A Charming Sociopath

perfection

2008-05-14T19:14:23Z

This isn't me, darling, it's the other guy, the guy you read on the page, the one who knows what to say and has half a chance of being romantic without sounding like a drunken stuttering fool. This isn't me telling you the truth, this isn't me lying to you, this is the featherpen and inkwell, the guy I keep in store so people can be disappointed when they actually get to know me. Hey babe, you asked me to introduce myself, and this is it. Allow me to introduce my best friend... I don't really run with the big guy, I'm just his wingman. I just sit here and try to feed off his success.

I think you've already met him, actually. That's the strange thing. He's the one who met you, who told you about everything that happened before. He's the one who garnered all the laughs and impressed you with his intellectual nobility. I was the awkward, anxious silence between your every word, waiting to hear your voice and waiting to hear what he would say in return. He doesn't show himself to a lot of people, you know. You should feel proud. I think he likes you, darling. I think he loves you. You have no idea how much that tears me up inside. I can't stand up to him, I can't beat him at anything and I wouldn't want to. Everything good in my life has come from him. I love him to death and I want him to be happy, but I have to fight him on this one. I don't think I have any other choice. If I have to go back to back with my alter ego, take ten paces, and blow his brains out to win a scrap of your attention, I'll do it. I'm just afraid of what happens if I can't beat him at his own game.

If I were playing God, could you bear to be created from nothing? Could you bear to let me sculpt you from the clay and blow you a soul from my own omnipotent lungs? Could you bear to let me be so arrogantly assertive of my own potency? I couldn't. I'd rather bow to you, I'd rather scrape my knees to the bone. I couldn't care less if you were a Goddess or something else entirely- cruel or caring, subtly raking over my skin with your infinite touch. No torch you could have would blind me so long as I were allowed to look upon you. But why play that game at all?

Words are words, nothing more, but they're all I can give you. I could build you a house, I could sing you a car and speak you a world in which your every desire was met at the drop of a note but that seems pointless when I wake up and realized I am still in the same place with the same blankets and the same pop tarts for breakfast. I could write you the greatest love song you could imagine, but when it came down to it and we lay together in our bed with the mattress springs assaulting our unprotected backs no combination of words would put you in God's arms, nothing I could say could have you moaning and weeping from love and joy if I couldn't follow it through. All I have are words, dear. Are you prepared to play along with the endless sonnets and sestinas and such that would constitute my only contribution to your perfection? Because I'm fully prepared to spend the rest of my life writing them. I'll probably do it whether you want me to or not.

If there was a moment I could have told you everything, I wouldn't need a journal or a pen. You have no idea how much I write about you.If there was a moment I could have compromised and been the artist and the real Brandon at once, it has left and refuses to return my calls. If I could be in love and believe it unconditionally without the sacrifice of an innocent ideology, without destroying an aspect of my personality, than this entire metaphor would be entirely unnecessary and I could go without

This isn't me, darling, it's the other guy. It's the man you see on the page, it's the author who seems so much more perfect than the real me, it's everything I want to be and he is confined in a separate space beyond my reach. I wish you the best. I won't be attending the wedding.

fat is the new black

2008-05-14T19:13:40Z

Yes, you would see me walking down the street and say that I was fat. Either that or you would say "Shit honey, we'd better cross to the other side of the road, that guy looks like riff-raff."

Whatever.

Doesn't matter.

I was looking through some magazines today and I noticed a trend towards normal looking people. That's right, I said normal looking people. You know, like the girl next door or that old guy and his wife down the street. People who look like everday average people.

People with a little fat on their bodies.

Not everybody can look like those models in the magazines. Those anorexic women with their high cheekbones and exposed ribcages. I can't even imagine what those women go through to look like that. It must be a terrible burden to have to long for a small morsel of food all day long only to get a celery stick or carrot shavings.

Or an eight ball.

Like I said before, whatever.

In the meantime I am going to ask you all to do a favor for me. This is for everybody. For all you fat haters out there, or you chubby chasers, or you regular joe's.

Stand up and take off your clothes. Yes, right now dammit. I'm not going to look, for chrissakes this is the fucking internet. Take off all your clothes, I'll wait.
*waiting

Ok, doesn't that feel much better? Now, reach down and.....oh wait, that's for later. Sorry. Go into the bathroom now. Don't be scared, yes you can put your clothes back on in a minute, just do what I say. Go into the bathroom.

Good. Now, you see the mirror there? Yes THAT mirror, the one you look into everyday, day in and day out. Go stand in front of that mirror. That's right, there's nothing to be afraid of, go stand there and take a very close look at yourself. Look at all the curves, drink in the essence of your body. Women, take a quick look at the toilet and wonder when the last time your man cleaned it was. Men, stop looking at your penis, it's not gonna get any bigger no matter what the people at Enzyte or Viagra told you.

LOOK AT YOUR BODY.

Do you see any fat? Don't lie. You do, don't you. There's a little down by your waistline isn't there? There's a little on those arms of yours too. Maybe there's a little right where the curve of your buttocks meet your legs. There might be some on your thighs, there probably is. What about your chest? Any fat there? There could be. You would know if it was there, you would be looking at it right now.

Let's all breath a collective sigh.

Ready?

