I still enjoy making these old-school style blog posts every now and then; I find that it helps me to focus and really think about how ideas and sentences come together. Social networks favour the one-sentence snappy updates and the endless linking of webpages, which is much less demanding of one's time, but structuring all the thoughts in your head and articulating them is a valuable skill which deserves to be honed.
It does seem that I like to blog about blogging, but I want to remember why I do it, and tell myself that each time. I also want to landmark certain significant events in my life, and a FB post just isn't adequate. It makes blogs just that more special, I think.
This time, it's the end of my undergraduate life. Exams start tomorrow for the last time and I don't think I prepared enough, but what the heck, it doesn't matter anymore. I'll still graduate with my 2nd uppers. I don't think it's possible to mangle arts papers that badly and my term papers and class presentations pretty much guarantee that my overall grade will be what, B+? Short of handing in a blank exam, things can't go wrong. I hope.
But it is my last hurrah, and I'd like to go out happy. Sure, FYP didn't go out with a bang--it was hard to believe that it was over, and the whole process was just so dragged out that the end became rather intangible. These three modules, though, have taught me so much (useless) stuff, and I felt good going to class, doing readings, writing papers, getting back good grades. It's what I thought university life should be like, and I'm glad it ends this way, rather than struggling to complete stupid core modules that help me get employed but fill me with so much rage. I like this feeling of being impractical and carefree.
I guess I'll spend this next week enjoying studying and avoiding thinking about the reality of finding a job.
It does seem that I like to blog about blogging, but I want to remember why I do it, and tell myself that each time. I also want to landmark certain significant events in my life, and a FB post just isn't adequate. It makes blogs just that more special, I think.
This time, it's the end of my undergraduate life. Exams start tomorrow for the last time and I don't think I prepared enough, but what the heck, it doesn't matter anymore. I'll still graduate with my 2nd uppers. I don't think it's possible to mangle arts papers that badly and my term papers and class presentations pretty much guarantee that my overall grade will be what, B+? Short of handing in a blank exam, things can't go wrong. I hope.
But it is my last hurrah, and I'd like to go out happy. Sure, FYP didn't go out with a bang--it was hard to believe that it was over, and the whole process was just so dragged out that the end became rather intangible. These three modules, though, have taught me so much (useless) stuff, and I felt good going to class, doing readings, writing papers, getting back good grades. It's what I thought university life should be like, and I'm glad it ends this way, rather than struggling to complete stupid core modules that help me get employed but fill me with so much rage. I like this feeling of being impractical and carefree.
I guess I'll spend this next week enjoying studying and avoiding thinking about the reality of finding a job.
- Music:Switchfoot - Your Love is a Song
If there is one game that bookended my university life, it's Mass Effect 3.
After my A levels I went out to by the first Mass Effect, but as I didn't have a gaming PC then, it had to wait till later in my freshman year when I got a decent rig for the family.
Skip to my final year, and here's the conclusion to the trilogy. It's a bit like what Harry Potter was to my secondary school/JC days, I guess. Read the first few books like a maniac in lower sec, and then A levels when Harry would've taken his NEWTS if not for Voldy taking over Hogwarts. Mass Effect 3 is contributing to this sense of finality, that THIS IS IT, the world is ending, time to leave school and face what's out there. The game itself didn't have the best ending, which is what I want to dust off my LJ and write about it to give myself the closure that I need. (Otherwise I won't be able to concentrate on my last term paper ever.)
Though I kicked off the space saga with the default male Shepard, I played him straight (not in the sexual orientation sense, although this guy does like the ladies), meaning good-guy heroic soldier... which got boring by the end of the second installment. Rolled a ruthless renegade female infiltrator, and is she ever more complex. It's not just the renegade he-who-fights-monsters dramatic tension, or the change-up in gameplay. You've got a Sigourney Weaver -esque BAMF for a sci-fi protagonist, how is that not awesome? Playing a female ranked high in the military, respected for her skills and not treated any different because of her gender -- and the fact that it's not deliberate because Shepard is by default male -- that's just not something you see often in mainstream media. And so I decided to take her to the end first. To me, she is the ideal Shepard.
Aaand not forgetting the fabulousness of her love interest. It's probably a Bioware trademark by now to have a romance element in the game (and the "payoff" in an awkward sex scene). Not all relationships are created equal, though. By Mass Effect 3 you can pretty much swing whatever way you want, even cross-species, but the most healthy, equal relationship is what Shepard shares with Garrus Vakarian, ex-cop, ex-vigilante, and all-round too-cool alien badass. Garrus is the arguably the squadmate with the best lines and he's been around for most of all three games so he's received real character development, plus you get the sense of growing closer to him, getting to know him better. Even male Shepards see him as the ultimate bro. There's none of the awkwardness of a subordinate relationship like with James Vega, and Kaidan is basically a whiny/clingy female, which leave Garrus who snarks back at you and a respectable military leader in his own right. There's a cute scene about him being pretty high on the succession ladder for his species -- indeed, he's come a long way from the frustrated detective tied up by red tape when you first meet him.
