I'M A MONSTER AND EVEN I RECYCLE.

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 00:39:21 GMT

IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY ADDED MY NEW LIVEJOURNAL, instrides, YOU SHOULD.

ps, while you're doing that, check out what i did with the "comments"/"post comments" links! maybe i spent too much time on it but it was totally worth it, it's the best thing since sliced bread.

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 03:28:10 GMT

instrides
instrides
instrides

ADD IT PLEASE BECAUSE HAVING FRIENDS MAKES ME HAPPY AND
I LOVE EVERYONE!

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 20:13:52 GMT

this morning i went shopping and i came home with a brand new pair of G-UNIT JEANS. that's right, muhfuckahs. last night really sucked and put me in the worst mood ever and made me hate everyone, but now it's all good because i have G-UNIT JEANS. they have a "g" in crazy scribble on the back pocket, too. ps, how come no one calls me anymore? lately, i've spent way too much time just sitting at home and being bored. because i'm bad at calling people. it's probably my fault anyway, but i feel like it's middleschool all over again.

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 03:28:52 GMT

i just had the best dinner at raymond's. it was the tastiest salad ever with almonds and roasted tomatoes with roasted chicken but i only had a bite of the chicken; my brother ate most of that. and they had this really good bread too. and then i had creme brulee and i died right there in my chair. that needed documentation. today was better, i guess, but i'm still lacking what i really need. or what i want. it's very possible that i'm making everything up in my head because i'm psycho. i definitely did this survey like two years ago, but whateverr.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
- clare
- dear
- the best person ever

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
- no more unicorns
- hippopotame03
- snoangel446 (yeah middle school!)

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
- my hands
- my sometimes kindness to other people
- intuitiveness

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
- pessimism (booo)
- feeling sorry for myself but not doing anything about it
- sometimes i think i'm better than people

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
- irish
- russian
- german

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
- loneliness for eva
- rejection
- SHARKKKS

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
- oxygen
- h-two-oh
- brush my hair

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
- mass MoCa shirt
- pajama bottoms
- undies!

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists):
- more than three
- ditto
- uber ditto

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
- don't die in me - mirah
- braille - regina spektorrr
- glass danse - the faint

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
- i am spiderman
- i am superman
- i am catwoman

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
- just, the way they carry themself
- face & hair
- personality duhh

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
- cut my own body part off. if for some reason i was put in a situation where i had to cut one of my body parts off, i would kill myself.
- swim with a hungry shark
- not be annoyed with annoying people

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
- writing
- reading
- making funny faces at people

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
- swim in a warm ocean
- go to sleep without having any more homework
- get an email that says "we decided to cancel the rest of the school year permanently and give everyone straight A's! love, montclair high school"

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
- writer
- book publisher
- professional failure/stripper on the side

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
- china!!
- india
- france, & all of europe

THREE KID'S NAMES:
- lila
- kandyyy!
- you-were-an-accident-and-i-didn't-want-you

edit: it really creeps me out when other people are named clare. most people spell their names "claire." ahh it really creeps me out. that's MY name, i feel like it only looks right in association with me, ya know?

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 01:52:05 GMT

school is the most depressing thing ever. all of my classes move at a painfully slow rate, which is just torture, or they move too fast and i have no idea what is going on, thanks ap bio. it's so droning and yeah I HATE SCHOOL. i think i've been depressed lately. usually after school i like to do activities or go out to eat with friends, but lately i just want to go home and sleep. my weekends aren't even that fun anymore, i just feel awkward and out of place. even when i'm in a bad mood i like to write in my notebook but i haven't even taken my notebook off the shelf for about two weeks. at some points i feel like i'm about to cry and i have to think about really happy things, like my dog and coney island et cetera, to keep from getting really upset. i don't even care if i do well in school anymore. i feel like i don't really talk seriously to anyone anymore. i'm probably just terribly hormonally imbalanced. after i get my lisence this summer, i want to go on a roadtrip. who's coming?

Sun, 13 Mar 2005 17:36:27 GMT

oh yeah. i got accepted into this two-week program over the summer at kenyon college called "young writers." my parents wanted me to apply and they told me it was really selective, so i was like, whatever. but then i got in. so i'm kind of happy, but at the same time i have no idea what it actually is, or if i'll like it. today, i'm going to the pet store and getting two goldfish. i'm naming them queen elizabeth and kim. the one-acts were good. sometimes i wish all of the svpa shows would be more like one-acts, just fun instead of really serious. the rest of the night would be rated a c+ or b-.