*sigh

Ok. Now think about how you feel about yourself. Are you happy? I am. Are you content with your lot in life? Bad question I know, but if you said no, you'd probably be normal. Do you think you could stand to lose a little weight? Probably, but who doesn't? Unless you are a muscular freak or Jack Lalanne (google it if you don't know who he is), You probably do need to lose a little.

I need to lose alot. But for some reason a certain amount of the female population out there digs big guys. Not that I'm looking because I'm not, but still If I were single I'd be dating alot. An awful lot.

But I digress.

Don't worry about that little bit of fat hanging around your middle. Stop obsessing about the spare weight that seems to be gripping your thighs.

Revel in the fact that you are normal in most every way, except for you guys with the really small peni. It's you guys that have to worry. Just kidding of course. Even the small peni guys are normal. Hehehe.

Don't worry about the fat. It's normal. Hell, up here in Upstate NY you have to have a little fat on your body just to get through the damn winter. There are no skinny people here, we are all beasts with hairy chests and no necks. It's how we survive.

Don't we have enough to worry about with all the crooked politicians and conspiracy theories and personal relationship crap that we go through. Isn't there enough stress in our lives without having to worry about that little bit of extra weight we carry around.

Be normal.

Have a little fat.

And smile more. Everybody looks better when they smile. Remember, it takes 47 muscles to make your face frown, but it only takes me 4 muscles to reach up with my right arm and slap that shitty frown off your face.

Enjoy life. You look great even if you don't think so.

And women, stop worrying about the size of your breasts. We like them no matter how big or small they are.

Even if they have a little fat. Especially fat ass butts.

Any straight guy that says different is a liar.

Really.

stars.

2008-05-14T19:13:17Z

I noticed that her hair smelled of cinnamon right before I killed her.

Afterward, as I gazed down on her still, lithe form, I wondered what she'd been in life, besides an assassin. Did she like Classical music? What was her favorite color?

I took one last look at her, paying special attention to the sharp, unnatural bend to her neck, then walked out of the alley. She was the first female I'd had to take down. Even then, with her body still warm, I was pretty sure that I'd never forget her.

The particulars of the mission are unimportant to my story. Suffice it to say that I encountered no more serious obstacles in its completion. After my debriefing, I go back to the small, unremarkable rat-hole that's the closest thing that I presently have to a home, only to discover that the stray cat I'd spontaneously adopted three weeks ago had been captured, tortured and finally killed by someone.

No one knows me here and I spent a minute wondering why someone would take the time to throw the poor beasts' carcass onto my minuscule, second-floor balcony. I left his broken body where he'd landed; I needed a drink.

My freezer contains two things: a half-empty bottle of vodka and a mostly-empty pack of cigarettes. I don't smoke but my sister does; she left them there the last time she visited. She said keeping them there helps seal in the flavor. I haven't seen her in almost a year.

I grab the bottle and go outside to sit with Jacob. The night sky is clear, but the city lights make it hard to see the stars. I remember how bright they used to be when I was young. I could sometimes read by their light.

My first sip burns going down. He's still dead. Something's bothering me, but I can't quite figure out what. It's gotta be about the woman, but that doesn't make any sense. I've been the cause of so many people's demise and I've never lost sleep over any of them; not even my first.

I let my mind wander and take another sip of vodka. Sooner or later, my subconscious will let me in on the big secret; I've just got to let it tell me in its own time. My eyes are drawn up to the dimly glimmering stars again. Cinnamon echoes in my nostrils.

Suddenly, a story pops into my head; an old one. Something I read when I was very young. 'Friday' by Robert A. Heinlein. Like most of his work, it's a beautifully-crafted character study masquerading as a science-fiction-esque action/spy story. I think I was twelve, the first time I read it, and I adored the main character.

She was smart, she was ruthless, she was funny. Most of all though, she was loving; at least, to those few who were worthy of it. Every time I read that book (and I read it many, many times), I would always ask myself if I was the sort of person that Friday might like. Deep in my soul, though, I always knew that the answer was no.

I'm highly intelligent, quietly implacable and many would say that I'm pretty entertaining, when I want to be. But I'm not loving, by any means. No, in my most perceptive moments, I know that cruelty calls to me far more than kindness. I may admire and serve those who strive to uphold Order, but I'm far more comfortable with the sublime rage that darkness breeds.

I try to take another sip from the bottle, only to find that it's empty. I set the bottle down beside me, then absently run my fingers through Jacob's blood-matted calico fur. He was a good cat. I briefly think about torturing one of the neighborhood kids until he tells me who killed my pet, but soon discard the idea. Attention is not something that I need right now.

Once more, my mind circles back to the woman in the alley, but this time I know why. My profession is a difficult discipline for anyone to follow and doubly so for a female. Even though I ended her, she was no amateur. I could tell that by the way she shadowed me before I trapped her in the alley that would soon be her deathbed. Even when she realized that she was well and truly cornered and that there wasn't anything left to do but die, she never wavered.

Our Dance was short and silent; as most serious fights are. I felt the snapping of her neck with every ounce of my tattered soul and I held her up for the briefest of moments after life fled from her body. I didn't realize it then, but I had just killed my own personal Friday.

