I'll Have You!

Fishing for Birds

Sun, 27 Aug 2006 12:29:32 GMT

Behold the most polluted river in Sydney.
(No one has told this guy yet)

No Animal Cruelty This Time.

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 10:44:24 GMT

These photos are of a school my friend in Australia owns. Its in Mae Sot which is on the boarder of Burma and Thailand. These are the kids of illegal immigrants fleeing the Burmese military dictatorship. In Australia we find these children so threatening to our national security that when they arrive seeking refugee status we put them in detention for an indefinite amount of time.

Later i'll post new pictures on what its like in Burma. Its pretty funny.

I had the best time everest here. I've been to a load of countries and can say that these people are the nicest and poorest i've ever met. I left $3000 (AUD) worth of camera equipent hanging on a tree and walked off for 2 hours to hang out in someone's shack. I came back and it was all still there. Someone could have fed their family for two years on that money but no one took it. They have a warmth and respect for other people that i've never encounted in Western countries.

I would totally adopt one of these kids if I didn't hate children so much.

School Bag

THIS IS SO WARM AND FUZZY ITS GOING TO MELT YOUR FACE OFF!!!

Potential university students

I sat on an elephant’s head for 6 hours.

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 07:41:25 GMT

These giant scrotums with tusks aren’t intelligent. They are dumber than Bush and Letterman combined. These beasts are the largest land mammals in the world and yet they cower at some hyperactive Thai with a bamboo stick and a nail. Its like us cowering to a fucking paddle-pop wielding ferret. We would just either ignore the rodent and carry on or step on its neck. Which is exactly what I was hoping for the elephant to do.

Thanks for making my Guns & Roses shirt

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 22:49:42 GMT

In Australia I was proof reading some BLSO reports about a few male workers who complained to the BLSO and went on strike because that they hadn’t been paid and their wags were too low. In order to sort this issue out the boss kidnapped their wives, held them hostage and raped them for three days until the dissenting workers returned back to the factory to make baby clothes.

In another report a man notified the BLSO that he and his co-workers were being underpaid. As a result his boss killed him and left his body to be found by co-workers in order to intimidate them.

Right now I’m living with Ko Tan Dok from the BLSO and taking photos for them in Mae Sot. Here are some photos I took today of Burmese illegal sweat-shop workers and their families. I’m also eating a lot of goat, watching too much kickboxing and I feel like I have malaria.

They are very protective of their tyres in Mae Sot.

I think she has a myspace account

Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 05:35:49 GMT

Last night I was given the award for "Most outstanding law student 20006" at university (yeah go me). I had to wear a suit to the presentation however I didn't have one. Luckily my friend Anthony Hooper has quite a few suits. Anthony is doing his honors in Philosophy, and is ridiculously intelligent. He likes designer labels, opera, German idealism, drinking $80 bottles of wine and saying things in front of customers like "Lets move the holocaust section into fiction. Everyone knows it didn't really happen". He also helped me get into university. While at work I asked him to lend me a suit. When I got home this email was waiting for me. The thing is, I don't know if he is joking or not.

Hey Ampere,
Here are the suits that I have:

The first is a classical charcoal, very big in the late nineties and early
naughties. It's a charming three button ensemble, with the main benefit of
this being that it is the most fitted, and most slimming of all of the
range.

The second is a light blue and grey pin-stripped suit. The stripes are
delicate and subtle, hardly noticeable until up-close. It is a charmingly
simple two button suit adequate for less formal occasions.

The third and fourth photos are of a classical pin-stripe suit with daring
and bright stripes running the entire length. It is excellent to make one
appear taller and more powerful. Made of fine Italian wool it is the most
carefully made of all of the suits in the collection.

Fifth we have an old-fashioned grey suit, one that is prime to come back
into fashion. It goes perfectly with deep, dark accoutrements for striking
contrasts worthy of Billy Wilder.

Finally, there is the one-piece white jacket. Harkening back to classical
and classier times, it is reminiscent of the jackets worn by the rich and
adventurous in the 20's and 30's. At later times it has been brought back by
daringly provocative characters like Frank Sinatra. Blending seamlessly with
any of the other suit pants, wearing this is an exercise in fashion
construction rather than repetition.

And there you have it. Of course the shirts go with any number of ties and
shirts. One concern is that my shirts are all medium or small or extra
small, and are almost all fitted. Because you're of a slightly bigger frame
the mediums should be perfect, then sit a bit big on me. The size might
preclude you from the first suit, being a very slim 37, rather than the 38
normal of the rest of them.

Hope you see something you like.

A.

Remind you of someone?

