urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_plainsong_ jagged pulp sliced in my veins; Lex 2004-10-11T11:07:33Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:_plainsong_:4530 2004-10-11T11:07:13Z 2004-10-11T11:07:33Z At The Drive-In: Quarantined. UNITED NATIONS CLAIMS AUSTRALIANS ARE 'DICKHEADS' <br />by United nations of fun. 2004-10-11 2:06 PM +0800 <br /><br />--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />A UN committee has released a report announcing that Australians are officially 'dickheads' for re-electing the Coalition government.<br />"We were prepared to concede that previous election was a lapse of judgement, perhaps even an outright mistake," said a spokesperson<br />for the UN, "which is why Australian citizens simply earned a 'Loser' rating. This time we've ruled out human error - Australians are<br />clearly dickheads".<br />--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /> <br />The damning 56-page report tables the impressive dickhead-esque behaviour of Australians of voting age, citing letters to newspapers<br />and pub conversations as evidence to support the dickhead charge.<br /><br />Prime Minister John Howard said he was humbled by the UN report, claiming that his government would be representing all dickheads.<br />"This is a big win for Australia and a big win for dickheads," declared the prime minister, who in the lead up to the election had<br />promised billions of dollars to support dickheads from a wide range of backgrounds. Dickheads with fast money, dickheads with<br />chainsaws, dickheads with health insurance, racist dickheads, dickheads in private schools, and good old ordinary Australian dickheads<br />will be among those benefiting from the government's largesse.<br /><br />Critics of the report have demanded that those Australians who abstained from voting, or who cast their vote in favour of the<br />opposition, should be reclassified as 'Provisional Dickheads'. But in the face of limited public disapproval, the official UN position<br />has remained steadfast: "Let's call a spade a spade, and a dickhead a dickhead".<br /><br /> Brought to you by the Perth Independant Media Collective: perth.indymedia.org.