My kind tend toward solitude, but we (or, at least, I) always hold out hope that, someday, the isolation will end. I suppose that's foolish; there's nothing but the thrill of the hunt and a never-ending road to walk alone for me. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

It's only sometimes, like when I'm sitting next to a dead friend or have just snuffed out a life that I could've maybe loved a little bit, that I wonder what might have been, had I reached out to those cold, uncaring stars a little less.

rather good

2008-05-14T19:12:44Z

The last guest at the party, she sat in the chair farthest from him, drinking rum from a plastic cup. He was talking about old high school friends—who was still living with their parents, who was an alcoholic, who was engaged. She managed to respond coolly in spite of the fact that all she could think about was how they were drunk and alone in the early hours of the morning, and he still had the body of a 17-year-old football star.

"I should go to bed. Are you going to stay here?"

"I'm going to stay until the buzz wears off." Of course she wanted to stay. She'd had multiple fantasies about this exact situation since high school, and each one was hot as hell. "I need water."

She filled her cup at the kitchen sink and turned to face him, leaning against the wall.

"Do you need to wash up? You can use the bathroom down here, I can get you a towel or a toothbrush or something."

"No."

"Why are you smirking?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're giving me a look."

"I'm not giving you a look."

He wouldn't take his prying black eyes off her face, so she turned around and headed back to her chair. He climbed the first step to his bedroom and flicked off the lights, and she immediately felt the weight of disappointment.

"Psst."

She squinted through the black. "What?"

"You can either share my bed, or..." but he was already leading her upstairs by the hand before he finished his sentence.

Her eyes were immediately drawn to the guitars, glistening in the blue beam that shined in through the bedroom skylight. "You play guitar?"

"For a couple years now. I like to write my own songs."

Well, that seals the deal.

"Do you want some shorts? Or a sweatshirt?"

She grabbed a pair of gray shorts from his outstretched hand and unabashedly stripped down to a barely-there thong while he watched. She laughed at him.

"What's so funny?"

"You aren't ravaging me."

"Why should I be?"

"Uh, because you can."

What happened next was a blur, but time slowed down when she had his shirt pulled up over his mind-melting, hard brown abs. He was solid everywhere.

"Oh my god," she practically whimpered. "Do you still run?"

He mumbled an answer with his tongue in her mouth and reached into the pair of shorts he'd lent her. He remembered how she liked the spot on her abdomen massaged, that the tension of having her hips restrained against his body turned her on. He pushed a finger inside and she was putty in his hands, writhing with pleasure.

"You never used to like this."

"It hurt, I was a virgin."

"I get it, I'm just reminiscing the good old days."

"We were boring in high school," she snickered in a voice husky from booze and arousal. She tugged at his shorts, dying to see and feel everything she never did in high school. What did he look like? What did he taste like? Her impatience made her clumsy, and the shorts tangled around his waist. He pulled them down and, to the shy 15-year-old inside her, it was like finding buried treasure. She licked him gently, but he grabbed her by the head, needy, pushing his cock into her throat.

"Why are you so randy?" he gasped.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"I didn't say that, but...where did this come from? Remember when you were a good girl? My parents still love you."

"That's what makes it so hot! You don't think nailing your high school sweetheart ten years later is like something out of a porno?"

"You should try harder to keep it in your pants. And we are not having sex tonight."

"We aren't?"

"My roommate is sleeping right there on the floor."

"Oh. Maybe he's into this kind of thing." She bit his ear and rubbed her firm, perky, glorious tits against his bare chest.

"I was traveling with my friend a couple weeks ago, and he brought a girl back to our hotel room...and they had sex while I was there...and it was the worst situation I've ever been in."

"That's the most traumatic thing that's ever happened to you? In your life? Do you live in a bubble?"

"I don't want to wake him."

"I promise I'll be good. I won't make a sound. I'll be very, very quiet." He was driving his fingers in her like no tomorrow, grinding against her ass while she stroked him.

"I'd have to get up for a condom. The floor might creak or something."

"You're serious? I'm hot, drunk, naked, and begging for your sex with your hard cock in my hand, and you don't want to screw?"

"It wouldn't be decent."

"Uh. Well, okay."

Three hours later she was woken by the morning sun and didn't hesitate to find her clothes on the floor, fearing the detonative roommate-sex formula. He hushed her clunky heels as he walked her down the stairs and to the door.

"It was good seeing you again," he called as she stepped into her car.

"You too. But you should know that last night, I found your behavior very inappropriate." She pulled the car door shut and headed down the driveway as he stood open-mouthed on the stoop.

butterfly

2008-05-14T19:11:49Z

It started with a smile. We like to think that smiling symbolizes happiness; joy. The wolf smiles before dinner. Its smile promises rent flesh and crimson savagery. This is the story of a little red riding hood. I am the wolf. My actions have precluded any further meaning of time. And so, after this moment, now that moment, nothing else matters. Let me tell you what did matter. Love mattered. Early on a Summer day, the wind stirring the trees mattered. My lips against hers mattered. I was never very romantic, but I could still feel something on those days. It was pure, not a fake red rose, nor cheap white wine. It was an instant beyond the phony laughter and the trite conversation. It is our great curse that a single moment can hold more meaning than any day, any month, any year. We dedicate ourselves to those perfect seconds. The dedications are our poetry, our songs, our tears. How bittersweet it is.

