| its been awhile. |
[18 Apr 2007|08:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 scared |
] |
im stuck.
im stuck in this stupid rut.
im not sad, but im scared.
what happens if i get back into oneonta, and i hate it. what if everything is completely different. i feel as though im going to expect it to be the way i left it, and i know its not going to be that way. ive already been replaced.
april already has a new best friend. because shes there and im not.
and im jealous.
but what happens if i dont get in?
i have applied anywhere else. i so dont want to go back to WCC and be home.
commuting to school blows.
i just wanna be where i was a year ago. except doing well in oneonta.
why wouldnt i get back in?
i got a 3.5 last semester. and on the deans list.
but maybe they wont want me.
i dont wanna be stuck home.
ill go crazy.
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(1 penny | a penny for your thoughts)
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[27 Jan 2007|10:36am] |
ok. i am just finding so much laughter from livejournal anymore.
people are absolutely NUTTY.
people are obessed with their relationships.
lame movies.
themseleves.
people think they are gods gift to the world.
i dont know. i must be pathetic and jealous or something.
hahahahahahaha
p.s. NICHOLAS=CREEP. heheh
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(2 pennies | a penny for your thoughts)
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| 2006 yo |
[29 Dec 2006|04:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 happy |
] |
In 2006 I...
[x] broke a promise- im sure i have
[x] made a new best friend
[x] fallen in love
[ ] fallen out of love
[x] lied
[x] went behind your parents back
[x] cried over a broken heart
[ ] disappointed someone close
[x] hid a secret- aren't we always hiding something or other?!
[x] pretended to be happy
[ ] kissed in the rain
[x] slept under the stars
[ ] kept your new years resolution
[ ] forgot your new years resolution
[x] met someone who changed my life
[ ] met one of your idols
[x] changed your outlook on life
[x] sat home all day doing nothing
[ ] pretended to be ill
[ ] left the country
[ ] almost died
[x] given up something important to you
[ ] broke something expensive- mny poor printer...though that's matthew's fault, not mine!
[x] learned something new about yourself
[ ] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
[x] made a change in your life
[ ] found out who your true friends were
[x] met great people
[ ] snuck out of a house
[x] stayed up til sunrise
[x] pigged out over the summer
[ ] met someone from myspace in person
[ ] cried over the silliest thing
[x] partied more than 5 times
[x] was never home on weekends
[ ] got into a car accident
[x] found a person I never thought I'd become really good friends with
[x] had friends who were drifting away from me
[ ] had someone close to me die
[ ] had a high cell phone bill
[ ] wasted most of my money on food (I wouldn't call it a waste...)
[ ] had a fist fight
[x] went to the beach
[ ] saw a celebrity
[x] gotten sick
[ ] liked more than 5 people at the same time
[x] had a wasted night
[x] became closer to a lot of people
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(a penny for your thoughts)
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[16 Oct 2006|10:42am] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
things are great!
judiann is one of the most amazing people ever.
and i really miss jessica.
im doing AWESOMELY KICKASS in school.
and i love him more than anything.
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(1 penny | a penny for your thoughts)
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[15 May 2006|11:18am] |
freshman year in oneonta is over.
what a fucking year its been.
home tomorrow for the summer
call me assholes and we will play.
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(2 pennies | a penny for your thoughts)
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| i hope this feeling never goes away |
[02 May 2006|04:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
something corporate |
] |
ahh. i am so happy.
me and nick are offical! and it makes me so fucking happy.
school is over in 2 weeks. 2 weeks from today i am home for the summer!
i cant wait to be home.
to get back to work.
to be with my friends.
to be with my boyfriend.
this summer i have a feeling is going to be amazing.
so much to look forward too!!!!
i cant beleive school is over. its sooo weird.
it fucking flew by
its been such an amazing experience.
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(a penny for your thoughts)
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[21 Apr 2006|03:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crazy |
] |
i love how everything feels so perfect.
and i have you to thank nincompoop!
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(a penny for your thoughts)
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[09 Apr 2006|03:23pm] |
i hate you so much right now.
i cannot believe i wasted the past 6 months on you.
i cannot believe i opened up to you.
i cannot believe i fell in love with you.
i will never believe another word you speak.
you have never thought about me or my feelings.
you are selfish. so fucking selfish.
dont tell me that you still have feelings for me
dont ever waste my fucking time again.
you have lost so much respect from so many people.
and you. never call yourself a friend again.
now dont you realize why everyone hates you and you have to buy your friends now.
you are a trashy piece of shit and never speak to me or my friends EVER AGAIN!!!!
home on tuesday. i cannot be happier about that!!!!!!
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(a penny for your thoughts)
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[02 Apr 2006|11:47am] |
i like being this happy.
i like smiling all the time.
i like giggling because of you.
i dig it. i really do.