While confident in his mad sniping kills, he's also adorably shy around female Shepard which makes all the fangirls flail with glee. The species thing doesn't mean much in this 'verse anyway, and Garrus has got the overwhelmingly awesome personality that more than makes up for it. It also gives him opportunities for lines like "turian-human babies" and "Are you ready to be a one-turian kind of woman?" Sure, as Shepard put it, "biology may not cooperate", but he expresses a depth of commitment that you don't see with the other love interests, human or otherwise. Garrus is the one you want to settle down with, alright.
I love it that roleplaying makes the game so different each time you run through it. Wonder
how it'll go with male Shepard... which I'll take up after the exams.
Now I should be in the mood to churn out 1,500 words for the last term paper of my life.
After my A levels I went out to by the first Mass Effect, but as I didn't have a gaming PC then, it had to wait till later in my freshman year when I got a decent rig for the family.
Skip to my final year, and here's the conclusion to the trilogy. It's a bit like what Harry Potter was to my secondary school/JC days, I guess. Read the first few books like a maniac in lower sec, and then A levels when Harry would've taken his NEWTS if not for Voldy taking over Hogwarts. Mass Effect 3 is contributing to this sense of finality, that THIS IS IT, the world is ending, time to leave school and face what's out there. The game itself didn't have the best ending, which is what I want to dust off my LJ and write about it to give myself the closure that I need. (Otherwise I won't be able to concentrate on my last term paper ever.)
Though I kicked off the space saga with the default male Shepard, I played him straight (not in the sexual orientation sense, although this guy does like the ladies), meaning good-guy heroic soldier... which got boring by the end of the second installment. Rolled a ruthless renegade female infiltrator, and is she ever more complex. It's not just the renegade he-who-fights-monsters dramatic tension, or the change-up in gameplay. You've got a Sigourney Weaver -esque BAMF for a sci-fi protagonist, how is that not awesome? Playing a female ranked high in the military, respected for her skills and not treated any different because of her gender -- and the fact that it's not deliberate because Shepard is by default male -- that's just not something you see often in mainstream media. And so I decided to take her to the end first. To me, she is the ideal Shepard.
Aaand not forgetting the fabulousness of her love interest. It's probably a Bioware trademark by now to have a romance element in the game (and the "payoff" in an awkward sex scene). Not all relationships are created equal, though. By Mass Effect 3 you can pretty much swing whatever way you want, even cross-species, but the most healthy, equal relationship is what Shepard shares with Garrus Vakarian, ex-cop, ex-vigilante, and all-round too-cool alien badass. Garrus is the arguably the squadmate with the best lines and he's been around for most of all three games so he's received real character development, plus you get the sense of growing closer to him, getting to know him better. Even male Shepards see him as the ultimate bro. There's none of the awkwardness of a subordinate relationship like with James Vega, and Kaidan is basically a whiny/clingy female, which leave Garrus who snarks back at you and a respectable military leader in his own right. There's a cute scene about him being pretty high on the succession ladder for his species -- indeed, he's come a long way from the frustrated detective tied up by red tape when you first meet him.
While confident in his mad sniping kills, he's also adorably shy around female Shepard which makes all the fangirls flail with glee. The species thing doesn't mean much in this 'verse anyway, and Garrus has got the overwhelmingly awesome personality that more than makes up for it. It also gives him opportunities for lines like "turian-human babies" and "Are you ready to be a one-turian kind of woman?" Sure, as Shepard put it, "biology may not cooperate", but he expresses a depth of commitment that you don't see with the other love interests, human or otherwise. Garrus is the one you want to settle down with, alright.
I love it that roleplaying makes the game so different each time you run through it. Wonder
how it'll go with male Shepard... which I'll take up after the exams.
Now I should be in the mood to churn out 1,500 words for the last term paper of my life.
Lacking motivation for a term paper again but at least this time most of the pressure is off because it's an art history elective, come on. Whenever people hear that I'm taking a class like that, the reaction is usually along the lines of "What a pointless module!" and I'd say, at least it makes me happy. Which is what most people can't say about uni in general, aha.