In any case, she mattered. Every freckle on her face mattered. You might think that you understand, but you don't. We met in the rain, underneath the slight awning of a bus stop. We huddled together, seeking respite from the falling moisture. Just the two of us there, it was more like respite from the world. It began with a smile, that was it.

That was everything.

There was something else that mattered: fear. Perhaps it didn't actually matter, but it was important. Semantics aside, fear is the antithesis of love. Hate may be the obvious choice, but it cannot oppose love. Hate is frivolous and meaningless. It's misdirected passion on the path of futility. Fear is much more powerful. Fear is the only emotion that can dare to challenge love. It drags at love at all times, seeking to bring it to waste within the mire. This is our true weakness. I feared the cold when she was gone. I feared fading. I was greedy for my precious moments. I only mention this because I want you to understand that this was not perfect bliss. It was a slight departure from a flawless romantic fantasy.

It ended where it began, at that same rainy bus stop. As every moment from the end of time reaches towards me, I find the middle has faded. It ended with a kiss. Our lips were parted by the car slamming into her body, throwing me aside. I can still see her eyes, they flash as she's ripped away. She was gone before I made it to her crumpled body. Her limbs were twisted, but her face pointed at the clouds. This was all that was left to me. The blood dripping from the car pooled into her parted lips. One last smile. What did this one mean? I walked home afterwards, my fists shaking under the relentless sky. I wondered what she was thinking about as finality embraced her. I like to imagine the last thought before death stretching to infinity. Immortality in a day-dream. This is mine. I've severed this existence with the question at the end of a rope. There is no answer, just a fading echo, and a smile.

_soiled_soul @ 2006-12-19T22:14:00

2006-12-20T03:14:02Z

<http://photobucket.com/">

_soiled_soul @ 2006-01-06T00:23:00

2006-01-06T05:24:57Z

Selected Nursery Rhymes
of Andrew Dice Clay

Hickory Dickory Dock.
My balls fell out of my jock.
I laid them to rest
On some hooker's chest
And paddled her face with my cock.

Roll, roll, roll your cunt
Gently down my prick.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Then you'll suck my dick.

Hey diddle diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon.
That's more than my lazy wife does,
The fat, fuckin' smelly baboon

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
A lightbulb was stuck up her ass.
It woke up the spider
Who lived deep inside her.
He said "Hey, free electric and gas."

Jack and Jill went up the hill
And Jack would try to hump her.
Jill said No / and Jack said So
I'll ram it in your dumper.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
Will she blow me in the car.
I bought her dinner, she had fun.
My balls are boiling, I'd like to come.

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her old dog a snack.
The cupboard was bare,
She didn't despair.
She let Rover munch on her crack

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater.
Whacked off in the movie theater.
Sprayed his load across the screen
And ruined Titanic's final scene

Jack and Betty, up in a tree
F-U-C-K-I-N-G
First comes Betty, then comes Jack
Then comes the goo from Betty's crack.

Little Boy Blue -
He needed the money.

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie
Jerked off in his girlfriend's eye
When her eye was dry and shut
Georgie fucked that one-eyed slut

Old King Cole was a merry old soul
A merry old soul was he
He chewed off his tit
And ate his own shit
And washed it down with some tea.

Hickory Dickory Dock
Some chick was sucking my cock
The clock struck two
I dropped my goo
I dumped the bitch on the next block.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Both with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two-fifty
That fuckin' whore.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
Trim that pussy it's too damn hairy

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her
And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl, bitch?"

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone
When she bent over,
Her Rover took over
And she got a bone of her own.

Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
So Jack ignored those flabby tits
And licked her asshole clean

Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top
Your mother's a whore,
And I ain't your pop.

Little Bo Peep fucked her sheep
Blew a horse, licked his feet
She ate his ass so very nice
Tongued his balls not once but twice

Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater
Had a wife, loved to beat her
Smacked her twice across the head
Fucked her ass and went to bed

Little jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating a pizza pie.
He shit pepperoni,
Then blew his friend Tony,
And wiped his mouth on his tie

Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Shine upon the parking lot
As I eat my girl friends twat.

Three blind mice, see how they run
Where the fuck are they going?

Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe
Suck my dick and swallow slow.

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick
Jack burnt off his fuckin' dick.

There was an old lady
Who lived in a shoe
She had so many kids
Her uterus fell out

Patty cake, patty cake,
Baker's man
If your chick's on her period
Fuck her in the can

Mary had a little lamb,
She kept in her backyard.
When she took her panties off
His wooly dick got hard.

Doe, a deer, a female deer.
Ray, the guy that fucked her ass.

Rub a Dub Dub
Three men in a tub.
Faggots have threesomes, too-
So fuckin' what.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I fucked your mother's ass
And she had you.

_soiled_soul @ 2006-01-03T21:28:00

2006-01-04T02:50:36Z

Is it really so pathetic that she chooses to talk to me? Is it realy any business of yours to tell anyone who they should or shouldn't talk to? Isn't that a little intrusive?
But seriously, why bother telling her your opinion, because obviously it isn't really doing much of a difference. It never has in the...two years that you have held a grudge against me.
I mean, maybe a year ago, when you all started to blindly hate me, maybe then it might have made a difference but it obviously isn't.

