I'm alright.

For those of you who've been sayin' to yourself, "Gee, I wonder where the hell Faith got off to?" the answer is... Mexico. This place ain't bad. Crawlin' with demons, though. But, that's the way I like it. Keeps me busy, ya know? Out of trouble. Relatively speaking.

Thing is... got the strangest phone call today. From Angel. Not sure how he got my number, but, that doesn't really matter. I guess there's big bad goin' down in LA. He's callin' in the troops. That would be me. Didn't talk long. Just got the short on the skinny. Guess he's got a lot to take care of, what with it being the Apocalypse and all. Again.

So, I'm on my way back to the States. Been a while since I've been gone. After things went down in Cleveland, I figured it was just my time to go. No sense in all of us keepin' to the nest, ya know? Besides, I've never been real big on settlin' down. Had to get my wanderlust on in a great big way. Didn't even really say goodbye. Just got up one morning and left. Better that way. Less questions. Easier.

Every time this happens, though, I always get to thinkin' about... stuff. How things were. How things could have been. I don't wanna wax all philosophic or anything, but, I can't help thinkin' about how much different everything would be if I'd never gotten called. Or, you know, if I hadn't done all the seriously fucked up things that I did. What if I'd just been Wesley's girl? What if I'd kept things clean with B? What if I'd been able to hold on to a little more sanity? Whatever. It doesn't matter now.

I've gotta bounce; just thought I'd check in. Let you all know... I'm alright.

Current Mood: okay

(That subject line's just for you, hellmouth_news.)


Okay... let me see if I got this straight...

Yesterday, I got up. Took a shower. Got dressed. Then went downstairs to meet up with B for a little Slayer-on-Slayer bonding. (Yeah, hellmouth_news, I said it. Go fuckin' wild.) She was still doin' her hair or whatever, so I was hangin' out in the kitchen when in walks Cari. At first, things were cool. We were just chillin', talkin' about everything that'd been goin' down...

B comes around and we're all just doin' that Slayer thing when all of a sudden Cari's all, "Hey Faith, I have something to be showing you in my room." And what do I do? Like a moron, I totally go for it! We tell B we're gonna be right back, get two steps out into the hallway when -- BAM! She clocks me in the back of the head with her fuckin' coffee mug!

Current Mood: confused

still alive.

barely.

will write more when... oh, shi--

Christmas has never really been my thing. (No big revelation there.) I could sit here and talk about all of my mixed-up feelings and then put on a big "pity poor Faith" pout, but, instead? I think I'm just gonna show you guys what I managed to scrap together for presents.

Just as a warning, though... they're crap.

// just your standard household firewall -- nothing to see here //

So, I drew Xander in the Scooby Gang Sekrit Santa thing. I didn't have a lot to spend, but I did manage to find something I thought he might like. (Okay, so, maybe I just thought it be really funny to watch him unwrap it, but still...)

Picked up one of these for B. (What? They smell good. And chicks dig candles.)

I felt like such a loser because I wanted to get Robin something but nothing really seemed right. Had all sorts of ideas... a new belt, maybe a wallet, or some kind of shiny new weapon. But then, I found this. It was one of the books I'd manage to get my hands on in jail and I thought maybe he might like it, too. (All that stuff from Oz about zen had got me curious.)

// firewall be gone //

So, yeah... that's what I managed to come up with. They all kinda suck.

Current Mood: uncomfortable

The other day (like three weeks ago) I did one of those "things I'm thankful for" posts, but somehow it totally disappeared, so I'm doing it again 'cause it's not like I've got anything else to do.

Here goes:


Things I'm Thankful For...
... second chances. I can think of more than a few people who really didn't have any reason to trust me again, but they did. I'd like to think that those second chances have helped to make me better.

... good friends. Sorta goin' along with that whole second chances thing. I've actually got a few friends. I don't think I've ever really been able to say that before. It's kinda nice.

... leather pants. Don't know where I'd be without my leather pants. They're the kick!

... cable television. Nothin' worse than waiting around for dusk and patrol than being forced to settle for the daytime TV choices on basic. HBO is my best friend (even though I still can't watch Oz without gettin' a chill). Skinemax isn't bad for after patrol, yo.

... Slayer strength. If I have to explain this, you haven't been payin' attention.

... Mountain Dew: Code Red. I'm pretty sure this stuff is about as close to 'nectar of the gods' as anyone's gonna get. Mixed with a little vodka Red Bull, it's almost as good as that Slayer high. Almost.

