Dear Die-ary

Writer's Block: Name that tune

insanebunniex@yahoo.com — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 13:40:25 GMT

Is there any song you'll never grow tired of hearing? If so, what is it, how long have you loved it, and why?

First question listed was submitted by connxx. (Follow-up questions, if any, may have been added by LiveJournal.)

"Scream" by Michael and Janet Jackson - its been my favorite as long as i can remember, there's just something about it. And the video? amazing

insanebunniex@yahoo.com — Tue, 14 Mar 2006 17:50:43 GMT

Your Birthdate: July 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride.
Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing.
When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it.
It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious.

Your strength: Your warm heart

Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions

Your power color: Black

Your power symbol: Musical note

Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

really really quick post

insanebunniex@yahoo.com — Sat, 19 Nov 2005 04:31:37 GMT

Saw the new Harry Potter movie today, bad ass mother fucking shit

insanebunniex@yahoo.com — Sat, 01 Oct 2005 01:28:55 GMT

All my new entrys will now be on another journal. If you want to know where my new entrys will be just ask.

insanebunniex@yahoo.com — Wed, 15 Jun 2005 05:07:40 GMT

So i got back from St. Pete Sunday. I was there Friday night and Saturday afternoon. It was so fucking weird. There are too many memories (good and bad) there. I spent Friday night in Ybor, i just knew i was going to see somebody, but i didnt. Saturday me and cw (danielle) went to Baywalk and ate at Dan Marinos before we left. Drove by OutBack on the way to Baywalk which was weird. It was so awesome being back there, i didnt realize i missed it so much, it sucked hard at the same time though (for what i would think are obvious reasons). I played Dance Dance in Game Works (in Ybor) and shot basketball until Scars by Papa Roach came on. After that we (cw, george, jim, and me) just walked around for a while. Couldnt sleep Friday, keep having fucked up dreams about when i lived there. None of the dreams were anything that ever happened they were just set in that time frame ya know? Needless to say i didnt like them. Anyway, i dont want to talk about it anymore.

The drug use is getting alittle out of control i think. I would never admit it anywhere but here, cause i know nobody really reads this, but i think... well i know it is. Not this past weekend (when i was in St. Pete) but the weekend before that, i did alot of meth. Alot even for me. In a 12 hour period i smoked it somewhere around 8 times, and did a hot rail a few hours after that. I dont know why i like it so much, its no secret i love to sleep or that meth keeps you awake, but i feel good when im on it. Im in a good mood (even if ive been up for days) and im creative as hell, i dont know why i ever stopped. Well... ya i do, but wtf ever that shit never counted anyway. I cant remember the last time i wasnt high or drunk on something. Shit im high right now. I havent been getting the meth much so ive been smoking more weed than i've ever smoked. Im smoking that 5-6 times a day most days. And when im out of that im going to the alcohol. One of the three is always available to me so at least im not going crazy.

On a sorta up side, i havent really cut since my last post, mostly just a few scratches. Paper cuts put these scratches to shame. I dont like cutting when im high/drunk anyway though, i feel it takes away apart of the high.

Anyway... im done w/this post, not much else to say... i dont think... oh well

i could dedicate a part of this song to pretty much everyone thats in or used to be in my life

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Kelly Clarkson - Because of You

long ass entry to make up for the lack of them

insanebunniex@yahoo.com — Sat, 14 May 2005 15:32:23 GMT

where to start... well danielles back, been back for about a month i think, somewhere around there. thats good i guess, im sick of hearing her whine about fucking trey though. One, cause i hate that guy with a passion and Two, because hearing about them breaking up and then getting back together and then hating each other and then being best friends is really fucking annoying and stupid. She's been being a bitch alot too which blows my mind. How the fuck are you gonna be gone for that long then come back and be a bitch? She took the power cord from the computer for about a week cause i wouldnt fold my clothes, which at the time were in a box so i really didnt see the point. Her trying to act like a mother bewilders me too. Like i told her when we got into the fight about that, "you cant tell me what to do, you lost that privilege the night you put the pipe in your mouth." yeah she didnt like that much. She tried to ban me from Allisons, cause i keep pissing her off, which obviously wasnt going to happen and didnt. Speaking of Allison though have i mention her new roommate Marcus? i think i have so i wont get into it again. But anyshit, we've been hanging out alot more, he's really cool.

