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Wow. So much has changed since my last entry...which was what, almost a year ago? SO MUCH has changed, so many things have happened. So many thoughts are jumbled up in my head. I stopped posting in my LJ coz...i guess i found it more easier to pour out my feelings when im not aware of how my feelings are supposed to be written for people to understand. I had my own journal entries saved in my computer, in word file, and also in a diary where i write down my feelings when im too lazy to open my pc.
So many has things changed. well, except for my LJ layout that is, too lazy to actually update it...er, well, not that im the one who made it anyway, haha! (thanks lai).
Anyway, what made me decide to post another entry after almost a year of not opening my account? hm..well aside from the fact that i dont want to do my business plan yet...well...im depressed. really depressed and i dont know how to express it anymore. Sometimes i think im sick or something. i think too much. i really think a LOT. i think too much to the point that im spaced out whenever im in the real world (in tagalog, tulala/sabaw). then when i realize im doing it, ill be happy-happy again. or am i? like i said, i think im sick. im depressed, then happy after a minute? then i get depressed again when im alone, as if i just postpone my depression or i just stop my train of thoughts just so i could feel happy.
and what the hell am i depressed about? EVERYTHING. my life, my family, my friends, my love life. and what's even more depressing is that i can only THINK about these things. i cant express them anymore. and i got tons of reasons for doing so. well, one of which is we're all busy. or maybe im just using that to actually escape from it? i dont know either. or maybe im a coward as well. maybe i escape it because im torn, i think about reasons why i should and why i shouldn't do things.
or maybe im just tired of all the drama that i oughta try to just let things be. afterall, what good ever happened when i tried solving for things anyway? i just got hurt more.
anyway im just blabbering. everythings all jumbled up. and to think this is just an introduction too. i just need to pour out some stuff or ill go crazy and wind up writing down letters that wouldnt be sent out anyway. ill hide now and do my BP shit, hehe:) oh and for the people who read this, then understood what the hell im blabbering about. WOW. bow ako sa inyo:)
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_stubbornpride's journal
ecstatic