... personal space. While it's wicked cool to save the world and whatnot, I hated feelin' like I was crashin' in one big closet with the rest of the wannabes Mini-Slayers. This new place ain't so bad if you don't mind the Hellmouth and all. Got my own room, my own bed, my own pathetically bare walls, and... my own bathroom. (Hey, I just got done spending the last three years doin' my thing in front of a bunch of other rowdy-ass bitches... not to mention prison bathrooms? Not the cleanest places in Hell.)



So, yeah. I'm thankful. Don't you feel more informed?
Now, what's left around here to eat...

Current Mood: thankful

Step 1: Open can.
Step 2: Let plop into bowl.
Step 3: Serve.

I am a genius!

Everyone else is spazzing out about their cooking and I'm... done. Maybe I'll just have a little sampling of Mini-Summers' pie and -- *hack!* *cough!* OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS--

DAWN!!

Current Mood: hungry

I'm sure you've all heard by now... the other day we had a little memorial to mark the six month anniversary of Sunnydale sinkin' into the ground. It was less than happy. And, it got me thinkin'...

It's been, like, six years or so since I got Called. I did a lot of shit in that time that, lookin' back now, I'm not too proud of. But, ya know, I did a lot of shit that I am proud of. I helped save the world, yo. Twice. Not many people can say that (thought, 'round here, I guess I'm not the only one). If I had to do it all over again, I don't really think I'd really change anything. I mean, yeah, I was a bitch and I did some shit to more than a few people that I'll probably never be able to make right. But, it ain't about what I did wrong... it's what I did right.

Okay, so, we lost some good folks... but, we've still got a lot of good folks kickin' around, still fightin' the good fight. Still givin' the world their all and not quite gettin' the props they deserve. I just wanna say...

B... Angel... all you guys out there still tryin' to make the world a better place? Yeah, I feel you. It's all good. Keep it up. Without you guys, think about where we'd be. (Dead, probably.)

// Firewalled from the Cleveland Gang //

And, hey, it's not like everyone we thought we lost is really gone.

// End Firewall //

I think it's about time I went out and got my naughty party on. I'm gonna go dancin'. Who wants to come with?

Current Mood: thoughtful

Woke up this morning feeling really... strange. Not sure what it is about today, but something isn't right. Can't put my finger on it, though, and it's buggin' the hell out of me...

In other news (as if there was much other news), plans are underway for next week's Thanksgiving dinner and I've been delegated kitchen duty. Considering my skill with baking consists of putting the little packet of popcorn right-side-up in the microwave and waiting three minutes, I have no idea what I'm going to make. I mean, yeah, if we had a turkey I could kill it... but, that's about where my expertise on that sort of things ends.

Ack!

Current Mood: rushed

(I know there's probably a good two or three people out there wondering where the hell I've been lately, so consider this update just for them. -F.)

Yeah, I'm still here.

With everything that's happened in the last few weeks, I'm beginning to remember what bein' a Slayer was all about. Slaying vampires. Kinda sucks that that nutty bitch managed to get herself gone before I could turn her into an ashtray full of whack but, hey... whatever. The important thing was that we got back Rona and Shannon and whatnot.

Right?

On a slightly funnier note, how trippy is it that the only time some people around here have ever seen snow was when it was all Christmas-miracle-like? I know I'm not the only one amused by this...

Current Mood: pensive

Well, with B doin' the job hunt thing and the mini-Slayers turning into insomniacs, I've been shouldering most of the slayage... and can I just say that Cleveland isn't short on weird? I've been up to my neck (no pun, yo) in crazy-ass vampires. These guy breed that rabbits. Seriously.

So, now, I'm kinda pullin' the night shift and whatnot. Got in a few hours ago and I'm totally beat.

Time for bed!
Who wants to join me?

Current Mood: tired

Before anyone starts to wonder why I haven't been joinin' the big job bandwagon or anything, I just wanna say (again) -- wanted felon. Can't apply for a job that runs a background check. There. I said it. Again.

But, don't think I'm just going to sit here on my ass and be some kind of wicked mooch. I'll head up the slayage so that the rest of you can actually get more than two hours of sleep before you have to go into work. How's that sound?

Now, uh, could one of you job-havin' folks do me a big fav and pick me up a couple packs of cigarettes and maybe some microwave popcorn next time you hit the store? I'm almost out, of both, and when one or the other comes to an end... it might get ugly.



And, has anyone seen Robin?

Current Mood: cranky

Ever get up and go into another room and then forget what you were going to do when you got there? Yeah, I just did that... on a cross-country plane trip. I went to L.A. for some unknown reason. I think I must have been feelin' ballsy because, hello, wanted felon!


Probably wasn't my best plan.


