January - 1b: Life is a dream walking, Death is a going home. - Chinese Proverb

---

It’s true what they say about a man only being able to withstand so much before he breaks.

Lee’s been breaking for as long as he can remember, but his recent spacewalk has pushed him towards and over the thin line he’s been straddling for countless years. Every day is a walking nightmare, an endless monotony with little to no hope and routine after routine that was at one time reassuring, but now serves to taunt him. Lee’s hollow, has a pit where emotion should be and exhaustion pulls at him, drowning him and smothering the last light of life he has left.

Lee wishes he’d died out there in the pitch black, that the Raptor hadn’t picked him up and he knows how selfish that is, especially as he can recall Dee’s voice in his ear screaming his name. Living is hard, but dying isn’t. It’s a fact that Lee knows all too well, especially when he catches a pilot with their gun in their mouth and he has to convince them that they don’t want to die.

Gods know

Lee wishes he was dead. He’s just so tired of everyone and everything, including himself. It hurts to breathe, takes too long and Lee feels like he’s drowning in his own apathy. Every day is longer than the last and it never feels like it’s going to end - this constant struggle - and Lee just wants it to end. He wants to be at peace - with people he’s loved and lost - he just wants to stop fighting so damn hard all the frakking time.

He’s living in a nightmare and for a brief moment he was free of it.

Muse : Lee "Apollo" Adama
Fandom : Battlestar Galactica
Word Count : 393

November - 4e: Scuttlebutt

---

Scuttlebutt is dangerous, it always has been. People make comments about things they don't understand and suddenly reality and truth no longer matter and only the scuttlebutt remains.

Look at this stuff with the Chief and how just because Boomer turned out to be Cylon he must be one because he fell for her.

I encourage the people under my command to avoid listening to and spreading scuttlebutt, but we're only human and it's true what they say about scuttlebutt and how it keeps the mundane from getting to you.

I guess in some way scuttlebutt serves a purpose, not a great one, but a purpose all the same. I just wish the pilots would keep their frakking mouths shut when they're out in the birds, some things are better left on the deck.

Some of the scuttlebutt floating around the Galactica is pretty hilarious though, like the scuttlebutt about Tigh and his wife's clothing or the Doc and that young medic. Other stuff? Not so much and all it does is hurt and damage people.

Like I said before, scuttlebutt is dangerous, especially if it's used in the wrong way and people actually start believing it. That's when the problems start, people get hurt and things get frakked up.

I think Scuttlebutt is better used with caution, but to be honest I don't see that happening, not when we're all human and stuck in a small space with a lot of people.

It's bound to get ugly on occasion.

Muse : Lee "Apollo" Adama
Fandom : Battlestar Galactica
Word Count : 250

Application topic: What do you regret the most?

---

Gods, what don't I regret?

The sad thing is I'm actually being almost serious here. I mean... the Colonies are gone and the rest of humanity is shoved onto their respective ships, all struggling to stay alive and one step ahead of the Cylons.

A lot of things go through your head when you hear that everything and everyone you've ever known has been obliterated in an instant, but none more immediate than the things you didn't do, the words never said and the actions taken that you thought could be forgiven later.

The problem with reflection on the past is that you run the risk of depressing yourself or dragging yourself so far under that you can't get a breath into lungs that are already struggling. Luckily the toasters keep us busy enough that we don't get a whole lot of time to sit back and reflect.

I'm human and a byproduct of that is regretting things that you could have changed if you'd only stopped and thought about them a little longer. Not that it's always that easy, it never is. I guess you fool yourself into thinking you have all the time in the world, but when a bunch of metalfrakkers decide they're going to annihilate your entire race time ceases to be endless. I've done and said some really stupid things in my time and a lot of them I wish I could take back, especially when it comes down to my personal relationships with Kara other people.

I guess the one thing I regret the most is the amount of time, wasted time that I spent hating my father and being angry at him for pushing Zak into something he wasn't ready for. Lord knows I could have spent that time actually getting to know the man that is William Adama, the infamous Commander of the Battlestar Galactica.

Truth be told I'm trying not to regret too many things these days because nobody knows when it's their turn to be sent into the ever loving embrace of the Gods.

Muse : Lee "Apollo" Adama
Fandom : Battlestar Galactica
Word Count : 342