shattered: wishing and wanting, wanting and wishing.

_suffocates_ @ 2004-06-08T15:38:00

2004-06-08T21:27:26Z

<--------------- look it's boo

oh boy.

2004-06-01T20:48:16Z

kylee:

" i was doing a crossword today.. i found on the floor.. and one of the words that i found ( but wasnt on the list ) was clit. And i was like KURT.. and people looked at me funny"

"but i had to laugh afterwards. we were doing a test.. and i shouted kurt loud.. and people are like "Shhh" and i was like " i found clit in the crossword""

i fucking love it.

_suffocates_ @ 2004-05-30T12:45:00

2004-05-30T18:34:25Z

fucking brillant

2004-05-16T18:15:53Z

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

yah

2004-05-16T18:06:48Z

so i took all those tests on dee page and this was the only one that made sense. and it's funny

I AM 17% PUNK ROCK!

It's not a fashion craze, or even a cool thing to do. I should just swallow it, get Lost, and take my friends with me.

Take the PUNK ROCK test at Fuali.com

thingy

2004-05-02T18:40:21Z

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
29. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

errr?

2004-04-12T23:14:27Z

i took an adventure today by myself down to the train tracks. i took like an hour and half walk it was good i feel like a loser but oh well i was having fun. i took pictures check them out if you like. the adventure

updates

2004-04-11T23:01:50Z

sometimes i think. (yes i know it's quite an amazing thing) and i wonder hmm.. why ppl like me but never ever want to do anything with me.. its quite interesting.. maybe one day someone will tell me whats up.. for now.. i guess it will be the same as always..
neways just wanted to update cause i have'nt for a bit.
later.

best day of my life.

2004-04-08T21:37:13Z

oh such a good day.
well it started out. i woke up late and did'nt have time to go to purolator before i went ot go meet up with liane for the 1250 movie at chinook secret window. so that wasn't a big deal although i need a job.. so i can have money.. so neways. i got all ready and went to hop of the bus.. there's is a bus by my house that gets me close to the number 3 which is the bus that takes me downtown. but i hate waiting for it. cause it only come every 45 mins.. so i always walk a 15 min walk to the loop. so i was on way to the bus.. i realized half way there that i forgot my bank car so i went back home.. and there was a dog that was following me home. and he was really big i totally thought he was gunna bite me or something.. so with all that in hand i started on my way back to 3 this time actually made it there not forgetting anything.. so for those of you that don't know it takes me an hour to get downtown. so i got downtown and i had to stop at the bank to put my gst check into the bank so that i had money for the movie. so i went to the bank machine. despoited my check. and it said 64.84 in my account.. so i was all like yippie i can totally go to the movie now and buy a c.d... so i went to do another transaction to take out 20$ and my account said. exceed amount available so i was like WTf!!?!??!! i have 60 bucks in there.. so i decided that would go talk to a teller..and i tried to call liane to tell her i was gunna be late for the movie. so i stood in this long ass line up at cibc. (oh it was so great i was there at lunch time) like 20 mins later i go and talk to some guy. and ask him wtf is going on!?!?! and he said "even tho president choice is part of cibc. we have no control over this you will have to call presidents choice" (so now i'm just fucking so happy this day is the best..) so i walked away right fucking pisted off shaking my head.. cause last time i tried to call president choice. they don't even have a person that you can talk to it's an automated phone service that just ask you if you wanna do over the phone banking.. so i tried to call liane again to tell her that my bank is stupid.. (i wish i would have stayed with the royal bank they never did this to me. this account fucks me around every other fucking day.) because i did'nt want to take the half an hour train ride to chinook.. so she still didn't pick up her phone. so i get on the c train and go all the way down to chinook.. and she calls me right before i'm at chinook and tells me that she already in the movie.. (so here we go again BEST DAY EVER) so i decided well i'm already here i will go see if maybe i can find her out of the movie trying to call me to see where i am.. and yah she wasn't there.. so i walked to chinook for nothing.. then i thought hey maybe i can go see tara just to say hi that might lighten up my day. so i walked to the other side of the mall. and guess what!??!?!?! tara was'nt at either of her jobs.. so i checked one more time at the theater to see if liane was there and she wasn't. so i left. so i get going home.. and i get off the c train downtown to go get on my bus and liane calls me and is like where the fuck are you?!?! and i'm like did'nt you get my msgs. and she was like "no" so then i tell her that i'm going home.. and she is like "well don't go home the movie got cancelled cause there was a fire alarm" so i said alright and i tould her i would meet her at starbucks. so i went to starbucks.. and sat there and waited for her. and she calls me back and she is like "oh they won't give my movie pass" (so now i'm like yes. this is still the best day ever) so i start on my way to the bus.. i turn the corner and there is my bus so i started walking faster to get on the bus.. the bus driver lets me on with my Frappuccino then like five seconds later he kicks me off the bus for having a drink.. so i'm like damn this is fucking awesome.. i want to just go partying! so i wait for the next bus.. this bus driver lets me on the bus like nothing.. and now i am finally at home.. and i just thought i would share the best day of my life with you.

immature.

2004-04-07T19:25:34Z

i love how some people can be so immature.
fuck if you don't like me just say you don't like me.
don't pretend that you want to do stuff with me and that you like me.
that's just immature and rude.
i mean come on, stop being 5.
just msg/email/phone whatever and say
"i don't like you"
it's just that easy.

some ppl are wierd..

