I'm in a car underwater with time to kill.

Please forget everything I just said.

Sun, 19 Jun 2005 22:33:26 GMT

friday me & my friends stayed for the late skate again.

i slept over nicole & victor's house at one in the morning & tony stayed over till 3. got/gave a little bit of sexual release, then went outside with him while he smoked a cig & i sat on the hood of a car & looked at the stars. he said, "we're going to be forever, okay?"
i kissed him goodnight & went inside to sleep. <3

next day me & nicole woke up a 10:30, i called tony & he came up. eventually victor woke up & uhh.. me & tony went for a walk.. well i was walking barefoot & he was cruising on the skateboard. we met up with steve & then nicole came out (nicole + steve = an item) & uh we were sitting underneath a tree in the shade. then we went to tony's house to get raincoats.. >.> then we went to steve's & his mom was supposed to leave so we could get it on but she never left. D:< nicole eventually just left to go to a party & steve was pretty upset/pissed about that.. then we walked down to tony's house because his mom & her boyfriend were out for a bit.. we made love & then got out of there rather quickly because we didn't know when his parentals were coming back. umm. then we all (me, Tony, Victor, Nicole, Steve, Damian, Nicole & Victor's five year old brother) hung out in the shade underneath a tree in Nicole's yard. um then Nicole's dad left so we were home alone.. steve & nicole went in nicole's room & me & tony watched max so he wouldn't go in there because that wouldn't have been good. then my mom arrived to pick me up, i kissed my lover goodbye & went home. we talked later until one in the morning.
um. it's called, I've-Found-My-Soul-Mate,-Kids.

molly & airrick are coming over later today to paint my room. it's going to be sweet. i'm excited.
i'm starting group counseling on monday.. it's four days a week from 11:30 to 2:30 for three weeks. i hope it helps.
that's all i got for now.

til next time, march on electric children,
<3Megan

Believe the note; I left for you.

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 17:51:08 GMT

New layout. :]
Thursday.. last day of school. ^_^ I went to Ross Park Mall with Angela & we were chilling & shit.. We met up with a bunch of kids.. But we mostly hung out with Kasey, Stephanie, Veronica, & Jeff. Me, Angela, Steph, & Veronica eventually went outside & sat in the shade & smoked cigs.. Kasey & Jeff came out later.. We eventually went down to the crackhouse.. It was cool.. We were all running & laughing across the parking lot & I was pushing Jeff in a shopping cart. We got down there & I had a sword fight with Angela & Jeff & Kasey climbed onto the roof.. Eventually we went back up to Media Play & Angela was supposed to sleep over but instead her, Kasey, Stephanie, & Veronica all slept over.. It was crazy. ^_^ Pics are in the yafro.. We stayed up until 3 or so then all collapsed on the basement floor. The next day everyone went home at around 12.. I had an eye doctor appointment around three, then I napped until it was time to go skating.. Angela never called so I couldn't give her a ride so she didn't go. Kory didn't go either because he got his wisdom teeth removed & his mouth hurt really bad & it kept bleeding & shit. I hope he feels better. :( A whole bunch of people went though.. Kaitlyn, Kasey, Jeff, Veronica, Stephanie, Mason, Cory, Tony, Victor, Damian, Brandon, Nicole, Shawn, Jodi, Taylor, & other people.. Me & Tony had a wedding!! Everyone was real pumped about it.. Tony came over & proposed to me with a real ring & everything.. Everyone thought it was the cutest thing they'd ever seen & all the girls were pretty much in tears. Only like eight people stayed for the late session until one.. At one point, everyone left to walk to Shop n Save except for me, Damian, & Tony.. It was funny because me & Tony would be sitting together in one place & everybody else would come over & sit with us & we'd just get up & leave.. I ended up lying on one of the pool tables with my hat over my eyes at around midnight or something, I was dozing off, & Tony came up & pretending to fuck me. We got eachother so worked up.. We were about to have eachother right there but we were smarter than that (..well, really, if Tony hadn't been so worried we'd get caught...). Rofl. Then super awesome Jason let me hook up my mp3 player to the sound system so it was playing over the speakers & shit.. Then the kids that left to Shop n Save came back & we all ran out in the rink with scooters & me & Kaitlyn were running around pulling people with these random sticks & stuff.. Anyways at the end of the night I went to Kacey's house & slept over there.
My fucking dad is kicking me off so I will continue this later.

+TO BE CONTINUED+

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 20:23:21 GMT

We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain because what is normal in the evening by the morning seems insane.

I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this. The reasons have all run away but the feeling never did.

I'm happy just because
I found out I am really no one.

I love Tony with all of my heart always && forever.

Sat, 28 May 2005 19:04:56 GMT

I've never been happier to get my period in my life.

Sorry for neglecting you, livejournal. <3 :C

& when he steals your teen heat, it sounds a lot like..

Sun, 22 May 2005 15:57:48 GMT

I bet I could bed Mick in his drunken state.

::plots::

EDIT: This is my one hundredth entry. Go me.

You're so fucked up. You're a fucking mess.

Fri, 20 May 2005 19:58:31 GMT

Mick, I'm sorry about the incident at school today.

I just figured I should make the first move.

^_~

Abandon all hope who enter here.

Thu, 19 May 2005 20:32:55 GMT

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Today I was feeling creative, so I was drawing & sketching in my notebook during classes. I'm thinking of taking up erotic drawing & what not.. Going to be practicing drawing bodies & stuff.. Hoping to get relatively good. The whole concept just interests me & I find it very hot.. :x

My mom said I can't go skating tomorrow if I did't do all my homework for this week. Which means I won't be able to see Tony. I already know I haven't done all my homework. If I don't get to see him, I know I'm going to fucking lose it & probably cut or something. But I'm going to do everything in my power to assure that I can go.. That means making up all the work for this week tomorrow.. Ugh, it's going to fucking suck.. No doubt I'll lose my mind.

Tomorrow is going to be a bad day.

I'm lonely.

I hate this.

Tue, 17 May 2005 20:02:15 GMT

Today I officially starting practicing breakdancing.
I need to tone & build muscles so I'm stronger, since I have virtually no upper body strength & that's pretty much the most important part since you have to hold up the rest of your body a lot.
So yeah. That's what's up with that.

I've got my grades up for the last semester. I'm rather proud. I'm pretty much getting straight B's. It's a fucking miracle.

Last night I hung out with Molly & Airrick for a few hours & then went to some movie with Katie, her brother & dad, & Lena. It was nice, but I was pretty zonked out; I hardly knew what was going on.

Today there was no school.. So.. I slept & went on Buddypic forums pretty much until three when I called Tony. I'm probably going over to his house tonight.. I think he said we're either going to get dinner or go out to dinner.. If we stay at his house, we'll probably watch a movie or something. ^_^ Gosh, I miss him so much.. Kissing him, looking into his eyes, lying in his arms, running my fingers through his hair..
If I don't get to see him tonight, I'm going to be such a bitch tomorrow, so you've all been warned.

Later whores.

