i got sunshine, or how impatience can be a virtue.
[Most Recent Entries]
[Calendar View]
[Friends]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
talking mean to strangers' LiveJournal:
[ << Previous 20 ]
| Sunday, May 17th, 2009 | | 10:28 pm |
Back from Chicago, a day early. Seemed like one of the longest weekends of my life; first, the drive to Chicago took SEVEN hours on Friday -- I was in traffic on I-90 for 2.5 hours. Usually, I try not to swear in front of my grandmother, but finally I was like, "What the fuck is with these people? What the fuck are they doing? Get out of my lane, motherfucker!" The whole weekend was not at all about my sis; it was about babysitting my aunt and getting Grandma from place to place successfully. It was exhausting. Right now, the Celtics are going down in flames in the fourth quarter of game 7. Seems to cap it off right. One bright spot: seeing DAT, of course. He's like a ray of light, he is. He really wants me to move to Chicago; walking around with him today, I could see how it would be, and I liked it. Now if only I can get a job, you know? | | Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 | | 11:42 am |
| | Tuesday, April 21st, 2009 | | 3:51 pm |
I realized today that I have no idea what hunger actually feels like. What I mean is that I actually can't tell if the feeling in my stomach is hunger, or whether it's something else entirely. So the idea of intuitive eating, where I give my body what it tells me it wants, is not something I can currently practice. 'Cause I can't read my body's signals at all. Ok, maybe not at all. When I'm starvin,' I know it. But that's rare. Normal hunger? I don't know how to know that that is what I'm feeling. I'm sitting here trying to write interview questions that ask women about how integrated/disintegrated they feel with/from their embodied selves, and I can't even tell whether I should eat, drink, take an aspirin, or go for a walk. Effffffffff. Current Mood:  confused | | Sunday, February 1st, 2009 | | 4:25 pm |
Apparently, all I use my LiveJournal account for is to read fatshionista. | | Wednesday, August 8th, 2007 | | 1:01 pm |
Reason kabillion that I think M is a wonderful person who really listens to me: On his trip to his dad's, he bought me a little present: A button that reads "A waist is a terrible thing to mind." I've heard that saying before, but still . . . hee! Current Mood:  giggly | | Saturday, June 16th, 2007 | | 8:20 pm |
That's funny. I was just re-reading my last entry, and I'm not 29. I'm 28. | | Friday, May 25th, 2007 | | 10:01 pm |
Crazy Cat Lady, Part Junior
Today, while in a library working on a group project, my groupmate and I heard a large thump behind us at the glass door. A bird had flown directly into it, and was subsequently upright, and stunned, beak open and panting, sitting on the pavement next to the door. I wanted to go out and help it, but it was on the other side of an alarmed door. In other animal news, I've taken to perambulating around my neighborhood in the evenings (often with M) for what I call "Kitty Walks." I swear, I'm a 29-year-old Cat Lady. There are all of these lovely cats that live in my neighborhood, and I like to go out at night and pet them. There's this particularly precious one down the block with the cutest little kitty face and a slight little mew that I call "Big Paw Kitty" . . . because she has seven toes on each front paw. Ok, so it's not the most original nickname, but really! Seven! My dad once said that all six-toed kitties were descendents of Hemingway's cats . . . so who do the seven-toed-sisters descend from? (If man is five . . . then the devil is six . . . and God is seven!) It makes me so so sad that I can't own a cat, but it does make me calmer to be able to go out and pet one of the neighborhood kitties. Especially Big Paw. I've got a major crush on her. I get all excited when I approach her house, hoping that she's outside. It's like she's Dan Dan the Drummer Man from 8th grade or something. I also realized this evening on my Kitty Walk that part of the reason I love my neighborhood so much is that it reminds me of J.P. Well, the J.P. of my childhood, where it was either young families or young people or working-class folks who had grown up in J.P., and you could actually afford to live there, and it was kind of hippie-political, and people didn't landscape their front yards for purposes of enhancing how expensive their houses looked, but because they got a bunch of herbs and flowers at the Wake Up the Earth Festival and re-planted them. A lot of the houses are really brightly painted, and have porch swings and "War is Not the Answer" posters in the windows, and station wagons or pickup trucks with co-op bumper stickers parked out front. There's even a big sign at the end of my street announcing my neighborhood stating "Living in Diversity since the 1800s." How precious is that? Not as precious as Big Paw, but since I'm allergic to her, I'll take the diversity sign. I leave for Chi-town tomorrow to visit The Boys and The Sis. M is at his brother's commencement in Connecticut. It'll be two weekends in a row that I get to spend with *my* friends, with people that I've loved forever, and that makes me very happy, even though I'm not terribly happy with myself right now. Actually, I'm feeling pretty crappy about myself in general, so it's doubly important I get to see my Peeps, I think. Also, kitties. Current Mood:  lethargic | | Thursday, April 27th, 2006 | | 11:29 pm |