Sailors, JENGA and Prostitutes

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 13:02:27 GMT

I left Bangers and met up with Paul, Bec and Clare in Ko Tow. It’s an island that attracts young people because of its scooba diving, seedy night clubs and prostitutes. Its like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas except with a beach. There was one guy there that we creatively dubbed “the sailor”. He was about 50 years old and wore only a sailor’s hat, Speedos and a leather vest accompanied by a bondage style gas mask which he never removed. He looked like the kind of guy that would say stuff like “I thought she was over 18, she didn’t look like a 4 old”. He’s probably nailed his testicles to a plank of wood a few times and can only get it up if he is being double fisted in the ass with another fist pumping in and out of the eye of his penis and another fist pumping in and out of a deep wound he created in his stomach with a power drill.

Every night we would see him at a club all sailored up dancing with his hand down his Speedos rubbing cock. He would then go up to anyone he could see, take his hand out of his pants and lick his fingers, slowly, one by one. It was probably the most fantastic thing we had seen so far.

We spent most days diving in the coral reefs and most nights drinking and paying prostitutes to play us at JENGA. The weird thing about Thailand is that all the prostitutes hang out in their bars playing Connect Four, Jenga and other awesome games. I was a little bit disappointed that they didn’t have Mouse Trap or Hungry Hungry Hippos though. This girl below was pretty much the Jenga master of the island. At first she was all giggly and flirty while she was playing. After I beat her the 3rd time she yelled at the girl dancing on the table to get the fuck off and made all the distracting lady-boys clear off as well. She became really fucking serious. The flirting stopped and you could tell that turning tricks wasn’t on her mind. She had determination in her eye. She had the eye of the tiger. The only thing she could hear was the chanting in her head…

JENGA!
JENGA!
JENGA!
JENGA!

A crowd started to gather behind us which consisted mostly of disgusting geezas who are now probably infected with HIV from fucking too many lady-boys because they were so pissed they mistook them for girls. Quite frankly, they put me off my game. They probably put Bec and Clare off men in general.

The JENGA tower became so high that we had to climb onto the tables to play. It was truly remarkably. I was no longer a potential client, but a worthy opponent in the most ancient game of the lands…known to us as JENGA… known to the Ko Tows as “wood tower crash game”.

I’m not going to say who won. In the end I think JENGA was the true winner that night. After the tower fell we actually noticed what was going on around us and it just became sad and pathetic. The geezers slurred as they tried to haggle the price down on their chosen bitches like your mum trying to get a markdown on some skirt because there is a loose stitch. The girl would just stand there listening as the geezer highlighted all her defects in broken English so he could get a cheaper price for ass fucking her and then wiping his dick clean in her hair. (“Cheaper! Cheaper! She’s too fucking ugly to be that expensive!”)

We asked JENGA Master how much for a fuck. We then paid her the equivalent for competing in Ultimate JNGA Tournament and left.

OK, this isn't Sailor, nor does it look like him. However, the feeling you get in your spine from watching this guy is similar to that felt when watching Sailor in action.

Milo

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 22:49:03 GMT

I took these photos while going to visit Mother in Penriff. She wasn't there so i decided to go get some Milo. I noticed this fire next to a power station, took pics. The only thing on these pics that is Photoshopped is the brightness contrast sharpness ect. It looked really apocalyptic because then sun was setting through the smoke. I then went to the local News Limited newspaper to get them published. They published one about 3 months later for a totally different story (onya). I then ate milo out of the tin until I fell asleep. When I woke up I thought my mouth was full of coagulated blood but I just fell asleep with a mouth full of Milo.

I'm going to start posting a load of photos on here and in other communities to get some comments especially to do with the exposure of my pics. I don't know what the deal is with my monitor by I process the pics on Photoshop and they look dandy on my computer. Then, when I print them out they are sometimes overexposed. Does anyone know how to adjust your monitor so it is a as close to real exposure as possible?

These kids stood there watching the fire. They probably lit it. I would have if i lived in Penrith. Its better than sitting around, playing PS2, drinking Sunkist and getting Type 2 Diabetes like the other kids there.

....................................................Science.........................................

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 09:34:07 GMT

According to the The Mirror Test conducted by Gordon G. Gallup it took each Chimpanzee a few days to realise that the Chimpanzee in front of them wasn't another primate but was infact, their own reflection. Consequently they lost interest with the mirror. So why are Live-Journalsapiens still obsessed with including themselves in photos through the reflection of mirrors? Are they yet to realise that it is in fact a reflection of themselves and not another similar looking person with the same camera? Quite strange seeing as though they appear to be very aware of themselves.

http://grimpeur.tamu.edu/~colin/TheCognitiveAnimal/P1/gallupp1.pdf

For sale

Sat, 05 Nov 2005 22:36:56 GMT

Nikon F65 35mm SLR FOR SALE

This is still in its original box with the manual. I rarely used it.

(Does not include bed sheet)

If you want to buy this email me.

a.byrne@iinet.net.au

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 09:59:28 GMT

...................I HOPE YOUR FINGER FEELS BETTER....................

