| "Yes, I'm listening. I can tell you're... serious." |
[26 Jul 2008|06:02pm] |
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music |
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The Maccabees |
] |
I should preface the following by saying that an hour ago a bird shat on my watch.
You see, ultimately the reason for our demise was my inability to accept happiness. I could never allow myself to accept her. I never actually realized what I had until it left me. This happened a lot. I’m sick. She could write a long list about how horrible of a person I am. I’d have to accept it. I’d have to deal with that situation. I could write a list of things I hate about Amy. It would read exactly as follows “that one day you put your hair in curls. I hated it.” and that would be it. I will never speak poorly of Amy. This is not me taking any high road, fuck that noise. I just don’t want to destroy this memory I have of her. I don’t want to piss on three years history. There’s nothing bad I can actually say about her. She’s beautiful. She loves great music you should be listening to. She’s classy. She’s fun. She’s (extremely) hot. She’s (extremely) cute. Her skin beats mine – how that’s even fucking possible... She has the unique ability of learning anything she puts her mind to. Even though she loves Blur, she’s the greatest thing that fate will ever place in front of you.If you find yourself in her loving company and you get tired & faulter for reasons that do not fall onto her, she will hold the line, she’ll carry the weight and fight. She’ll do many great things because she understands what’s important in life. If she winks in your direction, if after careful analysis, she selects you, don’t fuck it up like I did, you’ll hate yourself so much.I’ve come to accept the things I cannot change. I’ve let go in this regard. I’ve come to accept this divorce. We’ve signed our papers and with each passing day, things become more official. The fight for Munich is over and we can all breathe a sigh of relief. I understand myself a bit clearer these days. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I’m my biggest critic. I hate myself, at times, for many things but I also fundamentally believe that I’m fucking amazing in ways nobody else has
yet to observe. It's a short list and it's hidden. I’m a stockpile of potential, just ready to explode. The truth of it all is, is that no matter how bad it gets for me I’ll have some random memory of her laying on the couch with her legs up on my lap, watching some crappy horror movie that I've forced her to watch with me. She’ll be freaking the fuck out and I’ll tell her to close her eyes. When this happens, I can’t help but smile. I have failed you so much and I’m so sorry about everything. I can't imagine how hard things have been for you and I'll always be randomly thinking of you. We’ve both made our beds. It’s now time to sleep.
( It’s time to smile. ) |
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[26 Jul 2008|09:30am] |
This has been a really stressful and exhausting week. Im really hoping the weekend can sail by without a hitch but thats probably not very likely. An example of just how exhausted I was.. I fell asleep on the couch watching tv last night around 6pm, I woke briefly at 2am when Jason came home from a night out, and then moved to the bed and woke at 9am. I could've slept longer except Im hungry!
Yesterday I soaked in the hot tub and it felt so good.
Monday is my last day of this round of night classes. Its going to be nice to have my Monday nights back to myself now. I already have my next class picked out for September but I dont know what night of the week it falls on yet.
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| Lists |
[24 Jul 2008|02:51pm] |
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music |
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The National -- City Middle |
] |
are important. 1. The National 2. Oasis 3. British Sea Power 4. New Order. In dat mothafuckin order. Everything else iz just motherfuckin noise y'all. And if y'all gots problem wid dat, you can hit me up on my mothafuckin blog aight bitch? I luvs me the national mo than the oasis aight? it's been diz way fo months. Theys like a bit tennesse williams juxtaposed J.F mothafuckin K. era. Theys like gettin ma Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoefsky in da park filled with children laughin' n' shit. Sheeyit. They's a bit like being in luv but stills havin' yo groovethang on da mothafuckin ashleymadison.com. Mothafuckahs. If ya'll don't likes the beats i b layin, ya'll can suck the methaphorical cock. OUTS!
