'm going to do it for you!!!!! So I assured her that I would in fact do it and NOTTTT TO ask him for me b/c that would be extremely awkward and bad. Now though you can probably read into what's going to happen I'll continue. See I was foolish enough to actually leaver her alone-ish in the vicinity of Ben while I was halfway across the libraray... wow... Way to be smart Julia! So I look up from the computer and of course there's Mary head bent next to Ben whispering something into his ear...Of course. So then she come's over and tells me they're (b/c there were infact 3 other guys at the table with him) having a powow.... So I'm like... Um, thats...weird? I mean if they were going to lie they could come up with a better one than that right? So then I ask her exactly what happens and she's like "well, I said, So....Ben.......How do you feel........... about Julia........ as a friend.........? (and I'm going like...Oh crap) , B/ce Julia want's to go w/ a boy this year! So you think about that....Have a powwow (which is what she meant by that)" And I love Mary so much, but at that moment I was extremely pissed off at her! b/c well not only did she ask someone out for me against my will, but she kinda messed it up a bit too. So I was kinda mad, only I deluded myself into thinking that she did it better than I would've (only she really didn't) So anyways I never even got an answer from her or from him, but even though I was unhappy with her I wasn't reallly that worried. So later on I heard from another friend *in come's Stephanie* That Robert *Oh snapp, the characters just keep coming* told her that Ben only said no (though I was never relayed said no) for 2 reasons, one that Mary asked him out. And that he didn't think he could get girls and that it'd be awkward...AWWWW BEN!  So I still wasn't discouraged b/c I started thinking up a new plan. Which would basically consist of, Ignoring the fact that he'd already been asked for me by Mary except for to apoligize for the awkwardness, and then ask him again as me in the person. As friends of course. And I was going to do that today, but again the only seeing him for 10 minutes of the day doesn't really help. So I'm going to do it on wednesday (not school tomorrow). And I'm only encouraged by our awesome aim conversation that we had today. Which basically was completely un-awkward, and I really realized that we do have ALOT in common, and a couple times I was sad for him and wanted to give him a hug. Darn the limits of aim! lol, but anyways... And also, I got to test my Japanese speaking skill b/c he said konnichiwa and then like the only other word I know is Konbonwa, so I was like...Konbonwa??? and he was like oh yeah my bad Konbonwa. B/c that means good evening. I was like SCORE! So anyways, I'll be back w/ more posts on the developments of this years homecoming which will be better than last years!

Okay, so to start it off, I read a post of mine from a while back (last school year), saying how I completely bombed an essay test question by bullshitting 4 paragraphs about the treaty of versailles, and I'd just like to say I got a 20/25 on that. : ) lol ok well for now i'm gonna go, but I'll post more tonight









i

I would probably have sex on the spot, with anyone that serenaded me w/ Hey there delilah ( would also accept Joo lee uh) by Plain white t's. ( I wouldn't really but I would probably fall instantly in love; just a tip)

"Hey There Delilah"

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

Unfortunately it has been decided that I can't do the show so I didn't go to my audition. For those of you who did wish me luck, thank you : )

: P

Julia

Current Mood: depressed

I have a ride to auditions for Oklahoma in Oregon (Emphasis on the word ride, people...) I have not yet gotten an audition time reserved. I requested one twenty minutes ago, but alas. I don't have a reply yet and my ride will be here at 5:30. UGH. I also have a cold. Wish me luck : )