Restless Leg Syndrome??? A recognized medical condition? WTF? Next, they're going to say that the eyeflutters of REM need to be treated by something that may cause nausea, dizziness, vomiting, diarrhea and/or constipation, catatonia, or eye paralysis. I have just come up for air, both from my cold and being in the company of another person for the past 4 days. Kinda nice. | | 4:20 pm |
Shooting at the walls of heartache gives me a headache
I cannot seem to get over this cold. It's been, like, a week. Granted, MNF and I have been probably re-infecting each other over and over, but still! I had to walk over to the Institute to return a movie today, and I thought I was feeling much better, but that shit wore me out! I'm knackered, just from walking across campus. Oy. I had to turn down the opportunity to spend July in SF at the summer sexuality institute, because I can't afford it. The Coordinator is so danged nice, when I emailed her to tell her that I couldn't accept because of financial difficulties, she wrote back telling me to keep up with all the "amazing work" I do, and signed it, "Big hugs." My gosh, that made me feel so much better about saying I couldn't go! Really! I don't know what it is that I'm so excited for this weekend. I mean, nothing particularly special is happening, and finals week means nothing to me, as I have none. Maybe just the freedom that comes with other people not having things hanging over their heads? So they can hang out with me! Probably, though, MNF and I should be careful not to spend too much time together, once his time is freed up. I mean, we're pretty much together all the time now, even though he's got loads of work to do. If we did do that, we could get weirdly codependent and sick of each other and I know I get bitchy when I'm feeling that way. And he's too nice and would probably take it, and then I'd have to feel bad. Tomorrow is EDS's birthday, and I wish wish wish I could be with her and the girls to celebrate it. Also, I want to meet her boy who is so great to her. And I want her to meet mine. And I miss my girls. I miss a lot of people, actually. Lots. Loads. I'm off to the mall to return some things, as is my wont, as well as procrastinate, which is also a tendency of mine. Why fix it if . . ., etc? Go AWAY, ear infection! AWAY WITH YOU! Current Mood:  worn out | | Monday, April 24th, 2006 | | 6:37 pm |
From Planned Parenthood of Indiana
An Indiana mother recently accompanied her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend to one of Indiana's Planned Parenthood clinics, but they unwittingly walked into a so-called "crisis pregnancy center" run by an anti-abortion group, one that shared a parking lot with the real Planned Parenthood clinic and was designed expressly to lure Planned Parenthood patients and deceive them. The group took down the girl's confidential personal information and told her to come back for her appointment, which they said would be in their "other office" (the real Planned Parenthood office nearby). When she arrived for her appointment, not only did the Planned Parenthood staff have no record of her, but the police were there. The "crisis pregnancy center" had called them, claiming that a minor was being forced to have an abortion against her will. The "crisis pregnancy center" staff then proceeded to wage a campaign of intimidation and harassment over the following days, showing up at the girl's home and calling her father's workplace. Our clinic director reports that the girl was "scared to death to leave her house." They even went to her school and urged classmates to pressure her not to have an abortion. The anti-choice movement is setting up these "crisis pregnancy centers" across the country. Some of them have neutral-sounding names and run ads that falsely promise the full range of reproductive health services, but they dispense anti-choice propaganda and intimidation instead. And according to a recent article in The New York Times, there are currently more of these centers in the U.S. than there are actual abortion providers. What's more, these centers have received $60 million in government grants. They're being funded by our tax dollars. A bill has just been introduced in Congress to stop the fraudulent practices of fake clinics, but it desperately needs more support. Tell your representative to take a stand: anti-choice extremists must not get away with this any longer! Go to: http://www.ppaction.org/campaign/fakeclinics | | 11:26 am |
Ach, me noggin.