Jacob, Taylor, Jordyn, and suzi left, they moved to vegas =( to tell you the truth i dont really care that suzis gone, doesnt bother me at all. but those kids leaving ripped my heart out. they've been gone for a couple weeks and i still expect to see them when i wake up. its crazily quiet around here, and not in the good way. too much quiet makes you hear things (if that makes sense) i hate it. jeremy moved to mississippi. he lives with shannon now, so its just me, chris, danielle, and my grandparents in this house.

i never knew how much i needed kids around, i guess since i've pretty much always been around them, expecially in the past 5 years, it never occured to me how much i like to be around them, before i just had to be didnt really have a choice. Not that im saying i want any, im still firm with NO on that one, i dont think that decision will ever change.

now the fun part, my fucked up ass. Since i havent posted in a while i havent stated the fact that i hadnt cut in almost two months, two months is a long fucking time. No scratching, or anything, completely clean, and then yesterday i had to fuck it up, though in my defense there were only three and they were small but it was cutting none the less. i hate that i did it, fuck i hated it while i was doing it. To tell the truth im not really sure why i did, i just snapped. Yesterday, I was getting ready to go over to my aunt tara's, we (me and danielle) were about to leave and i told her to hold on, i had to use the bathroom. i dont know if ive ever dug for a razor that fast. few seconds later i was locked in the bathroom, breathing like i had just run a marathon, dragging the razor across my arm. it hurt like a mother fucker, which shocked the hell out of me, cause it never really hurt. But god damn, its never felt like that, i was biting my lip and squeezing my fist to keep from crying... it was weird.

And last weekend ::shakes head:: its like im on a mission to do everything i've said i'd never do again. I was hanging out with Marcus in his room, killing spiders lol cause he's terrified of them, its so cute. Anyshit, so im checking his room for webs, cause he found an egg sack in his curtains and was tripping the fuck out, when he reached into his pocket and was like 'shit' and got all sad looking. I asked him 'what?' and he didnt answer me, but ran into the bathroom instead. So i was like 'ooookay' and went outside to smoke. I came back inside and got on the computer cause i didnt know what the problem was but i didnt want to bother him, a few minuets later he walks over to me and ask me to go smoke with him. we're sitting outside and he's apologizing for acting weird and tells me that it was cause he had his glass pipe that he smokes meth out of in his pocket and it broke. He asks me if i've ever done a hot rail, i hadnt so i told him no, but i had heard about it and didnt believe it worked (a hot rail is when you take a glass pipe, without a bowl, and heat an end up really really hot, so hot you have to use a blow torch to do it. then you snort a line with it.) i had never believed it worked cause after you snort the line you blow out smoke. Which i always thought, ya know, 'no fucking way that would work'. it being powder going in and smoke coming out just didnt sound do able. well... it works, burns like no other, but it's the craziest thing. i've never blown out that much smoke.

I spent the day with kearney last weekend too, yay. it sucked. the only reason im being nice to him is cause he gave me one of his guitars but he said if i dont spend time with him he'll take it back (blackmails awesome isnt it?) i know all the chords already (learned them in a day ::beams with pride::) and i really want to learn how to play so i've figured ill be nice until i get a job and have enough money to buy my own then he can have his back and can kiss my ass. im keeping the amp though, he cant have that back, it didnt come with the deal. but yeah it was awesome, i was so fucking uncomfortable the whole time, he just makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

this is me with the words on the tip of my tongue and my eyes through the scope down the barrel of a gun

Just some randomness

insanebunniex@yahoo.com — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 03:32:46 GMT

X if you've seen it:

( )Napoleon Dynamite
(x)Saw
( )White Noise
(x)Anger Managment
(x) 50 First Dates
( )Jason X
(x)Scream
(x)Scream 2
(x)Scream 3
(x)Scary Movie
(x)Scary Movie 2
(x)Scary Movie 3
(x)American Pie
(x)American Pie 2
(x)American Wedding
(x)Harry Potter
(x)Harry Potter 2
(x)Harry Potter 3
( )The Wedding Singer
( )Little Black Book
( )The Village
( )Donnie Darko
( )Lilo & Stitch
(x)Finding Nemo
( )Finding Neverland
(x)13 Ghosts
(x)Signs
(x)The Grudge
(x)Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(x)White Chicks
(x)Butterfly Effect
(x)Thirteen
( )I Robot
(x)Dodgeball
( )A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( )Along Came A Spider
( )KingPin
(x)Never Been Kissed
(x)Meet The Parents
( )Meet The Fockers
(x)Eight Crazy Nights
( )A Cinderella Story
( )The Terminal
( )The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( )Passport To Paris
(x)Dumb & Dumber
( )Dumb & Dumberer
(x)Final Destination
(x)Final Destination 2
(x)Halloween
( )The Ring
( )Practical Magic
(x)Chicago
( )Ghost Ship
( )From Hell
( ) Hellboy
(x)Secret Window
( )I Am Sam
(x)The Whole Nine Yards
( )The Day After Tomorrow
( )Child's Play
( )Bride of Chucky
(x)Ten Things I Hate About You
(x)Just Married
(x)Gothika
( )A Nightmare on Elm Street
(x)Sixteen Candles
(x)Joy Ride
(x)7even
( )Identity
( )Lone Star
( )Cujo
( )A Bronx Tale
( )Darkness Falls
( )IT
(x)Children of the Corn
( )Maid in Manhattan
(x)Frailty
(x)How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x)She's All That
( )Calender Girls
( )Sideways
(x)Ever After
( )Forrest Gump
( )Big Trouble in Little China
(x)Jeepers Creepers
( )Jeepers Creepers 2
( )Catch Me If You Can
(x)The Others
(x)Freaky Friday
(x)Reign of Fire
(x)Cruel Intentions
(x)The Hot Chick
(x)Swimfan
( )Miracle
(x)Old School
( )Ray
( )The Notebook
( )K-Pax
(x)Lord of the Rings
(x)Lord of the Rings 2
(x)Lord of the Rings 3
(x)Underworld
(x)The Fast and the Furious
(x)2Fast 2Furious
( )Chasing Amy
(x)Dogma
(x)Jay and silent bob strike back
( )Black Hawk Down
( )Clerks
( )Hitch
(x)Austin powers 1
(x)Austin powers 2
(x)Austin powers Goldmember
(x)Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
(x)Once upon a time in mexico
(x)Edward Scissorhands
( )Donnie Brasco
( )Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
(x)Sleepy Hollow
(x)Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
(x)X-men
(x)X-men 2
(x)Spider-man
( )Spider-man 2
( )The Punisher
( )I Heart Huckabees
( )Enemy at the Gates
(x)Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
( )The Princess Bride
(x)save the last dance
(x)dirty dancing
( )dirty dancing 2
( )Rollerball
( )Heartbreakers
( )Valentine
( )S.W.A.T.
( )Mean Girls
( )The Hours
(x)8 Mile
( )A Walk to Remember
(x)Jurassic Park
(x)Jurassic Park 2
(x)Jurassic Park 3
( )The Godfather
(x)Titanic
( )The Perfect Storm
(x)Erin Brockovich
(x)Legally Blonde
(x)Legally Blonde 2
(x)The 6th Sense
(x)The Exorcist
(x)The Matrix
( )The Matrix Reloaded
( )Arachnaphobia
(x)Anaconda
(x)Jaws
(x)Shrek
(x)Shrek 2
(x)Jawbreaker
(x)Mars Attacks ::shudders::
(x)Galaxy Quest
( )Saving Silverman
(x)Barbershop
( )Barbershop 2
(x)Meet Joe Black
( )Troy
(x)Pearl Harbor
(x)Tank Girl
(x)Almost Famous
(x)Ferris Bueller's Day Off
(x)Fast times at ridgemont high
(x)Moulin Rouge
( )Hedwig and the angry inch
( )Velvet goldmine
( )The Boondock Saints
( )Say Anything
( )Swingers
(x)Life as a House
( )One Hour Photo
( )Constantine
( )Apocalyopse Now
( )Gettysburg
( ) Pride and Prejuicde
(x) Bridget Jones's Diary
(x) Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
( )The Silence of the Lambs
( )Fight Club
(x)The Green Mile