So, blogging to get the writing juices going. Some things about this week:
1. Career fair
Actually, better worth not mentioning entirely. It seems like every time I go to one, I end up unloading all my angst on some hapless HR executive who thinks I'm mentally unstable and probably makes a note NOT TO HIRE THIS GIRL. But what did happen to those dreams and aspirations we had at the start of uni? Heck, as a kid? It's sad how we've become so pragmatic, so jaded. Oh well, talk doesn't put food on the table. I probably should get off my lazy ass and start writing cover letters for the organisations that I am interested in...
2. International student ministry
Enjoying this very much! to my surprise. I was really grateful for the campus ministry back in the U.S. for showing me around, giving me lifts around Austin, taking away some of that alien-ness of living in a different culture -- and I'd like to think I'm giving back some of that to the foreigners here in Singapore. There're all these stereotypes about ATs -- admittedly, many of the foreign coursework grad students in my faculty still annoy me -- but getting to know these dear young people really has made me more sympathetic towards them. Their dreams and concerns are little different from ours, and all that separates us are cultural and language barriers that can be broken down, though requiring effort from both sides of the wall. I enjoy demonstrating to them the quirks of our local dialects, translating English expressions, chatting to them about where they come from, finding out about their needs... and at the same time it feels like what God would want me to do, i.e. showing love to the unloved in our midst. That's a struggle that we often have, yeah? like we see doing God's work as a duty or a chore but it's supposed to be something joyful. And this? It feels right.
3. David Copperfield
It's a surprisingly readable book. You'd have thought: omg, it's so long, plus it's written in that archaic 19th century style, but actually Davy/David/Trotwood/Daisy/... is such a likable, relatable character. He's honest. He's not afraid to look bad in front of the reader. He's just so earnest and really goes all the way when he makes up his mind to do something, you end up rooting for him even though he may be a tad foolish. I have about 200 more pages to go and when I'm done with the novel, to revise for the upcoming quiz I shall watch the telemovie starring young!adorable!Daniel Radcliffe, the formidable Dame Maggie Smith, and a distinguished ensemble cast that also includes Imelda Staunton, Dawn French (ohgod it's like Harry Potter, the prequel), and Ian McKellan as well as young chaps like Harry Lloyd. Wow, studying that I can look forward to. Amazing shit.
(I wonder what the term paper questions will be for the adaptations class -- WILL I GET TO WRITE A PAPER ON BBC SHERLOCK? BURSTING WITH EXCITEMENT ASDFGHJKL;)
4. The opposite of computer angst is...?
Lo! I have redeemed my laptop from BSOD limbo! Well, okay, not really. What I did was to get the laptop HDD out and put it in an enclosure, meaning that the contents of my laptop are basically now in a portable hard drive. Excellent stuff. Marched around SLS several times before I found a guy who wasn't trying to con me out of my money by claiming that the dark disk is corrupted, would you like to pay a bomb for data recovery services? So all of my work churned churned out over the past few years is safe and sound, thank God. And now maybe I can be more productive on my shiny new netbook-that-is-practically-a-laptop instead of using to wander around the Internet aimlessly. Goodbye, honeymoon days.
So, blogging to get the writing juices going. Some things about this week:
1. Career fair
Actually, better worth not mentioning entirely. It seems like every time I go to one, I end up unloading all my angst on some hapless HR executive who thinks I'm mentally unstable and probably makes a note NOT TO HIRE THIS GIRL. But what did happen to those dreams and aspirations we had at the start of uni? Heck, as a kid? It's sad how we've become so pragmatic, so jaded. Oh well, talk doesn't put food on the table. I probably should get off my lazy ass and start writing cover letters for the organisations that I am interested in...
2. International student ministry
Enjoying this very much! to my surprise. I was really grateful for the campus ministry back in the U.S. for showing me around, giving me lifts around Austin, taking away some of that alien-ness of living in a different culture -- and I'd like to think I'm giving back some of that to the foreigners here in Singapore. There're all these stereotypes about ATs -- admittedly, many of the foreign coursework grad students in my faculty still annoy me -- but getting to know these dear young people really has made me more sympathetic towards them. Their dreams and concerns are little different from ours, and all that separates us are cultural and language barriers that can be broken down, though requiring effort from both sides of the wall. I enjoy demonstrating to them the quirks of our local dialects, translating English expressions, chatting to them about where they come from, finding out about their needs... and at the same time it feels like what God would want me to do, i.e. showing love to the unloved in our midst. That's a struggle that we often have, yeah? like we see doing God's work as a duty or a chore but it's supposed to be something joyful. And this? It feels right.
