Some background info: I worked (my last day was yesterday! yay!) in an office supply store where we "take care of your business". I am your friendly front-end associate who sometimes works in the copy and print center.

( Only in the land of office supplies and self-serve copy machines )

TL;DR: A crazy lady comes in for copies and when the copy machine gives her more copies than she wanted, wants her VERY important documents re-shredded.

Recap: Family owned bead/jewelry store & boutique.

So we're doing this big Christmas in July sale this weekend which has been a huge success so far. Just yesterday we did what we normally do in a weekend, and today was much busier for the short time I was in the store. But here's a few WTFs/sucks I had to share.

WTF:
So the local oldies station that my parents always have on was doing Christmas music all day yesterday since it was July 25th, so it fit the theme really well. This woman comes in who's always pretty rude to my parents comes in, and she's on pretty good behavior - nothing outside her normal realm. She's been in the store for about 10 minutes kind of chuckling at the Christmas decorations we put up before going "Oh, you guys should be playing Christmas music!" She pauses, and then realizes that's exactly what we've been playing. -_-'

Suck:
We do a frequent buyer card. For every $10 spent on supplies and tools that is *not* part of any other sale/discount, you can get a stamp on the card. At 10 stamps you can get 15% off your next purchase, which also cannot be combined with any other sale/discount. This is stated explicitely on the card and at the counter. We also explain it to every customer when they say they're new to the store and are interested in the card. (Which btw, the card doesn't cost you anything and we don't take any information but your name, so the people who say no amuse me to no end.) So if you're buying something that is already 15% off I WILL NOT GIVE YOU A STAMP FOR THE MONEY YOU SPENT ON SALE ITEMS. I will happily (and did) give this bitchy customer one for the $16 on regular items, but they demanded that I give them another stamp by saying that the woman who normally works there would give them the stamp even though it were on sale and clearly, I must not know what I'm doing (even though the program was part my idea...). I wound up giving them another stamp after some bickering and another two dollars spent on regular items which put them close enough to the second stamp, but come on, the rules are the rules. I talked to my mom (the woman who normally works there and is the owner) after and she told me that this woman and her friend are always rude and condescending to her. WTF, really? We're not some mega-corporation trying to leech the money out of you with every marketing ploy we can. We have a frequent buyer card and the majority of our customers love it and think it's awesome.

Oh, and btw other bitchy customer, no matter how much you try to twist our "15% off everything in this area" is not going to stack with the sign outside explaining that select gemstones are 15% off. We put everything on sale in one area to make it easy. It's not an additional 15%; if it were it would say that. Don't try to twist things the way you want it. My manager will stand behind me on this 100% and will *not* give into your bitching. In fact, my father's likely to kick people out if they continue screaming and such the way you were, so be lucky he was running an errand.

That's it for now. It's going for the rest of the weekend, so we'll see if my parents have any other stories.

I work in a small office supply store. We sell protection plans that no one wants. Especially on our super cheap clearanced items. Such as a 1 GB USB drive we sold three months ago for $7.00 and then there's the fact Kingston, the vendor for the product, has a five year warranty on them which makes our protection plans even more moot on a cheap product.

Today one of the many customers who bought these flash drives comes back in wanting to return it the encounter goes as such:

ME: Me
USB: USB drive customer

ME: Hi! Can I help you find anything?
USB: (Distracted.) I'm just looking around.
ME: Okay.
USB: (Wanders around the store for a bit with me watching him then comes up to me holding a usb drive up to my face.) I bought this from you guys and now it doesn't work.
ME: All right. Do you have a receipt?
USB: No. It was a few months ago.
ME: We sell protection plans on-- (He cuts me off by laughing.) That's how most people react. However, that usb drive has a five year warranty on it. If you contact Kingston--
USB: It cost $7.00 but it's not normal for these things to break. (Acting like it's not a big deal.) I'll just get another one. (Walks away from me to another part of the store.) But I know I won't be getting it here. (Despite saying this he's still looking around my store like he wants to buy something else.) I mean, it broke on me.
ME: (Blinks. Unsure why he wouldn't shop with us again because his usb drive stopped working.) We don't make that product though.
USB: (Glares at me.) Yes, but most places would just say okay and do the return when I bring back something that's broken.
ME: (Stares at him blankly.) Do you have a receipt or our discount card so I can look you up in our system? If you purchased it from us in less than 30 days I can do a return. (I'm sure I can't do the return since we sold out of that drive a few months ago but at least I can look the guy up and know for certain.)

