| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|06:24 pm] |
HI EVERYONE
EVEN IF YOU HATE ME, CAN YOU PLEASE DO ME ONE FAVOR
VOTE FOR ULQUIORRA/ORIHIME AT THIS SHIP_MANIFESTO POLL
I'M ASKING YOU REALLY NICELY
I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER
I WILL POST NAKED PICTURES OF MYSELF
unf unf unf
eta - UNF nvm, we won. :D |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|01:33 am] |
I'm gonna tell *ya'll* a secret: I was raised in the south.
it should be nuked. sorry, cupcakes.
*takes a bow*
okay, that wasn't entirely fair. san antonio can be spared, as can new orleans. and austin.
canada can inherit the earth, but only after I move there in august.
most pointless post ever.
god, I'm having the biggest craving for kfc.
MY POST HAS NO POINT |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 7th, 2009|10:31 pm] |
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ARRRRGGGHH I AM SO HUNGRY AND ALL WE HAVE IN THE HOUSE ARE CHOCOLATE-COVERED PRUNES |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2009|10:21 am] |
one in six adults admit urinating in pool.
I UHHH CERTAINLY NEVER DID THIS ... lol...? cough ahem
I'm one of those people who alternates between two states: not having to pee at all or suddenly having to pee so bad that I forget who I am for a minute.
so I admit that I have peed in a pool before. :(
BUT! NOT ANYMORE! BECAUSE OF! TWO THINGS!!!
1. I grew up and realized that it is not nice.
2. I was obsessed with Animal Planet as a kid (...and still now...) and I learned about those fucking asshole fishes that lived in the Amazon River and would swim up your pee tube at any given opportunity. without your permission. no, they would not ask first. >( and they had barbs so you couldn't pull them out. a surgeon would have to take them out. imma gonna faint just thinking about it. so I thought omfg, what if they are in the pools, I will never pee in a pool again. I also thought there were jellyfish and octo-pie (mmmm delicious) in pools, too. thank god I grew out of such delusions, eh? i think bigfoot lives in mah woods
from the article:
The CDC urges pool users:
-- Don't swim when you have diarrhea.
-- Don't swallow pool water.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT FUCK YOU GUYS I CAN DO WHAT I WANT
for the love of god, this is why little kids belong in little kiddie pools. the idea of a toddler happily having a poo explosion while I am swimming nearby makes me want to go back to bed and cry myself to sleep. kay goodnight |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|10:44 pm] |
look at the sparkling wiener text
i can tell u r impressed
wiener text WIENER TEXT!! lol
SPOILER ALERT: this cool entry might give you a seizure. sry for being cool :(
eta - i rhymed. *shakes head and walks out of the room* |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2009|09:41 pm] |
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i just saw a hipster commercial for mayonnaise |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2009|07:12 pm] |
arrrrrgh i've gotten into
HETALIA
i don't know what to do with myself.
SORRY I CAN'T HELP IT
BUT JUST LOOK AT MY COUNTRIES OF ORIGIN
FIRST LOOK AT SEXY RUSSIA
his name is ivan
fapfapfapfapfapfapfap
we have similar soviet era communist pins. hahahaha.
LOOK AT MY BOYFRIEND IVAN
awwwwwww ... ps he's psycho.
this is hungary. she's hot.
her name is elizabeta. but i guess there's controversy surrounding exactly what her name's supposed to be. well, i can tell you that the hungarian version of 'elizabeth' is 'erzsébet.' elizabeth bathory is incorrect; it is really erzsébet báthory. GOOD GOD PEOPLE THIS IS COMMON KNOWLEDGE
cough
anyway. i'm one of, like, four people in the fandom who really truly got into hetalia because of the awesome history aspect...
EVERYONE ELSE IS IN IT FOR THE BOYSEX |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2009|11:11 am] |
LOL OH MY GOD LOOK IT'S AN EMO RABBIT
it's rabbit smith
yeah, I can't think of anything clever. |
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| psa |
[Jun. 22nd, 2009|04:23 pm] |
my current pet peeve is ~tha camel toe~
it is hated because once it is in site, I cannot look away.
camel toe mesmorizes me and traps my eyeballs against their will.
camel toe is painful and a sure sign that a woman needs to increase her pant size. the only sign more sure is when her pants explode into millions of tiny pieces once she has finished cramming herself into them (with the aid of various cranks and pulleys) and has started moving her legs.
soon camel toe becomes a lifestyle. "if I can wear these pants without them combusting and injuring passer-bys," the woman reasons, "that means they fit." in the blink of an eye, all of a woman's pants are replaced with resting pouches for camel toe, sort of how mother kangaroo's pouch is the incubator for her joey until it is nourished enough to no longer need mother's support.
