just wondering what your experience has been with having a cat in your apartment.  ever get in trouble for it?  I'm dealing specifically with Astroid, but all experiences are welcome and appreciated. 

Any progress on the pet and apartment law thing? 

Hello my wonderful and dedicated live journal readers... alas, I am no longer using this blog.  With my new career I have begun a new blog.  Erin can now be found at http://awake-anddreaming.blogspot.com  so if you are interested in following the continuing chronicles of my life, please feel free to read.

  

Tonight was the street ministry Easter dinner.  I think, on the whole, it went pretty well.  It's always interesting having a large group of new comers in to serve food, but all things considered, it could have been a lot worse.  I'm exhausted, but that comes from doing a lot of pretty boring yet physically draining jobs (like scrubbing 40 tables and filling 200 juice cups). 

Church this morning was good.  We sat in a circle and had things really simply done.  I liked it.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the whole worship team being up there and having a great deal of fun, but it was really nice and reflective today. 

I'm feeling a bit better than I was the last time I posted... I got 12 hours of sleep, have clean laundry, got the dishes done and didn't have class today because of Good Friday.  I still have a giant project due Monday, but I'll work on it tomorrow.  It's too late now and I'm too exhausted. 

And that's that.










poverty sucks by the way. 

I don't normally post much about my emotions in this blog, but I am trying to be more real and I'm not sure anyone actually reads this, so here goes. 

Graduating is really scaring me, but yet getting to graduation seems almost impossible at times.  I don't mean that I'm suicidal, which I realize that could sound like, I mean that finding the energy and motivation to accomplish necessary tasks is getting harder and harder, I just don't care. 

I spend almost all my time at home in my room with the door closed.  It could be said that I am isolating except for the fact that I am never home.  However, when I am home I just can't seem to bring myself to do anything.  I have done almost no homework this semester, and of what I have done I've done maybe 10% of it at home.  I can't seem to find the energy even to do simple tasks like wash the dishes or cook food, coming out of my room seems like so much effort. 

If a client presented me with those symptoms I'd immediately suspect that they were depressed, and maybe I am.  No one fits all the symptoms of anything perfectly, and there are plenty that are missing for me.  Most obviously is the overarching nature of depression, and that doesn't fit here.  When I am at practicum I have energy, laughter, fun, I get tasks done on time and ahead of time, and I am genuinely myself, it's not an act I am putting on in order to get good marks.  And though I'm not doing my work at home, I'm getting it all done on time and my grades are maybe half a letter grade normal then usual, but since I've only gotten two papers back it's hard to judge. 

And yet, I feel so overwhelmed.  I think about two things.  Graduating and sleeping.  Someone from church told me I have "senioritis", they're probably right.  Either way though, it's getting ridiculous.  So, tomorrow I am getting up.  That is a challenge in itself, but I will do it.  I am putting in a load of clothes, i seriously, seriously have to.  And I am washing dishes.  Even one sink full will be an accomplishment although I need to do many more.  Today my only home accomplishment was febreezing the air.  Granted, I had a thirteen hour day with practicum/school, but still.  The house stuff must go on, right? 

I stayed home from a meeting last night because I was just so tired and overwhelmed.  There was no way I could go and make a meaningful contribution.  I wound up sending the entire night catching up on emails I needed to send and things I needed to do for church.  I didn't manage to touch my school work or the house.  It was the perfect opportunity, but I didn't have it in me. 

I need to start applying for jobs.  I have two for sure I am applying for.  Unfortunately that means writing cover letters.  I have a resume.  I also have a HUGE project due Monday I haven't started.  I need to do a portfolio thing for social work and a reflection to go with it.  And a bunch of stuff about writing my personal mission statement and stuff.  I don't know when, or how I'm going to do it because I seem to already have a zillion commitments for the Easter weekend.  It doesn't really matter though, because if I stayed home I wouldn't do it anyway. 

Of course all this might be better if I could sleep, but I have horrible insomnia.  Even when I am exhausted I wind up not able to sleep, yet I'm so tired I can't accomplish things during this time when I'm not asleep.  Friday I was up until 6AM.  I've talked to my doctor and we're working on things.  I have some sleeping pills, zopiclone if any one cares, but I don't really like them and I don't like taking them very often.  And it's so hard to predict when I'm not going to be able to sleep, although lately it seems to be every day. 

