Remeber to pause for breath

It's been busy since I last posted, including lots of changes. The last 10 days in particular have included lots of demands at work, with the work needing to be of high quality and done to a tight deadline, discovering something Really Important that may well cause significant changes in my life, getting really sick really suddenly (had to go to the doctor and everything, and it wasn't a quick or fun apointment), and generally lots of running around and stressing. I've been so stressed that last week, after my success, I didn't even once text Master and ask for permission to masturbate (which is my New Rule for a while), and it's unusual for me to willingly go without for a week, and then because I was so ill I missed my "night off" earlier this week when Master had told me I'd be permitted to touch myself with no restrictions, for a 6 hour window. I was really upset to miss it, but I just felt so awful :( I'm hoping that if I'm good maybe he'll grant it again. And despite being ill these last few days, the Really Important thing means I've been writing important letters and emails and having to do lots of thinking.

So last night, as we walked home, Master made a comment about "the state of [my] bottom". I demanded to know what was wrong with it and he remarked on its uniform colour and the lack of any "red or purple blossoms". I told him that a unifrom colour was good and I wasn't a plant so I didn't need flowers. Valiantly trying to ignore the fact that I hadn't been spanked for about 10 days. We were both really tired though so just went straight to bed. And as we snuggled close in the dark, I whisperd to him that I was glad he'd mentioned it because, even though I know he loves me, if he hadn't said anything I'd have evntually begun to worry that he didn't love me.

So this morning Master got half way dressed but left his shirt off, and then started clearing off my sofa. I was rummaging around naked, trying to find something I wanted to wear. He used that voice that's calm and inviting, and yet definitely not to be disobeyed without repercussions, and said "come here, please". I turned around, pouted (I'd been aware of what he was doing and why despite having my back to him. I often do, and yet I always pretend I'm ignoring him like maybe that'll delay or stop the spanking. Hasn't worked yet!) and sat down to his left. His arm came over my shoulder, grasped the back of my neck and he tried to push me over his lap but I resisted and whined in my best little girl voice, "No, cuddle first!"

Master chuckled and agreed, "Okay, cuddle first, then your spanking".

Obviously I had to pout and argue some - that was the first time he'd declared it as a definite event. But I wound up over his knee and my left buttock was slapped with his hand. Not very hard, only just hard enough to sting, but after a more than a week of no spankings and with my head not accepting it, it hurt plenty enough and I complained the whole time. "Ow, ow, ow! Noooooo, I don't want it!" and so forth.

Eventually Master stopped spanking and stroked me instead. Then he explained. About the stress at work. About the guilt because I'd been ill and had stayed home from work and missed Important Things (even though my boss completely agreed I should stay home - I'm a workaholic). About the stress about the Really Important stuff that's going to take a lot of work and most likely going to change my life quite a lot. About how I was scared it wasn't going to work and I wouldn't succeed at it because people would think I was stupid. About how I get upset when I'm ill because I don't like my body doing things without consulting me first. About how, despite knowing how wonderful our relationship is, I'd spent part of the previous day worrying about "what would happen if it all fell apart". About how for all these reasons, the little girl inside was scared and upset and needed to cry. So I was being spanked to help me to cry, and to remind me that he loves me.

And I hadn't even realised. It hadn't even occurred to me. But my Master knew. And as he explained it all to me, over his lap with my buttocks stinging gently, I started to cry. He wasn't even spanking me, but I was crying great big sobs into the sofa. He spanked me some more and I stopped crying, and then he pulled me into his arms for a cuddle and I started crying again.

I'm tearing up agin writing this - I am Very Lucky, I'm a very lucky big girl and a very lucky little girl, and my Master loves all of us. And I love him too, so much, and am so grateful that sometimes he knows me better than I know myself.