do you see what I am saying. camel toe is dangerous. it will look a grown woman in the eye and convince her that it does not exist. she will go through pain and countless adjustments of her clothing. instead of realizing that something wicked down there rests, she has a vague feeling of hmmmm something is just not right but camel toe has jedi mind tricked her into believing that she is a martyr for the cause of fashion. camel toe's ally is american apparel.
can you imagine what would happen if camel toe infiltrated our government headquarters?? it is smart and I am here to warn you that is is only a matter of time before camel toe convinces us that it is a good idea to leave valuable military secrets (such as how to drive tanks and hummers) in its ... clutch. I have to suppress a shudder when I imagine the consequences.
in closing, i leave you with this real photograph i took:
top left corner says "the moar you know"
nevar forget
stay vigilent
>( |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 14th, 2009|10:40 am] |
JESUS CHRIST CAN I ASK WHY THE TOP STORIES ON MSN ARE
GOLF FASHION ... GONE BAD
DO FISH FEEL PAIN?
TOP FIVE KARAOKE BAR SCENES IN THE COUNTRY
TOP TEN SEXIEST BRIDAL GOWNS
(I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP)
RATHER THAN
THERE IS SOME MAJOR FUCKING SHIT GOING DOWN IN IRAN RIGHT NOW THAT WE'RE STILL NEGLECTING TO COVER CUZ LOL IDK IT'S SUMMER AND WE WANNA TALK ABOUT DIET TIPS RATHER THAN FOREIGN BR0WN PE0PLE
oh wait, my bad, they do mention it, but you have to scroll down and look on the left side to see the MSNBC NEWS YES WE HAVE NEWS!!!! section.
cnn was fucking useless last night. in the good hour-plus I watched it, they devoted, like, five minutes to the Iranian election riots. msnbc had some prison/crime documentary. none of the news channels had anything.
if you want to learn anything about this, turn to ANDREW SULLIVAN.
really, really shallow note: i'm sorry, but this guy is hot. i just couldn't help but notice. nvm not apologizing |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 3rd, 2009|11:43 am] |
i'm going to be on a boat in, like, two hours
QUICK SOMEONE HELP ME
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WEAR ON A BOAT |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2009|09:56 am] |
this is me on facebook. if you has a facebook, add me. motherfucker.
this is also me. yes "brett" michaels is me.
here's my personal info:
Activities: in my spare time i am the star of the most successful television series of all time, rock of love with bret michaels (me).
i'm also really good at giving advice for free, so if you have a problem, feel free to ask me, bret michaels.
Interests: i really like and approve of charities. i am a strong supporter of animal rights.
and women's rights too.
Favorite Music: poison was (and still is) the most successful and influential glam 80s hair metal band of all time. did you know that barack obama repeated quoted me, bret michaels, throughout his campaign and still does to this day?
Favorite TV Shows: i, bret michaels, really enjoy infomercials and shark week
Favorite Movies: my favorite movie would have to be a letter from death row because it was yours truly who wrote and starred in it.
have you guys seen me, bret michaels, in my sex tape?
Favorite Books: sometimes juggs for the pictures but usually i stick with the classics like the bible and charlotte's web.
also i, bret michaels, am writing my own book
Favorite Quotations: "You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall."
that is a rad quote from a movie because it describes my life. there are always haters who can't understand me but they don't matter.
About Me: i, bret michaels, have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom because the most essential thing in my life is to establish heartfelt connections with others.
not my best. but I think it's pretty obvious that it's a joke. but I guess it's not all that obvious to other people ...? I BRETT MICHAELS have like 130 friends already. and i'm adding more everyday FUCK YEAH
friend me, brett michaels. it'll rock your face off goddamn
anyways.
there's this one woman. we will call her "barbara." because that is her name. she really likes brett michaels. first she sent to "him" (ME DUUUHH) this message:
I LOVE YOUR SHOW ROCK OF LOVE. THERE IS NOTHING MORE AMUSING THAN A BUNCH OF CATTY WOMEN FIGHTING OVER A GUY. YOU HAVE SUCH A BIG HEART AND YOU DESERVE THE BEST BRETT. I HOPE YOU FIND YOUR ROCK AND YOUR LOVE. JUST SO YOU KNOW, I AM NOT A DIE HARD FAN, BUT I DO LIKE YOUR MUSIC. I HAVE SEVERAL OF YOUR SONGS ON MY PHONE THAT I LISTEN TO WHILE I AM AT WORK. I LIKE ALL KINDS OF GENRE'S. BUT WATCHING YOUR SHOW ALSO LETS ME OR WHOEVER SEE WHAT KIND OF PERSON YOU ARE. YOU HAVE LOYALTY, RELIABILITY, AND TRUST WRITTEN ALL OVER YOU. I WOULD LIKE TO BE ADDED TO YOUR FRIENDS LIST IF YOU DON'T MIND. IF YOU READ THIS, THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TOO.
