Me

regret

Mon, 29 Mar 2004 00:50:33 GMT

ever have one of those days where you just feel dumb? Like you made a really wrong choice but there is no way to make it right? I think I finally know what "regret" feels like.

sometimes things just seem right

Sat, 27 Mar 2004 03:19:19 GMT

You are the moonlight I am the stars
Together we light up the night
You are the passion I am the flame
We are both one and the same

No more rain...

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 04:40:17 GMT

I know my last post was a bit depressing. I was really scared at that moment...but luckily my gramms is doing good. Gaining strength and laughin' lots! I just love to hear her laugh, I dont think I noticed just how cute it was before. Funny how things like that happen.

I have been working like crazy. STILL. no end insight, infact the next 3 weeks will be the busiest ever. I mean, all this overtime means a good paycheck but some freetime is much needed.

Does anyone on my friends-list (as little as it is) watch Survivor? or watch this season of Average Joe? Im in the need of some reality-tv talk!!

Ohhh, my computer freaked out on me. I have someone fixing it and upgrading it. The thing that sucks is I made a few sets of icons. (does anyone remember the times when I made icons? lol I dont.) anyhow, I have some Buffy/Spike, Summer-ish, and of course my love Christina and Justin. As soon as I get my computer back, I'll post 'em. :)

Much love to everyone!

Say a little prayer for me.

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 03:26:26 GMT

I know I have neglected this journal lately. I have had alot of things going lately and have not been able to sit down and write. I feel bad that with my first post I have to ask a favor but...

I just got the news a couple hours ago that my grandmother was admitted to I.C.U. Im really scared, because she is loosing a lot of blood and no one really knows why. They are working on figuring out why...but...for now, they are just trying to make her comfortable and get her stable.

I'm really scared. I lost my mom last year and I just cant lose her too. I know that sounds selfish, and wee bit childish but I love her to death and just cant help but think of the worst.

I just want to ask y'all to say a quick prayer for her tonight, and if you aren't religious please just keep her in your thoughts. I truly believe good wishes can make miracles.

Thank you so much..

Tue, 24 Feb 2004 06:36:23 GMT

Right now I feel a lot of things. I'm angry, hurt and relieved all at the same time. But now Im confused at what to do next. Walk away or stay.

Thu, 19 Feb 2004 07:45:23 GMT

I wanted to write a real update tonight...but...after my day at work its just not going to happen. I am soooo tired, plus I have a headache and my tooth hurts. I guess my wisdom teeth are coming in and the pain is crazy. Anyone else go through this? Have any suggestions? I hope I can get into the dentist on friday...my only day off.

Im so excited that all the new people added me. Seriously I used to read your updates all the time on addictivedesign and was missing it. Maybe Ill even make some icons this weekend if I'm going to be at home on a friday night with a toothache.

Since I cant keep myself from whining Im going to go.

ps. i miss you, and cant wait till you get your battery charged and can answer my text messages.

Mon, 16 Feb 2004 01:09:12 GMT

Just got a paid account/extra icons. Thinking this journal needs a new layout and lots of new icons! I think that I will get on that this weekend. :)

Mon, 16 Feb 2004 00:31:13 GMT

I did it. I told the person I have been having problems with today, that its over. Well not over exactly. I told them, I would still be friends with them..but they had to stop, me being treated like shit is OVER. Im so relieved right now. I should have done it ages ago. And you know, they didnt even take it that bad. I am starting to wonder if they even realized they were acting that way. Anyhow we are going to go to dinner tomorrow night...talk, and try and see where to go from here.

*takes deep breath*

Im a happy camper tonight! So happy Im going to add this list of friends now. lol

Sun, 15 Feb 2004 22:09:10 GMT

Ewww. I don't feel good today. My stomach hurts really bad, plus I'm REALLY missing berriest_eri Didnt get to say goodbye to her last night. BUT Im thinking I may I have a BIG surprise for her tomorrow if it all works out.

Sweet baby James

Sat, 14 Feb 2004 05:04:11 GMT

There are just those songs that can always make you SMILE. Thank god for them.

Whenever I see your smiling face, I have to smile myself because I love you, yes, I do.
And when you give me that pretty little pout, it turns me inside out.
There's something about you, baby, I don't know.

Isn't it amazing a man like me can feel this way,
tell me how much longer, it could grow stronger every day. Oh, how much longer?

I thought I was in love a couple of times before with the girl next door,
but that was long before I met you, now I'm sure that I won't forget you.
And I thank my lucky stars that you are who you are,
and not just another lovely lady set out to break my heart.

Isn't it amazing a man like me can feel this way,
tell me how much longer, it could grow stronger every day.