I JUST WANNA JOIN THE PARTY BUT THE CONFETTI FALLING IS RAZOR SHARPENED!!~`~1

Sun, 15 May 2005 16:42:31 GMT

BLOOD BROTHERS @ MR. SMALLS WAS THE SINGLE BEST EVENT OF MY WHOLE LIFE.
THEY PLAYED TRASH FLAVOURED TRASH FIRST, THEN I FORGET THE ORDER.. THEY PLAYED PEACOCKS SKELETON WITH CROOKED FEATHERS, TEEN HEAT, RATS AND RATS AND RATS FOR CANDY, AMBULANCE VS. AMBULANCE, CELEBRATOR, CECILIA AND THE SILHOETTE SALOON, FEED ME TO THE FOREST, CRIMES, BEAUTIFUL HORSES, LIVE AT THE APOCALYPSE CABARET, LOVE RHYMES WITH HIDEOUS CAR WRECK, THE SALESMAN, DENVER MAX, AND THEY FINISHED UP WITH GUITARMY. THEY MIGHT HAVE PLAYED UNDER PRESSURE TOO.. NOT SURE.
IT WAS ALL SO FUCKING AMAZING. DURING BIG BUSINESS & THE PLOT I KIND OF JUST STOOD THERE CAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW ANY OF THE WORDS BUT WHEN BLOOD BROS CAME ON AFTER TAKING 231049712094709 YEARS TO SET UP THEIR EQUIPMENT WITH TRASH FLAVOURED TRASH I FUCKING LOST IT. I LOVED IT ALL SO FUCKING MUCH. I WAS SHRIEKING ALL THE WORDS AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. I WAS A FUCKING MESS; MY HAIR WAS SOAKED WITH SWEAT, LIKE LITERALLY SOAKED, IT WAS SICK. THE AIR WAS SO THICK WITH SMOKE AND SCREAMING KIDS' BODY ODOR AND IT WAS THE BEST SMELL I HAVE EVER INHALED IN MY LIFE. I COULD HARDLY BREATHE AND THERE WERE POINTS WHERE I FELT LIKE I WAS ABOUT TO COLLAPSE. A COUPLE TIMES I JUST LIKE FELL ON MICK WHILE HE WAS LIKE >.> eh.. BUT YEAH AND THEN DJXNFSB I WAS LIKE "MICK I'M GOING TO PUKE" AND HE DIDN'T HEAR WHAT I SAID AND HE JUST KIND OF LAUGHED AND THEN WHEN LOVE RHYMES WITH HIDEOUS CAR WRECK CAME ON (IT WAS THE THIRD TO LAST SONG, BEFORE THE SALESMAN, DENVER MAX AND GUITARMY) I HAD TO MAKE A MAD DASH TO THE BATHROOM WHERE I PUKED UP MY GUTS, PARTIALLY MISSING THE TOILET SO I SAT IN THE FUCKING STALL FOR THE REST OF THE SONG CLEANING UP BECAUSE I'M NICE AND DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE IT ALL SHITTED UP EVEN THOUGH I VERY WELL COULD HAVE. SO LIKE I KIND OF WANDERED BACK IN AT THE END OF LOVE RHYMES AND I HEARD ALL THESE KIDS LIKE SAYING IN EXCITED VOICES "omg are they really going to play it?" AND THEN SECONDS LATER THEY BROKE IN WITH THE SALESMAN, DENVER MAX AND EVERYONE FUCKING WENT NUTS. I PULLED UP MY THURSDAY SHIRT BECAUSE I COULDN'T STAND BEING SO HOT ANYMORE AND I HAD A WIFEBEATER ON UNDERNEATH SO IT WAS ALL GOOD. FINALLY THEY ENDED IT WITH THE SHORT GUITARMY AND THEN THEY THANKED EVERYONE AND SAID THEY APPRECIATED IT ALL SO MUCH.. I wandered over to Mick and drank a ton of his drink because I was quite dehydrated and told him I'd be outside because i needed some air and he said okay and said they'd be out in like 10 mins so i was like k. I sat outside & lied on this giant box thing & texted people about how in-fucking-credable it was. It was cool outside & drizzling & I felt so good. Honestly last night was the best night of my life. then me, Mick, Danny, Trecki, Amanda, & some other people were waiting outside & it started raining & steam was probably coming off of all our bodies. :P
Yeah so then I drove Danny home first & then Mick, then went home & immediately jumped in the shower, called Tony who said he didn't want to keep me up because he was with some friends & I was exhausted.. So yeah, I just fell asleep...
Now I'm awake & wish I was back at Mr. Smalls shrieking along with Blood Bros & crammed between all those sweaty bodies.. Eh, I'm weird.. I know... But goossssh, there were so many beautiful people there. Not to mention that was the first time in my life I lost all sense of apprehensiveness, intuition, and caution. I didn't have a care in the world.

I'm definately going to more shows in the future.
I don't know how I lived without it.
But then again, I guess I didn't really live, considering I was rarely happy or excited about things.

That was incredible.

Best night of my life.

Bye. :)

Come on in, let's go buy me a beer.

Fri, 13 May 2005 20:17:40 GMT

Today I got a hug from Mick, & he like picked me up & dragged me with him for like two feet. I don't think he realized he did it, or meant to do it.
After that, I was giddy. Rofl. So I walked through the halls, squealing, "Oorrgaasmmm," completely enthralled that Mick had just touched my body.
Umum what else.. All I could think about today was Tony & the Blood Brothers show tomorrow.
umumumumumumuum the adicts remind me of Tony & the past two days I have been listening to them a lot because he downloaded five songs by them onto my comp so yeah true story.
I'm quite tempted to go open up that last can of beer downstairs, but since it's the last one, my dad is sure to notice.
Darnit.

Well, I certainly hope I get to see Tony tonight, or Megan will get all self-mutilationy on y'all.

Jay kay.

..I guess.

Yeah, hopefully I'll get to see Steve ( not Moran; Tony's friend ) too because Steve is rad & yeah, the end. Might be paying for him to get in tonight, but I don't mind.. He's real cool... I think we're friends?..

Yeah well I really don't have much to talk about.

Don't you love this picture? :

I sure do.

Bye.

EDIT: OH GOODNESS!! IT'S FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH!!!!! /FALLS OFF A hill.

Wait..

Fri, 13 May 2005 00:35:34 GMT

They don't love you like I love you.

The road has made a vacuum where our voices used to be.

Wed, 11 May 2005 20:17:53 GMT

Soon all the joy that pours from everything makes fountains of your eyes
because you finally understand the movement of a hand waving you good-bye.

Sorry for doing so many of these surveys. I sometimes like to suppose people are interested in.. well, me.

BASICS
1) Name- Megan Bell
2) Age- 13
3) Sex- Female
4) Location- Pittsburgh, PA

THE LOOKS
5) Hair color- Dark brown with crazy ass natural red highlights
6) Hair length- A little bit above my bewbs
7) Hair style- At school I just part it down the middle & let the bangs fall in front of my eyes, but out of school I part it to the side & have my one eye covered.
8) Eye color- Bright blue. Natural color, once again.
9) Race/ethnicity- Irish/scottish/caucasian.
10) Freckles or no? Yes & I hate them.
11) Any beauty marks? Nope.
12) Birthmarks? I have a birthmark above my right bewb.. It basically just looks like a weird freckle.
13) Scars? Lots on my hands, arms, & legs.
14) Shape of face (i.e.: heart shaped, round, oval, square...)- Heart shaped or oval.
15) What kind of nose do you have (i.e.: long, pointed, up-turned, etc)? It's kind of piggish. Ugghh.
16) What kind of eyes do you have (i.e.: almond shaped, big & round, hooded, etc.)? Almond shaped.
17) Height- 5'3''
18) Weight- Fat enough.
19) Do you keep your nails short or long? Usually they get too long for me to bear, & then I bite them. ;~;
20) Do you paint your nails? If so, what color? White or black.
21) What size jeans do you wear? I don't know.
22) Shirt? Youth medium.
23) Shoes? 8 1/2
24) Are you muscular, semi-muscular, or just plain skinny/fat? Just plain fat. Really strong leg muscles though.
25) Broad or sloping shoulder? Neither. They're just there.
26) Are you curvy, boy-shaped, or in-between? Curvy. But I don't let anyone see.
27) What size bra do you wear? B 36.

