Recently, my boyfriend and I have been having big problems. I fell in love with him, first glance. But a glimmer in a young girls eye. A hope, a dream of lasting love. I guess it was all a joke, or a well thought out lie. So much pain lately. I have been thinking about everything I have been through this past year. Even the years before that. I could take this razor and cut my self to ribbons, but that would solve a thing. Dear father, I know it must be hard, dear grannykins like I use to call you, so close to me, even still. Dear joke, I protected your name, played your game, but you can not keep me a secret forever. A lover, a friend, no one was allowed to know. Lies lies lies about your reasons why. You lie, you cheat, and stole my heart after it has been broken so many times. I guess all I can do is go on living. Try to break ties that seem to only bind my pain. Drive away. Get in my car and drive, seems to clear my mind. Smoke with my ministry as loud as can be, pretend I am stronger, and better, and less hurt by my reality. I'd like to strangle the girl, I'd like to kill her but, prison would not be fun. She is so repulsive. I just don't understand his attraction to her at all. Well I guess I'll get over it, like I get over everything.