No one can tell me that I'm doing wrong today, whenever I see you smile at me.
No one can tell me that I'm doing wrong today whenever I see your smiling face my way.
No one can tell me that I'm doing it wrong today.
No one can tell me that I'm doing it wrong today.

today is MY day....

Sat, 14 Feb 2004 04:36:54 GMT

*I thought about locking this post. I really have felt the need to write my feelings somewhere. I love writing in this journal because it feels safe. Please do not be offended by this post. Its just some thoughts and feelings I have had inside i need to let out. This is about my life, not my friends list*

After the whole thing with my mom happened, I made a promise. I promised to be a better person. Everyone has a different idea of what a "good" person is..but for me, making that promise I opened my heart and my mind. One of the many things I did, or am trying to do is give people chances. Try hard to work with someone, no matter how irritated I get, realize that people deserve the opportunity to change, and try and stick by them as they make that change.

With that said, today...I realize that I need to find a balance. A balance between being a "good person" and getting walked all over. I cannot continue to just let everything, and anything go in the hopes of a change down the road. That is not fair to me, or the other person really. Do I deserve your attitude? Do I deserve your obvious tone? The answer is no I dont, and you do not deserve me lying to you when I say its okay.

I have been thinking about this for a long time. But, tonight after talking to a dear friend of mine (<3 ya nik) I really need to put this "balance" in to action. It feels good, to come to grips with this. To let go of somethings and not feel guilty about it. Realizing that I am me, and I am a good person and I deserve to be treated that way I treat other people.

*sighs* I feel better. I really do.

*does anyone have any friends that they suggest i should add. Im getting a list together now, and plan on adding people ASAP*

Wed, 11 Feb 2004 02:27:00 GMT

*S C R E A M S*

............

feel a little better now

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 04:31:24 GMT

Just wanted to say

carry on....

FYI

Sat, 07 Feb 2004 08:36:55 GMT

my previous post was just me venting. it was not directed to anyone. just me figuring out a few things about a certain person in my life. my journal, i feel, is a safe place to write my thoughts and feelings. so i did. that is all. i dont expect anyone to understand my post entirely, and really the post was not made for anyone to understand.

so continue on with your daily journal readings. nothing more to see here.

;)

Sat, 07 Feb 2004 03:02:57 GMT

i love having a place to vent.

You're confusing.
You try to pretend like you aren't. But you are! You say you want something and that you feel "this" way, but your actions tell a totally different story. I think you just say things. I don't know why. But you just do. I also think you "feel" this way about a LOT of people. Which is fine. But, do not pretend it is something special. It is not. Because when push comes to shove you are not there. Actions speak much louder than words. That's all I have to say. Or maybe in this case words speak a lot louder than actions.

I dont expect anyone to understand this. But I needed to say something, RIGHT now.

eww just noticed that my paid time ran out. dang it. 2 months went by fast.

psssh whatever

Wed, 28 Jan 2004 03:53:26 GMT

Just when I start to think, maybe I could love you....I realize I'm a fool.

GIP

Mon, 26 Jan 2004 08:40:09 GMT

Looky someone special made me something extremely beautiful.

Thank you sweetie. <3 you!

Wed, 14 Jan 2004 21:52:34 GMT

I just want to write an official apology to anyone that has missed me on AIM lately. I have an overload of work that I have to do, and have been crashing at like 9pm. Yuck! I will have more time by the end of this week to chat though, so you better fill me in on all your latest news. Plus anyone who is joining the community. It is almost done, well it is done actually. Just have to host some images, and copy and paste the coding. So that is something to look forward to I hope. So anyone with characters up in the air *trys not to turn red* we better get em decided. :) Talk to you soon.

<3 me

berriest_eri:How was your dance class? I hope it went well.
slave4britters:I hope your feeling better, and that "the boy" isnt giving you too hard of a time ;)

all you other non journalers out there
Nik- I <3 you, you know that...but you drive me insane.
Roni- Call me

Sat, 03 Jan 2004 07:40:18 GMT

confession

im the worst friend ever.

/confession

So this is what its like?

Tue, 30 Dec 2003 06:57:11 GMT

I guess I should start writing in this thing, huh? I had pictured this cute little first post I would write..but..Im not in the mood at the moment. Go figure.

Anyhow. I am making a promise to write in this everyday from now on. At least a little note, lyrics...something. So be prepared. :)

Night all.

My thought of the day.
-Dont expect so much from people if you are not willing to give a little of yourself too.
-Things are not always black and white, tons of grey areas out there. If you are only willing to see your thoughts and ideas your missing out on a lot.

I guess that was more like two thoughts, but oh well extra wisdom from yours truly. ;)

sorry but this journal is...

Mon, 08 Dec 2003 06:46:38 GMT