RANDOM
28) What are your insecurities? How I look, what people think of me, failing at life, losing people I love, not being able to move on.
29) Do you like yourself? Not at all.
30) Do you pay attention in class or daydream? Daydream like all hell.
31) Do you get your assignments done right away or do you procrastinate? Procrastinate.
32) Are you a perfectionist or could you really just not give a shit? Most of the time, I really could not give a shit.
33) Do you have any obsessions/fetishes? I like biting & kisses on the neck, & I'm obsessed with my boyfriend. Lately I've been obsessed with techno & The Matrix. I'm a freak.
34) Are you more serious, silly, or a little bit of both? A little bit of both. It really all depends.
35) Do you like mint or fruit flavored things better? Depends on what kind of mint/fruit.
36) What is your dream car? Something that looks decent, gets good gas mileage, & smells nice inside. (:
37) What is your favorite shape? Hexagram
38) Do you like to doodle? I don't do it too much anymore
39) If so, what do you tend to doodle the most? People
40) Do you like to read? Yes
41) Who is your favorite author? I'm not sure.. I really don't have a favorite author.. I find random books that sound appealing to me & I.. read them. Yeah.
42) What is your favorite genre of literature? Science fiction. I love poetry too though.
43) Do you watch more TV or movies? Movies
44) Which is better South Park or Spongebob Squarepants? South Park
45) Slippers or socks? Socks
46) Do you like photos in black & white or color? Black & white
47) What is your favorite snack food?
48) If you were about to be executed, what would your last meal be? Crazy hardcore drugs, man. And mad sex with whoever would do it with me.. Well, not whoever.. Only a few select individuals. :x
49) If you went to prison, would you be the bitch or the bitch maker? I'd definately be dominated so quickly it's pathetic.
50) Are you a leader or a follower? Neither. I'm just kind of there.
51) Do you consider yourself unique? Yeah.
52) What do others think about you? Probably not much.
53) Do you have many friends? I don't really know. I used to have a gazillion.. Now I guess I have a good amount.
54) Have you ever tipped over a port-a-potty? No.
55) With someone in it? No.
56) If not, would you? No.
57) Have you ever played a game sexual in nature? Yes.
58) Have you ever played a game which involved removing your clothing? Yes.
59) Did you win or lose? I don't really know. o_o
60) Do you enjoy classical art? Not so much.
61) Abstract art? Very much so.
62) Who is your favorite artist? I don't know.
63) Do you like to write? Yes, but it's much too hard for me to come up with plots or ideas.
64) If so, what kind of things do you like to write? Shitty romance stories that no one really bothers to read.
65) Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Extrovert.
66) Do you or have you ever been a self-injurer? Have been. Sometimes I get urges, & 99% of the time I ignore them.
67) What do you think of self-injury? It's one's own business; You should not do it for attention.
68) Are you very empathetic or are you an insensitive jerk? Quite empathetic.
69) Did it make you giggle that this is number 69? Why, yes, it did.
70) Are you immature? I can be, but only when it's in good fun.
71) What do you think of the kids that pick on substitutes? It pisses me off. People are lame.

THOUGHTS ON LIFE & YOURSELF AS A PERSON
87) What do you think about adultery? It infuriates me.
88) Greed & power-hungry people? I don't understand it.. Eventually it won't matter how much power you've earned in your life anyways.. I mean, dude, we're all going to fucking die.
89) Murder? Depends.
90) Reincarnation? I would very much like it to be real, but I sincerely don't believe in it.
91) Do you often think of suicide? Yes.
92) Would you ever commit suicide? Doubt it.
93) Have you ever tried...and obviously failed? No.
94) Do you think you’re “hardcore”? Not at all.
95) Do you think you’re “emo”? Not so much in a trendy way, but if you're asking whether I'm emotional/depressed/a sad person, then you could classify me as "emo."
96) “Punk”? Not at all.
97) “Gothic”? People like to look at me as a goth.
98) “Prep”? Never have been, never will be.
99) What stereotypical high-school label did you think you fall under? Goth.
100) Do you think that reflects you as a person, or is it just a bunch of BS that people made up to judge you? Bunch of bullshit.
101) Do you think there is actually a meaning to why we are here? Or is the universe just a random sequence of chaos and events? I believe there's a meaning..
102) Do you live to love or love to live? Live to love.
103) Which of your parents are you most like? My dad.
104) Does it offend you when people say that you look or act like one of your parents/siblings? Yeah.
105) Where do you go to just sit and think? My room or someone outside.
106) Are you an intelligent person? Yes.
107) In what area do you have a lot of knowledge? Not in any specific area.. I'm rather opinionated though I'm not outspoken, & I have my own morals & ethics. I suppose I'm rather intelligent all around, though I do fail dismally at math (mainly because of lack of interest).
108) What are your interests? Software engineering, computers, art, writing, & definately music.
109) What are your goals in life? Get married to Tony, have a family, get a degree in software engineering, die feeling as though my life was worth living.
110) Do you like commercials? Not usually.
111) Do you hate “the man”? "The man" hates me.
112) Do fall somewhere on the right or left wing in politics? Who cares?
113) Are you a paranoid person? God, yes.
114) Do you like to “experiment”? Eh, with myself yes.. But in relationships I'm quite shy & I'm not great at saying what I want.... in that sense, I mean.. ::blush::
115) Do you think that your room reflects you as a person? Not at all.
116) What would you say is most reflective of you in your room? My CD's.
117) Do you express yourself through your clothing/make-up? I suppose.
118) Do you realize that we come into this world alone and that we all will die alone? We don't necessarily die alone, but okay.
119) What do you think about gun rights? Guns terrify me.
120) Abortion? I used to be totally & completely against it.. But then I start to wonder what I would do if I got pregnant, & I just don't know..
121) Do people find you “creepy”? Probably.
122) Do you keep a journal? You're reading it, babe.
123) If so, how long have you kept it up? Since 12-15-04.
124) Do ever go back and read previous entries and reminisce? Lots.
125) Does it depress you to think about the past? Omfg you have no idea.
126) Did you have a “normal” childhood? No. We moved around a lot.
127) Were you a fucked up child? Not really.
128) What do you think about dreams/nightmares? I don't have them much.
129) Are they an insight into your subconscious or do you think that it’s all just random? It's not so much an insight.. It's really just thoughts that have been crossing your mind or things that have happened to you recently.. They're kind of projected into your thinking as you sleep.
130) Which do you prefer: crayons, markers, colored pencils, regular paint, watercolors, or chalk? Regular paint, chalk.

Set me free.

Tue, 10 May 2005 23:33:03 GMT

New layout.

Matrix themed, though I kept the Colour of Fire icon.

So I'm mostly likely riding Mick & Danny home on Saturday. These next four days are going to be the longest I've experienced in a long while.

My dad should go fuck a goat.

Later.

How long? Not long- because what you reap is what you sow.

Sun, 08 May 2005 17:48:04 GMT

Tony's going to try & teach me to skateboard today.
Ha ha ha.
Dear God please don't let me make an ass out of myself. );

::sigh::

He doesn't really like coming to my house anymore because my parents are Nazis & I guess we always do the same shit.

Blargh. I feel depressed.