3. David Copperfield
It's a surprisingly readable book. You'd have thought: omg, it's so long, plus it's written in that archaic 19th century style, but actually Davy/David/Trotwood/Daisy/... is such a likable, relatable character. He's honest. He's not afraid to look bad in front of the reader. He's just so earnest and really goes all the way when he makes up his mind to do something, you end up rooting for him even though he may be a tad foolish. I have about 200 more pages to go and when I'm done with the novel, to revise for the upcoming quiz I shall watch the telemovie starring young!adorable!Daniel Radcliffe, the formidable Dame Maggie Smith, and a distinguished ensemble cast that also includes Imelda Staunton, Dawn French (ohgod it's like Harry Potter, the prequel), and Ian McKellan as well as young chaps like Harry Lloyd. Wow, studying that I can look forward to. Amazing shit.
(I wonder what the term paper questions will be for the adaptations class -- WILL I GET TO WRITE A PAPER ON BBC SHERLOCK? BURSTING WITH EXCITEMENT ASDFGHJKL;)
4. The opposite of computer angst is...?
Lo! I have redeemed my laptop from BSOD limbo! Well, okay, not really. What I did was to get the laptop HDD out and put it in an enclosure, meaning that the contents of my laptop are basically now in a portable hard drive. Excellent stuff. Marched around SLS several times before I found a guy who wasn't trying to con me out of my money by claiming that the dark disk is corrupted, would you like to pay a bomb for data recovery services? So all of my work churned churned out over the past few years is safe and sound, thank God. And now maybe I can be more productive on my shiny new netbook-that-is-practically-a-laptop instead of using to wander around the Internet aimlessly. Goodbye, honeymoon days.
Just thought I'd get back to blogging again, because I've always felt it's one of the major ways through which I relieve stress. And that's suddenly important again in light of my mega-headache yesterday (I puked everything I ate too), which the GP diagnosed as "too much stress". I'm a bit dubious of this, but oh well, I guess I do tend to be high-strung and there's just so many things to be worried about these days...
That's the thing about doing what you enjoy for a living -- it blurs the line between work and leisure, almost dangerously. I'm taking two Literature modules this semester, both of which cover disgustingly long 19th century novels. Ordinarily I'm perfectly okay with this. I still read like a demon and last week I plowed through two-thirds of Jane Eyre in one morning, but there's also an element of pushing oneself that adds a certain tension to what would otherwise be a pleasurable hobby.
I'd like to admire attractive people in period costume without having to do an in-depth analysis of the translation of novel to film.
Anyway it seems like this month I've been living in the 19th century, first, reading Austen and Brontë and Dickens and watching the film and telly adaptions, and second, drowning in post-impressionist art. Or, my class modern art history. The other day I finally visited the delightful "Dreams and Reality" exhibition at the National Museum, highlights of which include Van Gogh's Starry Night (Over the Rhone), Monet's Woman with a Parasol, Facing Right, Degas's Dancers Climbing the Stairs, and Cézanne's The Card Players. But oddly enough, the painting that fascinated me the most was Cézanne's Portrait de Madame Cézanne.
There's a particular serenity and calm to the painting that I could stare at for ages. Pity it's not the best gallery -- there's nothing quite like the Art Institute of Chicago, which I think my visit there a couple of years ago was what prompted me to take up this class in the first place.
Come to think of it, the real source of my stress isn't class. It's everything else. FYP. Job-hunting-slash-what-are-you-going-to-d
That's the thing about doing what you enjoy for a living -- it blurs the line between work and leisure, almost dangerously. I'm taking two Literature modules this semester, both of which cover disgustingly long 19th century novels. Ordinarily I'm perfectly okay with this. I still read like a demon and last week I plowed through two-thirds of Jane Eyre in one morning, but there's also an element of pushing oneself that adds a certain tension to what would otherwise be a pleasurable hobby.
I'd like to admire attractive people in period costume without having to do an in-depth analysis of the translation of novel to film.
Anyway it seems like this month I've been living in the 19th century, first, reading Austen and Brontë and Dickens and watching the film and telly adaptions, and second, drowning in post-impressionist art. Or, my class modern art history. The other day I finally visited the delightful "Dreams and Reality" exhibition at the National Museum, highlights of which include Van Gogh's Starry Night (Over the Rhone), Monet's Woman with a Parasol, Facing Right, Degas's Dancers Climbing the Stairs, and Cézanne's The Card Players. But oddly enough, the painting that fascinated me the most was Cézanne's Portrait de Madame Cézanne.
There's a particular serenity and calm to the painting that I could stare at for ages. Pity it's not the best gallery -- there's nothing quite like the Art Institute of Chicago, which I think my visit there a couple of years ago was what prompted me to take up this class in the first place.