GOD BLESS MY FELLOW PATRIOT. SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!!!!!1
I didn't respond. then she sent this [note - i changed my status to "brett michaels is sick of people judging him!!"]:
I am curious as to what people could possibly judge you about. If they judge you, they don't know you, and therefore, they don't matter. Fuck them. Be true to yourself, be true to your word. People judge because they know they are not perfect, so its easy to pick on someone else. Don't be offended when I say this, but if you really and truly are Brett Michaels, NOBODY can judge you. I don't know you personally, but watching you on TV does tell me that you are a good person and have a big heart. You are a typical male ( love the tits and ass, legs, and whatever), but thats normal. you have an amazing life and have the opportunity to make a difference in people's life. who are they to judge you? They are NOBODY! YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i didn't respond. then she sent this:
do you ever say hello back? just wondering. what ya up to these days?
I didn't respond. then she sent this:
JUST WANTED TO SAY HELLO. YOU OUGHT TO COME TO OMAHA NEBRASKA OR COUNCIL BLUFFS IOWA FOR A CONCERT. THAT WOULD BE GREAT. HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY. YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't respond. then she facebook chatted me, just being all, I JUST WANTED TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU AND HAVE YOU RESPOND BAAAAWW I LOVE YOU MAN so I was just like, thank you very much for all your support, and she was all, THAAANK YOOOOU WAAAH YOU ARE SO AMAZING.
so here's my whole point of this entry:
if I hear some breaking news story about brett michaels being stalked by this woman, am I legally liable for anything? i am just wondering.
kay thanks guys YOU ROCK OH MAN YOU FUCKING ROCK MY FUCKING BOX |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2009|10:21 am] |
I'm looking at other universities because I hate UW-Stout. here's what the wikipedia page for the University of Victoria says:
The campus is famous for its prestige, beautiful gardens, mild climate and large rabbit population.
FUCK YEAH I WANT A CAMPUS WITH A SHIT TON OF RABBITS I FUCKING LOVE RABBITS
IN FACT I WROTE AN ANGRY LETTER TO UW-STOUT SAYING THAT WE NEED WAY MORE RABBITS GODDAMN
oh canada. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2009|11:54 am] |
HEY
HEY GUYS
LISTEN TO ME GUYS
it's not that bad that Adam Lambert lost American Idol. this reminds me of season two when Clay lost. (except that the judges were saying that Ruben was going to win and that Ruben was the sun in the sky, that twinkle in a child's eye RUBEN RUBEN RUBEN!!!!!! and clay was the coolest brah ever (yeah I was like thirteen when this was going on why do you ask such silly questions)) I was devastated and told my mom that I wasn't going to school the next day because I was going to kill myself. whatever.
anyways, the point of this story: Clay ended up doing better than Ruben. like, a lot better.
IF I WAS INVISIBLE
THEN I COULD JUST WATCH YOU IN YOUR ROOM
sorry, I was overcome by memories.
it's not that bad for someone on American Idol to come in second place. if when I go on AI and compete, my overall objective would be to come in, saaaaaay, idk third or fourth or fifth place. why.
CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATIONS MOTHERFUCKER
THEY WATCH YOU IN YOUR ROOM
19 entertainment is a fucking taint nasty cockwad doucherag bunghole. you sign their contract and 19 entertainment now "own[s] the names, likenesses, voices and personal histories of the "Idol" finalists, "in or in connection with" the show, forever." YEAH! FUCK YEAH!
"1. I hereby consent to Producer's filming, taping and/or recording of me for use in and in connection with the Series ... I acknowledge and agree that Producer will be the sole and exclusive owner of all rights and material filmed, taped, and/or recorded pursuant to this Agreement.
"... I hereby grant to Producer the unconditional right throughout the universe in perpetuity [EVEN IF YOU GUYS ON MARS HE STILL HAS THE RIGHT] to use, simulate or portray (and to authorize others to do so) or to refrain from using, simulating or portraying, my name, likeness (whether photographic or otherwise), voice, singing voice, personality, personal identification or personal experiences, my life story, biographical data, incidents, situations and events which heretofore occurred or hereafter occur, [THEY CAN MAKE UP YOUR LIFE'S STORY] including without limitation the right to use, or to authorize others to use any of the foregoing in or in connection with the Series ...
"... I understand that, in and in connection with the Series, I may reveal and/or relate, and other parties ... may reveal and/or relate information about me of a personal, private, intimate, surprising, defamatory, disparaging, embarrassing or unfavorable nature, that may be factual and/or fictional."