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| "Squalor Victoria" |
[22 Jul 2008|02:48am] |
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mood |
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soooo tired OMG |
] |
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music |
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The National -- Racing Like A Pro |
] |
Update: I am still going to be deleting all the motherfuckers people who didn't comment on my last post (and keeping some that didn't because it's THE FUCKING WAY IT IS m0m0s) but I found this blog-worthy and organizing my FL would take hours. I awoke this morning at around 7:30AM. I ate All Bran at 8:00AM. I was in the shower at 8:30AM. At 8:35AM I had the biggest OMFGWTFSRSLY face in the world. I have no idea wtf this is or where I got it. I know last night I did not have this on the side of my tummy. It's even grosser in person. Uhm.
Can I get
a WTF??
(and yes that's a sailboat) |
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[20 Jul 2008|08:20pm] |
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mood |
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thankful |
] |
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music |
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Tom Waits - Way Down In The Hole |
] |
Hmm this weekend was wonderful: We saw the Dark Knight, spent the day in Galveston and at the Mosquito Cafe, got my haircut, got a mini makeover at Clinique, and started our first day of working out at 24 hour fitness with our trainer. Yes, Scott and I are going to be working out now and hopefully feeling better and looking better. Sitting all day in front of a computer and being couch potatoes feels horrible. I was embarrassed and sad to learn my body fat index, but I am motivated. I think I can lose 25-30 lbs. in 14 weeks. I am ready!!
Also I succumbed, I have a facebook now so add me up people! I realllly didn't want to get on ANOTHER thing. But what the hell :)
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[16 Jul 2008|08:41am] |
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There are so many great things going on lately that are going to make the summer just zip right by. John Stone's visiting Reilly and me this weekend which was a nice little surprise that I wasn't expecting. Then in two weeks i'm going to Chicago for a week for lollapalooza. Immediately when I come home from that Krc, MSR, and Peterman are coming to Dallas for a week. Then a week after that, I leave for school! I am very excited.
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| Any red rose whore. |
[15 Jul 2008|02:45am] |
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Oh My
Fucking God
(OMFG)
I go between wanting to punch people in the throat to preventing myself from throwing up in public places. All this on a regular & daily basis. This journal is going friends only for awhile. If you wish to be added, state so. If you wish to be kept, state so. Otherwise, off with their heads!
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[14 Jul 2008|12:48am] |
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mood |
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I am, like, tired |
] |
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music |
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Wolf Parade |
] |
So anyway, I am back in Toronto *extremely long exasperated sigh followed by a shrug of doomsday-centric sentiments*. I had a nice time. I love my family. Sunday was to be filled with magical family delights but had been compromised by my ruined slumber. For some reason last night I couldn't sleep. I think I had too much caffeine. Every time I was about to nod off, my body did this twitching thing. Like, my arms would convulse, violently. At one point I hit myself in the head by accident in only a way that is unique to being me. This repeated until it was morning and I just said 'fuck that noise.' and had breakfast. In my attempts to achieve a state of slumber I took care of business maybe seven times. During this process I discovered I had a cyst on my upper right chest...al area -- ever so slight & under my skin. The last time I had a cyst, it resided to the side of my left ass... I remember this one time it actually ruptured en-route somewhere going east along the Bloor subway line. Fortunately, it didn't become a visual & public display of Epic Fail but when I got home to investigate it, the cyst exploded in a celebration of projected blood and puss when I touched it. I know what you're thinking -- That's so hot. and I'm all like, OMG I know. and then you're all like *awkward silence* and I'm like look at this photo, srsly.
Polish Gypsy Cyganska Pork Sausage > Humanity & All Human Accomplishments, excluding creation of sausages
Show of hands -- Who's jealous they don't have Polish Gypsy Cyganska pork sausage in their refrigerators? In other news I've become reacquainted with Oscar Wilde's, The Picture of Dorian Gray. I haven't read this since University days. It's his greatest accomplishment, for everything else he did was a bag of big crap. So....
And no I'm not going to start quoting Oscar Wilde in my blog now...
"All art is quite useless" -- O.W. |
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