I'm going to take another shower before he comes over. Later. ::sigh::

------------------------

Bolded = Completely true
Italicized = Partially true

I've never seen an episode of The Simpsons.
I can type over 60 words per minute.
I drive a yellow vehicle.
I think SUVs are gas-guzzling pieces of trash.
I've donated blood more than three times.
I'm Roman Catholic.
I'm Jewish.
I'm Christian.
I'm Muslim.
I don't affiliate with any religion.
I hate the taste of alcohol.
I've said prejudicial things before to people of a different ethnicity.
I still ask the doctor for a sticker when I go for an exam.
I'm Red Cross Certified in First Aid.
I have no desire to get wasted in college.
I have no desire to go to college.
I've never ridden in a taxi.
I play video games for more than 5 hours a day.
I hate talking on the phone.
My favorite movie is Full Metal Jacket.
My favorite place to be is sleeping in my bed.
I played Little League baseball when I was a kid.
I played Pee Wee football when I was a kid.
I was a Pop Warner cheerleader when I was a kid.
My favorite Simpsons character is Disco Stu.
I love disco music.
I love bustin' a move on the dance floor.
My favorite part of school dances is getting my hair/makeup done.
I loathe school dances.
My computer freezes more than three times a week.
I like getting hugs more than getting kisses.
I'm pro-life.
I'm pro-choice.
I love bolding surveys.
My GPA is over a 3.5.
I don't want to have any kids.
I'd rather play bass than guitar.
My favorite vacation spot is somewhere cold, not sunny.
My favorite sitcom is Seinfeld.
My favorite Harry Potter character is Ron Weasley.
I love boys with long hair.
I'm heterosexual.
I'm homosexual.
I'm bisexual.
West Side Story is my favorite Broadway show.
I own/owned a white Persian cat.
I am taking/have taken AP U.S. History.
My favorite sport to play is tennis.
I loathe American Idol.
I loathe reality tv in general.
I hate that term, "in general."
I could never come up with enough random things for a bolding survey.
I prefer "regular" film cameras over digital ones.
I hate how Old Navy always has awesome shirts for guys, but crappy ones for girls.
I hate Old Navy.
My favorite store is Wal-Mart.
I secretly love Dungeons and Dragons.
I'm a Trekkie, and not afraid to admit it.
The Fairly OddParents is my favorite show.
I can quote every single line from at least three movies.
I've read On The Road by Jack Kerouac . . .
. . . and I liked it.
My favorite Harry Potter book is Goblet of Fire.
I love the Series of Unfortunate Events books.
The only time I read is when I'm forced to for school.
I don't even read when I'm forced to for school.
I know someone who works in a slaughter house.
I preferred middle school over high school.
My favorite classic rock band is The Who.
I love city life.
I love living in rural areas.
Olive Garden is my favorite restaurant.
I know someone who's been in trouble with the IRS.
I know someone who's been in trouble with the FBI.
I want to be a cop when I'm older/I am a cop.
I'm a total loser who wastes a ton of time on these surveys.

------------------------

you, You, YOU!
Name? Megan
Gender? Female
Place? Pittsburgh, PA
Grade? Eighth
Color Hair? Dark brown with red streaks
Color Eyes? Bright blue / grey
Ethnicity? Irish / Scottish
Race? Caucasian

Opinions
Gays/Lesbians: Love 'em.
Sex: You should only do it with somebody you love. I hate people who don't take it seriously or use it as a tool.
Virgins: Cool.
Cutters: I feel terribly sorry for you; I know how it is.. Unless you do it for attention. Then I'm going to bomb your house. :D <3
Suicide: Tragic.
Blondes: Some are cool. Others embrace the stereotype that blondes are stupid, & I hate them for that.
Punks: Generally pretty cool with them.. I think some of them think too highly of themselves.
Goths: Love 'em.
George Bush: Leave the political opinions to people who care (not me).
Ashlee Simpson: Fuck that.

What are your FAVORITES?
Food: Black licorice ;o
Music Genre: Screamo, techno, nu-metal, alternative, etc.
Band: Don't know
Shampoo: Dunno
TV Show: That 70's Show
Music Station: 105.9 The X
Country: the U.S.
Color: Grey
Drink: WAY TOO MANY. ;O
Lotion: Anything that makes me soft & smells good. <3

Do you think somebody in the world is ...
Having sex? Yes.
Swearing? Yes.
Giving birth? Yes.
Cutting themselves? Yes.
Committing suicide? Yes.
Crying? Yes.
Dying? Yes
Singing? Yes
Writing? Yes.
Watching "The Goonies?" Yes.
Holding a gun? Yes.
Throwing up because they think they are fat? Yes.
Kissing? Yes.
Being dumped? Mhm. ):
Doing weed? Yeah. L0zrz.
Being arrested? Yea.
Creating another survey? Bleh, who cares?

Do You ...
Have good grades? Eh.
Have bad grades? Eh.
Think labels are for soup cans? People who feel like that need to get over it because labels aren't going anywhere.
Think the world is gay? Lawl, not literally, if that's what you mean.
Hate life? Yeah. Basically.
Hate this survey? Yes.
Sometimes wish to die? ..I donno.. sometimes.
Have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Mhm. <222@32423531

If you have a b/f g/f this section is for YOU!
How far have you gone? ...
Have you kissed? Yes.
Have you done something you regret with them? No.
Have you broken their heart? Godgodgodgodgod I hope not. >_<
Do you wish you had them back? .. Well.. I .. have him now... I think. e_e
Do you want to marry them? Yes. (:

Are You:
Punk? No.
Ghetto? No.
Hippie? At heart.
Redneck? Hell no.
Goth? If that's what you want to call me.
Tired? No.
Sleepy? Yes.

Do You Like:
Kelly Clarkson? No.
The Used? No.
George Bush? Idc.
Singing? Yes.
Writing? Yes.
Dancing? Yes.
Playing? Yes. ^_^
Tarot? No. D:

Do you mind these kind of people...
Prostitutes? No, because they do what they can to survive. I feel bad for them.
Cheaters? FUCKING HATE THEM. PEOPLE WHO CHEAT DON'T DESERVE TO BE IN RELATIONSHIPS. D:<
Cutters? No unless, once again, you do it for attention.
Punks? No.
Goths? No.
Wild? Sometimes.
Shy? No.
Crazy? Sometimes.
Gay? No.
Flirty? Yes.

Do you ever wonder if ...
You're gonna get married? Yes.
You're gonna get raped? No.
You're gonna die at a young age? Yes.
You're gonna be famous? Yes.
You're gonna be hated by everyone? No.
Have a happy life? Yes.
Get drunk and do something really stupid? No.
This survey is finally over? Yeah.

------------------------

Your Thoughts On...
Beauty: Tis only skin deep, truly.
Diets: No big deal.
Tanning: Gross. Pale is much better, in my opinion.
Makeup: No big deal, once again.
Plastic Surgery: I think it's retarded. People should be okay with themselves. I guess if you were in like a car crash or something & need it to look .. "normal", shall we say, well then that's a different story. If you want to get bigger boobs, you're a gayass.
Alcohol: A lot more dangerous then most people think but I don't mind it.
Cigarettes: Death sticks.
Marijuana: I'm curious.. Why do people need chemicals to feel good?
Religion: Who knows whether anybody's right or not?
Love: The best thing in the world. It's all you need.

Do You...
Smoke? No.
Drink? Yes.
Drive? No.
Drink and Drive? No.
Go to School? Yes.
Want to go to College? Yes.
Where? Not sure yet.
Care what you do for a living? Yes.
Have a lot of money? Nah.
Want a lot of money? Of course, who doesn't?
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yessir. ^.^
What is his/her name? Tony.
Are you in love? Surely.
Want to get married? Yes.
To who? ..Tony. o.O
Want to have kids? Yes.
How many? 1-3.

In One Word Describe...
Yourself: Complex
Your Mom: Old-fashioned
Your Dad: Sad
Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Perfect
Your Country: Fucked
Your State: Whatever
Your City: Awesome

------------------------

ANGER
1. who did you last get angry with? Patrick.
2. what is your weapon of choice? My body.
3. would you hit a member of the opposite sex? Yes.
4. how about of the same sex? Yes.
5. who was the last person who got really angry at you? I'm not sure. Shawn?
6. what is your pet peeve? Attention whores.
7. do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? It's different at different times, with different people, for different reasons.

SL0TH
1. what is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? Empty the dishwasher.
2. what is the latest you've ever woken up? 5 PM
3. name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: Airrick
4. what is the last lame excuse you made? I forget.
5. have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones...)?: Yes.
6. when was the last time you got a good workout? Can't recall. D:
7. how many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? None, because I unplugged it..