Come to think of it, the real source of my stress isn't class. It's everything else. FYP. Job-hunting-slash-what-are-you-going-to-d
In role-playing, you're supposed to put yourself in the shoes of a character. I'm not sure how it happens, but my RPs usually ends up being melodramatic.
(See my half-orc -- of course people wonder how he gets to be a half-orc. He was raised by his mother, who's in denial over what happened, and he didn't think about it too much. But out there in the human-dominated real world as an adventurer, not a menacing thug for hire, his background is being questioned left and right and it's driving him nuts.)
It wasn't too much of an issue with KOTOR and ME, surprisingly, because good and evil are pretty clear-cut. Even in DA:O, there're obvious moral choices. DA2 is a whole other ball game. The choices are morally ambiguous -- all leads to chaos. No matter how I try to uphold order, people suffer.
My first m!Hawke was a 2H warrior who generally tried to be sarcastic/witty, but it felt... off. Sticking to one particular alignment really doesn't work, so I quit halfway through the game.
On a second playthrough with mage m!Hawke, much better. He's kinda schizophrenic and hypocritical, speaking out against renegade mages when he's an apostate blood mage himself. Of course a lot of it is meta-gaming since I'm trying to max out friendship with Fenris and Carver, but I rationalise it in-game by angling Hawke as an ambitious, whatever-it-takes kind of guy. He respects mages who take to blood magic for more power, but hates those who succumb to it because they're weak. It's a fine line between actively seeking more power while knowing your limits and letting letting it take over you. And he hates Orsino, who's got the right ideas but way too pathetic and has this... strange relationship with the Knight-Commander. Speaking of the templars, who wouldn't support them with hot stuff like Cullen among their ranks?
While conceptualizing this Hawke as Champion of Kirkwall, I think must have had Machiavelli in mind: "Nevertheless a prince ought to inspire fear in such a way that, if he does not win love, he avoids hatred..." Hawke is aggressive, but he tries to be sensitive to people's opinions -- except for that terrorist-in-making, who's ruining everything Hawke has built up in Kirkwall.
Anders is getting on my nerves, seriously. Fandom makes him out to be sympathetic but he's so whiny and one-note in DA2, I miss Awakening!Anders. I miss my Awakening!crew in general, total BAMFs. I did find Nathaniel in DA2 but he's not quite what I remember...
Anyway, looking forward to fighting alongside him and Cullen ♥
(See my half-orc -- of course people wonder how he gets to be a half-orc. He was raised by his mother, who's in denial over what happened, and he didn't think about it too much. But out there in the human-dominated real world as an adventurer, not a menacing thug for hire, his background is being questioned left and right and it's driving him nuts.)
It wasn't too much of an issue with KOTOR and ME, surprisingly, because good and evil are pretty clear-cut. Even in DA:O, there're obvious moral choices. DA2 is a whole other ball game. The choices are morally ambiguous -- all leads to chaos. No matter how I try to uphold order, people suffer.
My first m!Hawke was a 2H warrior who generally tried to be sarcastic/witty, but it felt... off. Sticking to one particular alignment really doesn't work, so I quit halfway through the game.
On a second playthrough with mage m!Hawke, much better. He's kinda schizophrenic and hypocritical, speaking out against renegade mages when he's an apostate blood mage himself. Of course a lot of it is meta-gaming since I'm trying to max out friendship with Fenris and Carver, but I rationalise it in-game by angling Hawke as an ambitious, whatever-it-takes kind of guy. He respects mages who take to blood magic for more power, but hates those who succumb to it because they're weak. It's a fine line between actively seeking more power while knowing your limits and letting letting it take over you. And he hates Orsino, who's got the right ideas but way too pathetic and has this... strange relationship with the Knight-Commander. Speaking of the templars, who wouldn't support them with hot stuff like Cullen among their ranks?
While conceptualizing this Hawke as Champion of Kirkwall, I think must have had Machiavelli in mind: "Nevertheless a prince ought to inspire fear in such a way that, if he does not win love, he avoids hatred..." Hawke is aggressive, but he tries to be sensitive to people's opinions -- except for that terrorist-in-making, who's ruining everything Hawke has built up in Kirkwall.
Anders is getting on my nerves, seriously. Fandom makes him out to be sympathetic but he's so whiny and one-note in DA2, I miss Awakening!Anders. I miss my Awakening!crew in general, total BAMFs. I did find Nathaniel in DA2 but he's not quite what I remember...
Anyway, looking forward to fighting alongside him and Cullen ♥
