[Thursday September 4th, 2008 3:35pm] superhated I am free. On another note... So did you know that in Symbolic Logic this: ~m^a means: Mary Kate Olsen does not appear in a movie unless Ashley does. Who knew philosophers loved talking about MK? All of my classes are so awesome. My cultural anthropology teacher is an active anthropologist who studies a tribe in Africa for 6 months every year which I think is so awesome because I love learning about African culture, politics, language,etc. Symbolic Logic already has me baffled but what I love about it is it really makes you think and you learn to interpet the American language in a totally different way. post comment

[Tuesday September 2nd, 2008 9:02pm] carvedfate ( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. ) post comment

spread love like violence [Sunday August 31st, 2008 12:21pm] iamthekillerxxx So I was emo apparently last night. Hence the entry directly before this one. So this is going to be my update to life. I spent the entire summer on the road. Pretty much hitting every state besides the eastcoast. Living in a van for months with four other dudes is not exactly good living. Especially when you are all poor as fuck and struggling to get money for gas and food. I feel like I learned a lot though. A lot about just life in general and what I may want out of it someday. I am completely positive that I absolutely fucking hate being back in Jackson. Its nice to come home and see friends and family. And its fun that the majority of people in this town are learning about Farwell and what were doing outside of this town and people give me lots of free things. So that is nice. Every time I go out in public people who I know no idea who they are come up to me and ask how "we" the band our doing. And stuff like that. Saying they got a burnt CD or DLed us from Limewire or read about us in the paper or online. Its good to know that at least some news can travel in this town. And like I said everyone gives you things for free. But I'm sure in time, I'm home until October, people will get sick of me and stop buying me things. But for now I very thankfully accept gratuities. I have absolutely no money. I mean seriously. None. I am in debt and have no incoming cash flow. I just need to win the lottery. But I don't even have money to play the lottery. FUCK! Like I said we leave again in Oct for a little stint and we have some decent guarantees so that is kinda exciting. I play golf a lot... of course only when its free. I was hoping to make some money at this golf outing last night but we ended up finishing third. So I actually lost money in the end. FUCK MY LIFE! It was fun. I drank lots of beers. In more exciting news and most likely the cause of my late night emo-ness is that I am once again a single man. I'm not sure what this feeling is but I have that feeling. That recently not in a relationship feeling and it kinda sucks. That hole in the pit of your stomach. Ah. But it was all my own doing so I guess I need to just go with it. It just didn't make sense for me to have a gf. I mean really I am gone all the time, I have a million things going on and I put them all before her. I'm just not ready for any sort of serious relationship and thats where things were heading. She just needed me in totally different ways than I needed her. And yes I am an asshole, but it just wasn't my time to compromise to make it work. I'm fucking 22. I need to be on my own. I feel like I accomplish more when I'm single. And thats what I need to do right now. Just work hard on making my next step. And this next tour. And this sounds stupid but its key for people in my line of work to be out a lot. To be at the bars and the parties, to be seen and talk to people. Its part of the hustle. The public is our consumer and they need to want us. Everyone. So I honestly and truthfully think its important that I do got out a lot on my own. And that was really not working out for my relationship. And I completely understand why and i just hope that she comes to her senses about my decision to end things and understands that it was for the best. And I was only trying to get out before it got worse and somebody got hurt. But once again now I get to deal with all the rumors that seem to get started whenever you break things off with a female. They never seem to just take it maturely and move on. They have to hold onto something and tell stories to everyone and their pet bird about what an outrageous asshole I am..blahblahblah. But fuck it. I don't care. I made this decision and I'm going with it because as much as it sucks and feels uncomfortable right now. I know it was the right move. And life goes on. Seasons change. People change. Oh geeez. What the fuck have I been babbling about. I wonder if anyone on LJ actually reads through these posts. I mean I really only have a few people as friends on here. And its people I never see. So I guess its kinda cool that I have this LJ thingy. Its relieving for me and maybe it helps keep in touch with all of you. Well I'm off. My parents are supposed to be getting home today so my life of a free house with meals will be no longer. OK so heres the recap. single, jobless, homeless, carless, moneyless. haha. someone please help. 4 comments|post comment

I am the wondering moonlight. I am the gravel always slipping under my feet. [Sunday August 31st, 2008 2:02am] iamthekillerxxx I'm thanking my lucky stars I have pills that put me to sleep. And also that water comes from the tap. I've probably got enough for the week...weak.... And they come like rain falling for everyone. I'm in too deep. Or so this feeling says. Seems I've cut my last ties. knotted my last knots. Just a floater. drifter. loner. dottie a rebel. just what if its true the things I convince myself. I need no one. I am more than anyone could handle. I am more than I can handle. Did I mention how I was in too deep? pop.pop.pop. SOMA: Carisoprodol: 1050mg. to be exact. I'll be busy sleeping this one off. post comment

Updates. [Friday August 29th, 2008 10:02am] superhated I really want to quit my photography job but I've grown accustomed to the money I make from them...lately they've been pushing my boundaries with how far I will drive for a shoot. Tuesday was one in Troy which is 2.5 hours away which means I spent 5 hours of my day driving...ugh. Today they wanted me to drive to Northville which is another 2 hr drive but I told them I would only do such a long drive once a week. I won't quit until I have a job here in Kalamazoo and even then i won't stop doing my photography job until november or so...I won't really be quitting, just being taken off of the schedule until next spring because after last winter driving every where and almost dying on the highway they agreed I could just take a leave of absence until the weather gets better in the spring. Talking with Katy & Sam on Wednesday about John made me realize how pathetic I've let this situation get. It's fun to make jokes and whatever but the reality of it is pretty lame. I got a ticket Wednesday night after picking John up from work which really pissed me off. It wasn't John's fault obviously for the ticket but if i wouldn't have had to go pick him up I never would have been on the road to get pulled over. I told John that I wasn't happy anymore. I was crying and it was awful but needed. I told him i loved him but things had to change NOW. I basically gave him an ultimatum: Take control of your life & become an adult or our relationship is over. post comment

[Saturday August 23rd, 2008 8:07am] superhated I did the most writing, had the best grades, and had more friends when I was single. ...just saying. 3 comments|post comment

[Saturday August 23rd, 2008 7:40am] superhated My life is so boring I'm excited about buying books for my classes. post comment

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