Anyway, yea, so I've been seeing this girl named Allison. She is 22. She is a Mormon. Mormons believe that when they die, they receive a planet. Yes, a planet. They also believe that God has already come back since Jesus. Right in my town, matter of fact. Around august or whatever, a bunch of these sheep flock over here, mostly from Utah, and they have the Hill Cummorah Pageant. I don't know a great deal about this whole religion, but I do know how annoying they are. I do know that when I worked at the school over the summer a few years ago, they would literally sing Kumbayah while they were working. And between the 50 billion of them that I saw, I didnt see much variation. I saw maybe..3 different haircuts between them, and I saw about 3 different faces. Both genders included.

Ever seen Village of the Damned? with all the kids with white blond hair, and the eyes that glowed? It was like that, only most of them were tanned, and very rich.

See, I wouldn't care so much about her religion, except that she uses it as a safeguard for everything. Like...I didn't know that it was a sin to kiss a guy before you know him for so long. Or that having sex before marriage is like a cardinal sin, and must be punishable by death.

whateverrrr...
So, I've been hanging out with a whole lot of no one.
I'm just a little too moody, since my Fred was murdered.
And yes, He was murdered, Danielle told me what her friend said about the intestines and the bump on his butt. His intestines would have been fine if not for the poison.

_soiled_soul @ 2005-12-31T14:27:00

2005-12-31T19:35:21Z

_soiled_soul @ 2005-12-28T18:52:00

2005-12-28T23:56:23Z

I overheard something today which I hear often and annoys the piss out of me:

"All this bad stuff happening in the world today mus have happened because of the judgement of go-ud (the multisyllabic pronunciation of "god" which people around here are so fond of using)."

So, let me get this straight, the Japanese earthquake of 1923 which killed over 100,000 people and the Holocaust which led to millions of deaths and countless other no-good very bad things were just fun little garden parties in history.

But now we've made god mad with our horrible, terrible sins like letting gay people on TV and believing in evolution. And all of a sudden we get these terrible, horrible punishments like Katrina and Iraq which have eliminated a whopping not-even-close-to 1% of our population.

Boy, don't make that go-ud guy angry.

By the way:

Katrina:: Likely caused by the increase in hurricane nastiness associated with global warming (which is mostly our fault, you know, emissions and such)

Iraq:: Our choice (well the choice of those in power, who were for some reason elected by us)

The world isn't worse than it used to be, but the horrible no good things happening now...you guessed it, caused by us.

We need no wrathful god to destroy us, we have ourselves to do it for us.

_soiled_soul @ 2005-12-22T23:51:00

2005-12-23T05:05:49Z

JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!

He's also the reason for wars, bigotry, hatred, discrimination, slavery, and quite possibly the end of the world as we know it. Have fun this HOLIDAY season. Make sure to drink a lot of alcoholic egg nog. Make sure to not mention those forgotten relatives that no one dare speak of. Make sure to remember that Jesus Christ is the reason for this HOLIDAY season. Jesus Christ is the reason why you ate too much ham. Jesus Christ is the reason you argued with your mother because your jeans were too short. I mean, isn't that what the HOLIDAYs are all about. Jesus?

Yes, we get presents for doing nothing more than "being good this year". If I'm not mistaken, however, I know plenty of spoiled rotten annoying fucking brats who were definitely not "being good this year", who most assuredly will celebrate the HOLIDAY.

But that's okay. We should rejoice, and play nice-nice with relatives who we never really see often enough to care about 364 days out of the year. Let's discuss personal matters with these caring family members. They ask about it enough, almost as if they actually gave a damn.

Then for HOLIDAY dinner, we should eat as much ham as we want, It's not as if you already feel bloated and fat to begin with. Let's eat to our hearts content. And then some.

And when we go into debt over presents that no one appreciated, let's just remember that Jesus is, in fact, the reason for this season.

srsly...sum hardkore stry tellng.

2005-12-21T05:50:18Z

Once upon a time there was an ugly man. He lived in the Jungle.

He was half man half monster. He ate green gorillas. When he was 3 he was very nice. Then when he was 12 he turned into a monster! His name is the purple graveyard monster.

His planet was called "Oookkyy". He has a space ship. It can go 8,000,000 miles a day. On thursday 1980 he went to earth that very day.

Then he saw another planet. It was called earth.

Then he landed in the Mississippi river.

Then the monster saw something. It was captan America!

Captan America fainted. He was hypnotized. Then he got unhypnotized. For that he shot a laser at him. Captan America took his shield out.

and Palaaka! It reflected back to the monster!

...to be continued...

the secks.

2005-12-20T02:52:20Z

Men have learned throughout time to become more aggressive and dominant towards women. The more aggressive guys continued to pass on those genes while at the same time learning from prior generations. Prehistoric women were monogamous by nature. They needed men to assist them during and after childbirth. Without the assistance of man, the mortality rate for women and children would be substantially reduced.

The more sexually aggressive guys fucked much more frequently than passive guys, and therefore those genes kept evolving. Today, society becomes outraged when we compare human beings to animals. "We have advanced so much" "But our brains are so much more complex". The truth reveals that the human sexual drive and behavior is very similar to that of other mammals.

Though our brains have advanced throughout time, our inherent drive to reproduce (notice how I do't say 'have sex' this time) has not. This theory may or may not coincide with rape, but fails to address child molestation. A strong indicator of this theory is that most sexual crimes are committed by males.