USB doesn't answer and wanders around some more. Goes up to our front counter, looks at another 1 GB USB drive, this one we sell for $8.00 then he leaves the store. Honestly, it was all very strange. He was faintly rude but I'm unsure what company he thinks would take back a clearanced item they sold out of months ago without a receipt just because he wanted it to happen. Just odd.

*edit* I do not work collections, I work in house default prevention. The difference being that we have options other than payment. This means that while we follow most of the fair debt collections policies as they're good practice, we are not actually held to them, and the part about not disclosing it's a debt does not apply.

The federal government says that there are certain people, mainly parents, with whom we can discuss all the intimate details of your loans.
Do not call me and scream because I told your mommy that you haven't paid your bill in almost a year and are about to go into collections. Also do not tell me never to contact her again and expect me to follow that; she said we were more than welcome to call back.

Don't want mommy to know what's going on?
A) pay your damn bill/use one of the several deferment options you have
B) return your messages the first 20 times we call you, and we won't have to call mommy

If you act like an irresponsible child, we will treat you like one.

A woman came in last night looking for, essentially, a zero-calorie Frappuccino. Yes, that's right, zero calorie. She kept phrasing her questions in a way that I couldn't understand: was she looking for low-calorie or non-dairy?

W: Do you have anything like a Frappuccino that's non-dairy?
M: We have the blended lemonade.
W: But I want something with coffee. Does your coffee Frappuccino have calories in it?
M: Yes.
W: But does it come with dairy in it?
M: Yes.
W: But do you have anything that doesn't have dairy in it?
M: All of the Frappuccinos have dairy in them, and we just have the blended lemonade that doesn't have dairy. Or if you can drink soy-
W: No, but I mean, do they all come with dairy already in them?
M: Yes, they come pre-made from a box and they all have dairy in them.
W: Do you have anything like a Frappuccino that doesn't have any calories in it? Like what if I wanted a coffee or an Americano blended?
M: We try to could do that, but the texture would be kind of slushy.
W: I just want something cold and with no calories.
M: There's the iced Americano or iced coffee, drinks that are just over ice.
W: Well, I want something with blended ice. Do you have anything without dairy?
M: Just the blended lemonade.
W: Okay, well, how many calories are in a coffee Frappuccino light?

I honestly can't even count the number of times she asked the same question, over and over, looking for a Frappuccino-like drink that had zero calories. Lady, no matter how you phrase it, that is just not possible. She finally settled on a coffee Frappuccino light. Maybe in fifty years scientists will have invented a no-calorie Frappuccino.

A scruffy guy comes in with his return item. I take the attaching toothbrush head and do it as a no receipt return. It comes up as $3. After returning it, and he gets it back as cash since it is small enough to be returned as cash. He says in this faraway voice, "Oh, I think I brought in the wrong one" then jets for the door.

S u s p i c i o u s

I'm looking out the door when several minutes later the guy walks in. I see a woman who is standing just outside the entrance door hand him a toothbrush head. Now I'm suspicious that she stole it and they're failing at thieving. Yet I decide not to say anything, but instead see how the toothbrush head comes up. I'm going to deny it either way because I am NOT being scammed again on this return one item below our max limit for cash w/no receipt and then come back in with the second item which is ALSO below the max.

The second toothbrush head shows up as item not on file. Translation: no money, no dice, no passing go.

Now he's bewildered and flustered as he mummbles and trips back through the door not to be seen again. HA HA HA.

Apparently people think its funny to come up to the speaker and order whoppers..and then try to hide their giggles..... 

I'm used to that..but this is another story.....

Me - Hi, can I help you?

Guy - Two double cheeseburgers

Other Guy in the Car- AND A WHOPPER PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Both Guys - HAHAHAHLOLOLOLOLOLOLHEHEHEHEHIAMACTINGLIKEAFIVEYEAROLDHAHAHLOLOLOL

Been lurking for a few weeks, first time I've had a chance to post. I worked for the formerly international bookstore chain that is currently going under for 5 years (2.5 as the merch supe) and I now work for a small university in the financial aid department. My job primarily revolves around sending out mail and opening the incoming mail.

Generally, a student's financial aid package will include the option of federal loans. That means you can borrow money from the Government. As such, there's the possibility that we could get our files audited by said Government so they can make sure their money is being handled properly. This is important.