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 20:51:26 GMT

[stolen]: I DISLIKE:
1. people who hurt defenseless people/animals.
2. car crashes.
3. cramps from lack of potassium.
4. the sats.
5. accidentally touching gum stuck on the bottoms of desks or tables.
6. being on the computer for long periods of time.
7. steak.
8. many days of very cold weather.
9. feeling useless and awkward.
10. being helpless.

what's really good is treating myself nicely. last night, i took a really long bubble bath and then i used all of the good-smelling lotions on the planet. i went to bed listening to neutral milk hotel after burning a few candles. this morning, i woke up at 10:15. tonight is my last sat-prep class. i'm really sad to take the sat. i don't know what to think anymore.

EDIT, MS. STEIN AND MR. SIWINSKI HAD A BABY! OH MY GOD!

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 21:50:18 GMT

My japanese name is 清水 Shimizu (clear water) 三千代 Michiyo (three thousand generations).

Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

this weekend was completely surreal on so many aspects.
it was like a strange dream or a movie. weird oh boy.
the moma was fucking amazing. some of the other art was pretty good too.
and everything else just made me laugh.

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 04:07:20 GMT

i broke two pairs of earrings in two days. so angry. um, this snow day kind of sucked, but we had no school so it was okay.

favorite thing to do on monkey bars: swing myself on top of them and watch everyone else, or laugh at everyone who can't get up there.
most common fidgety thing you do: drum my fingers or doodle or chew gum.
face you make when concentrating: a pretty neutral face, sometimes with my brows furrowed.
really dumb talent: always falling down the stairs. yeah, i'm talented.
food you wish your mom would buy: oh my god, so much. sushi all the time, fruit-2-0, vitamin water, brownies.
grammar error that pisses you off: i used to get pissed off by everything, but i've relaxed my grammar nazi regime.
where you keep dirty laundry: the floor, sometimes my hamper if the clothes are lucky.
favorite part of being drunk: getting really dizzy, falling over and finding everything funny.
ideal sleeping conditions: soft, lots of blankets, enough room for me to curl up into a little ball.
something you think only assholes do: bully kids that can't stand up for themselves.
something as above that you catch yourself doing: thinking i'm better than people.
feelings on Pauly Shore: neutral.
favorite teacher you've ever had: um, maybe mr. jackson or mr. rhainey. my friends.
genitals... are they funny? no.
don't you wish you went to hogwarts? YES, IT'S WHAT I WANT MOST IN LIFE. really. i would be the happiest person in the entire galaxy.
when are you really an adult? when you realize how stupid you were as a teenager. also, when you are able to support yourself financially and emotionally.
feelings on Brad and Jen breakup: it's official, there is absolutely no love in hollywood. no love in hollywood should be a band name, or a song name.
dangerous drug you picture yourself using: six-foot crack lines, crack lines outlining the map of france. seriously, none. except like ecstacy if i got really crazy.
story about giving up childhood security item/behavior: i never had one specific stuffed animal that i loved more than the others, but i had a blankey that i still slept with, like, a month ago, but my mother hid it. so sad.
last time you tried a new food: not for a while, maybe ethiopian? i love all food, though.
last new band you learned about: haven't heard of a new one for a while, maybe it was mirah.
favorite fabric: stretchy and fun.
greatest length of time you've looked directly at the sun: i don't think i've ever looked directly at the sun.
do you know how a toilet works? no, toilets are one of my greatest fears. they are monsters.
favorite song you're not "supposed" to like: britney spears: toxic. it's really good.
part you wash the most in the shower: my hair.
do you have a skill you've never shown anyone (don't tell what)? nope, not that i know of.
a hobo is: a sad person who has to live on the street and makes sad signs on cardboard like "haven't eaten for three days, please spare some change." but everyone walks by, ignoring them.
do you prefer to cry or punch things? cry and scream. sometimes punch my pillow.
first thing you did/will do when you graduate(d): be really happy and really nostalgic. and hopefully do something really fun and outrageous.
pluto is: a cold place in the middle of nowhere.
do you eat soup or drink it? eat. unless it's just broth, in which case you can drink it.
something that gives you the chills and makes you love life: good writing, good music, people being nice to each other and loving each other.
think of a good question. why am i feeling so uncreative?