GLUTTONY
1. what is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Wtf is a yuppie? Well, coffee & shit at Border's is quite expensive..
2. meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? White meat.
3. what is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? A lot. o_o;
4. have you ever used a professional diet company? I don't think so.
5. do you have an issue with your weight? Yeah.
6. do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Sweet
7. have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "LUNCH"? No. o_______o

LUST
1. how many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? Four or more.
2. how many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? Four or five.
3. have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Yeah. It happens. Eyes wander.
4. what is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? Doesn't quite matter to me. Not boobs for a girl, & not dick for a guy.
5. have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? Nope. o_o
6. have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? No.
7. is love at first sight really lust? I'd say so.

GREED
1. how many credit cards do you own? None.
2. what's your guilty pleasure store? I donno. I don't feel guilty about shopping.. >.>;
3. if you had $1 million, what would you do with it? Learn how to do lots of things I couldn't before.. Lose weight.. Buy clothes & whatnot.. Pimp my house.. Buy stuff for Tony
4. would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich
5. would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Yeah
6. have you ever stolen anything? Yeah
7. how many MP3s are on your hard drive? About 150

PRIDE
1. what one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Nothing.
2. what one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? Some gay thing like getting shitty poetry published or something.
3. what thing would you like to accomplish in your life? Learn how to skateboard, breakdance/bboy, get good at graffiti.
4. do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Sometimes.
5. have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? No.
6. have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Yes.
7. what did you do today that you're proud of? Nothing. (:

ENVY
1. what item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? I'm not sure.
2. who would you want to go on "trading spaces" with? Umm.. I donno, Tony I suppose. I know he'd make my room really kick ass.
3. if you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Not sure. A lot come to mind.
4. have you ever been cheated on? Yes.
5. have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? All the time.
6. finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? Lust or sloth.

The blossom fell for the moment that you held the heart of an acrobat.

Sat, 07 May 2005 22:14:28 GMT

Last night was...

wow.

I mean.......

Good God.

Stayed at Tony's house from around 6 until almost 9, then me, him, & Steve drove up to Hampton Highschool.. Met Tony's friend Brian who was playing in one of the bands. Real cool kid.. I'm thinking he's like seventeen or so. He had a mohawk which was literally as perfect as they come; it was red, orange, and gold (looked kind of like a flame) & he had an Anti-Flag shirt & plaid pants that matched his hair. I was impressed. There were a small crowd of guys outside playing acoustic guitars & one guy had bongo drums & they were wailing some sweet kind of emo that reminded me of Bright Eyes. Then Nicole (<334#@<52#<5234624,!!!) came out, & I screamed, "NICOLE!!" just as Tony was saying, "Look, Nicole's here.." & she shrieked & ran over & jumped on me. :D <333 T'was very happy. We all went in & paid & whatnot & then I just kind of wandered around with Nicole because Tony was hanging out with a bunch of people he knew.. I sat down next to one of Nicole's friends.. Forgot his name.. o.x & Nicole sat on my lap. :0~
Yeah.. that's basically how it was for most of the night.. Pretty much spent it with Nicole. ^_^ Which made me very happy because I wasn't at all expecting her to be there. Brian's band was the last one to play, but when they did Tony went ballistic.. It was really hardcore; he started like three moshes & kept picking kids up & getting them to crowd surf & what not.. He was headbanging like crazy.. & when the band finished playing, Tony jumped up on stage & hugged Brian & kissed him on the mouth.. I didn't see him do it cause I was off somewhere else, but Tony told me & I was like lmfao. I also met some cool chick named Amy while I was standing outside with Steve.. She came up to me cause I was wearing my Blood Bros shirt & she was like, "Did you get that at their show last week, blah blah blahh . etcc.c.dfsb" & I was like, "No I haven't seen them yet.. I'm seeing them next Saturday" & yeah, she's going too, so it'll be cool if I see her there. As far as I know right now, the plans are I'm going to go & meet Mick & Danny there & chill with them, & give them a ride back if they need it. So anyways, Tony's mom picked us up & we dropped off Steve first, then on the way to my house we went through a Wendy's drivethru & his mom was going to buy me something to eat (which was so incredibly sweet of her; I love that woman) but I wasn't hungry so I said thanks anyways.. While we were waiting to get through the drivethru Tony came & sat in the back with me.. & we cuddled & kissed & me, him, & his mom talked about shit & everything & it was real cool. So we got to my house, Tony stepped out of the car, held the door open for me, held my hand & walked me to the door, & kissed me & told me he loved me & when to call him & everything.. We stayed on the phone for a while but he was exhausted, mostly because he was moshing so hard, but I suppose there was another reason. So yeah, we talked for awhile.. He was talking about how much he missed me as soon as I stepped out of the car, & just how he felt so much closer to me.. & just.. a ton of stuff. Right now I'm just filled with exhilaration.. Like.. more than I could ever explain.. I just can't stop thinking about--
You fucking think I'm going to write about what happened in here? You've got shit for brains.
Hm, I miss him so much.. I mean I always miss him when he's gone but now it just seems a lot worse. I'm going to see him tomorrow though, which is very good. I left a message on his voicemail; hope he calls me back soon.
All this morning I was at like a science fair thing.. It was cool.. Took some courses on genetics, DNA, & cancer & stuff, & then took some other courses on industrial engineering. I was thinking, I want to be a software engineer. I'd totally be doing what Neo did in the Matrix. rofl. /nerd.
But yeah.. Dunno, I'm going to go watch The Animatrix right now & then later Finding Neverland which is quite a lovely movie.

I'm going to get breakdancing lessons.
I've been listening to a lot of techno lately.
I need to buy some new rave pants since my old ones got torn up as all hell.

OUT.

-M3g4n

Take your records off... my shelf. I don't like this maze..... I'm in.

Fri, 06 May 2005 20:11:49 GMT

You told me that you only wanted my happiness; that you would do anything to be with me; that I stacked higher than she ever could; that you would fight "tooth & nail" to be with me; that I was the only person you ever wanted to be with.

You're a danger to me.

Now I know why I had that feeling that I shouldn't leave him for you.
What if I had, & then just minutes afterwards you told me everything about Jena?

You would have ruined everything for me.
That's all that I've been thinking about all day.
What if I dropped what I had because I thought I could gain something better, & then ended up losing everything?
You're terrible. You're horrid.

I'm serious for once. We shouldn't talk anymore.
I know I said I'll always want you, & you know what? I always will.
But I don't need you.. I don't need to go on feeling as though I could have had something better, because all that is is a lie.

I guess if you have anything to say to me you could message me or call.

---------------------------

-INFO-
Name: Megan Bell
Single or taken: Taken
Sex: Yesplz
Gender: Female
Birthday: March 8
Sign: Pisces
Siblings: One younger brother
Hair colour: Dark brown with natural red highlights
Eye colour: Blue grey
Height: 5'2''

-RELATIONSHIPS-
Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: Bisexual
Who are your best friends?: I don't know
You have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Yes
How many exes do you have?: Eight or nine
What is your longest relationship ?: Four monthes
What was your shortest relationship ?: A few days I guess

-FASHION/STUFF-
Where is your favourite place to shop for clothes: Hot Topic
Any tattoos or piercings: Eight gauge in right ear
What is your sexiest outfit?: Sorry, I don't own anything secksy.
What is your most comfortable outfit?: Anything. <3
What do you usually wear?: Tight band shirts, baggy pants, hoodies, etc.

-SPECIFICS-
Do you do drugs?: No way.
What kind of shampoo do you use?:
What are you most scared of?: Losing Tony. Heights. Life after death.
What are you listening to right now: Colour of Fire <345
Who is the last person that called you?: Tony
Where do you want to get married?: Somewhere beautiful..
How many buddies are online right now?: Thirty three.
What would you change about yourself?: I'd make myself skinny. The end.