SO. WHETHER TRUE OR FALSE, THE PRODUCER CAN SAY WTFEVER HE WANTS ABOUT YOU. if producer simon fuller has decided that you sodomized your neighbor's dog, you must go along with it.
"2. Confidentiality/Disclosures: Any and all information disclosed to or obtained by me concerning or relating to the Series, the contestants, the events contained in the Series, the outcome of the Series and/or contest, Producer, the Network and the terms and conditions of this Agreement shall be strictly confidential.
" ... I acknowledge that any disclosure of such information will constitute a material breach of this Agreement and will cause Producer and the Network substantial and irreparable Injury and will cause substantial damages in excess of Five Million Dollars ($5,000,000), entitling Producer (and/or the Network, as a third party beneficiary of this provision) to, among other things: (a) injunctive or other equitable relief, without posting any bond, to prevent and/or cure any breach or threatened breach of this paragraph by me; (b) recovery or disgorgement of the monies and other consideration, if any, I received in connection with such disclosure; (c) forfeiture of any and all cash and prizes that I may have been entitled to for participating in the Series; and (d) recovery of the Producer's and/or the Network's damages, including but not limited to, lost profits and other consequential damages, to the extent permitted by law, and attorneys' fees and court costs incurred to enforce this paragraph."
"5. Future Agreements: Notwithstanding the other provisions of this Section C, I understand and agree that in the event I am one of the final ten (10) contestants in the Competition, I will be required to enter into the following agreements: (a) an agreement with 19 Recordings Ltd. (or an affiliated company) for my exclusive services as a recording artist; (b) an agreement with 19 Merchandising Ltd. for the use of my name, likeness biography in connection with advertising, endorsement, merchandising and sponsorship; and (c) an agreement with 19 Management Ltd. for the management of my career as an artist. I understand and agree that, unless I am the individual selected as the winner of the Competition, such agreements shall become fully effective only at the election of 19 Recordings Ltd., 19 Merchandising Ltd. and/or 19 Management Ltd."
so each of the 10(12? 13? IDK) contestants is required to sign up, but then it's up to 19 Entertainment whether they want to keep them. kay.
"6. 'World Idol': I acknowledge and agree that, should I win the Competition and subject to my availability at the time of the Producer's request, I shall participate in a 'World Idol' program where winners/contestants from the 'Pop Idol' and/or 'American Idol' competition in other countries or other versions of the Series shall compete against each other and, provided that I appear on the 'World Idol' program, I agree to accept a total fee of One Thousand Four Hundred Dollars ($1,400.00) in full and final consideration for my appearance in such program and the grant of all rights in relation thereto on the same terms and conditions set out hereunder."
SAY WHAT?? you only get 1400 dollars for participating in that? WHAT CAN YOU BUY WITH 1400 DOLLARS??
well, this baby.
FUCK YEAH THAT'S A SABRE 90085 XR15A3 M4 FTC AR 15 RIFLE
BITCH I DARE YOU TO SAY THAT FIVE TIMES FAST
AND IT'S ONLY 1197.99 DOLLA BILLS THAT'S A FUCKIN STEAL
or i'd buy this.
DON'T FUCK WIT TEXAS GRILL YEAH FUCK YEAH I NEED ONE OF THOSE
CAUSE I'M FROM TEXAS AND I WEAR MY GODDAMN TEXAN PRIDE
ON MY FUCKIN TEEF SHIT YEAH
LOOK AT THIS GUY WHO MAKES THESE GRILLZ
FUCK YEAH WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH SWEET PUSSY HE GETS
FUCK NO YOU DON'T IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO CALCULATE
yeah, for that sweet grill you'd have to contribute a little but I'm from Texas and I'm planning on buying one of those as soon as I go on American Idol and win and make 1400 dollars from competing on World Idol.
moral of this dumb post: American Idol contracts are stupid. don't sign one. or do. idk. I don't care. I forgot what I was talking about GOD my life has no point |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 22nd, 2009|10:40 am] |
just found out that two of my best friends only changed their sheets, like, once this semester. and I wanted to faint. I change mine about every week and a half or two weeks, sometimes every week.
Kim and Aggie from 'How Clean Is Your House' say this:
change the sheets once a week.
I win. my legs get super itchy if I don't change my sheets often, since I have a dust mite allergy (actually idk why).
how often do you guys change your sheets? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 27th, 2009|09:27 am] |
fuck yeah, no more pontiac.
*high fives you* |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 4th, 2009|12:05 pm] |
it snowed here on Wednesday and it's supposed to snow again on Sunday or some shit like that.
if I were president my campaign promise would be "I will nuke Wisconsin." |
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