| dear _skin_machine_ |
[02 Sep 2007|02:33pm] |
stop using my hotmail email address for your live journal account.
drop me a email when you read this and i'll send a new password for this account on the understanding that you will change the email address to something else.
i'm tired of getting your livejournal notifications sent to my address.
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[18 Jun 2003|12:06am] |
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mood |
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i hurt all over today, inside and out. its just one of those days, you know, where you want to curl up and dieeeeeee. i just need someone to hug me every once in a while. just hug me and tell me that everything will be okay. just that and nothing else. not too much to ask, but... *le sigh* i am about to go lay in my empty bed. ugh. seattle cannot come soon enough. the harder i try to make money to get out of here, the more rediculous and set against me things get. that is the only thing holding me back from lying in keith's arms right now. fucking money. i hate this.
my mother is so narcissitic and thoughless. she really broke my heart today. i dont know if she meant to or not... but it doesn't really matter if she knows. it wouldn't make any difference to her. she is getting what SHE wants. does she not know how truely fucked up i am because of her from my childhood? does she not know just how much i used to hate her? how hard it was to forgive her and how hard it was to make myself start to love her? does she know- and just not care? or is she so selfish and uninterested in me that she just never noticed what a nutcase i am and wonder what caused it? either way, IT SUCKS. and hurts so very bad. oh well. whatever, i guess. such is life.
i hope keith calls. i really need a reassuring voice to calm me tonite.
i found a wonderful family to take that stray dog in. he belongs to a luffly little girl now and i bet he is so very happy. good for him. he is a fine fine dog.
tomorrow will hopefully be more positive. i need some things to start looking up.
i had a dream last night that i was arrivng in seattle and i ran out form my car and into keith's arms and it was so very very perfect and realistic... and then i woke up and realized it was all a dream. how unfair. way to rub it in, brain *stabs it with a q-tip*
okay, off to bed to await keith's call. oh god i hope he calls. i really do.
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[16 Jun 2003|10:40pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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two days ago he told me that he loved me for the first time. two days ago and my heart is still racing... and he meant it, he really did. he takes my breath away and dizzies up my head and i just cannot wait until he wraps his arms around me. he makes me feel so very safe. i've never felt this way about anyone else... its so intense and scary... but i like it. i do. kieth kieth kieth... you, my love, are so very lush. i adore you more than simple words could spell out and i will forever be yours, if you should so want me that long. thank you for saving me. you brought me back from the dead. i love you and we are going to be so very happy in seattle. its going to be earth shattering. oooooh, i cannot wait.
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| all i'm saying pretty baby... la la love you don't mean maybe. |
[14 Jun 2003|09:56pm] |
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mood |
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oh how the pixies rock....<3
i am sooooooo in love. i really am. i talked to my lover boy for like 3 hours tonite and it was the most blissful experience in a while. i am SOOOO stoked about seattle. so very very excited. i am so fucking lucky to have him in my life. he is juut so perfect for me. he is going to rescue me totally. tonite is the beginning of the end... and the start of something totally new and beautiful. i am so happy. i am.
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[13 Jun 2003|01:06pm] |
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between last night and tonite i will make a TON of money... i am baby steps closer to seattle. hurrah!
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| \m/. |
[13 Jun 2003|01:02pm] |
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for the past two days, i have lived life like a true southern illinoisan. HARDCORE.it is quiteeeeeeee interesting. i have learned so very very much. it is all so scary.... i am so glad i am getting out of here... i would bash my head in if i became accoustomed to this and lived my life this way.. for right now, its all new and kinda like a game of pretend and it WILL stay that way. yuck.
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| interview by the ohhhh so luffly miss gorecore. |
[13 Jun 2003|11:58am] |
1) if you could choose, would you rather be a man or a woman?
//. woman all the way baby. i luff being a girl. i respect guys,
love hanging out with guys, have almost totally guy friends, BUT i love being a girl. i wouldn't have it any other way at all.
2) do people need music to survive? why?
//. technically, one could very well live with no music physically and suffer no bodily harm at all. but for most people, music makes life so very much more bearable that it would seem impossible to live without it. mentally music makes things so much nicer. its cathartic, among other wonderful things, it can convey such a wide array of emotions...blahdy blah... i can't seem to say what i want to say this morning. i hate that. i COULD live without music... would i ever try it? hell no. not for all the tea in china. (and boy do i ever love tea... so yeah. i'm being silly. whatever) though i have come across quite a few people who find no importance in music... these sad souls are whats so utterly wrong with our planet, i do believe. what kind of person could think "oh yeah, i could live without music, no prob." yucky. i steer clear of these folks, i do. even if someone has fucking horrid taste in music, atleast they have something that moves them, you know. i have a certain song that takes me right back to every moment in my whole life. EVERY one. i think everyone should be like that. maybe i'm just being a pompous high and mighty all shall be like me bitch, but oh well. music rocks. to answer the question bluntly, yes someone could easily physically live without music with no repercussions, but mentally i think most everyone needs it to stay sane,if nothing else.