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 05:48:46 GMT

tonight was really weird. i did a lot of stuff. i drank a giant vat of caffeine. i went to serendipity for a little while but i was shaking all over because of the caffeine so i left. then i went to nicole's party thing. when we were leaving laura started crying so i started crying and we had a huge cryfest in front of everyone. mainly because nicole is going to college next year and then i started thinking of all my other friends who are seniors and that made me cry more. then i started to cry about other stuff, too. we walked to the kazarov household because our parents were having a party and we needed rides home. when we got there, our parents were looking at pictures of us on a huge screen. who would have thought that that's what parents do in their free time? it was PANDAMONIUM. and pandas are cute.

they have bristles that aid in copulation. huh.

floating free from all responsibility.

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 01:00:14 GMT

i feel like if lemonade was boredom, right now i would be swimming in a sticky pulpy tin can of concentrated lemonade that is constantly found in my freezer during june and july and august. that's because i'm neglectful of everything i don't enjoy. and because i'm putting all of my faith in a snow day tomorrow. that's right. um, so who wants me to make them a mix? a super killer mix that your ears will fall in love with. yuh huh. bump bump; squeek?. bang, yeah.

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 22:47:17 GMT

COLLEGES:
swarthmore- i liked it but it seemed really intense academically. i dont know if i'd be up for it. it had an amazingly beautiful campus though, and a sushi bar.
bryn mawr- all girls school, which i think i don't want. everyone seemed really serious about their futures there but it seemed like there was nothing going on in campus. ever.
haverford- i liked haverford the best of the three (swarthmore, bryn mawr, and haverford have a tri-college consortium where if you go to one of the schools you can take classes at the other ones). it felt more artsy and it fit my style better. the tour guide was cute.
goucher- again, it seemed like it fit my style. i liked it. the campus wasn't as pretty as the other schools i visited but it had a sushi bar. and the tour guide was also cute.
john hopkins- it was an amazing school but so career oriented and serious and kind of preppy. so i guess it's not for me.

i visited all those schools in two days. i went crazy. for me it's hard to believe that i'll be in college (probably) in less than a year and a half. where did all that time in elementary school and middle school and high school go?

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 03:54:33 GMT

some people are big mean assholes. other people i just think are big mean assholes because they don't talk to me but maybe they don't talk to me because i don't talk to them because i'm not the very outgoing type of person to talk to people i don't know very well. maybe they think i'm a big mean asshole. i'm not, i'm a cute cuddly sometimes-cynical kitten that can't stop listening to braille by regina spektor and who got a bloody nose for the first time ever today and dealt with it all by herself on the third floor girl's bathroom even though she was a little scared. today was not too fun.

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 01:50:03 GMT

i feel really bad for the one that just says "be my valentine."

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 04:42:37 GMT

i love looking at college books and thinking positively. and telling myself good things. and boosting my ego a lot.
i love curling up into a little ball after a long day and smothering myself with pillows and blankets and calming music and the scent of chammomile tea and sleeping. forever.
i love not being able to decide whether to get a tattoo or not. i want one really badly, but i have this overwhelming fear that i will regret it, like, .05 seconds after i get it. by love i mean hate.
i love SHOES, dear god. and all accessories, basically.
i love doing makeup for the show, it's beaucoup de fun. from now on, i'm going to do the makeup of all of my friends, whether they want me to or not. seriously.
i love that i'm going to go to china for spring break. oh, the joy.
i love sitting and doing nothing. ( = my life)
i love pcr and gels and vortexing, yes, yes, i do. i get such happiness from transfering dye in that syringe thingy. maybe i should be a scientist. ...what did i just say.
i love the candy from valentines day, but i don't love not having a valentine.
i love dressing tom o'brien up in a dress and taking pictures of it and then him getting angry and sad because the dress won't come off. i was laughing too hard to function.

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 02:50:42 GMT

im so gay.

edit!
tom o'brien is a cutie with a bootie who likes to update my livejournal. tom. i'm pretty much obsessed with you. luv ya like a sister.

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 02:31:12 GMT

everyone's been really baby lately. yeah, baby.
i love just staring at my ticket to china. it's sitting on the table in my mom and dad's room, and i keep walking in and looking at it. i'm really excited, mimi and i decided to do intense exercises in the airplane aisles and make complete fools of ourselves. we have an anchorage in alaska. we are switching planes in seoul (korea). we are flying over the north pole! maybe i'll see santa claus.

i had to write a poem for english class with a certain title. it's really dorky

Hope Is a Bicycle

Hope was a red bicycle, that one
sitting in the store window, polished and
gleaming - pink, yellow, blue streamers exploding
from the tips of the handlebars, swallowing all of its glory,
and surrounded by cold. Daily trips to the store window
were marked by my fingerprints and frosty breath on
glass; until the day red bicycle disappeared
and I squeezed unsympathetic hands.