Testosterone can be contributed to the rise and downfall of man. It's that plain and simple. When somebody finally rules the world, it would be in his best interest to cut off his balls immediately. (Women will never rule the world)

I bet if sperm had a face it would be contorted and never smile. It would be maliscious and selfish, because it knows no other way. It is an elitist and when it matures into human life it carries these traits until death, pretending to and usually convincing itself that it needs more than itself..

Unless it is born a woman then it's sole purpose is to defile and uproot itself through irrational behaivor and actions to be submissive to the stronger elitist male..

Contorted sperm free thinking energy reacting to construed conflicts invented to give purpose and meaning to instill affliction upon itself to grow and feel secure..

So when I see this odd substance resting upon my stomach and see it die. I wonder to myself if the release afterwards was truly the purging of my sanity..

_soiled_soul @ 2005-12-16T19:58:00

2005-12-17T01:17:36Z

You will be witness to what I have discovered. You may be the jury. But your verdict will be one of self conviction. I know what I have witnessed, now it is your turn. Prepare yourself for a journey into a world, where each new step may give you a better understanding of your own reality.

I wanted to be the first technician on a cranial autopsy. The principles and practice of embalming. Examination of all the head and before the incision. Cavities might allow blood to escape through the veins causing change to the original condition of the brain.

An incision is first made through the scalp flaps and in line with the skull. A double V shaped cut is then made by sawing through the bones of the skull. Open the skull. Blood is spilt. The brain is removed for examination by cutting it loose with a long bladed knife. Tightly ligate the ends of the veins. Drill a small hole through the back of the skull. Puncture the scalp. Insert a section of tubing through this hole to be used as a drain. Hold this in place With a safety pin.

Since it is physically imposible to prevent all leakage in to the skull, we have developed a procedure which eliminate problems, It offers the hope that what was required to fix the head is gone. There's no frustration to show our work once it's strengthened.

Drill and wire the calvarium to the skull on both sides. Twist the wires tightly so the skull will be unable to slip. No autopsy may be made unless authority has been secured. Coroner may order an autopsy to seek cause of death or if the cause of his death is not yet apparent.

CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER OF PUTREFICATION:
1. Greenish discoloration of the abdominal wall.
2. Odor of putrefaction is noticeable.
3. The eyeballs become soft.
4. Irregular green patches appear over of neck, chest and lower extremities,
5. A bloody, frothy purge may pour from the mouth,
6. The abdomen is distended with gas.
7. The corneas have collapsed.
8. The discoloration is becoming red, due to the pressure of the decomposed blood.
9. Body surface is mottled, red, green, or brown.
10. The eyes bulge, and the tongue swells to fill the mouth,and protrudes beyond the teeth.

- A human being this once resembled

_soiled_soul @ 2005-12-15T00:58:00

2005-12-15T05:59:00Z

BEST ENTRIES OF THE YEAR

2005-12-13T03:44:04Z

kiel, god and RENT

2005-12-12T02:22:45Z

People at work are the most shallow pieces of pig shit. They all worship this motherfucker named Kiel. It's the same as "kyle" only since he's a douche, its Kiel. he listens to country music, and wear a cowboy hat. He also chews tobacky. I hate Kiel. He is spoiled rotten. He has a rich mom. He recently got into a bad car accident, in a car that he "pimped out". he put over 20 thousand into it, let alone how expensive it was to start with. He was driving drunk. He hit a fucking house. His penalty? a month without his lisense. His mom has ties with the Police Department. Kiel was traing to become a cop. He still is. After being snubbed with a DWI...they are still going to let him be a police officer. I have NO DOUBT in my head that Kiel is going to be the most corrupt cop this side of NYC.

Way to go, god. Kiel deserves all of this wealth and good luck. Kiel is a goooood person, right? He also gets laid very often. he has a great girlfriend who allows him to do what/whoever he pleases. I ask her why, she says that she loves him. That's it. No actual reason for allowing him to fuck the UGLY girls he works with. He had an affair with Amanda. I wouldn't touch Amanda with someones else's dick, let alone my own. This seems fair, y'know? Kiel gets everything he ever wanted, while being the biggest fucking dipshit redneck pervert peckerhead. I mean cheating is bad in itself, but at the very least, do it with someone worth cheating with, not some ugly fat inecure cutter slut.
I have really lost what little faith I had in believe that there might possibly be a god. It seems kind of un-fucking-real that the best people I know have the worst situations to deal with, and that the shitty people with no conscience and complete lack of regard for everyone else, have the good life. Don't argue. You're wrong. It's shit like that, and theres a whole lot more going on in the world that make me lose what little fucking chance I believed there to be god. Stuff that I am not going into on here. Maybe it'll all work out in the end, which I hear is soon to come.

I saw rent. Didn't like it. And not just because it's a musical. The movie showed people dying of AIDS, lesbian relationships, actors freely talking about drugs and showing syringes, and a drag queen. Yea. Quite depressing movie. The story is maddening, as these lazy people struggle to live rent-free so that they can just enjoy life. While I appreciate their desire to enjoy the time they have, I hated the characters for doing it at the expense of others. Also the actors were playing characters that they are too old to play, and it didn't convince me.

