I'm not entirely sure if I want to answer this question as it might reveal a little too much about me and about what I thought and felt all those years ago. And when I say years, I really mean years.

I once wanted something so badly that I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat and I couldn't concentrate and I'm not sure if it was healthy for me. Healthy for my heart's desire to possess so much of my attention and I guess I didn't think that it was as I did nothing about it and let someone else have it, her. I stood back and watched as another man romanced her and held her as she cried. Not that she cried a lot, she'd rather die than cry in front of anyone.

It's hard to imagine how my life might have been different if I had taken a risk and had taken her for myself. I know one thing for sure, my brother would still be alive, and he wouldn't have died in that crash. I also know I wouldn't have spent a large majority of my life on my own, distant from people and occasionally indulging in the brief fleeting relationship here and there.

Maybe I would be more open with my feelings? Or maybe I would be a totally different person? But at the end of the day, I didn't have what my heart desired and I'm not even sure if I have it now. Not after Baltar. That one kiss, the confession of love, I don't know if it's what I want it to be or if it was just the actions of two people desperate for something or anything to hold onto.

Nothing could change what happened with the Cylons and no-one could have predicted it so my life would be the same in that way but just maybe if I had had what my heart desired, I wouldn't have gone through it, alone.

But there's no point looking back and wishing for the things you didn't have, I prefer to live in the present and enjoy what I have now.

Muse : Capt. Lee 'Apollo' Adama
Fandom : Battlestar Galactica (New TV Series)
Word Count : 355

Apollo, Greek God of Light
Apollo, Favorite Son of Zeus,
Known by Many Names, God of Light, Helios The Archer, Phythia And The Lawgiver and the God of Prophecy.
Apollo the Far-Shooter, the Greek god also called Apollo or Phoebus ("bright, shining") by the Romans.

A lot of people have asked Lee how he got his callsign, a lot of people have wondered how Lee managed to acquire the name 'Apollo' as every one knows that Apollo is a God and Lee is mortal. It isn't that wonderful of a story, in fact, it's highly humourous and totally unexpected. It's nothing spectacular, he's done nothing to deserve the name of Apollo except doze off at the wrong time...


~*~*~*~*~

The sky was clear, not a cloud in sight and this was the exact reason why one Lee Adama had slipped off into a restful sleep. Unfortunately for Lee, without cloud cover, the sun was hot and it ran over the exposed skin of his back and arms. Even over one side of his face. He hadn't stirred for an hour or so, this was one of the times when Lee was just being Lee and not worrying about exams, what his father thought and the class he had just missed.

Of course, he hadn't realised how hot the sun actually was and he had forgotten to use sun lotion which meant his back now looked like a side order of rare steak. This fact wasn't lost on his friend, Kara Thrace who happened to be walking over towards him. Her strides were unhurried, almost lazy. Her head tipped to one side and her lips quirked upwards into a smirk as she took in the state of Lee.

" That's gonna hurt come morning." She muttered to herself as she came to a dead stop few steps away from him. Her hands rested on her hips and green eyes took in Lee's sleeping form. She couldn't just leave him like that, no, it was just far too tempting. Truth be told, Lee was far too tempting for his own good but she'd never admit to that, not in a hundred years.

Kara looked around herself and spotted a hosepipe," Gotcha." She meandered over to the hosepipe and gathered it into her hands before promptly putting the nozzle at Lee. Without mercy and without fear of consequence, she pressed down on the trigger and watched as a stream of water sprayed outwards at the sleeping Lee, the sleeping Apollo considering the sun and his body. Oh she just had to bring that up when he was eventually jarred back into consciousness which cold water and smoking hot body tended to do.

Lee gasped sharply as a cold shiver ran down his spine and then he jerked almost violently away from the ground. He instantly regretted his sudden movement as the burnt skin seemed to sear him and he released a sharp painful yelp. He now realised that he was wet, very wet and happened to be dripping from head to foot. The culprit was bent over laughing hysterically.

Blue eyes now narrowed into thin slits." Frak you, Kara." He seethed as his body burned and he felt very much like someone had barbequed him.

Kara was struggling to breathe as she continued to laugh. The look on Lee's face was just priceless. She was hopelessly trying to gather air into her lungs so she could form speech but by the Gods, his look was enough to do her in." Real nice tan you have going on there, Lee." She managed in a breathy voice. Her eyes sparkling with amusement.

Lee looked at himself and winced as he moved." Frak me." He muttered as he took in the extent of the sunburn and he just knew he wouldn't be healing anytime soon. He released a weary breath and muttered." This isn't funny, Kara."

She smirked as she shook her head." I beg to differ." She ran her eyes over the bright red burns and she smiled almost mischievously." You remind me of the great sun god Apollo!" Kara didn't even wince at her blatant pun and simply laughed, grinning from ear to ear." Though I don't know if he gets sunburnt quite so much but really, Apollo, it suits you!"

At this point, Lee growled under his breath and stalked away from the howling Hyena who was known as Kara Thrace.


~*~*~*~*~


But ever since that day, the name 'Apollo' has stuck and to this day, Lee has it as his callsign. The origins of it were less than beautiful but he has lived up to the name over and over again. Lee Adama is known as Apollo and he reaches heights that would dazzle and amaze many, the callsign fits perfectly. Apollo, the original overachiever, a perfect fit for Lee.