Cry baby cry

Here I am once again. Sitting in my bed with my laptop....crying. Why do I let him do this to me? Why do I allow him to think its okay. What is it about me that makes him think he can do it? Am I that big of a pushover to him? Am I that disposable? What is it that made him stop loving me? Why did he stop? Why did he fall for me in the first place? It seemed so easy for him. And for Mark. And for Derek. And for Josh. And I ended all of those because now I know that it isn't real. Love is not real. It doesn't exist. Its just some chemical thing that makes us think that we love someone...because thats all any of us really want. We want love. Well I've figured out that in the end, the thing they think they like...love....is not going to be enough for them a year later. They'll no longer want to be with me every chance they have. They'll no longer call, remember plans, care. Love.

I am broken. A song that skips. Was I ever whole before? I don't know...but at least I was happy with myself. At least I didn't look in the mirror and wish that it was all over.