My bones will break & my heart will give

016.

Sep. 3rd, 2006 | 03:31 pm

I just realized.
I've been stressing and doubting and crying..
but it's all okay now, because I did realize..
You never fall in love the same way twice.

And life?
Life is amazing.

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-

Aug. 17th, 2006 | 10:41 pm

New journal.

00110789

Feel free to add me.

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I just realized tonight..
That I've entirely lost contact with Jordan.

Jordan Jordan.
:[

My mom's future Son-In-Law, Jordan.

And I miss him.

Him and his fish, his old, old music. His singing.
His advice.
His movies.
He's a sophomore in college now.

I'm amazed, after a good four years of him, he's gone.

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♥

Jun. 7th, 2006 | 06:08 pm

Blame my lack of updates on this boy.

Who came into my life about three months ago.
And has been making it wonderful ever since.

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You always stay here, in my mind

May. 1st, 2006 | 06:07 pm
mood: busy
music: Get Right.

Ahh. :]
It's been a while since I've actually made an update.

Life is good. Very good. We have aboutt thirty days left of school, I believe. Not including weekends.
Then we'll be Seniors. :] Woo.
I have my Senior pictures scheduled for July, my ACT's are in June. Things are just moving along. Which is good.

Nothing else is really new. I'm still me. Nobody died, nobody was born. I have a boyfriend. :] Yes, I know. She finally settled down with somebody, rather than dating, and dating and dating. Oh, and he's just amazing and wonderful. Did I mention flawless? :] Yeah, he's great.

My grades are good. Ohh. I'm psychology, we're doing this project right now where we get to pick some was of representing what we're studying right now. Basically, what we're studying is mental disorders. Like, Obsessive, Compulsive, Phobias, Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia - things along those lines. We have to pick five subjects, and like I said before, choose one way to represent all five disorders. I'm going to think of a symbol or something for each disorder and take a picture (trying to make it look good, not just snaping a picture and say I'm done.) of it. For example, for Anorexia Nervosa, I could do a picture of a scale, or an empty bowl. Or for Bulimia, you could take a picture of a toilet (Megan's idea. :])
I'm excited about it. I'd love to start tonight. But I think I'll just keep my ideas and start this weekend when I have more time to plan it out. I have a research paper due on Wednesday and a test tomorrow. Soo I should be working on those two tasks first.

Megans Birthday is on Saturday. We're going out to dinner on Friday with her, hopefully it'll be fun. Then next Friday I promised my uncle I'd babysit my cousins at my house - all night so they can play poker in peace. The past two or three weeks I've gone over there to play instead of babysitting. And it's hecktic with them there. They make it so difficult to play poker. I decided to be nice and go ahead and watch them while everybody else plays poker. Plus, I have no money now. So, it'll be quiteee good.

Hmm. I think that's just about it? :]
I'm out.

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I'm gonna be here for you from now on..

Apr. 27th, 2006 | 02:59 pm
location: Home :]
mood: cheerful
music: MB20

I wanna sleep with you forever.
And I wanna die in your arms.

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(no subject)

Mar. 16th, 2006 | 02:55 pm

( He's too cute to pass up. )

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Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you?

Mar. 14th, 2006 | 09:24 pm

she's the scene from that
gruesome horror story--
the girl who's drowning in SLOW MOTiON,
&& can't let out a scream

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Catalyst.

Feb. 27th, 2006 | 09:18 pm
mood: calm
music: A.N

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength

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Have you ever felt alone in a crowded room?

Feb. 14th, 2006 | 04:41 pm
music: Head Automaticaa

Today has been horrible.
Just..ugh.
I had to schedule in 6th hour..
It took OVER an hour.
I'm down 1/2 a credit.
So I have to take a 7th hour to graduate on time, right?
Alright. So I took Co-Op. Which means .. as long as I have a job that pays "over the table", I don't even have to attend a class. I just get credit. And I can leave an hour early.
Along with Co-Op.
I took..
-College Comp. II (Weighted)
-Journalism
-AP English (Weighted..)
-Oral Communications (Required to graduate..)
-Anatomy and Physiolgoy
-Sociology
-Exploritory Art
-Accounting
-Nutrition/Foods
-Parent/Child Development.
-Family Living
-Visual Imaging.