-FAVORITES-
Colors: Gray
Foods: Pizza
Girl name: Arienette
Boy name: Simon, Colin
Subjects in school: Science, Health
Animals: Wolf, birds

-HAVE YOU EVER-
Given anyone a bath?: No.. o.0
Smoked?: Yes
Bungee jumped?: No
Made yourself throw up?: Yes
Skinny dipped?: Yes
Ever been in love?: Yes
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? Yes
Pictured a crush naked?: Yes
Actually seen a crush naked?: Yes
Cried when someone died?: Yes
Lied: Yes
Fallen for your best friend?: Yes
Been rejected?: Fuck yes
Rejected someone?: Possibly
Used someone?: Never
Done something you regret?: All the time

-CURRENTS-
Clothes: Thursday shirt, black Illig pants with red stitching, Airwalks, undergarments ;|
Music: Colour of Fire - Italics
Annoyance: Feeling gross & wondering when I'm supposed to go to Tony's
Smell: Nothing ;~;
Desktop picture: A pretty picture of Colin Oberst
DVD in player: The Matrix (?)

-LAST PERSON-
You touched: Lena
Hugged: Richard
You yelled at: Lena
You kissed: Tony <345653634735725qewrhsfhb

-ARE YOU-
Understanding: I try to be, but nobody can relate to everyone
Open-minded: Very much so
Arrogant: Definately not
Insecure: Mhm
Random: Eh, sometimes
Hungry: Noo
Smart: Yes
Moody: Yes
Hard working: No
Organized: No
Healthy: Eh, I don't know
Shy: I can be
Difficult: Can be
Attractive: Oh heck no.
Bored easily: Not really..
Obsessed: Eh.... maybe.
Angry: No
Sad: No
Happy: Somewhat
Hyper: Nah
Trusting: Yesss

-WHO DO YOU WANNA-
Kiss: Tony
Slap: Nobody
Get really wasted with?: Miccckkkk
Get high with: No one but if I had to pick- Miicccckkkk
Talk to offline: MICKCICCMCICKICCMCICKC.
Talk to online: Couldn't care less
Sex it up with: Tony

-RANDOM-
In the morning I: am grosser than usually & pissy.
All you need is: Tony
Love is: a blessing & a curse.
I dream about: nothing that I can remember.
What do you notice first in the sex you're into: if they're sweet & if they can make me laugh.

-WHO-
Makes you laugh the most: Lot of people.
Makes you smile: Tony, Nicole, Airrick, Mick, Amanda, Kaitlyn, Ken, Steve, Corey, Greg, Sarah, Brittany, milllzzz of others.

-DO YOU EVER-
Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to im you?: Used to do that all the time with Shawn. Used to.
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: Well, they don't have to excrete something around the size of a bowling ball out of their genitals, now do they....?
Wish you were younger: NO.
Cried because someone said something to you?: Omgzz yes.

-NUMBERS-
Of times I have had my heart broken: Lots. [:
Of hearts I have broken: Maybe like.. two at the most. It kills me knowing that I made someone feel like that probably as bad as it hurts them. No joke.
Of guys I've kissed: Lots.
Of girls I've kissed: Three or so.
Of CD's I own: Don't feel like counting.
Of scars on my body: Between 10 and 20
Of things that I regret: Hundreds, thousands, millions.

-YOUR THOUGHTS-
I know: I'm too negative.
I hope: me & Tony stay together forever.
I think: we will.
I want: to be with him this very moment.
I have: a hunger twisting my stomach into knots.
I wish: Shawn never IMed me a few days ago.
I hate: regrets.
I hear: a pretty kid singing.
I search: for whoever I am.
I wonder: what people think of me.
I love: Tony.

---------------------------

Tonight I'm going over to Tony's<3 house until around nine-ish when we're going to go see a show where his one friend's band is playing, & probably going home around 11.

My layout pwnz.

Apparently Blood Brothers tix are sold out? According to Amanda anyways.. Which is lame as fuck, because me & Mick are like the only ones who fucking bought tickets. So I basically have no one to go with.. Mick, if you're not going with anyone and/or need a ride, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know as soon as possible.

Mm. I'm going to go take a shower now.
Piss off, darlings.

-M3g4n

WHY DID YOU DIE?!?

Wed, 04 May 2005 00:02:53 GMT

Forbidden Love; Nighttime Lust
The Controversial Relationship Between Megan Bell & Mick Malone