Monday morning + having to wake up at 6:30 am + suspected sinus infection + suspected ear infection + blocked up left ear from flying for a gazillion hours yesterday + having to teach = yo soy miserable. I cannot wait til next week. I'll have at least a week of not having to get up so goddamned early because MNF won't have to, either, before I have to start teaching. Can't think about teaching right now. Hives. Hives + the above = genuine medical emergency. Oy . . . I'm barely functioning today. I wish I were; it's truly fucking beautiful outside, and I'm sitting in the Student Union previewing a DVD on male hustlers to show my class. Ok, maybe that doesn't sound so bad to, like, DAT, or something. But it's a little depressing. SF was nice and relaxing and freaking expensive. Also really sinus-stuffing, with Junior's adorable little puppy, who I love. And she loves me, too. I wish I could have a dog! (I inadvertently just typed 'god' instead of 'dog.' Freudian typo?) Oh, I'm too sick to be funny. I feel asstastic and craptacular. Also craptastic and asstacular. Tomorrow = one official month with My New Friend. It feels like longer. In a good way. In the best way. I'm going to buy him flowers. Yup. Current Mood:  sick | | Thursday, April 20th, 2006 | | 1:27 pm |
If only I could actually leave the airport and go see people...
Ok, so, I'm at Chicago O'Hare. Managed to get my computer plugged in. Because my flight to SF is delayed. And I am only typing short declarative sentences. My cell phone went kablooey wonkity on me some time during the night after JKW called me. I knew I should have woken up to take her call! Now it won't turn on, and it won't charge, and I can't call any-frickin-body. Just so (all 2 of you that read this) know. I may try to get Junior to take me to a Sprint place in CA, but I also don't know if I want to spend the short amount of time we have together doing that. I am so glad I am going to be out of Bloomington for the weekend. Though I will miss my baby (did I just type that?). He was feeling sick last night, poor thing, and was actually eating chicken noodle soup out of a mug, which was damned adorable. It's kind of a good thing I'll be gone this weekend, though, because he has so much work, and I tend to be a distraction. He's such a talker, it's difficult for him to keep to himself when we're working together. I only have one class left to teach, and one guest speaker session. Shit, am I relieved. Yeah, I'll only have a break of about a week or 2 before I start teaching again, but it will be a much smaller group, and I'll have discussion leaders to help, and I won't have to write all the lectures up again. Or, at least, I won't have to write all of them up. I HATE airports. HATE them. Antiseptic, colorless, exhausting places. I hate the carpeting. I hate the fluorescent lighting. I hate watching people struggle with overloaded luggage. And I HATE DELAYS! Current Mood:  irritated | | Monday, April 17th, 2006 | | 5:12 pm |
I'm living a pop song.