It is also important that if we send you a letter to ask who the woman w/ a different last name who is listed as part of your household, you do not write back and tell us, of course, she doesn't get welfare or social security because she is your father's girlfriend who is in the country ILLEGALLY.

WTF?!?

Our store closes at midnight.
Every night.
It's on the doors.

We announce it regularly and tonight announced it at twenty, fifteen, and ten minutes till before a rush hit.

This woman was still in the building at ten after, when we were getting ready to leave. In fact, my coworker was in the process of removing his till from the register as she strolled up all leisurely from the frozen section. She had a full cart (including alcohol, which we cannot sell after midnight), and seemed terribly put out by the whole affair of our leaving. We closed already? No way. Not possible! Why would we do that while she was still shopping? Don't we know how important her business is to the store?! We'd even turned the lights off on her! OHGOD! Heaven forbid we have timers on the lights for the front end when we should be gone ten minutes before they shut off!

We rung her up, got her out as fast as we could (somehow managed to avoid bitching over the wine), and fled for our lives. If she had dawdled even more than thirty seconds longer, she would have been locked in without a cashier.

Maybe next time we should just let that happen.

Recap: Art supply store in a busy, bustling city.

I was sweeping around the registers, about 5 minutes to closing, when a couple of girls, dressed up for one of the bars in the area, I'm assuming, walk in and shake off their umbrellas. Conversation ensues:

Me: Your blue-haired sales associate
G1: Idiot girl #1
G2: Idiot girl #2

Me: Hi, how are you! :D :D :D
G1 & G2: *look at each other and laugh, keep walking*
Me: Is there anything I can help you find? :D
G1: Um, no. *laughs*
G2: *laughs*
Me: Just passing through? :D (Our parking garage is connected to the back exit)
G1: Um, yeah.
Me: Okay...

At this point, they're staring at me and laughing at me, so I just keep sweeping.

G1: Do you have like, soda?
Me: *deadpan* This is an art supply store.
G1: LIKE I DON'T KNOW THAT?! OMG NOT LIKE I CAN TELL WITH ALL THE ART SUPPLIES EVERYWHERE!!
G2: *scoffs*

They walk away, laughing and yelling about how there are SO MANY ART SUPPLIES EVERYWHERE and how she had NO IDEA this was an ART SUPPLY STORE!!!

Me: *yells* HAVE A WONDERFUL EVENING!!! :D :D :D

Apparently they bothered my other associate in the back, who happened to be drinking a soda, which is funny, asking him if we sold soda too, in a condescending way.

I can't stand it when people ask dumb questions just to get a reaction or to get their friends to laugh. If you're not a customer, and we're closing, don't expect me to joyfully be the butt end of your jokes. kthxbye.

Time for another open letter.

Dear customers,


Please, again, cease demanding to know why gas is so expensive. All your angry pontificating makes me want to throw a cup of cold water on you to cool you off. I assure you that I am not getting rich off your bottomless gas tank. But if you insist that I hold the power to directly change gas prices, I demand that you bring me a pizza for dinner. Behold me, All-Powerful Register Monkey! I demand dinner brought to me by trained elephants and singing parrots! Do not forget the extra cheese, and those that bring me breadsticks may kiss my ring.

So, next Sunday I'm out of town for a week. I'm happy .
I'm stuck with 3- 4 hour shifts still. They suck. I was also stuck listening to my co-worker say " I asked for the long weekend in August off. And she didn't give me Friday or Saturday off. Should i say i'm going to my parents baseball game? " Look. I'm off Friday and I work Saturday. I've decided not to complain anymore. My boss tends to forget alot about vacations and who needs what day off. One of the guys had his last day today. Not suprised. Didin't like working with him too much anyways, never talked to anyone.
But honestly. i asked for the 3-10 off, like 2 months ago. And reminder for a while. Part timers deserve 1 week vaacation. So far, everyone has had at least one week off. I deserve one week off as well. I'm unplugging my phone and ignoring Sobeys this week. If I find out on Thursday that I work Sunday night, I'm writing them a note saing I will be out of town as of Sunday at 10am.

just a little frusterated thats all. I'm picking up drawing agian, i use to draw rooms / buildings and landscapes. Feels so nice to draw again, i missed it. Couldn't because of school work. But now I don't work as much, need something to calm me down from teh stress right?

Thats all for now if she does book me, to work next week. i'm still going camping, but I will be pissed off that she forgot after me reminding her.

"It's a Vrack and Tan Stil thing."