OH GOD I GIVE IN.

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 03:43:57 GMT

[01] Reply with your name and I will [try my hardest to] write something about you.
[02] I will then tell what song(s) remind me of you.
[03] Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.
[04] Last, I will name a single word that best describes you.

i do this thing where i fall in love with a song, listen to it on repeat for a long long time, and eventually get tired of it and cry when i have to listen to it because at a certain point of listening to a song over and over, it becomes torture. last night, driving home, we saw a couple in a silver station wagon with a lot of balloons and "just married" written all over the car in shaving lotion. we stopped at a red light, and gave them love signs with our hands.

Sat, 29 Jan 2005 04:23:57 GMT

tonight i went into the city with miss kazarov and shopped, ate, and saw oceans twelve. i made some pretty sweet purchases, if i do say so myself.
cam-whoring is pretty fun. but after i take so many pictures of myself i feel really vain and ashamed and loser-ish. oh well.

my vest:

it also has a hood. oh god. gonna wear this everywhere.
it's not really as shiny as it seems in the pictures. i'm not that crazy.

headband!

hairclips. if you can't tell, they're cats and mice.

casette tape from goodwill. you probably can't read it, but the label says "HOT 97 DISCO."
i'm so happy i could die.

and my face. why.

blurry.

i suck at re-sizing.

i'm also really excited for princeton review tomorrow morning. i LOVE taking standardized tests.

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 22:16:06 GMT

not studying for midterms is what's really good.

i hate when you feel a sneeze coming and you stop moving because that's what people always do when they're about to sneeze and then it never comes. and you're left with an emptiness in your nose and a BIG GIANT HOLE IN YOUR HEART. sneezes getting stuck in my nose = bane of my existence.

Tue, 25 Jan 2005 01:59:16 GMT

on itunes, i'm always too lazy to make a playlist or listen to one of my already existing playlists so i just listen to my itunes library, which is in alphabetical order. i really don't like how "pieces of me" by ashlee simpson comes after the arcade fire. but right after ashlee simpson comes azure ray. so i always just listen to "pieces of me" even though it's complete torture because i'm too lazy to skip it and go straight to azure ray. and also, i really like that jack johnson comes directly after iron & wine but i don't like that jason mraz comes after that. it just kills the mood.
sometimes i love thinking about college, other times it completely stresses me out. also, people (including myself and especially teachers) need to fucking chill out about midterms. in the grand scale of things it doesn't matter too much. which is why i'm doing my nails and listening to le tigre instead of studying. and i want a boyfriend who will draw me pictures like napolean dynamite did for trisha. this is not poetic and i am happy. i like butterflies a lot. i don't like raisons at all. but i like all other types of fruit.

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 19:58:35 GMT

(my thoughts)

- we're doing our french project on the arcade fire because the arcade fire is from montreal and some of their songs are in french. we're making a gold poster with pictures plastered all over it, pictures of regine and win and butterflies and fire engines. we're going to play two songs of theirs for the class, "une annee sans lumiere," which means a year without light for those who don't speak french and "haiti."
- i am going to get a tatoo this summer. i feel like it's an experience i want to have before i completely grow up, before i become too critical and cynical and sarcastic. even now, at age sixteen point five, very little is pure. yesterday was my half birthday. someone should make me a snow cake, or a strawberry cake with chocolate icing.

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 17:10:59 GMT

i forgot about the heavy silence that comes with snow. i like it. i like how snow and the sunlight flashing off of the snow brightens everything. i like the padded feeling of falling into snow. i liked the red cheeks and red noses. i don't like that one time when i was little my mother melted some snow and showed me how dirty it actually was. i don't understand how all that pollution could be trapped in something so white and pure. i don't like the snow plow. i wish it was never invented.

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 21:33:31 GMT

via the picture-taking cell phone of ms. michelle shang:

trav.

moi.

and the very, very beautiful barrett.

p.s. my mum is going to visit my sick grandmother in minnesota, and i have no ride to school on thursday, friday, or next monday. anyone who lives in the upper montclair area and who doesn't have zero period wanna give me a ride? puh.lease, babes.

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 18:34:39 GMT

my favorite childhood activity was mashing up flowers and leaves and berries and dirt and making it into "nature potions" and i always tried to convince my brother to eat it, but he never did. i want to do that again because the potion smelled really good and earthy.