The nimrods next door are playing music and Cornhole on their front lawn without at all considering the overt homoeroticism inherent in their beer-playing games. I miss my Davids, though I know they're both awash in a lot of other things. I swear, the boy has scrambled my brains like eggs. I can barely think about anything else, and really, I could care less about anything else. This weekend, we held hands through the opera and danced like crazy at the Rock and Roll Prom and saw arrrrrrrrt and kissed during a rainstorm and were just so fucking adorable I can barely even stand myself. I know I must be irritating other people, because dag, I can't stop smiling. It's so easy to be with him that I'm really really scared. Yes, I've become a person who gushes. Sorry. The world is still a mean, cold, cruel place where men and women terrorize each other and take advantage and break each other's backs. But under my little awning, I'm feeling really happy. And I'm going to SF on Thursday to see Junyah Ann and her amazing swelling belly! I'll eat sushi (if she'll let me, though she won't) and we'll get pedicures and try to avoid her snake-charming-church-attending mother-in-law. And I will avoid the hectic awfulness that is "The Greatest College Weekend" here in town. Whew. Current Mood:  rejuvenated | | Wednesday, April 12th, 2006 | | 2:12 pm |
Was she asking for it? Did she ask you nice?
Ok, I am really trying to talk myself down from the horrific double-standard-laden claptrap vitriol I heard from my class today re: sluts, self-respect, sexual assault, and coercion. I mean, I can't believe people still live by these antiquated rules! Really? 'Sluts' "ask for it?" REALLY?!?!? If a girl wears a short skirt and a skimpy top, she's sending out the wrong messages and should expect that something bad might happen to her? REALLY?!?!? Omigod. JS tried to calm me down by saying that I wasn't there to preach ideology, I was there to offer information, etc., on a very broad topic. But it flabbergasted me that I had to end the class with the admonition "Ok. REGARDLESS of someone's sexual history or how they look, it is NOT OKAY to touch them or coerce them into anything sexually. NOT OKAY." We really still have to say this? In other news, I am having a bloomer of a good hair day. Really. You should see it. My head looks fantastic (Side note: 'fantastic' is the favorite word not only of my long-time bestie EDS, but also of My New Friend. Says it all the time. It's adorable). Oh, don't want to be too schmoopy, but MNF is incredibly great. So so great. I don't even know what to do with myself, I feel really lucky and really happy. All the time we spend together just kind of amazes me. Totally haven't gotten sick of each other, really like each other's friends, and I'm in a little bit of shock that he seems to feel about me the way I do about him. AND, neither of us seems to be moving anywhere for a little while. Too, too weird. I'm having a hard time concentrating on much else, really. Luckily, nothing much else seems to be going on! I'm going to go fluff my great hair now. And then probably take a nap. My sleep schedule has been ALL fucked up for a few weeks now. | | Monday, April 10th, 2006 | | 11:18 pm |
The weirdest thing happened to me today. Ok, it's the end point of a few odd things. One of my long-ago exes (actually, my first rebound from dbs) contacted me this past fall, out of the frickin' blue, to say that he had discovered that he still had one of my videotapes of a student film I made in college. So I told him to send it to me. I never got it. Then I got a forward from him about a month ago, which I responded to, asking why I never got my tape. He claims he sent it. So I'm bummed, right? Well, tonight, I ended up being a guest on our student radio station's Sex Show (one-trick pony! one-trick pony! that's me!), and when I walked in, the hosts handed me a package. Somehow, the videotape that L-A-Ex had sent back in October had ended up at the station house. Not only that, but the hosts, having just recently contacted me to be on the show, knew who I was and got it to me. No one else there knows me. So now I have my tape back! It's late. I should go to sleep. MNF has really permeated big portions of my life right now. Good? Hope so. Current Mood: tired | | Sunday, April 9th, 2006 | | 10:27 pm |
In which I am unusually content
