Branches

(credit for the background goes to the BBC)

Ergh...I hate the title. I couldn't think of what else to call it, though. O_o;;

There's something not quite right with this fic, I know. I can tell. I just can't pinpoint it. -_-; So...yeah. That's why I have a ficblog in the first place, though; to invite constructive criticism.

Oh yeah, did I mention? This fic is utterly and completely pointless. Don't look for meaning. There isn't any. ^^;;

Title: A Lesson in Anatomy
Fandom: TB
Genre: Pointless crack
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Pairings: S/S.
Author's Notes/Summary: There is no point whatsoever to this fanfic. But the idea amused me, even if I did probably butcher the exectution. Basically, Subaru has a very embarassing day in class, and Seishirou does not help matters.


Author's Notes: I'll just bet that this has been done before, somewhere, sometime, by somebody else, and been done better than I'm about to do it. But darned if I've read it, and darned if this didn't just bite and grab ahold of me anyway.

Heck, I'm just glad that I'm writing again.

By the way, did I mention that the entire reason behind my hiatus was that I suck at writing Subaru? Well, I do. I did then, and I think that I still do now. There's something...not right...with this fic, and darned if I can pinpoint it. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

A Lesson in Anatomy -- Feye Morgan

Subaru knew as soon as his anatomy instructor had uttered the words 'reproductive systems' that he was going to have a very, very bad day.

"Once puberty is reached..."

It wasn't as though he didn't know most of it already, he mused as he tried valiantly not to squirm in his seat. Large high schools tended to do that on principle. But for heaven's sake, did the teacher have to go into every little detail so thoroughly?!

"The prostate gland, roughly the size of a walnut, has two distinct purposes..."

He hunched miserably over his desk, cheeks burning bright red where he knew everyone could see, and at that moment he wished for a hat to hide his face under, no matter how rude it would be to wear one in class!

The instructor lectured on, and Subaru's face grew more and more red, and oh Kami-sama! Why was that clock ticking by so slowly?!

*I wish I'd had a job today, I wish I'd had a job so I could skip class...*

He instantly felt guilty at the thought. School was important! This class especially was important! How was he ever to become a zookeeper if he didn't know the basics of anatomy?

But...

Subaru suppressed the urge to squeak and hide at a particularly vivid piece of information so kindly imparted by the instructor.

Oh, the torture!

Subaru couldn't recall being happier to hear the end-of-class bell shrill through the halls. He gathered his books hastily and shoved them into his bag, slinging it over his shoulder and rushing out of the room.

His only relief was that his sister hadn't been there to witness that. Or, god forbid, Seishirou-san.

"Subaru-kun!"

Subaru froze, his face a priceless expression of growing horror and disbelief.

No.

"There you are, Subaru-kun!"

Not. Happening.

Slowly, Subaru turned around to behold his worst fear come true.

Seishirou was cheerily leaning up against the wall by the classroom door, waving jubilantly with one hand and holding what looked to be a take-out bag in the other.

Subaru was going to die. His immediate thought was: 'Oh no, how long has he been standing there?!'

He swallowed timidly and shuffled reluctantly over to Seishirou, who seemed to be completely oblivious to his growing mortification.

"I don't have any more appointments for today, so I figured I'd pick you up from class," the kindly vet was saying. "Hokuto-chan gave me a copy of your schedule, along with orders to make sure you ate something."

Subaru blinked and nearly stumbled as the bag of take-out was thrust into his arms. The next thing he knew, a steadying arm had shot out around his shoulders, and--

--when had Seishirou gotten so close?

Subaru blinked and looked up into a concerned and very near face. He froze, unable to look away from Seishirou's intense golden eyes. The older man was peering down at him closely. "Subaru-kun? Are you feeling all right?"

Subaru tried not to squeak. "Y-y-Yes, S-Seishirou-san!" he stammered, cursing himself inwardly for his ineptness. He knew his face was bright red.

The quieted snickers and giggles he heard from around them didn't help much either. His cheeks turned an even deeper red.

Thankfully, Seishirou seemed to sense his discomfort and take pity on him, for he pulled away and shifted his arm to place merely a guiding hand lightly on the Sumeragi's back. Subaru eased a sigh of relief.

Maybe Seishirou had only just shown up. Maybe he'd not heard anything. Just maybe...

Luck was not with the Sumeragi that day.

"I, ah, hope I didn't keep you waiting long, Seishirou-san," Subaru said nervously in the car, eyes cast down to his lap where his hands were picking at the fabric of his gloves.

"Not at all, Subaru-kun!" Seishirou responded, glancing briefly away from the street.

Subaru felt his body ease with relief. Oh good. What a relief. So he hadn't--

"I was perfectly content listening to that fascinating lecture."

Oh, god.

They were paused at a red light, and Subaru was vaguely contemplating throwing himself out of the car and bolting.

The young onmyouji spent a few moments in awkward, frozen silence before he managed to lift his head and peek up at Seishirou. The older man was eyeing him thoughtfully with a glint in his eye that made Subaru instantly very, very nervous. He swallowed.

"Although, I'm quite sorry to say, the instructor sounded terribly dry," Seishirou went on.

Dry? Dry?! Subaru had been too busy dying in a puddle of mortification to notice.

The sounds of shifting and crinkling of seat covers gave Subaru about a second's warning before Seishirou had leaned in close, face about an inch away. Subaru squeaked and froze, eyes wide and cheeks flushing bright crimson.

This had to be the longest red light in the history of Tokyo.

"It's a pity you wouldn't let me teach you, Subaru-kun," Seishirou purred deeply. "I could make the subject matter so much more...pleasant..."

"S-S-Seishirou-san!"

The light turned green.