- No band, or math. :]

Yeah. So I was in there all of 6th hour talking to my counclor. She gave me tons of ACT things and college things, and she answered my tons of questions. I really love her. She's so nice. And she said I looked "so beautiful" today. She did. heh..I was just frusterated because I realized my highschool career is basically crap, and I wouldn't be getting into a college. And I couldn't decide on any of my classes. Senior year is supposed to be easy, I planned on taking all difficult classes because I NEED THEM. But I've taken them all. All of the ones I can, atleast..all there is left is math..I was just upset. And I didn't want to keep Megan waiting, because we *wouldn't* get out of the parking lot if I took too long. Then I had to walk all the way back to the gym to get my backpack, but .. class was dismissed and I couldn't *find* my backpack..and Marc called as I was walking out of the gym..he had it.. it was all a big frenzy. (Thanks for grabbing it, though Marcuss. :] )

I came home and cried.
I took my shoes off..walked into my room, layed down on my bed and cried.
I don't know exactly why..
I feel like *such* a failure.

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♥

Feb. 8th, 2006 | 07:45 pm
music: I Am Sam soundtrack

I cannot begin to express how tired I am of winter.
It's not even cold and snowey.
It's just..warm/cold.
I want snow.
Or I want it to be hot, hot hot.
I'm tired of freezing my butt off everyday, no matter what.

I say that in everrry journal entry, I know.

So, our new classes. Everythings going good. We write too much in College Comp, but I guess that's alright. I've been actually doing ALL of my math work..it's tough stuff, let me tell you. Hah..it's actaully pie. :] Yeah. In Phych. II .. we've been learning some interesting things - I wont even begin to tell you. And gym.. :] Ohhh man. Simply put - I'm the very opposite of the epitome of a perfect athlete. In the begining of class, we do push ups/crunches/jogging as a warm up, I suppose? Well, we do the push-ups and crunches in our "assigned seats" on the gym floor..and the kid next to me always trys to make conversation with me. I sit there, trying to talk to him, but deep inside I'm thinking "Shut the hell up? Does it *look* like I can do a billion push-up to begin with, let alone talk to you while doing it?"
Heh..
On Friday, I basically have the day off. I go to first hour (band), then we're going to all of the elementary schools in Garden City (the band is..) to perform. It's to .. inspire, I suppose? the younger kids into wanting to join the Jr. High band. I hope they know what they're getting into.

But yeah. Life has been pretty boring. I've gone shopping a lot lately.. mmmmm..yesterday Marcus and Jess came over and we watched a movie. It was good :]

Hah, okay..I'll end this now.

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John Lennon was brilliant.

Feb. 5th, 2006 | 02:18 pm
mood: cold
music: Teitur - I was Just Thinking

"All we are saying is give peace a chance."

"As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot."

"Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right. We're more popular than Jesus now; I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity."

"Everything is clearer when you're in love."

"God is a concept by which we measure our pain."

"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?"

"I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right. It's just that the translations have gone wrong."

"I don't believe in killing whatever the reason!"

"I don't intend to be a performing flea any more. I was the dreamweaver, but although I'll be around I don't intend to be running at 20,000 miles an hour trying to prove myself. I don't want to die at 40."

"I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people."

"If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that... I believe in what I do, and I'll say it."

"If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace."

"If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliche that must have been left behind in the Sixties, that's his problem. Love and peace are eternal."

"If you tried to give rock and roll another name, you might call it 'Chuck Berry'."

"Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one."

"And so this is Xmas for black and for white, for yellow and red, let's stop all the fight."

"It doesn't matter how long my hair is or what colour my skin is or whether I'm a woman or a man."

"It was like being in the eye of a hurricane. You'd wake up in a concert and think, Wow, how did I get here?"

"Jesus was all right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It's them twisting it that ruins it for me."

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans."

"Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear."

"Love is the flower you've got to let grow."

"Music is everybody's possession. It's only publishers who think that people own it."

"My role in society, or any artist's or poet's role, is to try and express what we all feel. Not to tell people how to feel. Not as a preacher, not as a leader, but as a reflection of us all."

"Newspaper people have a habit of putting you in the front pages to sell their papers, and then after they've sold their papers and got big circulation's, they say, 'Look at what we've done for you.'"

"Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That's what's insane about it."

"Part of me suspects that I'm a loser, and the other part of me thinks I'm God Almighty."

"Possession isn't nine-tenths of the law. It's nine-tenths of the problem."

"Reality leaves a lot to the imagination."

"Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip."

"Surrealism had a great effect on me because then I realised that the imagery in my mind wasn't insanity. Surrealism to me is reality."

"The basic thing nobody asks is why do people take drugs of any sort? Why do we have these accessories to normal living to live? I mean, is there something wrong with society that's making us so pressurized, that we cannot live without guarding ourselves against it?"

"The cross of the Legion of Honor has been conferred on me. However, few escape that distinction."

"The more I see the less I know for sure."