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(1 penny | a penny for your thoughts)
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[28 Mar 2006|12:41pm] |
so yesterday my computer was stolen from my dorm room.
i came back from dinner. took my away message off and went to pee. i left my door open a crack and when i returned my door was all the way open and my computer was gone.
my pretty little ibook with all my music and all my pictures and away messages and everything are gone. and it fucking sucks and i hate people.
but otherwise things are good.
me and keith are just friends now.
and ive started kinda seeing nick! :)
he is awesome and its really exciting.
i have to get my ass in gear for the rest of the semester though so i can come back next year.
that is my story. and i miss jessica alot.
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(a penny for your thoughts)
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[10 Mar 2006|01:39am] |
9 lasts:
1. last cigarette: 20 minutes ago
2. last beverage: im currently drinking a vodka and cranberry
3. last kiss: some english black guy made out with my cheek at the bar tonight
4. last movie seen: rent
5. last cd played: idk
6. last bubble bath: um,...like a week ago
7. last time you cried: over break last week
8. last time you felt loved: at cosmos tonight
9. last time you were hungover: this morning
8 have you evers:
1. have you ever dated one of your best friends: no
2. have you ever skinny dipped: Yup
3. have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: yes
4. have you ever fallen in love: yes
5. have you ever been depressed: yes
6. have you ever been drunk and thrown up: yes
7. have you ever thrown up from drinking on an empty stomach: yes
8. have you ever run away:no
7 states to which you've been:
1. new jersey
2. california
3. Florida
4. Connecticut
5. arizona
6. colorado
7. some state near colorado that im too drunk to think of righ tnow
6 things you've done today:
1. laundry
2. got drunk
3. danced my ass off
4. went to the bar
5. ate lots of food
6. talked on the phone
5 favorite things in order:
1. my friends
2. drinking
3. cigarettes
4. sex
5. keith
4 people to whom you can tell anything without feeling embarrassed:
1. jessica
2. judiann
3. candance
4. keith
3 wishes:
1. for me and keith to get back togehter
2. to be happy at oneonta
3. be happy in life in the future
2 things you want to do before you die:
1. be rich
2. work a job i love
1 thing you regret: briniging keith to chi phi.
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(a penny for your thoughts)
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[23 Feb 2006|10:34pm] |
25 things about me you could really give a shit about
1. My ex .... is pledging chi phi
2. Maybe I should .... study more and actually go to class
3. I love .... having a good time
4. I don't understand .... why things are this way with us?
5. I lost my favorite.... earring
6. People say I'm .... alot of fun
7. Love is .... something i dont have
8. Somewhere, someone's .... drinking without me
9. I will always .... sleep with my baby blanket greenie
10. Forever is .... almost here
11. I never want to .... cry over you again
12. I think the current President .... is fucking retarded
13. When I wake up in the morning ....turn off the alarm, wake keith up and either go back to my room or go brush my teeth
14. Life is full of .... adventures
15. My past is.... difficult for me to think about sometimes
16. I get annoyed when .... people are rude
17. Parties are for .... college kids like me!
18. I wish ... me and keith would get back together already and to be home
19. My dog is .... limping...actually i dont hace a dog
20. My cat is .... fucking hitler.
21. Kisses are the worst when .... i feel like i just took a shower.
22. Tommorrow I'm going to ....take a midterm and then come home!!!
23. I really want .... to do well of my test tomorrow
24. I have low tolerance for people who .... judge me
25. If I had a million dollars .... i'd help my mommy out and go shopping and buy alot of cigarettes and alcohol.
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(a penny for your thoughts)
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| what did i do that you cant seem to want me? |
[10 Feb 2006|12:14pm] |
dec. 12. on keith and myself.
i have met an amazing boy. he makes me so happy and he knows how to make smile. he is amazing at pushing my buttons and i the same for him. i can talk to him about anything and not worry about him getting freaked out. hes proven that i can trust him and that i dont need to hide my feelings. he gives me the ass when i piss him off and we like to smoke cigarettes in the freezing cold and hold each other close when we do so. he likes it when i get dressed and look pretty but accepts me for my non-showering ways. he tells me that he cares and i know he does. he takes up the whole bed when we sleep at night. but i wouldnt have it any other way. no matter how much i piss him off, in the middle of the night, he turns over and put his arm around me and kisses my neck. he loves it when i kiss his neck and i love to tease him. he just makes me so happy and i dont know what im going to do without him for a month. but this month i know will determine what happens with us. if it becomes offical or not. but no matter what...the sex is good. ;)
but its just nice to have him. to have someone to come back to every night. someone who doesnt care if we have sex or not. we just like to lay together and fall asleep knowing that we have each other.