I'm not responding to any comments saying that these are all "just" my opinions, because NO SHIT!...
by the way, remember that last thing I wrote because that stands from now on. I don't like arguing mute points, kay?

_soiled_soul @ 2005-12-06T23:45:00

2005-12-07T05:02:46Z

Fred was almost murdered the other day. True Story. I got home from work, and my whole family was in the camper. They told me they had fumigated the house. Guess who they forgot about? Those fucking inconsiderate prickheads. Always overlooking Brandon. I don't care how you look at it, If you forget about Fred, you have forgotten about me. Let me tell you...If Fred had suffered at all, shit would have definitely hit the fan. I know Fred is going to die within the next year or two. But if he is killed like that, simply out of stupidity and ignorance, I will kill someone. I will kill Pugsley for measure. I could kill Tink, but no one really cares about her.
I don't even know why we had to "bomb the house" anyway.. They say that they are being bitten by bugs. HMM....THE DOG. But I haven't seen any damn bugs. Maybe because I'm clean. Y'know..when I'm in the shower, the soap never seems to have disintegrated since I used it last. And same with the tooth paste. Hmm... That explains the smell of this place.

I am going to FLCC on friday. I really want to get in something involving sociology, or philosophy. This girl Shannon, she works through Unity Employment, She says that I am poor enough to get into college for free. Which is great, because if I end up being the typical Brandon failure, no harm no foul? eh? I still need to save every cent I get, because I know I'm a fuck up. You wait and see. it only seems right that way. Because this past year has been BY FAR....my most successful year. So I think this next year, will even things out. Or maybe it'll just nbe one great big downward spiral. In about...4 months, I am going to college, you wait and see how much my life fucks up. I know someone who will probably read this....who is just DYING to see me fail...well, I think next year is your year.

Have fun, you sociopath!

.

_soiled_soul @ 2005-12-02T01:50:00

2005-12-02T07:00:23Z

absynta minded: brooke
Incubuscrazy12: howdie
absynta minded: this is brandon
absynta minded: sweet
Incubuscrazy12: i kinda figured that
absynta minded: you called me your best friend?
absynta minded: i thought you hated me.
Incubuscrazy12: well i have made a HUGE mistake.
absynta minded: what is that ?
Incubuscrazy12: calling you something your not
absynta minded: which is?
Incubuscrazy12: a liar. your not a liar. im just a stubborn bastard
absynta minded: omg brooke.
absynta minded: i've seriously waited forever to hear you say that,
absynta minded: i was trying to look out for you.
Incubuscrazy12: i know and i apologize for everything
absynta minded: me too, eventho i had good intentions, i should have kept my nose out of it.
Incubuscrazy12: well you were just looking out for me

Incubuscrazy12: i go there sometimes and hang out at her house
absynta minded: seriously you guys..COME AND SEE ME.
Incubuscrazy12: oh we will
absynta minded: i have tomorrow adn satiurday off
absynta minded: but
absynta minded: i work sun-thursday
Incubuscrazy12: well im pretty busy now cause its the holliday season
absynta minded: true
absynta minded: well whenever man, if i see ya in there i can take a break or whatever.
Incubuscrazy12: alright ill try and make it there
absynta minded: i like being single.
absynta minded: no one to try and hold my dick down.
Incubuscrazy12: hehehe you always have
absynta minded: liked being single?
Incubuscrazy12: yup
absynta minded: i still have feelings for her though
absynta minded: that is depressing
absynta minded: life sucks like that
Incubuscrazy12: yeah i know
Incubuscrazy12: but hey probably you can come up to my work and see me too
absynta minded: wheres that?
Incubuscrazy12: Aunti Annes in Greece
absynta minded: greece
absynta minded: holy shit
absynta minded: thats forever away
absynta minded: how do u get there
Incubuscrazy12: yup a fourty five minute drive
Incubuscrazy12: my sister and brother go to MCC
absynta minded: ooooooooh
absynta minded: i get it
Incubuscrazy12: yeah its quite a drive up there
absynta minded: brooke, nothin personal...
absynta minded: but i asint going to greeece for no one.
absynta minded: aint*
Incubuscrazy12: hehehe i know too far away right?
absynta minded: damn right
absynta minded: if you were in like macedon or the mall...i would
Incubuscrazy12: yeah but im not anymore
absynta minded: brooke, i dont mean ti get up your ass, but..
absynta minded: why no lisnese?
Incubuscrazy12: been busy as hell. i know how to drive though

absynta minded: brooke, man, im tired
Incubuscrazy12: yeah so am i
absynta minded: i am happy that you are talkin to me
Incubuscrazy12: so am i. its been a long time
absynta minded: and....just....that you know i wwasnt trying to fuck anything up
Incubuscrazy12: i know. you were trying to help
absynta minded: add me to ur bssy list, cuz dreamsckape has a virus, so i use this name
Incubuscrazy12: already did
absynta minded: cool cool.
absynta minded: alright man, talk to you later
Incubuscrazy12: alright see ya man!!!

