Sex. I missed you.

I don't plan on denying you for that long again, any time soon!

I promise to write when things get better.

<3

They will. Soon.

I've been sick for over a week now. It blows, but it's a good excuse to cough up to people I don't want to hang with.

Apparently I'm going to Bamboozle again. I'm just excited about seeing Motley and Bruno Mars mostly. I'm kind of hoping someone else joins in. There are only two possible directions this meeting can go in.

"Wish you were here." Is nice to hear from a sober person.

I've got nothing to say.
You're another dismay.
I've got nothing to say.

Yesterday was baby Rocco's Christening. It was pretty fun! I kinda drank a lot, but the persistent plates of food kept me alright. Everyone was drooling over Jason.
Was hoping to continue the night, but everyone sucks.

Phoned Teddy, Saturday night. The heart can easily fall back into old habits. He deleted me off of fb again, because he came across the photobooth pictures of Gator and I. I explained the situation to him, and he told me that if anything, it should show me how much he cares...
Apparently he's been having a really tough time. I feel so bad...
He told me it's a miracle that he's still alive, but then told me not to worry -_-
I asked him if he needed anything, financially, and he declined. He's so stubborn.
It was weird how natural talking to him felt, as if nothing happened.
"I won't die without seeing you again."

Whoever said honesty is the best policy, obviously knows nothing about the human race.
We can't handle the truth, even though our minds tell us other wise.

These last few days have been really fun! I'm going to take a chance and say I had more fun up here, than I did during my Miami visit. But alas, flight departures brought me back down to real life.
My mother opened the letter that MDC sent to me. For some reason, I had a horrible feeling before she read it to me. I'm so fucking happy that my petition moved someone to give me a second chance.
<3

The current plan is to move back to Miami in June. Go to Bonnaroo, and start school again during Summer term.
My boss keeps saying he's going to get rid of this girl, but I'm just like "eh". It still hasn't happened, and who knows when it will.


I tried to be friends with Gator, but I've come to the realization that he will always make that impossible for me until I find a replacement. I called him last night, so he could pull up directions for me to get home, but he made it seem like I was asking the biggest favor of him. I told him I'd call him back, and never did.
Of course he calls back, but only to cause aggravation. He told me he kissed Savannah, but she said that her lips were mine, so he's mad at me.
Everything is a fucking joke to him. A game. I hung up, and watched Skins, as if nothing happened.
He texted me today and I replied: "Fuck off Gator. I'm completely over talking to you. Just fuck off."
Hahaha.
Hid him from my "news feed", since deleting him may be dramatic (as if telling someone to 'fuck off' isn't). I will not call or text him for the rest of this month. I'll see how I feel come April.

I really need to go to the gym tonight. I feel fat.

My psychic made me do it.

Thursday came and went again. I'm officially in love with Thursdays again.
In Miami, it meant D&B/vagabond. In DR, it meant the first day of the week I was "allowed" to go out. In NY, it's meaning Karaoke Bar hopping.
Linda got sick again, so I went out with Dominique. She's so sweet and beautiful. I think this will be the beginning of a wonderful friendship. I hope so, because as much as I enjoy hanging out with guys, having a girl friend wouldn't hurt. Made a new interesting group of friends... Probably creeps, but those friends are good sometimes.
I barely drank, but I was SUPER hungover Friday :/ But then again, I only got 2 hours of sleep.

Our marriage was mentioned again that night. We've been lovely since then. I guess it's easier since I'll be down this week... El tiempo lo dice todo.

I kind of really want to smoke, since I'm just staying in tonight, but I'm so scared of the munchies. The weed here gives it to me hardcore. Fuck it, I'll try to resist the urge...

Cheers mates.

Last week was pretty fun. Got mildly wasted Thursday night. Sang karaoke, and flirted like there was no tomorrow, for the fuck of it. Sang "Build Me Up Buttercup" by The Foundations, because it was relevant at the time. I really only made it home because of Gator... I got lost in the forest some where it seems.
Saturday, Feb 12th, finally arrived. It was pretty cool. Strange Rivals were pretty sick actually. Not what I expected. I was mostly hanging out with Kevin and his friend (Can't remember his name :x). Tequila shot in there at some point, amongst gin and others. Smoked... All went downhill from there. hahah "I'm kind of fucked up now, should I go home?" hahah Best text ever.
These guys said they would bail me out if I got arrested that night, so I'm assuming I wasn't much of a pretty sight? Again, getting lost. This time, in the middle of Brooklyn, where everything looks the same. -_- Thank goodness for Eddie's iphone. Promised myself I'm no longer pushing my luck. If I have to drive a semi long distance, I'm not smoking. :/ Lame.

CT, Sunday. Work, right now. Extra-ordinarily boring today. BUUUTTT only a week til Miami, and a few other goodies after that :).

It's February already. Where does the time go?
I worked more than usual, last month, at RGM which is cool. I'm anxiously waiting for my return from Miami so I can get a second job again. I feel like I have too much time on my hands sometimes, and extra money is always good. The more I make, the faster I can get back home... Where ever that is.

Gator was here last weekend. Got down on one knee and "proposed". "Ended" our nonexistent "relationship" a few hours before he left. Been texting, and having late night calls as if nothing had happened. Last night, I was pretty straight forward and basically on my knees, which is gross. He decided that we shouldn't talk 'til Wednesday so he can make up his mind...
Today being my first day of clearness, I've decided that I'M done. We were a surprising perfection, but him being "neutral" and unsure means something. He turned something that was just meant to be fun, into something emotionally dangerous. I'm not done because I'm afraid of fighting, I'm done because I paused when he asked if we would still friends if this was the end. Friendship > Romance. Hopefully things will run smoothly when I come to Miami in 3 weeks, seeing as I got him a ticket for Black Lips, and he got me a ticket for Thursday.

I've been working out like a beast again. So happy! I like the changes I'm seeing. Almost done with the transformation. Pretty soon, I'll be able to take it easier, and just maintain. Good riddance!
I feel like I should try to eat healthier, 'cuz it would speed up the process... Blah. Maybe next week.

Connecticut this weekend... Just what I need to mend a broken heart/ego. <3

It could be wrong, could be wrong.
It could never last.
It could be wrong, could be wrong.
Must erase it fast.

2010 came and went.
I've fallen in like, lust, and love.

I'm typing this to the sound of arguing.
My boss lifted up my spirits, only to be brought back down again with all this drama.

Teddy called me today... I felt so forced to sound... interested?

This other dude, left my emotions in a cluster fuck.

I can't even think right now. More later!