and now its back to sleeping in the same room every night again.
we do it like we used too.
you hold me in the night like you used too.
you kiss me like nothing has even changed.
but in all honesty it has changed. its not the same as it used to be. i knew this would happen. and its not fair.
we have grown apart. and i dont want to lose you. and i dont know what to do.
sometimes i think its easier just to move on and let us become something meaningless. it would be easier.
i fucking had him. i had him as mine and i fucking lost him. god fucking damn it
i dont understand you.
first we couldn't be together because you had things to deal with.
now its because you dont have enough time for a girlfriend.
well we spend the same amount of time together as we did before. or almost the same amount of time. and i dont get it.
do you just not want the commitment? or are you scared? or do you want me but still want your freedom?
because i know that i want you. last night i danced with so many stupid boys. but i only thought about you. i also made out with a random boy. the entire time, i thought about you.
i want to move on. im starting to give up on the idea of us. but then sometimes you'll look into my eyes like im the only thing that matters. and you'll smile like you are crazy about me. and i think, maybe he does want me back.
i dont know. i guess ill just have to wait and see what happens. i want so badly to talk to you about this. but the moment never seems right.
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(a penny for your thoughts)
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| you promised.... |
[02 Feb 2006|02:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 content |
] |
so things regardless of keith are really really good.
im doing the remaining time of my community service at this GED school. i absolutely love it. im helping people work for their GED and also helping people work on their english skills. they are all high school kids. it makes me feel really good. like im actually helping someone and making a difference. i love it.
maybe a major change is in order or something. but i love it. and it makes me happy. and i might continue going after my community service is done.
i also have a new room mate. my old room mate moved out because she wanted to live with one of her good friends. we were finally getting along really well and actually hanging out. and it was nice. but my new roomie is awesome. her name is melissa. and she is alot of fun. and our room is rad!
oh and i might apply to become an RA next semester. im not positive if ill do it. but i just might.
of course i miss keith. but things are good with him generally. it still sucks that we arent together and that we dont really hang out for longer than 10 minutes. but still its nice when we see each other and he calls me every night just to talk. and its good. and he promised me that one night soon, we'll get to sleep in the same bed together. which makes me very happy. i hope we get back together. i really really do.
i miss my girls at home terribly.
i hope they know how much i love them. and anything they need, call me! im always here.
and i miss jessica.
im just in a great state of mind right now and it feels really good.
<3
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(1 penny | a penny for your thoughts)
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[27 Jan 2006|12:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the spill canvas - all hail heartbreak |
] |
I had the notion that you'd make me change my ways
My bad habits would be gone in a matter of days
I had the feeling that you'd open up my eyes
To a whole new world that had since been in disguise
But that day will most likely never come for me
And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck
To everything you are
So tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures
And overanalyze your words
But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard
It's taking everything in me
Just to forget your sweater so far
I had the notion that you'd make me forget the world
But your undecisive mind shows me that
You are "just another girl"
I had the feeling that those looks you gave me were real
What if I ripped your heart apart at the seams
Maybe then you'd know how I feel
But that day will most likely never come for me
And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck
To everything you are
So tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures
And overanalyze your words
But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard
It's taking everything in me
Just to forget your sweater so far
I can honestly say
That I never, ever, ever felt this way
Your lips, your eyelashes, your skin
These are the parts of your body
That cause my comatose to begin
I can honestly say
That I never, ever, ever felt this way
Your lips, your eyelashes, your skin
These are the parts of your body
That cause my comatose to begin
I will sleep another day
I don't really need to anyway
What's the point when my dreams are infected
With words you used to say
I will breathe in a moment
As long as I keep my distance
I wouldn't want to go messing anything up
So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about you constantly
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect
Your life anymore
I knew it the moment you walked into the door
So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about this constantly
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect
Your life anymore
I knew it the moment you walked into the door
I'll let you get the best of me
Because there's nothing else that I do well
I'll let you get the best of me
Because there's nothing else that I do well
I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker
I guess that's how this one's gonna go I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker
You've got me down on my knees and I proclaim
All hail the heartbreaker
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(a penny for your thoughts)
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[25 Jan 2006|03:09pm] |
as meredith from greys antomny would say:
i really just want my very own "mcdreamy"
i had him. but im starting to think im losing him all together
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(a penny for your thoughts)
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[23 Jan 2006|08:14pm] |
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i cannot believe that we are broken up. or whatever we are.
i am so miserable without him. i cant stop crying. and i feel sick to my stomach.
and all i want is him back. and this is going to be soooo hard. hes everywhere.
i see him all the time around campus. or his friends everywhere
i just want him back.
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(a penny for your thoughts)
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