Anyways, I'm back at the apartment now and feeling all kinds of strange. Maybe I left my toothbrush in the hotel room or something...?

Current Mood: confused

Last night was the last night of my life (at least that's what I've been told). And what'd I do with it? I spent it drinking. In a crappy hotel room. Alone.

Meanwhile, the rest of Los Angeles gets to spend touching, sentimental Hallmark moments with their loved ones. (I'm sure even Cole and his woman made it a night to remember.)

Maybe what they say is true... to be a Slayer is to be alone. It makes sense, I guess. If you have some great calling to kill things, you're pretty much destined for workin' it solo until you stumble into an early grave. Live fast; die young.

But, what's the use in complaining? I don't even know what I want anymore. I don't want a normal life, or a normal love, or much of a normal anything. Normal is fuckin' boring, yo. And, let's face it, I'm not a normal girl.

So, what am I going to do in these last few hours I got left?


Maybe it's time I got a few things out of my system...


(Or, maybe I could just do some reading...)

Current Mood: gloomy

Ever get the feeling that you have the worst timing of anyone on the face of the planet? Yeah, well, get over it, 'cause you don't... I do.

Dropped by to see Angel yesterday and, can I just say whoa?! He's kickin' the whole corporate do-right motif right down to the socks. I'd be impressed if it weren't for this bad feeling I've got down in the pit of my stomach. Something's not right. 'Cause, ya know, I saw him... but, I didn't actually get to talk to him because he was too busy being hounded down a hallway by a throng of suits. (Bets on how many of those guys still have their jobs this morning?)

Anyways, yesterday? Total bust. Today? I'm not gettin' dressed up and enduring the fuckin' chore of tryin' to keep my pantyhose from snagging just so I can sit in some big ol' lobby all goddamned day.

Time to bring out the big guns. (That is, if I can find them... I've been here a day and my hotel room's already trashed.)

Current Mood: irritated

But, then again, who doesn't?

Right, so... I'm here in LA and can I just say, uh, whoa? Called in to see if Angel the super was around. Turns out he just got back from some kind of "team-building retreat", whatever the hell that is. Got told by his secretary that he didn't have a free minute available until the middle of 2005, but that she could pencil me in right around April. Screw that! I ain't got that much time and I bet he'd want to know about what's going on back in Cleveland with B and whatnot.


Figure I'll just drop by after I have a good scrub and can change into something that shows a lot of cleavage comfortable yet slutty business-appropriate. (I mean, yeah, I know the whole "boob" thing doesn't work on Angel the super but, hey, worth a try, right? Go with whatcha know.)

Current Mood: tired

( Note to Robin )

Current Mood: determined

We are officially the last five sane people in this apartment building. Personally, I say we lock everybody in 'til we got a handle on what the deal is... but, maybe that's just me. It works in the slam, why not here?


I don't know what's going on, but, I think it's about time I checked in with Angel the super to see what the deal is...

Current Mood: annoyed

Okay, so, I admit I haven't exactly been myself lately but... what the hell is wrong with everyone around here?

Current Mood: confused

Of all the dumbass things I could have done...

I don't even know how things got so bad; how they could have gotten so far out of control. I mean, for Christ's sake, I almost killed B! (And not in the happy fun way that we used to "almost" kill each other back in the day, either.)

Guess I was just givin' back what I was gettin', ya know? No, wait, that's bullshit. I wasn't givin' anything... I was just fuckin' crazy, yo.

I was doin' all of this crazy shit and it was, like, I could see it all goin' on and couldn't do anything to stop it. It kinda reminded me of a talk that me and his naughtier half had during that whole Orpheus mind-fuck-power-trip-near-death-bonding-experience. He said that, no matter what, through everything that Angel did... he was always there. Lookin' out of his eyes. Seein' what he sees. Feelin' what he feels. But, he could never do anything about it. It made him sick. Well, now it makes me sick. I mean, I've been there... I've felt that. To see yourself doin' all this horrible shit and not bein' able to stop yourself.

Oh God, and Robin... all the I'm sorry's in the world ain't gonna fix what I did to him...

Fuck.

If this is what happens when things get a little rough, maybe people are just better off without havin' me around. Maybe I haven't finished doin' my time, ya know? Maybe three years in hell wasn't enough...

God, you are all so pathetic! You think you know me? You will never know me! All this time I've wasted tryin' to atone for my fuckin' sins and for what? So I can be babysat by a couple of teenagers who think they're fightin' the good fight. Whatever.

I'm through with this. I through with playin' the good girl and bein' everybody's little example of what happens when you do bad things. You want wicked? You got it, kids.

Playtime's over.

I'm outta here.

Current Mood: devious