MNF and I are sitting here, while he tries to put together a lecture on the Ethics of Abortion, and I am avoiding grading papers. We have spent another great weekend together, where we actually went out and did stuff, and hung out with other people, two things I never did with REx. And I really like his friends and they seem to really like me. Woot. I am turning into someone optimistic. Ok, I'm going to type something obnoxious. Last night, we were out, and playing a dismally bad game of pool. I am suckage at billiards. Anyway, MNF was looking awfully cute, in a kind of Harry Potter-ish with No Wave hair kind of way, and I was a little bit goofy-happy that he was mine. Or, sort of mine. You know. Non-possessively mine. Whatever. Tonight we cooked dinner. And I saw DAT's article that was just published in Big Glossy. I'm so proud of you! And you and your party look all adorable and grown-up and summery and lighthearted and I wish I had been there wearing a sundress and slingbacks. Next time? I cannot figure out what I'm doing this summer, other than teaching for the first summer session. That isn't enough money to sustain me for the entire summer, by any means, but I'm leery of even trying to get some sort of retail job or telemarketing or something-- because I probably wouldn't even be hired! MNF and I have talked about a road trip, which would be great. But I don't want to take advantage of the savings I have left to lounge around all summer, and be bored and feeling guilty, etc. However, I don't really want to go anywhere else if MNF and I have the chance to both be here. I dunno. Ok. Back to wine-drinking. | | Monday, April 3rd, 2006 | | 5:03 pm |
I think it's kind of amazing the way someone's appearance can change from moment to moment, angle to angle. I'm feeling very worn out today. Spending such a concentrated amount of time with someone can be both wonderful and exhausting. You get used to it, and then when life starts back up again, as Monday mornings are wont to make happen, you feel very out of sorts. Somewhat bereft, even. My New Friend is, like, one of the best things that's happened since I got out here. I'm a little floored. All my friends seem to like him, (which I noted to JS today is WAY more important than whether or not he likes them. The friends are non-negotiable), and he just seems so comfortable with himself. This is in marked contrast to REx, who I couldn't take anywhere, and who still lived like he was 19 years old. I even cooked dinner for MNF! Who woulda thunk? And it's extending to my friends as well. So many of them are in pretty good places with good people. Maybe it's just about time? Current Mood: giggly | | Friday, March 31st, 2006 | | 11:23 am |
In which I reveal a softer side.
Happy Birthday to you,
I love you a lot.
I'm sorry I won't make it this weekend,
Because I'll really miss Hot Chocolate. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAT! Oh, I don't want to sound too gushy or to jinx myself, but I had another amazing time with My New Friend yesterday. He's just . . . I don't know. We're definitely still getting to know each other (obviously), but I just enjoy being with him so much. I'm in a little bit of shock, honestly. We discussed taking a road trip this summer, since there's pretty much no way I can afford to go to Amsterdam, as much as I'd love to. It's just prohibitively expensive. I'm thinking that maybe I'll try to go next year, and start looking for funding and scholarships to go a lot earlier in the year. It would just be irresponsible to spend that kind of money at this point. Not to mention damned near impossible. Ok, I probably will regret writing this later, but I just have to say that My New Friend is impossibly sweet, really really smart, seems totally open to me, is reliable, and fucking hot. He just left and I'm already looking forward to seeing him later. Have I become one of Those Girls? Wound-up, that's for sure. Current Mood:  giddy | | Tuesday, March 28th, 2006 | | 10:50 pm |
Wow, I haven't felt like this in a long while. Maybe JKW is right; maybe sometimes, it can be easy. Again, I don't want to get too crazy unrealistic or anything, but I have a really good feeling. I canceled class tomorrow; I'm feeling stoopit giddy. Current Mood:  chipper | | Monday, March 27th, 2006 | | 3:10 pm |
Oy, is my head foggy right now. But in the best way. What an amazing weekend! Omigod, I'm tired. I almost cancelled class today before I realized I had to pick up their papers. I'm trying not to get too ahead of myself, but I'm very excited about the events of the past 2 days. But I don't want to psych myself (or him, for that matter), out. Wheee! ...if only I knew what to do about REx. He's like, my last priority right now. I'm a cold-hearted snake. Speaking of priorities with the same name: DAT, where are you? Call me back, almost-birthday boy bitch. Current Mood: sleepy |
[ << Previous 20 ]
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
_sunshinestate_'s journal