Okay, I had Customer A--who's waiting in line with a larger order after Customer C--be nice and let another Customer B with only three things go ahead of him. Fair enough, right?

Now Customer B had two smaller items and one larger box from the bakery. And I would've rang it up with no problem. HOWEVER...Customer B just decided to butt in the middle of the order I was ringing up for Customer C--whom Customer A was behind in line--and plop her stuff in the middle of the items I had just rang up for Customer C on the second conveyor belt. The carryout--who doesn't know any better--just sees more stuff to pack, and he starts bagging Customer B's stuff up with Customer C's stuff.

Customer C gets pissed: "That's not my stuff!"

Customer B says, "But I was just getting tired of holding my stuff!"

.......Uh, you still have to wait. You don't just plop your stuff in the middle of someone else's order and expect me to wait on you RIGHTNOW!!! Customer C was in the middle of an order, and you did NOT get the go-ahead from C to go ahead of them.

If you are seriously that impatient, the service center can take small orders, and it's just five steps away from my register.




Also....to the parent of the girl who just screamed her head off for 20 minutes straight through the whole store....we all heard her. I mean, all of us heard her. Customers were complaining about it to us, the workers. There was nothing we could do about it, though. From the way your daughter was screaming, I was genuinely concerned she was hurt or something. Turned out she was just having a giant shit fit over not getting something she wanted.

LEARN TO DISCIPLINE YOUR KID, OR JUST LEAVE HER AT HOME.

No love--
--me

      I work on the front end of a grocery store.  Today, one of our college kids who was outside pushing carts came in to tell us that a couple of customers were harassing one of our cart boys who is mildly retarded .  My manager went out to have a look and there were two youngish (maybe late teens) people who were just being jerks, throwing things at him, laughing at him, basically had him almost in tears.  
      They end up coming inside, just get a couple of sodas and my manager confronts them on their way out.  She askes them to leave our employee alone and tells them that they are not welcome there anymore and to please leave promptly.  They end up going and my manager pulls in the employee to ask if he was alright.  After he was finally calmed down, he reluctantly tells her that said assholes are none other than his brother and the brother's girlfriend.
     In a world where people with disabilities probably have to deal with all sorts of bullshit, wouldn't you think that you would at least have a soft place to fall when it comes to family?   Unbelievable.
 

 Preface: I work security in a store.

Secondhand, but from a reliable source. And I may have posted this before, but it's been years and it doesn't get any less amazing.

My mother is a reference librarian. Reference librarians deal with whackadoo questions from the whackadoo general public. They are a different animal from circulation librarians, who check books out to people and fend off assholes who think they're above paying fines.

Mom has gotten some insanely stupid questions in her day, but this one takes the biscuit.

A man came up to the reference desk and asked for (get ready)

A photograph of Los Angeles in the time of Christ.

Now, if it were me, I would have told him flat-out that such a thing was impossible. Or I would have given him a stock photo of some sagebrush and told him to go to town.

My mother is a much nicer person than I am, and so she pulled out a bunch of encyclopedias, by way of illustrating that THIS was when Christ walked the earth, THIS was when the city of Los Angeles was founded, and THIS was when photography was invented, therefore she was unfortunately unable to comply with the patron's request.

The guy got really huffy and said, "Well, I didn't say it had to be a COLOR photo. Black and white would be fine!"

The fail, it is incalculable.

Background: I work at Protestant bookstore. Some background we only take one coupon per transaction. It's on all of our coupons.

i supervise a photo lab and run the front store register in a pharmacy, and this is the most unpleasant thing that's happened to me this week.

8:30pm, i'm the only one up front, and we get a mini-rush just before we get ready to close. this happens every night. two ladies come in and get in line side by side with their purchases. when they get to the counter, i give them the standard polite greeting and ask them if both their items will be on the same bill. they say yes, all is well. i tell them the total, and the following ensues.

me - heya!
lady 1 - you guessed it!
lady 2 - her sister.