"The older generation are leading this country to galloping ruin!"

"The postman wants an autograph. The cab driver wants a picture. The waitress wants a handshake. Everyone wants a piece of you."

"The thing the sixties did was to show us the possibilities and the responsibility that we all had. It wasn't the answer. It just gave us a glimpse of the possibility."

"The worst drugs are as bad as anybody's told you. It's just a dumb trip, which I can't condemn people if they get into it, because one gets into it for one's own personal, social, emotional reasons. It's something to be avoided if one can help it."

"There's nothing you can know that isn't known."

"Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted."

"We were all on this ship in the sixties, our generation, a ship going to discover the New World. And the Beatles were in the crow's nest of that ship."

"We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it."

"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

"You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are!"

"You either get tired fighting for peace, or you die."

"You have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact. And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth."

"You're just left with yourself all the time, whatever you do anyway. You've got to get down to your own God in your own temple. It's all down to you, mate."

-John Lennon

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Hideee and seeek.

Jan. 30th, 2006 | 05:41 pm

Another Monday.
Mmm, how I hate Mondays.
We began our second semester classes today. And let me just say, I adore all of my classes as of right now. Even Gym. Marcus and Tynisha are in there and, ah, today was funy. Tomorrow will be good. Wednesday we START. But I did say, as of right now. My second hour is College Composition, Mrs. Wilson is a bit..crazy.Today all she had us to was write a paper about ourselves. That was a breeze. Math is still the same. Did you know that a kite is infact a shape? Phycology may be my favorite class. I love Mrs. Sanborne. Hhm.

This is me avoiding homework.

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(no subject)

Jan. 25th, 2006 | 11:19 am
mood: stressed
music: Tegan and Sara

Good morning. :)

I'm feeling extreamly stressed right now.
It's final week..
Four finals are over with, two to go.
I know, the worst part is over, I'm on my way down now, right?
Well. I failed my math final.
So I feel so much pressure right now to pass my last two finals with A's.
Everbody says that NOBODY gets an A on Mrs. Gala's final. Which I totally believe because basically on all of her tests, I've reviewed..studied, whatever.. and I've averaged about a C on those. So, maybe I wont expect myself to pass with an A. But I don't want to set my expectations low.
And Humanities. I'll be totally honest? When she was going over everything we had to know, I sat there thinking "How am I going to review all of this and then *remember it*?

I was supposed to hang out with Kala tonight, but I honestly don't think I have time to spend 3 hours out tonight. I feel awful about it. But, finals only come twice a year, so.
Eep.
I just woke up. So I don't think there will be a need for naps or anything.

Okay, I'm off to study, then.

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The horizon has been defeated.

Jan. 19th, 2006 | 09:40 pm
mood: content
music: Jack Johnson.

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...."

Wouldn't life be amazing if everyone were just pure.
It would be amazing, a utopia, if I may..if..
Everyone had a heart, they didn't create ciaos, nothing was perfect, prices didn't increase, expectations weren't high, there wasn't war, everybody just kept to themselves, everybody made equal amounts of money; giving equal amounts of labor, we were faithful, judgment didn't exist.

Would you not be absolutely content?

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I'll be alright & I'll sleep sound.

Jan. 18th, 2006 | 07:16 pm
mood: cranky
music: V. Carlton

Hmm.
So I'll be taking AP English and Anatomy & Physiology next year.

Eeep.
I'll die next year.
AND we disect baby pigs?!

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The winter's so cold without you here.

Jan. 17th, 2006 | 03:43 pm
mood: awake
music: Vanessa Carlton

I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her
And it’s been a long december and there’s reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last

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Heyy hey hey heyy.

Jan. 13th, 2006 | 08:23 pm
music: M.I.A

Hmmm.
It's finally the weekend.
It seems like Holiday ended FOREVER ago.
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It's been raining way too much and snowing not-so-enough.
It hasn't snowed since like..what? Before Christmas?
Ohh well.
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Isn't it awesome how my 3&5 year old cousins venture all over myspace?
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And how my cat has the prettiest eyes, ever.
Half of my midterms are next week.
Eeep.
I hateee midterms.
And then the rest are the following week. Do we get Friday off of school?

Blahhh. My mother has the flu. The pukey kind. And if I end up with the flu for finals, I'll be pisseddd.
Hm hm hmmm. Plans for this weekend.
I believe tomorrow I'm going to 12 Oaks with Marcus and Jess. ♥
Thennn I will go spend the night over Kalas.
And go to her soccer game on Sunday.
It'll be goodd.
Ahem. Jake. Here's your temporary not-so-me..
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