: P

Julia

Current Mood: blah

You know; when you flutter at the sight of them, and simply hearing their name out loud makes you jump in your seat? Being incessantly aware of them whenever they're in your line of sight...or not? Smiling like a fool when they're anywhere near you? etc. I want that. In fact, unfortunately, I think it is essential to my happyness. I want to have someone to look forward to talking to; seeing, Someone who I know will brighten my day considerably (even if they don't know it). I want those jolts of excitement, at seeing them, or catching their eye. Having someone to dream about (who you want to, and should be there) (Believe me, things get weird when people come uninvited to your dreams...Oh god, yes they do ).
I want a good old fashioned crush, I don't care if I get hurt ( I always do), I've accepted that, and have moved on from that fact. One day of infatuation ending in heartbreak, is better than a lifetime of apathy with no dissapointment. It is so...nice, to like someone, Sure, it's better to be liked back. But liking someone is better than not liking someone. I think it's obvious that I don't need a boyfriend to live(seeing as I've never had one), but more or less I've always had some sort of crush, and the time when I didn't things were usually more down, more numb.
Love is what I feel, that and pain. I rarely feel anger and only for short periods of time, Unfeeling, for me, is too close to desolation, or sadness, and the majority of my pain comes from love, but it's okay, because loving is amazing and It alone makes me truly happy. I suppose that's sort of a good thing, I mean it's good to love and everything, but is it bad that that's a pre-requisite for my happiness? Should I be worried?
On a slightly different note: I am way too hopeful. Seriously, I don't know how I do it, but even after being broken over and over again, I still have hope that everything will work out. Yes, I get impatient sometimes, but who doesn't? I mean, I have the ability to believe something, contrary to every single piece of evidence I've collected, or an even better skill; somehow manipulate the evidence to fit into my belief. But see, the hope isn't always good. Dillusion, ignorance, is not a good thing, because eventually, you'll run into reality, and then you will be beaten down. And it will suck. And the stupid hopeful people will build themselves towers, until the next round of reality is set upon them, and they (the "towers") crumble and burn to the ground. So that my friend, is why hope can be a bad thing.
Okay. Sorry for that. 

P.s. If spelling errors rub you the wrong way I am sorry, and am too lazy to go back and correct them, but have it be known that Delusion, Happiness, and disappointment are spelled like that <--------- and not the way they are in the text. : P

Current Mood: contemplative

Calypso is one of my favorite female characters, though several times throughout the movie I was almost sure she was naked...

She never was, but well anyways.

I don't really have anywhere to go with this post, I'm just not feeling it I guess.

Tomorrow 3rd block I'm reading poetry in the library. Though I could be sleeping instead, I'm sure it will be fun : )

I also more or less failed an essay on my test today because I completely Bullshitted 4 paragraphs about the Treaty of Versailles, but we'll see how it goes (*crosses fingers*)

We took some fun pictures of our Pirate costumes, and successfully fit 5 people into the photo booth built for two. I almost died at one point, but still.

I saw a friend of this guy I met at a forensics meet who was amazing but not interested in women.

 ---If you leave I could move on,
replace you with anyone,
So can I call this love?

When you're here I think about you,
and when you're gone you're still here too,
But it's not just you I'm thinking of.

I can't tell you what I do not know,
and I'm not sure that there's room to grow,
but I'm not ready to leave. ---

" And you! and You! and You! You're gonna love me"

" A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. "
--Ingrid Bergman

Current Mood: nostalgic

I don't look pretty when I cry. I look scary. People run. It's very inconvenient however, because I cry too much, it's like my tear ducts are on crack. Seriously, I'll be watching a movie and something sad will happen and Boom, here comes the flood, but it's not even that. If there's a happy ending, I still cry because I'm sad that the happy endings don't work out for me. Then, when I'm mad. I cry. It is completely ridiculous. Like the movie Peter Pan. It makes me the most happy I've ever been watching a movie (not the happy, then I cry. But the happy that it's stupid to feel b/c of a movie). But then, It makes me the most depressed I've EVER been. Seriously, after I saw it the first time I cried for a good five minutes after it ended, and took another five to calm myself down so I could watch the alternate ending, and as soon as that started I was balling all over again. Ugh. 
  Sorry about that. It just started coming and I decided to give my LJ some love. Not a lot is new in my life right now. Actually, that's not true, but I don't really feel like writing about it. I'd have to recap too much, and I've been feeling very numb lately. And apathetic is definitely much worse than feeling sad, b/c at least then you're feeling SOMETHING. Of course, I'd rather take happy anyday, but content is not enough. Like the days just go by, and there's nothing really that I look forward too. It's weird, I mean, I look forward to summer, and I always look forward to reading, and sleeping. But what kind of life is that? Not a good one. {I would just like to make it known that I am NOT suicidal, I love life, everyday of it, just I need to rework my life. I would never do that. Ok, just needed to put that out there}. I need to thrive for everyday of my life, and find something to drive me. Usually, I try to fill that hole with boys. But that is not a good use of it, because boys dissapoint, and are unreliable, and you shouldn't give away that much of yourself to another person. You (and by you I mean I but I like 3rd person the best) need to be happy on your own before you can put that much of yourself into another person. 
   I really am a very happy person too. And I don't care what ANYONE thinks about me, except boys. They are my weakness, well, some of them, it depends. If I know a guy and we're friends and I know he's joking, then I don't care. If I know a guy, and I like him, then it's all I can care about (shame on you Julia) and if i don't know a guy, and am trying to get to know him, and he's a senior, and all that jazz, then I care so much that I can barely talk to him. I have no clue what this has to do with either of the former paragraphs, and I switched from first to third person, but well Idk. This is what I have for you all. I am feeling much better than I did at the beginning of this post. : )
Mucho Love. ( De Colores, de colores se visten los campos en la prima vera, de colores de colores son los pajaritos que vienen dea fuera. De colores de colores es el arco iris que vemos lucir, y por eso los grandes amores de muchos colores me gustan a mi, los amores de muchos colores me gustan a mi. )
Wow. Sorry for that.