me - "your total is $XX.XX"
lady 1 - "there you go! *hands me her card*"
lady 2 - "no, wait!" (she appeared to be rooting through her purse looking for her own wallet, also known as being cutesie and fighting with her sister to pay)
lady 1 - "swipe the card, girl!" (wtf? how does one respond to that?)
lady 2 - "NO! i'm going to pay!"
at this point, my arm is poised halfway up so that i could swipe the card if need be, but i'm waiting because these women are loud and a tad intimidating. finally, i just swipe the thing, and lady 2 looks resigned. that was awkward!
suddenly, i hear a beep and it my register tells me the card is declined. upon closer inspection, i figure out why: it's an ATM card, for use only with her bank's ATM machine, versus a debit card which has the logo of a major credit card company on the lower right. our registers require said credit card symbol, and i explained it to her very nicely.
me - "i'm sorry ma'am, but the machine declined your card because this is just an ATM card linked to your checking account. it isn't the same as a debit card which has a credit card company's logo on it and essentially allows it to be used the same as a credit card."
lady 1 - "no. NO! that is NOT the way this works! that is NOT how it is in canada!"
me - (oh god) "i'm sorry, but.."
lady 1 - "NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? NO. THAT'S NOT HOW IT SHOULD BE. THAT'S NOT HOW IT IS IN CANADA, EVERY CARD IS ACCEPTED EVERYWHERE! GOD, THIS HAS BEEN THE MOST UNPLEASANT TRIP! OKAY, WELL, WHATEVER, OKAY? JUST WHATEVER!"
at this point she takes her card back and hands me a mastercard instead. while the transaction is processing, she begins to speak to her sister in french (obviously assuming i won't understand her). i know a little french, and i know she was saying we were ripping her off and shit-talking me, but i resisted the temptation to call her on it in french. they leave, or so i think, and i go on about my night. about forty five minutes later, they come back in with two children and their mother, who only spoke french and kept barking phrases at me that i didn't quite catch. amid a good fifteen minutes of minor sucks, this is the one that stuck out.

lady 1 - "i need some cigarettes. which cigarettes are the closest to canadian cigarettes?"
me - "i have no idea. i'm not familiar with canadian cigarettes."
lady 1 - *sigh* WELL, THEY ARE LONG AND SKINNY!"
me - "well, we sell capris here, which are super slims, and almost every brand makes each blend of cigarette in 100/120 form, which is a longer version of the king size cigarette."
lady 1 - "what is that green one?"
me - "those are capri menthols."
lady 1 - "I DON'T WANT MENTHOLS, MY GOD! I JUST WANT WHAT IS MOST SIMILAR TO CANADIAN CIGARETTES!"
me - "...."
god only knows what my face was doing, i wasn't even trying to hide my irritation at this point.
lady 1 - "WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? I'M NOT FROM AMERICA, I DON'T KNOW AMERICAN CIGARETTES!"

okay, so it makes sense that you, as a canadian person, wouldn't know american cigarettes, but your american cashier should definitely be able to contrast and compare between canadian and american cigarette brands. right!

she eventually bought capri lights and bitched about it/everything else the whole way out the door. i was so irritated by her loud mouth and condescending tone that i went to the back room after she left and just took several long, deep breaths!

Dear Cashiers:
Does anyone here who works in a grocery store experience the displeasure of multiple times in a day having to smell the piss stains from the incontinent elderly customers?

When you see me struggling to find a SKU/UPC, do not tell me 'Oh! It's x.xx' ... Well. That's just fine and dandy, but I need a fucking SKU to ring it in!

Also, to the man today, who wanted me to ring the flowers in- that were 20 feet away outdoors- it's not that far to get one. What did you want me to say? 'Hold on while I pull the UPC out of my ass! :D'

Also! You saw the sign was flipped over- MEANING WE DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE IT (it's the day before a sale), and yet you insisted you get the item for the sale price, despite flipping over the sign yourself. I will not give that to you, so STFU.

Also; it is NOT my job to fetch things! I'm a cashier, so I will either get someone to get it for you, or you can get it yourself because it's a grand total (in the case of the pop) of five feet away. Heaven forbid you walk.

Cashier=/=servant

ETA: I forgot about this one! So this lady comes up to my cash, and the following conversation ensues

Me: Will this be on your HBC master card or credit card for double the points? (This is part of my job. I'm required to ask, and head office was in today. Damn skippy I asked!)
Her: NO. And I don't want one either. If you don't ask any more questions, I'll give you a prize. I come here to shop, NOT to listen to advertising, and you should pass that on!
Me: (Thinking) Oh Joy! A prize! -refrains from eye rolling, and continues on the scanning, totals and tells amount owing- Do you have an HBC rewards card? :D -Smile-
Her: -glares at like 'no you stupid cunt'-
Me: ... So you don't have one? :D
Her: -ZOMGGLAREOFDOOOOOOM-
Me: -Skips that part- Have a fantastic day!