megxnissmxshing: Rofl @ Mason asked me to the semi.
xx d3nver max xx: haha
xx d3nver max xx: aww you kids would be oh so cute there
megxnissmxshing: Mick.
megxnissmxshing: ::whimpers::
megxnissmxshing: Please don't say that.
xx d3nver max xx: aw but you totally would
xx d3nver max xx: and with his tounge in your throat!!!!!
xx d3nver max xx: (squeels)
megxnissmxshing: MIKC STFU
megxnissmxshing: THIS IS LIKE THE TIME
megxnissmxshing: WHEN WE HAD THE CONVERSATION ABOUT LIKE.. YOU FUCKING MY FAMILY OR SOMETHING
xx d3nver max xx: Yeah, and I totally did!
megxnissmxshing: And I totally got jack shit.
megxnissmxshing: D:
xx d3nver max xx: Your mom is a fox
megxnissmxshing: Oh btw I was going to give you a present today
megxnissmxshing: But I didn't see y--- HAY STFU ABOUT MY MOM.
xx d3nver max xx: Pft, you were sleeping
xx d3nver max xx: which doesn't mean I didn't do anything
megxnissmxshing: ;~;
megxnissmxshing: If you do something to me/with me, wake me up first, fucker.
megxnissmxshing: If anything's more cruel than being brutally raped by Mick, it's doing it while I'm asleep.
megxnissmxshing: And don't just get up and run off in the middle of the night afterwards you fucker.
xx d3nver max xx: it just means you weren't aware of it
megxnissmxshing: It's called cuddling, and if you don't make sure to do it next time, I'll destroy you
xx d3nver max xx: but I was totally like aw she's cute when she's sleeping (does stuff to you)
xx d3nver max xx: Maybe I cuddled/did stuff
xx d3nver max xx: it's the best of both worlds
megxnissmxshing: But Mick.
megxnissmxshing: I missed it.
megxnissmxshing: I was sleeping.
megxnissmxshing: ::tear slides down cheek::
megxnissmxshing: ):
xx d3nver max xx: Cuteness/pure-mick-malone-lust
xx d3nver max xx: but I didn't ^.^
xx d3nver max xx: be happy!
xx d3nver max xx: if I didn't happen to be in yoru room not going through your drawers I might have just left you!
megxnissmxshing: Holy shit @ getting lusted after by Mick X)
xx d3nver max xx: :P
megxnissmxshing: This is going in my livejournal you know.
megxnissmxshing: /exploits our affairs
megxnissmxshing: ^.~
xx d3nver max xx: Everyone knows.
xx d3nver max xx: I sell like, naked pictures of you and I gave your panties to mason.
xx d3nver max xx: Told him they were from you, which explains his asking you to the semi.
megxnissmxshing: Mick.. those panties were for you & YOU ALONE!!
xx d3nver max xx: You think I only took one pair?
megxnissmxshing: Well I know where my missing underwear went now anyways..
xx d3nver max xx: You should know me better than that.
megxnissmxshing: You just wait.
megxnissmxshing: When your boxers are gone one morning, you'll know who has em.
megxnissmxshing: And then when I walk by in the hall, and you get a hardon, and you're not wearing any boxers, everyone will see. Hahahahahaahahahsfzhfz.
xx d3nver max xx: and I'll be like 'Why's by bed sticky?'
megxnissmxshing: But you'll know damn well why it was sticky.
megxnissmxshing: *why it will be
xx d3nver max xx: then I'll be like OH NO SHE DIDN'T!
xx d3nver max xx: and then It'll be karama
xx d3nver max xx: I molest you in your sleep
xx d3nver max xx: you do the same to me
xx d3nver max xx: karma*
megxnissmxshing: What complicated persons we are.
megxnissmxshing: One day one of us will wake up in the middle of being raped by the other.
xx d3nver max xx: haha
megxnissmxshing: And we can make passionate, mind-blowing love to eachother. & we'll both be awake & all the good stuff.
xx d3nver max xx: and most people would be suprised to see that happen, but were used to it
megxnissmxshing: Yeah, it's nothing new.
megxnissmxshing: Never gets old though X0
xx d3nver max xx: cha
xx d3nver max xx: and it never willl
megxnissmxshing: Lololol our secks is DAHBOMM.
xx d3nver max xx: like, people in the entire pittsburgh area know when we are
xx d3nver max xx: they're sitting there looking at internet porn
xx d3nver max xx: and are just like
xx d3nver max xx: Wow. Those people are having incredable sex, and I'm fucking my hand.
megxnissmxshing: Lmfao.
megxnissmxshing: No doubt our naked bodies pressed up against eachother are downloaded at 99% of computers across the country.
xx d3nver max xx: You know it
megxnissmxshing: I've gone from "OhsohornyIwanttofuckMick'sbrainsoutrightthisinstant" to "I'masadangstycuntwhowishesitwouldrainsoIcouldgorunbymyself"
megxnissmxshing: ):
megxnissmxshing: Emery does that to me.
megxnissmxshing: Actually, lots of things do this to me.
megxnissmxshing: Exboyfriends who miss me does it to me.
xx d3nver max xx: well, I know a way to fix that
megxnissmxshing: oh really? ;0
xx d3nver max xx: Please hold:
megxnissmxshing: Kay.
xx d3nver max xx: http://photobucket.com/albums/v310/lovexisxaxcurse3/Thick%20Mick/?
megxnissmxshing: ::arousal::
megxnissmxshing: No seriously, the picture of you grabbing your dick is porntastic.
xx d3nver max xx: gang-star pictures make the world go 'round
xx d3nver max xx: I would took new pictures of me being a little girl like I usually am, but bad hair day
megxnissmxshing: I hear you on that one
megxnissmxshing: Mick, why don't we ever hang out?
xx d3nver max xx: you know how it is
xx d3nver max xx: Because your like "I'm too hardcore for mick"
megxnissmxshing: wtf lmfao. more like too losercore for mick.
xx d3nver max xx: or maybe I'm like 'I don't chillax with kids who say negative things about themselves like meganxcore'
xx d3nver max xx:
megxnissmxshing: Oh.
megxnissmxshing: /loses.
xx d3nver max xx: You could take it back
xx d3nver max xx: eh
megxnissmxshing: /takes everything back.
megxnissmxshing: everything.
xx d3nver max xx: eh
megxnissmxshing: What are you, canadian? Eh?
xx d3nver max xx: Does that include the sex and sleep molesting?
megxnissmxshing: No.
megxnissmxshing: Sorry.
megxnissmxshing: No.
megxnissmxshing: >.>
megxnissmxshing: Fraid I can't take that back.
xx d3nver max xx: I could be...
megxnissmxshing: Fine by me.
xx d3nver max xx: good ^.^
xx d3nver max xx: what happened to your yafro
megxnissmxshing: http://iAmNoKiller.yafro.com
megxnissmxshing: lawl, is it masterbation time for mick?
megxnissmxshing: jaykayjaykayjaykay x;
xx d3nver max xx: tehees
xx d3nver max xx: I just haven't seen it for a while
megxnissmxshing: I haven't put up too many new pictures because.. I'm ghey like that.
xx d3nver max xx: pft
xx d3nver max xx: stop saying that dawg
megxnissmxshing: Oh my bad. I forgot.
megxnissmxshing: Pretend I didn't say it.
megxnissmxshing: So tell me what you think, cause you never do & you admitted to e-stalking me.
xx d3nver max xx: tell you what I think abotu what
megxnissmxshing: yafro pics.
xx d3nver max xx: lol
xx d3nver max xx: their good stuff
xx d3nver max xx: I like the new hair
xx d3nver max xx: but you don't take enough pictures anymore
megxnissmxshing: I know. ;_;
megxnissmxshing: Partially because I don't get on enough anymore, and also, I heard something about some kid saying I was a slut at some school dance
megxnissmxshing: People misinterpret my pictures.
megxnissmxshing: Therefore, I hardly see the point.
xx d3nver max xx: pftttt
xx d3nver max xx: don't let some little fuck stop you from doing shit
megxnissmxshing: Yeah.. You're right. I just fear people are getting the wrong ideas for my pictures.
megxnissmxshing: A picture of me shirtless from above my chest and up isn't meant to be provocative, in a sense.
megxnissmxshing: I don't actually show my nakie parts, but people can make anything look bad.
megxnissmxshing: Damn them. ;x
xx d3nver max xx: well, if that bothers you can still take pictures without being naked (even if your not showign anything lol)
xx d3nver max xx: grrxcore @ AIM.
megxnissmxshing: yeahyeah. I have AIM express. it is the suckzxcore.
megxnissmxshing: How about I take a whole bunch of pics just for you tonight Mick?
megxnissmxshing: And I did not mean that in a sexual way. Rofl.
xx d3nver max xx: yes yes
xx d3nver max xx: that would be nice
xx d3nver max xx: haha
xx d3nver max xx: I know
megxnissmxshing: Alrighty. ^_^ <3
xx d3nver max xx: gimme something to look at though, I'm boredd and no one updates t heir photobuckets anymore
megxnissmxshing: Sure thing, love
xx d3nver max xx: ^.^
megxnissmxshing: You're a mind tease.
xx d3nver max xx: :D

EDIT (to idiots): Megan Bell & Mick Malone aren't in a relationship. Stfu & stop being so moronic.

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up.

Mon, 02 May 2005 23:51:37 GMT

No one dies a virgin.
Life screws us all.

I survive by these memories; memories of you.

Sun, 01 May 2005 18:52:08 GMT

I love this song.

I spent all yesterday with <3 Tony <3 .
So now, we're both going through withdrawal.
So I think I almost lost him last night.
I suck. I fail. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. For once it'd be real nice if I could like, you know, do things right.

Gagging sucks. No pun intended.

I love him i love him i love him i love,eo ihmhi mdzfsjghbkdszb ii'mmmm sooo brraaainnn fccuckkkkeeddd ):

See, but, I miss him so much, I'm malfunctioning. D: Super not cool.

There's, what, 25 1/2 days of school left. Toooo muuucchhh.

I miss Molly & Airrick so fucking much. I feel friendless + lonely + emotionally unstable & I need them but it feels like they don't care that we don't talk anymore, let alone spend time together. I don't give them enough credit. I need them.

Today is ghey. I'm bored. I feel depressed. -_- Somebody should totally do something with me & make me happy. I want Molly & Airrick to come over, but I doubt it will happen.

Yeah hold on. I'm going to call Airrick right now & see what's up.

He's not home.
He probably won't call me back.
Maybe he's at CCD?
How fucking late does that go till?
He's probably hanging out with someone else.
Should I even bother calling Molly?
She never seems to want to do anything either.
It's worth a shot.

I decided I'm not going to eat until after the Blood Brothers show (2 weeks.. /gasm).

Bye.

When I hear the rain should I be afraid for my, for my, for my.. life?

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 21:58:50 GMT

Second entry of the day: Wishful Thinking

I understand that scissors can beat paper & I get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no fucking way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to magically "wrap around" rock, rendering it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Fuck scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why--BECAUSE PAPER CAN'T BEAT ANYBODY! A rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper, I punch them in the face with my already clenched fist & say,"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought your paper would protect you, asshole."

EDIT: My journal is now located at http://teenheat.tk. True story, fuckers.

