Today, a blonde girl showed up at my front door around 5:30 p.m. She was wearing a lot of faded gold rings, short jean shorts and a black and white striped top. She was pretty, and didn't need makeup, but wore it tastefully. She was very thin.

It turned out this girl used to live next door to me from when I was a toddler to when we were about in 4th grade. Now she's 17, and will be 18 in December.

Now she goes to Washington High School. She lives with her parents, who are barely still married, her younger brother, 15-year-old sister and her fiancee, a drunk, druggie and high school drop out. She was into drugs for a stint and then quit (after being in rehab twice). She has to pay for her family's groceries. Her dad loves their dogs more than his wife and kids, and picked up her mother by the throat, dropped her and bloodied her nose last week. Her sister was a goth for a while and then when she cut school for a day, her mom made her wear a pink dress. She got so mad she smashed a window.

Her dad rents out a house to a couple down the street, but they're idiots and don't pay rent. He's tried to kick them out, but they won't leave. It takes money to take people to court.

I asked her what she wanted to do in the future, and she wants to go to college to be a druggie counselor. I asked her how she would pay for it and she said, "I don't know. Maybe w/ my looks." I didn't have the words to say that I hoped desperately she meant modeling, but said nothing.

She told me it looked like I had the perfect life. I said appearances were deceiving, but that I thought everyone's burdens in life were no more than they could bear, that I couldn't survive in her life, but she probably couldn't survive in mine. I said that I believed every human being was capable of making a difference, even if they're small and no one notices for a while.

When she left, I wanted to say that I would be praying for her, but even though I would've meant it, it would have tasted so cheap in my mouth. All I could do was thank her for looking me up and coming over. Actually, she didn't even look me up...she went on a limb and came to the place where I'd lived since we were kids.

After she left, I closed the door, went up to my room, and cried.