3) if robots could be more like 'movie' robots.. would you have a robot sex slave?
//. let me just say, that robots fucking OWN!!!! especially like, 50's robots from tv... the cheesier the better. i don't know what it is about them, but i think they are so cool. probably cos i'm a huge dork. but anyway....
NOOOOOO. no mechanical sex slave for me- movie or otherwise. i prefer live human flesh. and i am even picky about that too. i'm not really into sex these days. i'd much rather be having a great, meaningful conversation. i'm kinda just asexual anymore. just not intersted at all. don't know why, don't care. so no robosex for me... but i would LOVE to sit and talk to a robot forever. or jsut have a robot around. or anything robot related. other than machine sex. cos they are so very cool.
4) trapped in the forrest with no food.. the people you are with die.. eat them?
//. i'm assuming that i would only be tromping around in the woods with freinds, family or such, so yes, i would totally eat them. i'm sure that is how they would want it.har har. bah, or maybe not... but i'd eat them if i had to. i'm not so sure about, say yucky strangers or gross people... i guess when it comes down to it a person will do whatever to survive- but i like to think i have a little taste, even when it comes to cannibalism for survival.
5) do you know how to change a car tire? if so who taught you?
//.YES! i do! and you will SO totally laugh and think i'm a super dork when i say how i learned.... *drumroll please* seventeen fucking magazine. haha. funny, huh? i was in the dentist office reading the only thing i had an inkling of relating to and there was an article about how to change a tire, step by step... so i ripped it out and put it in my car. and it actually helped and that is how i learned. and that knowledge has come in sooo much use since then.
this was great fun. i love answering random questions. thanks again to the loveliest of lufflys, MISS GORECORE, for the grand interview. *muahmuahmuah*
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[08 Jun 2003|06:35pm] |
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yesterday while i was drining home i saw this poor poor litte puppy on the side of the road. he was hurt and limping so i stopped and picked him up and took him home with me. the poor thing was completely covered in ticks, so i spent 2 hours pulling the disgusting little things off of him. yuck. i pulled 105 off of him. then i fed him and gave him some water. he was so famished he ate 4 bowls of food. and drank 3 bowls of water. poor poor dog! he was really hurt, he couldn't ever stand up or walk or anything. i think his hip was broken or something... but i had no money to take him to the vet and the animal shelters were all closed (those jeerks would have just killed him anyway) so i didn't know what to do. but when my neighbor came home, i showed them the puppy and they decided to keep him. so now he had a home and someone to take care of him. lovely.
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| eep! |
[08 Jun 2003|06:31pm] |
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last night i had a dream that i moved to new york city to be with jeffery and that we were engaged and i got pregnant. scary scary stuff. he was so nice and loving and such in my dream. if it had always been the way it was in that dream, things would have been oh so lovely. but yeah, it was only a dream so whatever.
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| if your name is buzz, then you can go die now. no really.... GO! NOW!!!! |
[06 Jun 2003|04:30pm] |
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mood |
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satisfied |
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i dated this boy, john, for a few days. we ended up getting really wasted on our first "actual" date and we had sex. no big deal, really... i liked him and he seemed to like me. seemed. the jerk called me three days later and told me that he couldn't date me anymore because i wasn't christian enough for him... what a load of fucking bullshit man. i mean really. we got into it, but we made up and decided to be friends. i hadn't heard from him for a while, so i emailed him the other day, just asking what he had been up to and blahdy blah... he replyed with this terribly lame reply that he put no thought into at all
( god stole my boyfriendCollapse )
how pitifully lame. and he really responded at a bad time because i'm speeding and i haven't slept so i'm quite aggitated already. i went on the rant of a life time and sent him this:
( i miss sunday morning hangover. RIP, all the way.Collapse )
you guys get magical prizes if you make it through that whole thing with out falling asleep and understand anything i'm saying at all... its the lack of sleep, it makes me all crazy like. so next step... sleep? or rant to take over the world? i can't decide which....
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_skin_machine_