... i watch a shit load of movies

insanebunniex@yahoo.com — Thu, 17 Mar 2005 04:51:40 GMT

where to start? oh yes the day from hell i had yesterday. ok so im sitting at home messing around on the comp after gh waiting for chris to come home cause i was bored and i had to tell him jordyn killed his fish. my grandmother comes barging into my room boviously upset. she tells me we had to talk so of course i thought i was in trouble. she went on the tell me that bethany had gotten a call and that christopher was in jail cause he got busted buying a nic (5$ worth of pot) off a kid at school. I went with bethany to pick in up around two hours later. they had him in a holding cell with a few other kids. Once we got out of there i was making jokes with him about it cause i wasnt gonna yell at him, 1 because i'm in no position to, being a self proclaimed pot head myself and 2 because i knew everyone else was going to yell at him. So i made jokes about how he could write in his raps about going to jail and that he had street credit now, and that going to jail was a 'ghetto pass'. We went straight to target where my uncle elvin was waiting to pick up chris cause kearney (our father) wanted to see him. Chris was scared and told me he wanted me to go with him. so needless to say, i saw kearney yesterday. yeah that sucked. it took some of the heat off of chris since most of kearneys talking was towards me so that was good but ya know, this is gonna sound heartless, im sick of sacrificing for him. im sick of rearanging my life for what chris wants/needs because our parents are pretty much useless. i cant do everything for him, i just cant. he's 13 he doesnt need me for all of it anymore, but kearney seems to think i dont do enough. according to him if i really cared about chris then i'd quit doing what im doing (im guessing he was talking about me ignoring him) and we'd be a family again. and you know what? fuck him. i do everything i can for christopher, but i wont do that. i refuse to act like i want to be around kearney and spend weekends with him because he says i should for chris. dont fucking use my little brother as a guilt trip to get me to spend time with you. WTF is that? Even if that's what chris wants i refuse to do it until im ready. i just wont. and i dont care how selfish that makes me. i went and saw kearney cause chris had to and he wanted me with him, but i was in no way ready to see that son of a bitch and i'll be damned if i do it again before im ready to. Anyshit, i ended up going to allisons after we got back from talking to kearney. she had asked me to babysit before all that went down. i had been there maybe and hour/two hours when allison called me (she had already left) and told me that my aunt shannon was about to call, that shannon had just called her cell. i knew something had to be going on cause shannon never calls me. she calls cause she just got off the phone with danielle (our mom). i guess getting a message that your 13 year old son just got arrested for drugs snaps you out of crackville. i dont think she'll be snapped out of it for long though i just dont see her coming back thursday like she said she would. its not gonna happen.

insanebunniex@yahoo.com — Thu, 03 Mar 2005 14:12:15 GMT

oh my mother fucking god! guess what im doing on the night of april 20th (420 yay lol) not only am i GOING TO THE 3 DOORS DOWN AND bREAKING bENJAMIN CONCERT in pensacola but im also GOING BACKSTAGE!!! Thats right BACKSTAGE! Im so fucking excited right now. How am i going and getting backstage you ask? (and if you didnt im gonna tell you anyway) I baby sat for allison last night so she could go out for her birthday, she calls me at 7am this morning to tell me she just fucking left BRADS HOUSE!(lead singer of 3DD) I knew she knew people who knew them. (wow that sentence is confusing) but OMG she hung out with brad and his wife last night. Im fucking tripping right now. Ive loved 3DD ever since they first came out, and breaking benjamin, omg dont get me started on them. (thinks dirty things about bens tongue ring[he has a tongue ring!]) I didnt sleep last night i know i need to but im too god damned excited. I keep trying to figure out what shirt im gonna wear so i can get all of them to sign it. what i should wear period. should i bring the cd booklets to have them sign those too or do i not want to look like some crazy fan? I know im bringing a fucking camera whether i look like a crazy fan or not, i have to have pictures!... Ive got like two months to figure all this out... SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited... ima make a 3DD and breaking benjamin layout for my journal YAY!

insanebunniex@yahoo.com — Fri, 04 Feb 2005 03:53:07 GMT