| It feels like a lifetime ago. |
[03 Feb 2009|12:02pm] |
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It's been almost three years since I was active in this journal and it feels like a lifetime has passed since then. Things looks a lot different when you're twenty-two in comparison to twenty-four, but I suppose that is the point. Mostly, I feel less dramatic.
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6 LoveCats Let's go to bed
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| Good enough to be posted here. |
[19 Jun 2006|11:31pm] |
IF YOU LIKE STAR WARS, YOU'LL LOVE THIS.
Okay, seriously, everyone click on the fucking link. I am not kidding, I laughed my ass off for like ten minutes while testing how long I can realistically hold in my urine while lauhging so hard.
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2 LoveCats Let's go to bed
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| Dear friends: |
[11 May 2006|02:11am] |
I have been thinking about creating a new journal for awhile now for various reasons and I just wanted to let you all know that I am closing down shop here on this one for the time being. I am not sure if I am quite ready to delete this three year log catalogue of my life yet, so I am just going to unadd everyone that I don't really talk to and keep it until I make another one. I just feel like starting over.
For the last year or so I have done nothing but complain and take pictures in my underwear and I don't think either really defines who I am or what I really feel and it bothers me.
Don't dissapear on me, I'll be back.
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| I need this place |
[10 May 2006|05:22pm] |
I am soooo excited! I just found the perfect apartment and I want it so bad it hurts! If I don't get it, I will probably die. </ dramatic >
Seriously, it's perfect for me. My parents are coming up for memorial day weekend to help me move out of my current shit hole and help me move into my new place (wherever that might be) This month is going by so fast, I just hope by the end I'll be smiling instead of crying. I do know that I will not be living with Andrea or Kevin/Liz, but on my own, which is exciting, but scary at the same time. I am worried that I will be lonely, but that's better than living with people I am constantly arguing with.. besides Kevin, Liz, Andrea, Melissa, and Lauren are all staying in the city for the summer, so I figure there is no way I can be lonely. My parents are on speed-dial and my queer as fold DVDS won't be more than two steps away.
I'll be fine.
No, I will be more than fine.
I am ready for real life to kick in.
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2 LoveCats Let's go to bed
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[23 Apr 2006|01:03am] |
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I wish you could hear my screams.
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[22 Apr 2006|12:46am] |
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I don't remember what he said, but I got so mad that I stormed out of the bar and walked 15 blocks home alone at midnight. It was worth it.
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12 LoveCats Let's go to bed
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| I just want to shake some sense into myself. |
[13 Apr 2006|12:06am] |
I must be making things harder than they really are. I have few things in my life that I would call complications, but those that I have are mostly of my own making. Over the years I feel like I have grown stronger and more adapt at making the things in my life make sense yet it still amazes me how easily I let things crumble to pieces. I feel strong and alive and excited to just be, but at the same time I let everything about my extenal life drift in and out.
I can't explain how much missing classes and sensiless spending as is wrecking so much right now. I am so behind in all my classes that the thought of going feels so overwhelming that I just shut down completely. I have the time to do all my make-up work and maybe obtain decent grades, but I just don't have the engergy or drive to do it. I am stressed and I just don't care to make it work. I just need a vacation from everything; I'm not a machine that can get up at 7:00am every day and go from work to school back to back day in and day out. The obligations are just breaking me and the only thing that is going right it work. It annoys me that I am putting more effort into work than school, knowing that I don't see a future for me at my job. Granted, I could stay there for the rest of my life and make a really good living and move up easily, but devoting my life to what people will and will not buy is not something I am interested in. I am intersted in learning and school, I'm just too exhausted for it right now. Work is so easy in comparision and I think that once I finally find a new place to live and spend my summer school and studying free, I'll be eager to get back into it next fall.
Bottom line is that I need to get my shit together, do some make-up work, and get my ass in class. But I know first thing in the morning, when that alarm clock goes off, I am going to hit the snooze three times and before if goes off again I will have decided whether or not I will be getting up for class. For the last couple of weeks that answers has always been no.
Tomorrow I need to pick myself up.
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1 LoveCat Let's go to bed
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| Another bullshit Spring Break |
[08 Apr 2006|07:26pm] |
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This week has been a waste. I worked and worked some more and when I wasn't doing that, I was getting drunk in the basement :/ I did get my tattoo though, which I love to death. I will post pictures once the scabbing/flaky phase is over.