SPONTANEOUS HUMAN COMBUSTION MEANS WE NEED A NEW HOUSEMATE

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 00:58:40 GMT

I started to feel a tad hot. This is strange because I only get that when one of the Baldwin brothers comes on TV. I thought that only menopausal woman had random hot flushes. I looked over at my housemate Jody. At first I thought it was self immolation, like monks protesting the war in Nam or Falun Dafa hoaxers in Tiananmen Square. Then I realised she was too apathetic to have a cause and petrol prices are quite high now. Turns out it was spontaneous human combustion. Who would have thought.

We swept up the ashes and shot them out of a cannon.(that’s what she would have wanted). We then rang her mum up and told her she’s gone to Hamilton Island for a few weeks so we didn’t attract any unwanted attention.

</center>

Due to the Spontaneous combustion of Jody we need a new housemate.

Here are the details

RENT - $85 per week
Yeah thats right. We think our Land Lord beleives the word "inflation" only applies to balloons and kiddy pools.

LOCATION - Chippendale.
Kinda across the road from Broadway shops on a quiet street.
3:46 minutes to Newtown. 2:14 minutes to the CBD.

Sharing with 2 students and a working class girl.

If you or someone you know wants to move call my mobo 0417041029

Tue, 17 Aug 2004 22:52:57 GMT

new entry....

GO AUSTRALIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats all.

216 Glebe Point Road

Wed, 12 May 2004 11:30:14 GMT

Today was my first day working At Dymocks on George Street. My boss’s name is Dean. Tomorrow I shall only refer to him as “The Dean”. I will pull pranks in his office and have him yell out “AAAAAAANTHONY!!!” and it shall echo throughout the store and the city, the bells in Town Hall will ring and the pigeons will fly away.

All the people there are really cool. There were two hundred applications, 6 people were hired and I was the only guy…. Yeah its tuff being me… sometimes I wish all these hoes would just back the fuck off you know what I mean.

I had my first crazy essay today… fucking crazy essays, I thought they only existed in Mexico and in some parts of Compton where Eazy-E used to hang out. This really big fat essay had a handle bar moustache, greasy hair blacker than the blackest of Iraqi oils. He also had some stubble from being a lazy Mexican all day. Every Mexican I see has a few days worth of stubble. Just like every Russian I see has a highjacked nuclear weapon heading straight for those “stupid Americans…. they will pay for what they did to….MOTHER RUSSIA!!!”.
The Mexican spoke really loud, his breath smelled of Doritos, Taco Bell, NAFTA, Tequila, Nachos, donkeys wearing sombreros and child labor.

He bought a map of Sydney. Then he came back 2 minutes later. He held an old book up in his hand. He wanted to know about the author. I figured he wanted a list of all the other novels written by the author. I read him the other books and he “did no care for those books”. He wanted to know the address of the author. I was like…”errr ok… hows about I go on Google and find out if this author is even alive”

“Why do you want to get in contact with the author?”

“I need him to perform an exorcism on me”

“Errr… how come Damien Montoya de la Santiago?”

He explained to me that he lived in a house that was possessed. He would go in rooms and it would get freezing cold all of a sudden even in the hot summer. Things would move by themselves and there were voices in the house. He doesn’t live there anymore though. But he has taken “it” with him.

“Where is this house”

“It is 216 Glebe Point Road”

“Oh wow! No shit! That’s near my house!!!”

As he was telling me this I was reading about the Author. He was a priest. He is in New York. He had performed exorcisms all over the world for the Vatican. He was 87 years old.

The guy then started to tell me more about his possession. He hears voices. He is sometimes telepathic. The walls in his house developed wounds on them that became infected and would always bleed.. “ITS EXACTLY THE SAME AS WHAT HAPPENS IN THE BOOK!” he yelled

And I thought… fuck. This must be a really good book. Its so good that this guy has gotten the book confused with reality. Just like when I watched Grease when I was 9 and thought I was Danny Zuco…until I was 17.

Wed, 28 Apr 2004 10:22:47 GMT

The Wrestling of Jelly

Tue, 27 Apr 2004 12:08:52 GMT

Sun, 25 Apr 2004 15:09:20 GMT

Another pointless entry courtesy of horror_mistress

Anthony spends his free time thinking of new things to say to offend people, and trying to justify in breeding, “Biologically it’s totally rad but found upon socially”, He’s believes he is a philosopher in bio-ethics.
Oh and he's also studying to become a porn historian.

Thu, 15 Apr 2004 16:40:17 GMT

I am a faggot.
taht is all

and this isn't anthony.. this is horror_mistress
anythonys outside detriorating his house..or someomshiothn
ewpfoihds;lkjhfq43'9ujt
\he smells.