We'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of this scene.

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 17:07:56 GMT

Tony's not moving. (: <345

Today I fainted during Science class just minutes after Lena did. We both went home early. I think we traumatized just about everyone in the class. So yeah. That's why I'm home now.

Sometimes when I'm doing something & I'll remember something, I won't be sure whether it really happened or whether it was a dream. It really bothers me.

I haven't taken my medication for the past three or four days. I don't think it helps. I think it makes me worse.

On a science test I got back on Monday, I tied with some other kid for the highest score on the Theta team, & today when I got another test back, I had the second highest score on the team.
I should stop. I'm just raising everyone's expectations of me.

I feel like eww.

I wish I was good at something.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow. It will be a mistake; I just know it.

Tony is sick right now. ;~; I hope I still get to see him tomorrow. I don't mind swapping germs as long as I get to be with him. ):

Um okay, so I don't know what else to write.

Later, sluts.

-M3g4n

I'll be the fire escape thats bolted to the ancient brick where you will sit & contemplate your day.

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 20:47:22 GMT

Friday we had off from school. So I lyk so totalee got mi hare cutt!1!!!~~`~

Hung out with Tony on Friday & Saturday.
Saturday was a naughtydirtygoodfun time. Don't ask for details; you're not getting them, dears. <3 Use your imagination.
Sunday I went to Borders with my dad from 9 until 11 reading music mags & drinking coffee. Then me & him went & got my Blood Brothers ticket. ////ggaaasssmmmm
Then I got home & sat in my bedroom, listening to my Death Cab CD that I recently found again, & cried for a few hours. It was really uncool. I'm a loser. I hate myself. LAWLAWLALWWELAL FE3L BADD 4 MI!11~~``
no, stfu. x(

&then Tony got real upset when he found out I cried &stuff.
&I died.
because that's what happens to me when Tony gets sad.

/sigh.

&then yesterday he was supposed to go to the Tiger Army show but it was sold out before he could get tix so he asked if I wanted to hang out at the mall with him & Zach.. so of course, I did.
I was really gay & Tony was getting really bothered.
Then he said he might be moving.
To North Carolina.
&then it felt like all the life got sucked out of me. So I stared at the table we were sitting at trying not to cry.
& him & Zach didn't know why I was upset. D;
&then Tony held me & made me tell him what was wrong, & he promised he wouldn't leave me & he said if he doesn't want to move, his mom won't end up going through with it.. & even if she does, he said he'll live with his grandma (who lives right behind where him & his mom live).
I'm scared. Just thinking about it makes my tummy hurt. I can't lose him. Or my life will be over. I'm not kidding. I'm not exaggerating. You guys watch & see what happens.
He can't move away.
He can't.
He can't.
I'll die.

So today I'm thinking, I need to stop being such a mother fucking drag to be around or he'll leave me anyways.

I need him.

I'm scared.

I love him more than I could ever explain.. more than any one understands... more than other human being could ever love him. I know that for a fact. I don't know what I could do to show him how much he means to me. I was thinking today in school.. I want to do something special for him.. But I don't know what. If anyone could give me some ideas, it would be extraordinarily appreciated. Please comment, kids. <3

-M3g4n

Don't say we're healing when it's just not what we do.

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 00:57:02 GMT

Hey you all. Sorry for not updating in what seems like forever (hah.. like you lot care).
This weekend was the definition of lovely since I spent it with my <3 love <3. On Friday, I spent the night at RnR with Tony & Steve. ^_^ Mark hung out with us a lot of the time as well. So that was nice.. Lol, towards the end of the night, Tony was shooting spitballs at tons of people.. It was so fucking funny because these little bitchy kids got all pissed & they kept giving him these looks but they couldn't do jack shit. On Saturday, I met up with Tony & his friend Fritz at the mall. I got my secksy Blood Brothers shirt & such.. This kid's (his name was Matt.. or Mark... same difference -_-) girlfriend who I "met" the night before was stalking Tony. I was getting extremely aggravated.. I suppose I am quite the jealous type.. But she was -everywhere- that he was, & it was really bothering me. ): Still though, I was happy because I got to see the person who I love more than anyone else. :0!! Later that night I went to Lena's birthday party which was fun. ^~^ Watched Finding Neverland which is a wonderful movie, & started watching Nightmare Before Christmas with Lena before I got picked up. Sunday Tony came over.. ^.^ We fooled around for hours & hours & I miss him so much now. I hate being without him. There's no doubt in my mind (or apparently anyone elses') that he's the love of my life. This week (Mon. - Thurs.) has been insanely stressful. Counseling, medication, parents, Tony's court hearing (he won his case by the way, which we are both obviously very happy about). Last night after counseling, I realized that things weren't going to be simple between me & Tony due to my parents.. I mean, I already knew that before, but I felt as though I should forewarn him & give him the oppurtunity to leave me before getting involved with me.. but most of all, the bullshit that comes along with being with me. I was slightly dumbstruck by his response.. I don't have time to get into detail but all I can say is that is the most incredible blessing to have him in my life & to know that he will always love me with all of him, & that he feels just as strongly about me as I do about him (can't even begin to explain my feelings for him).
Life has been a struggle for me as of late.. But I'm getting my grades up which is nice, the medication is working as far as I can tell, & I have the most perfect person's love & that's the one thing that I can count on that will never change. So basically what is in store for my life for awhile is I'm going to try & patch things up with my parents.. gain more trust.. show more responsibility.. & to continue growing, learning, & loving in me & Tony's relationship..
I love looking down the road to my future.... & seeing him there.
I always see him there.

-M3g4n

We really love the U.S.A.

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 21:56:46 GMT

I don't really feel like giving an update.
Just wanted to let you all know that my new AIM screenname is:

x geek usa

so add me.

oh&i love Tony more than any of you mother fucks. just had to remind you.

Unleash the armegeddon so all the children go to Heaven.

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 22:50:13 GMT

So if one more annoying, little kid tells me & Tony to get a room, they're going to get fucking strangled. If you're too obnoxious & childish to be able to watch two kids kissing eachother, my advice to you is this; do not go skating, do not go to the mall, do not go to the movie theatre.. In fact, don't leave your bedroom at all until you finally hit puberty.
/END.
o_o;

Uhm.. went to RnR on Friday as usual. Steve was there. :0 We sat & talked for an hour or so. It was lovely (at least I thought it was.. I'm pretty sure he was only conversing with me out of boredom). I think he was getting annoyed though because I kept worrying that Tony was getting mad or upset because I was talking to him. So eventually when we were sitting down & I was drinking Mt. Dew, Tony came into view & Steve was like, "So.. do you want to go talk to him now or something?" & like yeah.. So Steve went to go talk to Shawn or something & I went over to Tony.. He seemed/sounded upset & just hearing his voice like that killed me, especially since I felt that it was me who made him like that. I sat & cuddled with him & talked to him the rest of the night because everytime that I feel like I've done something to make him sad I die inside. He means more to me than anyone or anything ever could & that never will change.. I'd kill for him, I'd die for him. He's the only person I ever want to be with for always & eternity.

Ergghh.. My words are frustrating me now; they're always so repetitive & overused. It makes me sick whenever I try & show him how much I care.. Well, no, it's not that that makes me sick.. It's failing to be able to do so. Blech.

Well, I got to see him again yesterday.. He came over to my house. ::smiles:: I loved it of course. <3
Each & every day makes me see even more clearly how fortunate I am to be called his.. I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Ugh, I'd go on, but my dad is being a mother fucking faggot, & kicking me off. Oh well. I was about ready to leave anyways.

I have no homework, so if I don't go for a walk or something, I guess I'll just be sitting around waiting for Tony to call later whenever he gets back from skating. Give me a call if you want to do something.

-M3g4n

I love Tony more than I could ever explain. <345