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5 LoveCats Let's go to bed
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| I'm getting a new tattoo. |
[03 Apr 2006|06:54pm] |
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mood |
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 flirty |
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Today I went to my final drawing appointment with Glenn and I am so excited about getting my new tattoo! I threw out some ideas to him and he sketched this really great piece for me and I am scheduled to get in on Wednesday :)
( or more specifically here:Collapse )
Spring Break is shaping up quite nicely considering that I didn't go anywhere. Tomorrow I am going to go to Walnut Creek with Liz and Kevin to enjoy a day of boozing and boiling in a spa (not both at the same time though.)
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22 LoveCats Let's go to bed
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[31 Mar 2006|09:12pm] |
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OHHHHHHH! I WANT I WANT I WANT. I just found these little guys on craigslist for only $350. I am sooo in love, mini poodles are so cute, espeically as puppies. Now I am sad because my current landloard won't let us have dogs and I am stuck here for another two months.
But I already love them.
:(
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4 LoveCats Let's go to bed
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[29 Mar 2006|06:23pm] |
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Dead tired at 6:23pm. Starving, but sleep seems more satisfying than food right now.
oh, i hurt!
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2 LoveCats Let's go to bed
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| Why am I always sick!? |
[28 Mar 2006|11:36am] |
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I haven't been posting because I don't really have anything upbeat to say, really. I am sick again and we're so busy at work that I can't call in sick, so I keep going in and getting worse and worse and everyone there is sick so it's just a big vicious cycle of nastiness. And when I get home, I get to stay up alll night writing papers and hating that I am behind.
Skydiving got canceled because of really bad weather, so I had to postpone it until after spring break, which I don't really mind, but Spencer was really disappointed. It's cute how passionate he is, everything gets him excited. He is one of those cute dorky boys that are into Star Wards and the like wayyy too much. :) It's cute. We became friends after rambling on and on about Indiana Jones haha. My favorite part is that I can go, "remember that one movie where this and this happened?! Man, that movie is sooo awesome!" And he'll be like, "Oh yeah, that was _________! Totally awesome."
The only new update I have is that I will be driving home for a couple of days next week to see my mom and some of my friends for the first half of my spring break. The other half I'll spend at work hating every second.
Oh and I have decided that I am getting another tattoo tomorrow.
My ears hurt and my throat sucks and my nose will not stop running. I hate being sick; when I lived back home, I only got sick once a year, now I am sick every other month it seems! Dammmit! Oh well, when I was back home I was also depressed for months on end, so I guess it's a fair trade off to be happy yet ill instead of healthy and sad.
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8 LoveCats Let's go to bed
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| I could love no author more than I love Marquis De Sade. |
[27 Mar 2006|05:28pm] |
"I abhor mankind. . . . I strongly doubt . . . whether at any moment in the day I for my part am not animated by the most vehement impulse, or caressing some black scheme, to cause harm to humankind ; there is no more execrable species. Be he powerful, then man is dangerous . . . Is he puny, weak, woebegone? then how base he is, how vile, how disgusting within and without! Oh, many a time have I blushed at having been born in the midst of such creatures. My one comfort is that Nature loathes them no less than I, for she destroys them daily ; I wish only that I had as many means as she at my command for contriving their undoing ; had I, I'd wipe the lot off the face of the earth."
though Anais Nin does have her moments:
I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.
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5 LoveCats Let's go to bed
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| Gonna dance my blues away tonight! Dance! |
[23 Mar 2006|12:33pm] |
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At the time it seemed like a perfectly okay idea to allow Tommy to invite himself over. I had already had two rum and cokes and I was wasted and Andrea was wasted too. He comes over and he didn't receive any special attention. When Andrea went to crash 45 minutes later, we went outside and smoked one of his "Irish joints." (basically weed with tobacoo) He talked and I mostly tried to listen, but all I could think about was how beautiful it was outside and how perfect the weather was.
I am not sure who's idea it was, but soon I was in a car with a very drunk Tommy at the wheel. It was the scariest ten minutes of my life. We found ourselves safely at the beach and it was really beautiful. I mostly tried to walk a little out his reach because I was not willing to have a kiss-fest with him and I really just wanted to enjoy the scenery. I walked to the edge and let the waters dance around my feet and soon I felt him standing behind me. He came up close and tucked me into his arms and we just stood there amazed at the beautiful of it all.
We soon left and I found myself drunk, stoned, and at the mercy of his shitty driving once again. We again made it to our destination safely. We went back into my shack and immediately passed out. I have already resolved that there is no way in hell that I am even going to call him let alone sleep with him ever again. I hate how flaky he is and the horrible sex was the last straw.
So I guess we are in limbo between friends and two people who had sex once. I think I drunkenly called him out on how flaky he was and he got defensive about it haha. asshole.
whatever.
Captain Morgan is the new love of my life and I think soon our lives will be intertwined eternally.
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6 LoveCats Let's go to bed
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