Red Letter Year - Saw Blade Part 5

“Adam, you had surgery.  We took out some of your intestine and had to sew up a hole in your diaphragm.  You need to be very still, okay?  No laughing!”  The charismatic doctor made notes on his chart.  “Your friend Jamie is here to see you.”  The nurse carefully levitated Adam’s bed so he could partially sit up.  When Jamie looked him in the eyes he started to cry.  Suddenly the events of the last two days melted away and his love for Adam became the only constant.  We approached Adam and held his hand.

 

“You need to stay really still, babe.”  Jamie put his other hand on his forehead in a nurturing gesture.  “If you laugh it’s gonna hurt.”

 

“Jamie,” Adam whispered, “how did they let you in here?”

 

“Well, in the waiting room when you were wheeled in I kinda freaked out and told everybody.”  Up until now he hadn’t thought of how Adam would respond to being outted.

 

“Why in the hell would you do that?” Adam started to gain some more volume after each sip of water.

 

“I screamed at the nurse that I loved you and I had to go in there with you.  You were dying, Adam, how the hell do you expect me to respond?  Anyway, everybody but Julie seems pretty cool with it.  I don’t think she told your mother yet.”

 

“Julie knows?  Fuck, Jamie.  I feel horrible enough that she hates me.”  Adam motioned for his glasses, which Jamie gave him.  Now he started to look more like himself.  He took another sip of water.  “I am starving—can I get some food up in here?”  He cracked a smile.  “Where is everybody?”

 

“They are all out in the waiting room, Tory, Grant, Scottie, Christine, even Sara came all the way from Russia.”

 

“Wait, where’s Kari—and who is Sara?”  Adam had that classic look of confusion on his face.  The nurse came back in and gave him a shot in his IV.  “What now?”

 

“Insulin.  You haven’t been eating for a few days Mr. Savage and with your mild diabetes we don’t want you going into shock.  I gave you half a dose, since I’m sure you’re going to want to eat something now.”  She smiled, handed Adam a plastic menu and left.

 

“Wait, a few days?  How long was I out?  Who the fuck is Sara?  Where’s Kari?”  Jamie couldn’t imagine going through something that physically traumatic.  Poor Adam.

 

“Yea, they sedated you for nearly three days to let your diaphragm heal up a bit.  The saw blade ripped right through you—you remember the accident right?” Adam nodded yes. 

 

“Sara is my daughter.”

 

“You’re daughter?”

 

“Don’t feel bad, I didn’t tell anybody about her.  She grew up in Russia with her mother’s family.  She’s in the waiting room and wants to see you.”

 

“Okay, then where the hell is Kari?  I want to talk to her.”  Adam perused the plastic menu.  “Do you suppose anything on this menu is really food?”

 

Jamie had nearly forgotten that Adam slept with Kari.  He was so happy to see the man he loved awake and talking that he pushed that little plot of his life out of his head.  He knew he had to tell Adam that Kari told him what happened, but does he tell him now?  Does he wait until later?

 

“Kari went home to get some sleep.  The other night she stayed the night with me in the waiting room.  Do you want to see the others?”  Jamie decided to wait until Adam was better before he told him, but he could feel his anger rise and he had to get out of there.

 

“Yes I would.”  Adam smiled up at Jamie and it nearly melted his heart.

 

“Okay, I’m going to let them in and then go get Kari.”  Jamie squeezed Adam’s hand before leaving the room.  He went to the waiting room and told everyone they could go see him and then he left, on his way to Kari’s apartment.  During the drive his anger built and built, he could feel himself tense up and had this intense yearning to hit someone.  He got to her place and knocked on the front door.  A sleepy-eyed Kari answered; she was wearing boxer shorts and a really small tank top.  He needed a release.

 

“Jamie, what are you doing here?”  Kari yawned.

 

Without thinking he grabbed her neck with both hands and pushed her into her living room.  He slammed her down on the floor and straddled her, pinning her wrists down above her head.  She began kicking at the air and trying to free herself from underneath him.  He lowered his face down next to hers; he could smell her skin, her sweat and tears.  Jamie was watching this like TV, as if he was floating above himself, powerless to stop the monster hurting her.

 

“What are you doing?  Does this make you feel better, Jamie?”  She stopped struggling and looked him in the face, tears streaming down the sides of her head and pooling in her ears.  “Does hurting me make it better?”

 

Jamie responds by ripping her tank top all the way down the front, exposing her breasts.  Humiliation.  That’s what would make him feel better.  His floating self kept screaming for him to stop but he couldn’t, he couldn’t stop.  He began to unbutton his pants and Kari kept struggling, at one point freeing a hand and hit Jamie in the face, knocking off his glasses, but he wouldn’t stop.  He ripped off most of her boxer shorts—just to scare her.  This wasn’t about the sex, he found her disgusting.  It was about power and getting his back.  He bent over and began biting her neck—just hard enough to leave marks.  He kissed her very hard on her mouth.  She took the opportunity to try to bite him.

 

“You fucking whore.”  Jamie slapped her, hard, across the face.  He leapt off of her, pulling up his pants and sitting on the couch.  He floated back into his body and started to panic—what did he do—what did he want to do?  Kari curled up into a ball on the floor and wept.

 

“Do you FEEL BETTER NOW JAMIE?  DO YOU?”  she screamed, not looking him in the face.  The truth was he did—part of him did.  He dominated her, the woman who fucked his life over so well.  “Does hurting me make it go away?”  She sat up and looked him in the eye.  He was mostly naked and he could see his teeth marks and her cut lip.  The scary thing was that it aroused him.  The pair sat in silence for several more minutes before she spoke again.

 

“I won’t tell,” She got up and got a glass of water from her tiny kitchenette, less than ten feet away from Jamie, “I hate myself enough as it is, I fucking deserve it.”  After drinking she threw the glass at him.  He flinched but otherwise didn’t move.  He felt his clothes getting wet and saw blood trickling from his arm.  “Now get the hell out of here.  OUT.”  He practically ran out of her apartment and into his car.  He sat behind the wheel and assessed the injury to his right forearm—a small cut, nothing major.  All he wanted to do was die, crawl into a hole and flee from everything that he did, everything that had been done to him.

 

When he arrived back at his apartment, he grabbed a bottle of Stoli and a glass of ice—heh, Stoli, that’s what his daughter was conceived with.  He poured, sat in front of the blank TV and drank.  He thought, he was going to have to confront Adam.  Hell, he probably wasn’t going to renew for a next season.  He’d fire Kari, that little bitch.  Sara would realize what as asshole he was and either move in with Mike or retreat back to Russia.  After about half the bottle his cell phone rang—it was Julie.

 

“Jamie?  I heard he woke up.”  She sounded cold.

 

“Yes, he did.  I’m sure he wants to see the boys.”  He thought about trying to cover up his slurring, but he didn’t care enough to put effort into it.

 

“That’s going to be a problem.  I signed the divorce papers this morning and I talked to my lawyer.  I’m going for full custody-supervised visits only.”

 

“What the fuck Julie?”  He took another swig.

 

“He’s dangerous, always playing with things that can blow up or hurt someone.  I don’t trust him around the boys.  He almost killed himself for crying out loud.  Look, I wanted to tell you in case he asked to see them.  My lawyer is preparing the paperwork and I should be filing tomorrow.”  She slammed the phone down in his ear.  How could she be so cruel?  What happened between Adam and her had nothing to do with the boys, he loved those boys.

 

Why the fuck did Jamie care about Adam’s problems anymore?