2004-04-06T19:55:36Z

i get online and they get off but i know they are'nt off thier computer.
it's ok everyone i won't bother you and ask you to come out and do something.

ugh

2004-04-06T18:59:24Z

man how the hell do those ppl have images on there back grounds that don't move and see through entry area's i know how to do this on regular html. but this page makes no sense there's no where to do it? GRR! i really need to get a job again.

the crushed

2004-04-06T16:57:35Z

you wear these scars of trying to be perfect.
you wear the scars of trying to be loved.
you pray to be boughten.
you pray to be chose.
but your label must be broken.
your display box must be closed.

no one seems to care you there.
no one wants to replace this hurt with love.
your bar code must be broken.
your price tag must be gone.

because you derserve this all.
and so much more.
then the other items on the shelf.

each and every passing day.
they walk by you with no eye contact.
with no second look.
with no sad eyes.
they don't even see you nemore.

black plastic eyes.
pink plastic body.
brown plastic hair
real human clothes..

and then i realize.
then i step back and look

i'm not alive.

i'm only a statue for you to look at.
and a fashion statement for those who walk by.

torie came home

2004-04-05T16:35:39Z

awe, torie is the best.
she lives in georgia.
and she is an amazing artist.
and really awesome to talk to.
one day we are gunna be in kansas. and go to a hardcore show. lol
she just got back from bunnyfest and i am so jealous of her.
but i'm glad she is home!

shattered: wishing and wanting, wanting and wishing.

2004-04-05T15:27:55Z

i really like someone have for a while.. it hurts that they don't like me in that way. so i just sit there and hide it from them that i like them.. but you know... possibly it's better this way. cause i would probally just end up getting hurt.. and plus it's most likely just lust.. or like "the thing i can't have." neways..

my day.

2004-04-05T03:09:51Z

i totally walked from here to beddingtion. that's pretty far if you've ever been around or near my house.. but it was super beautiful outside today so it was awesome to go for a walk.. i totally said fuck it to the bus as soon as i knew i was going to rogers video. so i got 7 movies it was awesome. and i got the hit parader magazine which had a 16 page thing on kurt cobain and nirvana that made me happy. and i also got the revolver magazine which had davey from afi in it. and i totally got a toothbrush with my bottle of listerine lol! excitment free stuff is good.. so then i left the store and walked home. still was fucking beautiful outside. i loved it. i love walking.. i do it so much it's crazy. well i was walking home i took a picture of broken glass on the road it reminded me of my nickname i liked it. so then i went home and posted all the pictures from the magazines on my walls. and now i have so many pictures on my wall it makes me happy.. cause my room used to look like this.. but then i changed rooms and all my pictures got destroyed.. but that is my day thought i would share with you. cause i'm a loser like that.. but off to watch movies.. ttyl

photography

2004-04-03T20:51:43Z

if you are one of those ppl that looks at all my stuff you have seen some of these photos before but if you are'nt. check them out :)

the heartbreak lullaby

2004-04-03T19:13:08Z

i pushed a little bit harder then i've ever pushed before.
just to hold your hand.
just to know you there.
i've never pushed so hard.
i've never cared that much.
not even about myself, know how bad that hurts?

i wanted a part of you.
i wanted a part so bad.
i wanted you to fill my photo ablums with pictures of me and you.
but i guess it's true. i guess it's gone.
this rose never was meant to bloom.
it was always meant to die.

i wonder how i could have been so worthless.
i wonder why you never cared.
i'll take this rose.
pick of the petals.
and throw them on the ground.
hoping.
wishing.
wanting
for better days to come.
rather then rose petal nooses.
love letters and suicide notes.

you said your hurt.
you said you were crying.
you said i did all the wrong.
who was the one that broke this off?.
who was the one that let the blood shed?.
who gave the rose?
who let it die?
who never cared?
who always lied?
you.

so heres a quarter.
go call someone who cares.

it's sad

2004-04-03T18:42:26Z

you know i've been thinking about shit lately.. well i've thought about this before but it's so true.
i was thinking. alright, we are all friends on the internet some of us have met on the internet some of us have dated on the internet we have all done crazy stuff on the internet. it seems like it's a good way to meet ppl or whatever which it is.. but don't ppl really just step back and look. "hi, my name is kurt. i'm addicted to the internet" we all like to say that we are'nt we all like to say that it's just something to do when we are bored but that's such bullshit. we all like this new way of communication we all like this new way of being able to say whatever you want and not having to worry about the consquences. it's kinda funny you know. we all sit here, and get mad over the internet at each other cause we can't see emotion through a computer screen.. but yet we never do anything about it..
same with doing stuff with each other we sit here on the internet and bitch and complain about how we are so bored and we are on the internet. when your friend is saying the same thing back to you.. but for some reason when one of you says " you wanna do something?" the other says "no" man that's so screwed up shit.
i don't know why i am writing about this.. i guess it just popped in my mind..
it's wierd you know.. go back like seven or so years ago when we didn't have computers.. what did we used to spend our time doing?
i know. it'd be one of those day where you sit around with your friends ppl that you liked just being around and you guys would say " what do you wanna do today? " "i dunno man what do you wanna do?" notice those days don't even come nemore.. no rather we sit on the internet never hanging out with with each other and typing those questions to each other. whatever happened to hang out days? whatever happened to the old days. when you would just go walking the streets looks for other friends that are out doing the same thing.. or using a telephone.. i dunno.. shit is just wierd to me sometimes.. i guess i miss hanging out with ppl cause everyone would rather waste there time on here..

just shit that comes out.

2004-04-03T04:55:14Z

and i stand here singing this song to you.
but you are'nt even there.
you were never there.
and you are never going to be..
so i make for the bus.
to run away from this pain.
staring out the bus windows.
deeply amused by the fastly moving traffic.
and your brain not being able to constrate.
on all this destruction.

what do you know hey? i made another one.

2004-04-03T04:34:23Z

i have nothing to say tonight..
except this is the new journal