_soiled_soul @ 2005-12-01T19:33:00

2005-12-02T00:48:07Z

Here I sit.
I am cold. I am alone.
Love has a sinister silhouette
Which hangs over me like a veil of death.
I feel infected by this spectre
This great cold death of the soul that we call love.
This death has its grip on my throat.
I love it, It has me spellbound.
It warms my languid soul
My heart has found a place.
A place where it feels safe.
I am oblivious to reality.
I feel safe in someone's arms.
Someone who was in his arms yesterday.
I no longer have to search for what many will never find.
But why do they search?
Don't they see the smiles laced with anger?
Don't they sense the unhappiness?
Don't they hear the tales of betrayal?
I have found what others spend their whole lives looking for.
Yet I am still alone.

My Tag From amanda.

2005-11-30T03:07:54Z

Instructions: List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your Livejournal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

1. "Attack" by 30 Seconds to Mars
2. "Cnvectuoso" by Glassjaw
3. "NecroLust" by Mayhem
4. "Dead Winter Days" By Agalloch
5. "War" By Burzum
6. "All That I've Got" by The Used
7. "Down Rodeo" by Rage Against the Machine

I tag: Nick, Zettie, Asherly, Andrea, and "freakin_sweet"

(I dunno her real name, sorry)

_soiled_soul @ 2005-11-28T21:27:00

2005-11-29T03:00:01Z

I have been in some situations where if the tables were turned, I would have had hell to pay. The fact that Nobody really disciminates against a white male, kind of makes me jealous of girls, blacks, gays and any other person who is discimated against. Too many people use it to their unfair advantage (college, work, etc.) What has inspired this??....
This ugly ogre of a female, named kelley.
She used to rub my leg and make me feel extremely uncomfortable. I would tell her to stop. She wouldnt take me seriously, or she'd say "come on" Now..let's pretend it was the other way around..
It would be called sexual harrassment, yes? But since it was her doing it all, I don't even try to tell anyone of authority about it, because I know that no one would help me. This is because it seems laughable that a guy would complain about that situation. But i felt disgusted. As far as black people (or whatever fucking PC thing is to is to call a black guy). It's a touchy subject. No matter how you look at it, Affirmative Action is UNFAIR, and UNNECCESSARY. And any black person would say the same, if they weren't black, and if it didnt work to their advantage.
Now I love everyone until they give me a reason not to. (which is why I dont love many people). But I'm fair. I dont hate anyone for being black, or being gay, or being any fuckin thing. But I HATE being accused of being racist when I say something like how affirmative action is unfair. I also hate how Kelley can pretty much get away with stuff that I can't.
I know I'm going all over the place here, but theres a connection. Kelley trying to get fresh, fits in the same category as anyone taking advantage of how they are gay, black, etc. She knows she can do that shit, because I pretty much can't do anything about it. I mean, I said NO, and i will never hang out with her again, But if it were me, I know she'd tell the authorties. I see a connection because it is just people taking advantage of the unfairnesses of the world.
I understand that women have ALWAYS been underminded. But something tells me that they'd maybe get more respect if it wasnt for people like kelley. I am not any more intimidated by a woman in power, as I am by a man in power. I am all for equal rights, but I am not for extra benefits for someone just because of thir history. I shouldnt be blamed for the history. I shouldnt have to suffer because of history. This also applies to Affirmative Action.

Now before you tell me how I am wrong, and "fucking retarded"... Realize that I know there are plenty of good hardworking black people, and women. I'm just angrily trying to get across that there are also plenty of people like Kelley out there. People who use and abuse equal rights and turn it into Extra benefits. So, don't tell me that I am generalizing. I'm not. You're wrong. I'm basically just complaining about what I actually see and hear.

_soiled_soul @ 2005-11-26T20:10:00

2005-11-27T01:14:25Z

tada.

_soiled_soul @ 2005-11-25T22:52:00

2005-11-26T03:53:23Z

having a zit on my nose...

SUCKS!!

plus is hurts a lot.

i'm so gross.

its like this big red thing, not even a zit, but a redness, that feels like a zit.

_soiled_soul @ 2005-11-21T00:20:00

2005-11-21T05:20:15Z

I deleteted that last entry because it pissed me off.
Anyway... I’ve come to a point where I am so sick and tired of seeing posts at forums about how someone likes/loves somebody else, and they have a boyfriend already or not or they don’t know if they should break up with him or her or not and whatnot.

Why are you asking complete strangers about your situation? There is no guarantee they’ll give the right advice! They only know your side of it and for all we know you might have serious issues.

Mostly, I think it bothers me because these are people who aren’t interested in hearing my opinion. They want attention. They want to hear how right they are. They want to hear how well they handle situations, and how “mature” they seemingly solve things. The second you tell them otherwise, they’ll either tell you to fuck off and keep you opinions to yourself or how you don’t understand the whole picture. They’ll defend whoever you dared not speaking in favor of in the process and let you know what a narrowminded cow they think you are for not getting it.

What is there to get?

and furthermore..what the fuck is love?

Love is just the ultimate form of lust. A desire enhanced be deep emotion. we fuck, we dont love. we lust for and desire to fuck and desire to create a loving relationship, a relationship based on the conditioning built into us from society. We know how to fuck, do we know how to love?

Define love... you can't.

define fucking.... you can.

The only love is of yourself. Then you can love another with out desire. Love appears fucked because true love is so rare.

Love does exist.

With that being said... It is rare, and a completely overused word.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/_soiled_soul/589.html

Remember that?? If not, you should definitely read it!!

I think I made some ver good points in there.
*proud*

Seriously, read it!!