So in conclusion, I don't know what to do.  Life has to continue in the 40 days left until grad.  And really, I have no assurance things will change afterwards so I really have to get on top of things now.  I am setting an alarm for a reasonable time that is not too early and not too late and I AM getting up.  I AM.  And that is step one.  We'll see about the rest of life. 

I decided to update my blog because I'm too tired to get out of bed and make dinner and I feel like I should do something.  I need to graduate.  I need to be done with homework.  I'm so behind this semester but finding motivation is getting harder and harder.

Practicum is still good.  I'm ready to be done there too.  I want to work there.  I am sick of the practicum thing. 

Street Ministry is good too.  We had a really great youth group in this week.  This Friday is our Easter dinner which is always "interesting". 

Okay, so maybe I don't have anything to say, oh well.  I tried.

I sometimes look at the people who come to street ministry and wonder what there dreams are/were.  As I've said many times before, no one wakes up one morning and decides to be homeless.  It just doesn't work that way.  Things happen, and I won't get into that today, but things happen and we are changed. 

I was looking at one couple in particular who are hard core street involved individuals who have been on the streets probably a long time.  It's very hard to pin down their age, but they can't be more then around 30 and yet, they are so very hardened.  The wear layers of clothes, but no really warm jacket and their skin seems rough and beaten down.

I wonder what there dreams are.  When they sit there and think, do they dream of a different life?  Do they dream of having a profession and a house, two car garage, 3 kids and a dog? Do they dream of being able to live safely on the streets? Of being able to live and connect with family?  Or are they simply occupied with the idea of looking for their next high, their next meal, and their next place to sleep. 

And what were there dreams.  Did they dream of raising a family, having a job, changing the world? 
maybe, next week, I'll ask them.

I finally have my computer back, and this morning I actually have the energy required to write a blog entry, a miracle in and of itself.  Doing three days a week of practicum on top of everything else I've been doing is really not something I'd recommend to anyone. 

I've been thinking, that I write a lot about what I do and how much I love it.  And that's awesome and great.  I've been feeling lately though, that I should point out that I don't care that not everyone does what I do.  Not everyone is cut out to be social workers and that's totally fine and okay.  However, the greater systemic issues are something we really do all need to be aware of and apart of. 

My most amusing episode this week occurred in a Subway.  A client and I are there, he's eating a sub, I'm trying not get grossed out by the food in his beard.  Our team leader thought it would be good for this client to educate me about drugs and mental illness.  Halfway through our conversation the client reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls our a giant handful of weed.  Not a small handful, not in a bag, just reaches in and pulls out this giant handful.  I didn't know what to do, so I just acted normal and asked him to put it back cause we were in public and he did. 

I applied for a job at Mobile Crisis Services.  I haven't heard back yet, but I'm sticking to my cell phone like glue.  I'm really hoping I at least get an interview.  I'm qualified for it, but who knows.  It all goes through WRHA human resources and stuff.  Maybe I didn't have the right key words in my cover letter or something.  I sent it Monday and it's Thursday, so there's still plenty of time and hope.  The position didn't have an closing date listed, so we'll see. 

There are only 74 days left till I graduate and have to take a jump into the real world - I'm getting ready to leap, I'm not so sure about the landing.

computer's broken again...grrrr.  

I took it into future shop on my way home from practicum today.  I am SO SO SO glad I got the extended warranty. 

I'm very non-communicative right now. 
I'm not sure why, but if you're expecting email or facebook messages from me (or even just my incredibly amazing blog entries about how much the world sucks but how we can help) that's why you haven't gotten it. 
I'm sure my words will come back soon, but until then...
I'll stare at the computer screen. 

I let myself get WAY to sucked into television dramas.  It's bad.  It's really bad. 
I did my first homework of the semester today...stupid practicum logs. 
I babysat an awesome baby today.
I hope there's no blizzard cause I don't want to have MORE practicum hours to make up.
I want my horrible holidays back (except, not really, I just don't want any homework).