: P

--Julia!

Current Mood: melancholy

My arms and legs were shaking as I tried to eat my malt cup.


Ok, as you should know, this blog is all about a certain boy I know.... and today at lunch I took the dreaded leap and asked him to homecoming. When his best friend came over to sit by my friend I went over to his table and sat down across from him, I was going to ask him then, but I was to nervous to say anything, and ended up just sitting there eating my malt cup, and trying not to barf. Then he got up to throw his tray away, and I left. When I saw him leaving the cafeteria, I thought Crap, this is my last chance, so I ran after him, and said hey. I asked him if he was going w/ anyone to homecoming, and he held up his hand, and said my hand(Yea well, he is a guy), and said, hold on, and walked into the bathroom. So I chilled outside of the bathroom for a minute until he came out, and said so...yeah. And said "You could totally go to homecoming w/ me"(gah I know, how lame-sounding), and then he said, Or I could go to homecoming, see you, and wave, and say hi. Which is either a nice way of saying no, or...something else. He said something about having issues w/ his sister, and her friends, and his friends, that makes me think it could be something else, but I'm accepting it as a no, b/c if it isn't sweet, and if it is, I wont be let down.

Current Mood: nervous

But he looked so good in his sweatshirt...

Gah! I've been ignoring him lately because he wasn't nice to me on aim friday night, and as it says in my poem that is *cough* about him  "I pretend not to care about the things you've said to me. It makes you want to talk longer." but he hasn't been talking to me as much as he did when his best friend had a different lunch then him. Anyways, He was talking to me, and hanging with me after football practice today, and he was posing, -in well ways that I found attractive- right in front of me, like he knew I wanted him, and was toying with me. Gah! That made me sad, but he looked so good in his sweatshirt... Seriously though, he was dangling himself in front of me, and that is mean. Then he was talking about how his one ex girlfriend had a mean side that she showed only to boys. Then when I got home he was on aim and he imed me! (he doesn't do that very much). And was proving to me that his ex was a bitch to him (can you tell me why I need to know that?), and I sorta told him that all of her friends didn't like him very much, and he got confused, and I tried to change the subject because I don't think he's supposed to know that. But grr he is just weird, but at the same time I like him so much... Bajuh!


I love you!
I want to scream it, in the classroom, in the streets, the way I scream it in my mind.
A friend is the farthest from what I want. I want not camaraderie, but passion. I want not your friendship, but your love. I want you.

Sure, I let on like a don't care. You don't see when I stare with longing, I made sure of that. You don't hear when I sing praises of your handsome face, or beautiful smile, I wouldn't allow it.

I don't want you to know, for fear of losing all semblance of love, of the affection you may or may not have of me.
I'm hard to approach, I know that, although I wish it were not so.

I'm Julia, you can't love me...why that's unheard of!
What would the others say...OH my what would they think, surely they would not approve.

I pretend not to care about the things you've said to me. It makes you want to talk longer. I stay as far away as I can without dying from the desolation.

Every day, I don this mask of a friend, and nothing more. Every day I see you, and am forced to keep up this charade, that eats me up inside. I wish to scream to you, that I don't want your friendship, or the occasional attention given to said people. I want your love! I wish to be the only one to receive the affection. I wish I could scream it to you, as loud as my voice could carry, but alas, a friend I shall stay, for fear of losing you.