The BRONX at the Annandale

Mon, 05 Apr 2004 08:37:29 GMT

"All these Hardcore bands just winge about their girlfriend's breaking up with them and these days emo guys cary around fucking purses. The BRONX are mad, they're all about boozen and fucken up the system"
Simon - Pissed

I broke Simon's arm cos he looked at me cock-eyed.

If you want Simon to glass you say:
"Woh thats like so cool! you have a white stripes cast!"

"THEY ARE THE LIVERPOOL COLOURS! NOT THE WHITE STROKES!!!!!!"

Lethal Passion 3

Thu, 25 Mar 2004 09:42:54 GMT

The Grim Reaper from Bill & Ted shows his versatility by playing Satan in The Passion of the Christ!

I was watching E News and Jann Carl (who filled in for Mary Hart) asked Mel Gibson if he was greatly influenced by “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” when filming “The Passion of the Christ”

Mel - “I’m sick of people assuming that I was inspired by Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure when making The Passion of the Christ. Its sheer “cocka-mahoy”! It was “Bill and Ted’s Bogus Adventure” that inspired me the most, then the Bible…. then Reservoir dogs. And what’s the deal with people saying I’m anti-Semitic? Just because the Jews fabricated the entire Holocaust and plan on taking over the world doesn’t mean I’m anti-Semitic, I like Seinfeld kinda… and that has a Jewish guy on it, I think his name is Jeremy…Ron Jeremy”

From now on I will refer to the Passion of the Christ as "Natural Born Killers"

Anyways, Kill Bill Volume 1 starts off with Jesus (played by Mad Max) in the olive garden talking to Billy Corgan about how you can get the Zwarn cassette for 95c in the HMV bargain bin now. He is then captured by a group of raging homosexual men sporting armor plated miniskirts that I’ve seen guys wear at Arc. I think one of them was the synth drum player from “Frankie Goes to Hollywood”. The Hebrew term for “homosexual to the max” must be “Roman Soldier” because that’s what they referred to these strapping young men as. Ok I just realised this LJ is turning into a film review page, so I’m stopping now. I’ll summarise the rest of the movie just incase you have never heard of Christianity before.

Then the paddling began… and boy did that guy get the paddlin’ of a life time, He copped an intense paddlin' for our sins. It was like a frat house initiation times 5….to the power of 3!!!

'Talkin' out of turn, that's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window, that's a paddlin'. Starin' at my sandals, that's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe, you better believe that's a paddlin'.

Stein

Wed, 25 Feb 2004 09:26:44 GMT

Thats Fantastic

Tue, 24 Feb 2004 08:19:16 GMT

Tonight, myself, Maja, "Eddie", Steven, Liz and Sabastian went and saw one of the most important movies this year and maybe even this century. I think the main reason we saw it is because Liz pointed out that "Halle Berry has a great set of teeters on er!" She then downed a huge glass of "Pang" (the vegeterian version of TANG) and slammed it on the table.

There were actualy two other names that Directer Mathieu Kassovitz proposed to the studio executives for the movie. The first one was "The Corset that Dared to Love" and the second was "Look Mom, No Studs!". The Directer conducted some intense marketing research to help him choose a name. He went on his Lj and said "Hey guys! i made a movie today about shit, what should i call it?"
The answer.... Gothica.

Gothica is about a videotape. After you watch the videotape the phone rings, and its Troy, he tells you he is a closet homosexual. Then your phone rings again and its a girl that tells you that you have seven days to live.

The whole time Sebastian was convinced that Halle Berry's breasts were the actual killers. And that they became killers because when she fucked Billy "The Bob" Thornton in Monster's Inc. his posessed inbread seamen some how came into contact with her breasts and seeped through her nymphoides, possibly in the deleted tit-fucking threesome scene where Billy "the hammok" Thornten and Micheal Moore tag her in Boo Radley's house. (deleted scene is available on Monster's Inc. DVD and also Bowling for Columbine). I never thought Robert Downey Jr.would look so good in a corset.

After the movie Maja wanted a bottle of water because she was still dehidrated from Little Birdy at the Annandale.

I beleive that Gothica will appeal to fuckwits in general, and therefor will result in it turning into a "what Gothika character are you?" survey.
I give it 5 out of 5 stars.

Note that Halle has already carved lyrics from the hit Micheal Jackson song "you are not alone" in her arm. She now currently sports the lyrics "Billy Jean is not my lover" on her other arm.

I need an LJ code. Please give me one.
(If I have snobbed you for the past year then just give me a code anyways hey)

P.S.
I'm starting a new LJ support group for people that choose not to be Doner A's on their licence and don't wish to ever donate their organs to "save" lives. I myself refuse to donate organs. If you have a fucked up organ don't come sookin over to my corpse scabbin a kidney. I want to be burried with all my organs in me. In my opinion donating organs kills more people than it saves. If you feel the same, help me get an LJ code too.
its called hands_off_my organ_baby!