Current mood:

grateful

Punishment, part the second
The second half of my punishment got deferred until today (variety of reasons), but he gave me that look this morning (you know the one I mean) and told me to get the soap from the bathroom. Going back upstairs I scanned the label with the kind of fervour found only in the damned and doomed. Nothing on it about not ingesting. Damn.

On his orders, I gently eased the butt plug in, then pulled on a pair of rubber pants with a dildo built in, then fastened my harness over the top to help hold everything in firmly. I held still while he padlocked my wrists, blindfolded me and pulled a lycra hood over.

Thinking about it, I'm surprised by how secure I felt - the hood encased my head and held the blindfold firmly (impossible to rub it out of place), and yet wearing them made me feel more secure rather than less.

I lay on my back and held still while he padlocked my ankles together. Then he lifted my head and knelt behind me so that my head was supported on his thighs, and told me to open wide for the gag. I'd heard the sound of the soap being pumped out, and then I could smell it under my nose. There was a lot of wimpering and head shaking but he pointed out that the sooner it went in the sooner it could come out again, and eventually I (incredibly reluctantly) opened up.

It was horrible, but fortunately by making him wait a while all the soap had run down to the base of the gag so actually very little of it was against my tongue. I held very still, knowing that movements would be Bad. He buckled it in place, rolled me onto my side and left me.

That was the bad bit. He left me. I knew he was still in the room, I could clearly hear computer sounds, but I also knew that he wasn't going to pay any attention to me until the 20 minutes were up, that I was going to have to endure this horrible punishment without him. Saliva pooled in my left cheek and started to sting slightly, which just let me know that there was a load of soap in there that I really didn't want to go anywhere near. My butt started hurting (it's a large plug), and I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to be trussed, plugged, gagged, ignored. I could feel the resentment growing. I tried to stop it, pointing out to myself that it was entirely my own fault that I was in this position. That if I'd simply obeyed the rules that I'd asked Master to give me, this wouldn't have happened. Didn't matter. All I could think about was how miserable my mouth and bottom felt and how my Master was completely ignoring me. I wanted my Master. I started to cry.

Tears didn't attract his attention, though. I thought about throwing a tantrum. There may have been intermittent whimpering and the odd kick of the legs. I thought about crawling blindly across the room to him and nuzzling against his leg while making piteous noises. I figured if I did, he'd probably extend the time or make me start over or something. I reached up (my hands were cuffed in front of me) and realised I could unbuckle the gag if I wanted to. I thought about it. A lot.

But it wasn't mine to unbuckle - I was in this position because I'd disobeyed my Master, and he was ignoring me and I was uncomfortable and I would just have to be patient until the time was up.

I'm not very patient. There may have been more whimpering.

Finally, finally, I heard the computer power down and the chair scrape back. He flung back the covers, released my ankles. I curled up around him whining pathetically. He unbuckled the gag and I was very good and did not spit it out but waited for him to actually remove it. In the process, I got a hell of a lot more soap around my mouth than I had done in the earlier 20 minutes! I immediately begged to spit and was so desperate that when he brought me a glass of water it didn't even occur to me that I could swill my mouth out, I just spat. Then I proceeded to make awful faces and hacking noises for a few minutes.

Eventually we lay down together, me curled up against him and clinging. He stroked me and I was so relieved to be back in his arms that I cried a bit more. He kissed me and made a face at the soap taste, and I laughed. Then he said that he liked that I tasted like that, and now I'm rather worried!

I admitted that I hadn't really had to suffer the soap taste until right at the end when he was removing it, but hastened to assure him that it was awful enough. Although I did also say (and I don't know why I tell him these things) that if he wanted to make I really suffered next time, he should just load it onto a toothbrush and scrub my mouth out. I then hastened to agree when he pointed out that there wasn't going to be a 'next time'. Noooooo. Because, again, it was 20 minutes because it was 10 minutes per infraction, and next time it'll be 15 minutes. Better be good, hadn't I.

I confessed to feeling more grumpy and resentful than penitent, and he gently slapped my face (which always gets my attention) and then proceeded to scold me. I was mortified by the end, he was right, I'd been very naughty.

One of the things I love about my Master is that he makes it very clear that once a punishments over, it's over and I don't have to beat myself up about it any more. I agreed with him that I'd paid for my sins, but pointed out that I also wanted to remember the lesson. I fervently promised, in fact, to remember the lesson. I think he liked that :-)

We talked some more, about how I love being trussed and helpless, about how one night if I'm very good, I'll sleep bound. It'll be hard, not being able to stretch or really do much more than turn over, but I know I'd love it. We also talked about how, indeed, my Master is very inventive, and he wants to make sure I know that punishments won't always mean spankings (although I do find them the most cathartic when I'm feeling guilty). I know my Master likes to think of punishments as being "fitting"... yet another reason to behave myself!

And then we had some really hot sex ;-) and he let me touch myself, and when my orgasm rushed over me I was in his arms and his voice was saying "mine" and my voice was saying "yours" and I knew, deep in my bones, that my pleasure was his gift, and I was glad.

And the only thing I have left to say, is that being in my Master's arms is the safest, most loving, most wonderful place in the whole world.



Post Script: As a subtle and I think unintentional torture, he used some of my favourite toys for this punishment - every time I use them for a while I'll be remembering. On the other hand that's probably a good thing, and also I'm grateful he didn't use any nastier toys.