(By the way...Thats my poem ^ Enjoy!)

(And also ARGH MATEY it's talk like a pirate day...I think)

So this Guy, I've mentioned has the same lunch period as me and I usually sit near him and if not he finds a reason to come over by me. And yesterday for the second time so far in about a week, he was talking about me while I was sitting next to him (not a bad thing). I didn't notice he was talking about me of course, until one of the girls he was talking to gave me a thumbs up, and I got it. But see it isn't a bad thing that he's talking about me, because he was the only one doing it, and as you could imagine I like said guy, so him talking about me is ok. Also his best friend likes one of my friends and she likes him too, and he's going to ask her to homecoming(so sweet). If said boy, asked me to homecoming I think I would smile, and never stop. So lets just say I think he likes me too, and that's cool, and I'm waiting for him to say something, b/c I've decided I want him to make the first move.

Have fun reading this(if anyone does)

Until we meet again...

Julia

Current Mood: cold

So there is this guy... and said guy, is a friend of mine whom I like, possibly a lot. And I've liked him before, like three times. It isn't anyone who will ever read this blog which is just wonderful. He is on the sophmore football team, and he is only a year older then me, and well I don't even know, but I think he may like me, which wouldn't be bad, but if he did he would never say anything about it, at least not to me. But I really like to talk to him( lately after practice he's started talking to me while I wait for my ride) and it makes me smile... a lot actually, and I really hope he doesn't read this blog b/c he would almost instantly know who I was talking about. But I want to write about it, don't know why though. So this is probably one of my Worst written blogs, very choppy and scattered. But I'm going to post it anyway so here goes.

Until we meet again...

Julia

Current Mood: melancholy

Well I don't know if anyone actually reads my blogs...Of course it has been a very long time since I've written one. Sorry to all of my devoted fans, I'll try to possibly update more often, but just so you all know I have been regularly posting on my Myspace blog(larger audience you know).
I am now a big bad Freshmen at La Follette High school and Yesterday We wiped the floor w/ West's Football team(Oh yea, did I mention I'm playing Freshmen football...well I am) We won 64 to 0. It was pretty awesome. Seriously though, it isn't even the first day of school yet, and I've been to La Follette to many times to count. I went there close to everyday during the summer for Conditioning, and when that ended I was there for football, so going there for school wont be too different.
Oh! I just had a wonderfully great Idea. I can post all of the blogs I don't want to post on myspace for fear of certain friends reading them on Live Journal because I either have an audience of one, or zero, so that is lovely.
Well This is it for today, I hope I have quenched your thirst for Julia, if not, well I'm afraid you'll have to wait for my next post.

Until We meet again...

Julia

Current Mood: melancholy

Well we made it through our chior concert, and w/o any fainting, falling off the risers( I was afraid I was going to though, I mean with my history.....) and I even managed to sneak my water bottle on the stage, and succesfully conceal it underneath the risers. There were two songs that the alto's only new parts of, since we were only part-time, chior folk. And we just had to wing those, but all things considered we did a pretty good job. And then there was the AFTER PARTY!!!! we all went to dairy queen, and sang in the dairy queen, and made spectacles of ourselves, and had fun. and then we danced in front of the dollar general so we would be on the security camera. It's a good thing there were no robery's because then we would have been top suspects. Then I had to go home and get some sleep so I could get up early and study for the midterm I had today. It isn't over yet though, we have two and a half days next week to work on it.
OMG we did a news quiz thing in social studies and one of the questions was what is the holiday celebrated by the english on the day after christmas which I got because of Simons blog about boxing day.
Queen is awesome, I'm going to maybe do bohemian rhapsody for my variety show, if I can get it together in time. That would be such a fun song to do.

Current Mood: excited

The party last night was awesome! I'm bored right now though, my sister woke me up at 9:15. I could do my homework but..... Sarah McLachlan is awesome! My mom and brother and sister are at my brothers basketball game so I'm all alone. but I don't really mind. Last night when the dance was almost over we could see the principal and the security guard and they were whispering and pointing at us. They were talking about us it was funny.

Current Mood: blank